#just let me know ok? i'll do my best to accomodate you

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for kind of manipulating a friend in hopes she'll stay away from my not-so-really partner?

(emojis to find later: 🌸🌸🌸)

ok so this is kind of insane and im very mentally ill (self-diagnosed; done lots of research and have come to the conclusion of bpd, diagnosable according to the dsm-5) so this won't sound very rational or. normal. but here we go

so i (15FTX) have a classmate (15F?) who i've been in a close friendship with for 1.4 years. let's call her vick for this ask. i fell in love with her about a month into our friendship and it grew into her becoming my favorite person. i think of vick 24/7 and i put a lot of care and love into her, we're even planning to move in together into a dorm for university. i confessed to her about my love in october 2023 and she confessed she'd been having "weird" feelings about me since the first month of our friendshsip as well, but she doesn't know if it's anything romantic or not. we have stayed friends due to religious reasons but she has also said she wouldn't have minded us dating if religion wasn't a factor (we're muslim).

i've been pretty committed and loyal to her ever since i confessed and i consider her more important than anything, but i don't get this back and im fine with that. i can deal with it for the most part. it makes me jealous when she interacts with others so casually, but she obviously has the right to have other friends and care about other people and i absolutely know im not allowed to interfere with that no matter how i feel.

enter our other classmate (14F), who i'll call flower for this ask. she was fine at first and had noticed my jealous stares and made jokes about it, saying she had no intentions of "taking my wife from me" and often jokes about being scared of me. we're on good terms and we chat often at school like normal friends.

but recently, flower has started being extremely touchy-feely with vick, taking vick's hand and putting it on her thigh, leaning towards her, making extremely suggestive jokes... and this is a special treatment to vick, too, flower doesn't do this with anyone else in the world. i love vick much more than she ever could and not even i have such confidence with her. beyond that, vick's pretty uncomfortable with physical touch too, so i never risk making her uncomfortable and do my best to not touch her unless she touches me first despite being a very physically affectionate person myself. and there's flower, being all willy-nilly with vick like it's all fine and i feel kind of betrayed seeing flower be like that when i try so hard to accomodate vick's preferences.

you can guess that flower's intimate treatment for vick, who i love with all my heart, has caused me to hate flower with a burning passion. she's like a physical roadblock in my relationship with vick and im tired of it.

so i had an idea.

this merely started the last day of school before the break, and i can't continue it now because i don't have any oppurtunities to see flower, but what i started doing was i would be very affectionate with flower myself.

i would compliment her, make jokes, initiate conversation, it even came to the point flower joked about falling in love with me. i feel scummy doing this because i will never return whatever affection she'll develop for me, but im genuinely tired of flower and this is the most ethical thing i can think of.

by doing this, im hoping flower will see me as the person to pull all her joking advances on. this way, i won't feel like she's taking vick away from me, and i can be sure vick won't abandon me for flower. i also know i sure as hell won't be abandoning vick for flower, so this way my relationship with vick will basically be secured and flower will just be a nuisance that comes and goes and i'll just have to pretend i like it, which will be much easier than pretending to be fine with flower being affectionate with vick.

now i don't even have to type out all the ways i could be the asshole here but this is the most ethical thing i can think of, like i said. it's a win/win situation. vick pays more attention to me so im happy, flower's advances are redirected to me so flower's happy and im not in danger of losing my relationship with vick. i know vick doesn't care much about flower either so she'll be fine too. so everyone's happy! and flower's never gonna know her close friend from highschool actually hated her guts, so she won't ever be sad either.

but um. you know. the whole manipulating out of envy part of it and all.

just talking with vick about it isn't an option because vick already knows how much i hate it, but i guess she's only ever seen it in a joking environment where i was making light of it so she doesn't really know how much i hate it. i also can't just tell her to stop talking with someone because it makes me sad. i guess im being hypocritical because this also means i shouldn't manipulate someone away from her just because it makes me sad but i actually can't stand it it genuinely makes me suicidal and homicidal in many ways and this is the only thinng in my power that i feel like is okay-est to do

therapy is not an option my dad has a degree in psychology so he'd say "just talk to me instead" and he would think im crazy if i actually said anything about all this to him + he's extremely homophobic

ok that was a lot. um.

aita for manipulating flower away from vick just to have peace of mind?

