#kinda hopes he gets to meet junghee some other day but considering the horrible circumstances he is in that's not happening

[endlessfics]

rebuttal

jongtae (girl!jonghyun) | pg-13 | 476 words | same au as twelfth floor (it plays out 6 years before it) 

a/n: it’s crazy how much i have on this au rip yet it’s all mostly taemin-centric

taemin thinks that maybe he wants to make something special out of the fact that he lost his virginity.

taemin thinks that maybe he wants to make something special out of the fact that he lost his virginity. the girl, junghee, she kept asking – kept probing.

if you want to save it for someone special, we don’t have to do anything, we can just talk.

she had told him as if she expected him to stop her. taemin wasn’t sure how to take the situation when she patiently waited for him to at least say something. that moment, the thought of friends crossed his mind while he looked into her gentle, big eyes. his hands were firm on her waist.

by waiting for someone special, taemin would make something petty into a big deal. he doesn’t want that.

by waiting for someone special, there would have to be someone he could share it to.

by waiting for someone special, he would have to have friends.

friends aren’t a thing for taemin – he had only his father. his father wasn’t a friend of sort, nor a dad. they aren’t biologically related. he was just adopted and distanced away from.

but taemin didn’t want to talk. junghee offered they would just talk instead but he couldn’t say anything, as if his mind wouldn’t let him speak. her eyes were expectant on him and his gaze straight on her chin – he couldn’t meet her eyes.

eventually, his hands slipped in under her shirt and he pulled her closer again to the way it was just a few minutes before she interrupted them. he liked touching her skin, it was soft, it was warm. he enjoyed pressing his mouth against her neck while her hands held onto his shoulders. he really did enjoy it. all of her was soft but he kept it to himself.

he found himself at a loss of words afterwards, yet she cupped his cheeks and kissed him slowly – as if trying to compensate for the fact that she wasn’t someone special to him, he assumed.

a few days later, where he is now, in his room, he thinks of the concept of virginity. he thinks that maybe he wants to make something special out of it – maybe he wanted to have saved it for someone special, but there isn’t anyone special in his life nor could he see there ever being anyone.

he did feel like he was missing out. he’s nineteen after all.

it’s close to midnight. he’s sitting on the edge of his bed and he pulls on his fingers absentmindedly. his father’s asleep and he is also supposed to be asleep but his mind is stuck on the idea of that he’s missing out.

deciding to push useless thoughts out of his head, taemin closed his eyes and fell back on the mattress. he takes a deep breath.

he’s doing good without anyone special in his life.