#it's that time again where i rise from the ashes of writer's block with *pwp* lmao

[dakogutin]

@hpkinktober alt3 prompt: moresome (+voyeurism which was day14) im so sad i missed the actual day of that prompt i just happened to have had the toughest exam that day hhh

Lily was the one to bring it up.

“Do you miss Sirius?”

James laughs, surprised and a little bit confused. He sets the Daily Prophet down his lap in favour of meeting her gaze across the breakfast table. “Maybe? I don’t know, I mean we’ve just had dinner with him and Moony the other day. Why? Do you?”

“It’s just… I know how close you two were.”

“We still are,” James trails off. 

Their past relationship had been one of James’ first confessions when he and Lily became an official couple, and that was way back in their Hogwarts days. The memory of the conversation was ingrained in James’ mind.

She had nodded that time, eyes deep in thought, then shrugged. “I knew something was going on between you two.”

That made him fall in love with her even more. He was right. She knew.

“You don’t mind?”

She placed a kiss on his hanging lips. “Why should I?” 

“He’s already dating Remus, you know.”  

“Do you want me to be mad?” she chuckled.

And James thought she was cheating with that question because maybe he did, maybe he wanted her to find something wrong with whatever he and Sirius had. It was far from something normal teenagers would do; swap boyfriends– or, well, Sirius wasn’t a boyfriend. Remus was definitely Sirius’ boyfriend. James is… not. 

But the thing is, he never got to answer because Lily was running her nimble fingers all over his hair, her nails were scraping his scalp, tugging ever so softly, and she was straddling his lap.  It’s more than enough to have all his thoughts fly out the window.

Since then he and Sirius stopped seeing each other that way without properly saying goodbye, just silently acknowledging that it had passed, that they’re both equally devoted to only their respective partners.

It was never brought up again. Until now, that is.

Oh. 

James sits up straighter, opens and closes his mouth, unsure what or how to say it. Is she really going for that conversation? He clears his throat. “You mean…?”

“Yes, James," she says, wryly, "I mean that.”

“But it’s been so long! Why would you think–”

“Exactly why I ask.” She flips her hair over her shoulder and leans forward, a posture she reserves for when she really means business. But her eyes are soft as she reaches for his hands. “Do you miss him? You know you can be honest with me.”

James continues to flounder with his words. “I don’t want to… Is this a test?”

Lily chuckles and shakes her head. “I’m not going to take it that way, despite what you apparently think.”

A fleeting rush of adoration washes over him of how Lily knows him too well; how he doesn’t need to finish his sentences with her. And then he does think of Sirius. How he’d been the first— and only one— to do that in James’ life, to know him right down to his core. Lily’s right. She’s not going to take it that way. She knows what went down between him and Sirius, and from her response back then to her intrigue at present, there’s no room for jealousy.

So he answers her honestly. “I do.”

(read on ao3)