What are these acronyms?

[astrxlis-archive]

Hii Fox !!🥺This message may not be as bright as the usual since I am totally feeling unwell 😔;; i have just chosen to read your recent messages + reply to you :D I do hope you are sleeping well too?? It was afternoon in here when I was typing this. Around 5pm to be exact ✨ i think it's 5 or 6 am there so hopefully you're resting nicely.

I honestly don't mind the time spent in writing these messages because they are well spent at least~ 😂 About my meds, hm there's 3 new prescribed meds to me and the 2 are probably the cause of my dizziness yesterday(?) So i just took the 1 that is similar from what i was taking before. To answer your question, antidepressants and such meds will make you feel the side effects first around the week of your first intake to probably make your body get used to it!! (Maybe this stuff have been discussed in your classes too, i wonder 🤭🤔) I'm lowkey afraid to take the first 2 i mentioned since i really experienced dizziness that makes me unable to stand up and such 😰

I'll be sure to keep in mind about sending a request 🤭 i'm just pretty, pretty clueless about what kind of plot i should put in there ;;

Was also cracking up with your emoji demonstration of you holding your laughter,,, The intense inhale and exhale 😭😭 and let me tell you something: one time when our class attended mass at a local cathedral, i have this classmates that sit at my left side around 2-3 seats apart and they are tryna make each other laugh- and ofc since they're laughing i'm holding it IN so hard, especially at that part of the consecration at the Holy Eucharist where you all gotta kneel on both knees at the kneelers and position your hands at a praying/receiving position— i was totally doing the "😮💨😮💨😮💨" LIKE HEAVENS MY REPUTATION WOULD BE CRUMBLING TO DUST IMMEDIATELY IF I BURST OUT LAUGHING IN THE MIDST OF THE MASS. Totally one of the days i prayed so intensely like dear God don't let the demon inside me get out pls. 😭😰 My friend, which is closest to me by the left, was like 👁️👁️⁉️⁉️"U ok bro?" "Are u hyperventilating???" "Do you have asthma??" "Why are you breathing so loudly???????”..... I was holding on for my dear life inside the cathedral..... 😭😭😭

Also the "high praise omg omg 🙈🙈" i find it really?? Very cute??!?🥺 xD (in an adoration way rather than creepy way)— another one of the moments of just Fox being shy 👀 🤭

I'm actually feeling nice that you- 🥺 you😤 are v happy that im proud of u 🥰 🥳🎉 also so true about how weird the tags are in my previous message 🤭 the content is actually missing bc i haven't said much in that message so you don't also have smth to put @ tags! Since we're talking about tags, i actually very much appreciate your side comments???🥺 It was very nice and it invokes smth in me 😚 soo keep going with it im having fun reading those 🤭💞

Being an adult means lots of responsibilities, expectations and liabilities too— 💀 it kinda,, kinda be scarin me lowkey. Especially when befriending or being friends with minors too,,, I'm actually all fine with the asks for the story-length asks and casual stuff lmao 🥰 tho i'd prefer it to be @ dms if you have to talk abt something more personal or private w/ me- such as me helping you to reach out/ encouraging you 😂 or maybe you would like to ask for my thoughts about some fic drafts/ideas... Maybe brainrots are okay too if there are some,, 🤔✨ another one for the DMs is, let's say you'd like to surprise Dan with a gift 👀 and then you're comfy with talking about it with me 👌 since it have to be secret info in the first place. Asks are generally displayed for the public audience so i'm alright with dms if some info couldn't be disclosed publicly😚 basically more on planning stuff and info yet or should not be disclosed to the public!!

