#just wait until he hears about carcinisation

[lottleyco]

Every night you dream that you talk to a genie, when you wake up you can't remember what you wished for. One morning you wake up with a giant crab pincer replacing your right arm. What do you do?

I look on in horror as my hand opens and closes. My other hand is the same. Swollen at the wrist with pincers at the end. I run out of my room and look for my grandmother for help. She's not in the usual place. However her clothes have been left in a strange outline of her body. I run to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror. My eyes have become small and beady. My skin a new satin shade of rust. There are mandibles by my mouth. I'm an anthropomorphic fucking crab.

I look to the ceiling for a long moment, unwilling to accept this new, cursed existence. Why, I ask the old mildew stain that I always forget to paint over. Why in the fuck am I a crab? Predictably, it doesn't answer.

I hear a clicking sound behind me and look in the tub. There sits a crab. Normal sized, I assume, as I'm not that familiar with crabs. It stares back at me with its own beady little eyes. Grandmother's watch hangs loosely below its pincer.

No fucking way, I think to myself. I rush to the phone. Surely a doctor can help. It is only when I reach the desk that it hits me. I can't call for help. I have no fingers.

But wait! That's right! The good old google-spy installed in the phone. If I just greet Google it can call for me! I open my mouth to speak but the only sound that escapes is a long groaning clicking sound.

FUCK I try to scream but again, no words. Percepenny stares horrified from his vivaroum. Or I think he does. Lizards don't have facial expressions.

I run to the door and struggle with the know. The pincers won't grasp it. I run to the back and push down on the handle. I'm free! I think happily. My neighbors could help, surely!

But every house I knock on with the side of pincers, there is no answer.

I scream/click in frustration. What the hell else am I supposed to do? I sit on the grass and stare at the sky and I wonder just what happened that I turned into an Eldrich abomination.

I hear more clicking to my side. There! Another crab! What the hell is going on. Why are there crabs everywhere in the middle of Michigan! It doesn't make sense!

I pull myself to my feet and start running. I run past the bridge and the liquor store many homeless people hang around. Only crabs mill about now. I run down along the highway where cars sit abandoned in the middle of the street. I run and I run until I reach one of the local urgent care buildings. It's empty (save for crabs).

And then it hits me. As all terrible and wonderful things do.

Humans have undergone Carcinisation.