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#ive already lost the rest of my teen years. i shouldn't be sad about losing the last few. i don't have time to mourn.
fabulouslygaybean
ยท
2 years
Text
god. im scared
#realizing that i lost all of my teen years to trauma and bullshit like that. and that it forced me to be an adult way sooner than i -
#- should have needed to be.
#im turning 17 in a whopping 13 days and just. im terrified. like genuinely scared.
#my family is having a lot of financial issues rn and im probably gonna have to pick up another job to help my mom make ends meet
#and i think she wants me out of the house by the time i turn 18 so i gotta hurry.
#idk how the fuck im gonna find a job where i can make enough money to help my mom while also letting me save up for an apartment while -
#- also helping me cover all of my own costs BEFORE i turn 18. so food and medical stuff and clothes and such. while also having enough -
#- time and energy to balance my final two years of high school AND somehow have a social life on top of that
#i dont know how the hell im gonna pull it off. i dont feel like an adult but i have to be one already so i just gotta figure it out i guess
#ive already lost the rest of my teen years. i shouldn't be sad about losing the last few. i don't have time to mourn.
#my mom keeps saying that i need to stop stressing out bc its my birthday but like. the problem is my birthday.
#sigh. i should be happy this month. im turning 17! im going to riot fest! i like most of my teachers this year! i have a bit of freedom!
#but i don't feel happy. im just violently reminded that time has passed way too quickly and that im running out of time for everything.
#im also violently reminded that i very much do not feel like an adult. even though it's only a little over a year till im 18.
#i still watch cartoons and buy stuffed animals and have sleepovers with friends where we gossip about school and make pony bead bracelets
#i cover my notebooks with stickers and laugh at immature jokes and have glow in the dark stickers on my bedroom ceiling
#just. idk. i keep trying to catch up for lost time but i just have to keep rushing foward faster than i can handle. its weird.
#sorry to post disappointing shit. im just tired and my body hurts and im stressed and scared and sad. nothing's going right.
#in better news. after i get a job to pay for it i can apparently get a birth control prescription without parental consent in my state
#i might finally be able to escape from my debilitating monthly pain! ill be able to function!!
#im also gonna be getting myself a lowkey ugly rottmnt birthday cake from a grocery store because its my birthday and i can do what i want
#so im still stressed and scared but ill have a day with friends where we can play games and do stupid shit and act like teenagers i guess
#it'll be nice :')
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