Also talking about stepping into adulthood or whatever it is called when you become 18— i basically have this friend who will be an adult this year and it's making me reflect a lot like i would have an adult friend close to me 🤔 i def can't take the information in like i'm still a minor til this year and they're gonna be an ADULT?? Like they are gonna be liable for crimes too,,, 😰 this is such a weird feeling ngl 😂😂

Ahaha,,, about me being a dry texter- this usually happens when me and the other party i'm chatting w/ isn't in the same vibes as i do?? Or it's simply just awkward... It's hard when the vibes of both parties clashes with each other or simply isn't just right. That's a sign that this certain person ain't someone meant for you (usually; this is taken in a generalized point of view). But maybe it'll be fun between us?? 😂 Idk,, i feel shy ngl (ฅωฅ♥)// how should i even talk to you 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️

Didn't realized I- made this ask quite long 💀 the reason why i put the "im feeling unwell 2day" @ the beginning is because i might ?? Just rant 😂 since yeah, apparently today's the deadline for the computation of the midterm grades and i'm totally f cked bc i have this... 10+ more... and i kinda sat down and apologized to the air + I'm feeling really bad from the side effects of the meds— 😔😔😔 so adieu my beloved grades </3 my parents love me too much even if i'm literally failing this semester bc i have to recover and i am struggling @ finals season too 😌 i havent done any thing yet. Just that one assignment i'm so happy that i completed 😤 and ahh, i saw your question asking abt my diagnosis- to put it simply the first meeting i was diagnosed w slight depression and the second meeting (this one i have mentioned!!) I've been diagnosed w inattentive adhd ( ･ิω･ิ ) i might as well just answer that question in here and so i did xD tho u could go check Ely's blog too since i have said a few things abt my condition there ?? :D i will take my time in replying to your previous (long) message ✨ i actually can't wait tbh?? But it will definitely be too long so— i gotta prepare for it.

Hope your day will go well!! 💞💞💞

— 🍰.

helloooo 🍰!!!!

addressing the request suggestion first: yep! i'm gonna do that later today when i get home from classes. thank you 💕💕 also if u could please check it to see if the link works when i do–

i actually got very little sleep 😮‍💨 if i didn't have class at 8am today i would've slept in. i was very tempted........ also, what are you feeling? is it the meds? 🥺🥺 i hope you feel better soon, but rest up ok???

ok, so... i'm not very good at pharmacology? but i've taken antidepressants before. and tried another med for my (correct) condition, so i know by experience those side effects. i hope they're temporary for you 🙏🙏

dude LFNDKSNAKNSKSNSKSNSKNSKSNSKSNS omg what IS it about churches and cathedrals?? i bet that if you couldn't hold it in there'd be an old lady (or more) to scold you right then and there 💀💀 good thing you managed tho dkdndksn also, is this the position??

i think me being shy is funny bc i'm a lot more open here than i am irl, so like– if it comes through this prominently i wonder what i look like to the people i interact with on the daily 👀🥲 also!! the tags are not stopping anytime soon, i'm glad you enjoy them 😂😂

dude, it does. but it also comes with a lot of freedoms!! so it balances out, i think. it all comes down to the head you have on your shoulders 😌 i'm more aware of this stuff now because of my past, too, so. feel free to just hmu man!! i'm pretty sure my dms are open 😂 idk if it makes you feel better about your friend, but from my friend group from high school i was the first to turn 18, so... i got teased a lot. istg on my birthday they told me "LOOK YOU CAN BE ARRESTED NOW" and i was like "please don't remind me i'm also now required to vOTE–". all in all it feels very weird 😂😂😂 please tease your friend a lot too 🤪

and omg that's so true. i guess it can make me a dry texter too? 🧐🧐 i don't force the whole ~vibing with another person~ thing, it's not worth it- but i guess ours is gonna be fun!! we have a nice conversation flow. and just say whatever is on your mind!! seriously don't think too much about it. just let me know you're you 😅

thank you for telling me!! i can't imagine what it's like to live with both depression and adhd, so good luck!! and please let me know if there's anything i can do to help you. i'm really grateful you have good parents who support you! 🥰 focus on recovering - school is literally always going to be there, and even if you don't pass now, you've focused on yourself and your health and there's nothing that compares to it!! 💕

i hope you're feeling better by the time you read this - take your time ok?? 💖💖

[gayspock]

I see you posting Odo and I'm curious: What do you think about Odo autism? I've heard a lot of autistic ppl relate to him and I was sceptical but now watching ds9 I'm kinda relating to him in that way soo. Julian and Odo autistic kings? (And honestly everyone else on ds9 as well but we'll leave that analysis for later 😳) sory for the long ask

i say autism bc im autistic and i like him and thats what happens to any fictional cunt i like 😁 but ehrm here's my lil strings of thoughts

BUT fr! no, no, no- i see it. granted, it still does feel like super early days for me to write anything truly indepth on that - not to mention, that kinda thing isnt my forte (i just talk to meself a lot innit<3 and those thoughts arent always so coherent or wonderfully put) but i think its like...

well, tip of the iceberg: he's an alien, yah? and quite specifically, one not amongst his kind - and therefore kind of an outsider, who doesn't have a blueprint on how he's supposed to be. and instead, he has to try and integrate into a predominantly humanoid society. and that setup really lends itself to, like, being analogous with autism narratively. LIKE... it's kind of a thing, isnt it, honestly, where aliens (and androids/ai too!) are often incidentially read as autistic. which sometimes that's- yknow. i'll drop a thought on that at the end. BUT, spock and data are the obvious examples - even if u strip back some of their more "stereotypical autistic mannerism" or whatever. bc this idea of, like... learning social standards, as odo would have had to, yeah.

but furthermore. he's quite lliterally being taught to redefine his existence, to present as humanoid. you can read that as a metaphor for masking, easy. and granted - i havent even finished this ep yet - but with how The Alternate elaborates a bit more on his past... i know a lot of autistic people (myself included) have had a traumatic experience with being forced to mask in certain ways. being pushed into it, because it's what's best for us as Dr Mora says - even though the "best" is just the expectation of how a person should act, which is totally arbitrary.

and with Dr Mora, also, you can extrapolate more parallels: with how he insists that Odo wasn't ready to be let out into society, that he wouldn't cope on his own, that he wasn't yet meeting this necessary standard, that he won't be accepted and accomodated for... and again lotsa ppl ik have that experience!

and it's not just that. i think... ok, going back to data and spock: again i say they're very "stereotypically autistic" in their mannerisms. yknow how it is. odo doesn't always read so overtly, but there's some habits he has? that i think also apply.

cant remember what episode it was. but it was, ehrm.... he was talking about lying and how he could tell ppl were doing it- and the way he analysed ppl was, like, by cataloguing very specific movements. not emotions or expressions. instead he methodically deconstructed it.

and... with justice. ok. personal fave there bc he does have a fixation on it? and idk- I GET THAT TOO, YAH? unsure if one track minded is the most appropriate term, bc its not like a lack of nuance even if it sometimes feels like tht to ppl... but that kinda thought process.

and just general social mannerisms. some detachment tht i also kinda vibe with. and when lwaxana came onto him and he LITERALLY had no clue what to even do, bc he was so outta his depth like - OKAY, SAME BESTIE? SAME, SAME, SAME... and again these lil bits at the end are all more, like. small lil things that i dont think are indicative full stop but i do find they RESONATE, yknow!!!!!!

SO YEAH LIKE. MY POINT IS. i see where ppl are coming from!! me too<3 i'd like a lil autstic reading of odo 😁

(BUT: as i did briefly say earlier... i am verastile with, like, autistic readings when it comes to inhuman characters. and the same applies to gender/sexuality, actually - although i find it easier to explain why with the latter as thats a lil different for sure. basically im v much of the omg yesss soooo true bestie when it comes to my own projections and most other ppl's but also there are . yknow . sticking points when it comes to using inhuman behaviour as a parallel for autism that makea me go 🤨 which i mention in PASSING bc idk if i can unpack that whole moving van of stuff by myself in a silly little aside but YOU KNOW. just feels like some comment on tht has to be said here since im going on a big long rambley anyways 😁