#like i dont have to live up to socuiety's expectations
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a family member just casually mentioned theyd accept me if i was trans and im like????? my brain doesnt compute
#not fandom related#trans stuff#personal log stardate#idk how to feel im in denial i dont understand#gotta talk ant this in therapy on thursday#*abt#im not out to my family but apparently they suspect that im trans and im like??? but i#m hiding it??? what do you mean you can see me is it that obvious i dont like it#like. i thought they would not like it if i ever came out and now it turnsd out they might have known and accepoted me all along????#i feel like this osnt real my brain is seriously not. computing this at all. im like. huh??????????#it feels like ive been living a lie that everybody has seen thru the whole time and they never made me feel accepted or made me feel#like i dont have to live up to socuiety's expectations#despite seeing thru the lie ive been living. its like#i suffred in vain. i couldve come out and started to transition years ago had i realized theyd actually accept me#or maybe this is a recent development cosindering i /have/ been taking transiotioning steps like cutting my hair short wearing men's clothes#wearing a binder#and not shabving my legs/arms etc and they've grown used to me being like this and eventually became awarew that i might be trans idk#idk whats gpoinmg ojn. perhaps i should talk to my family but i am /not/ comfortable doing this. i#am not comfortable opening up to them and now they come on shoving a knife into me forcing me open. i didnt deny that im trans but i also#didnt confiorm it but this is basucally a confirmatuin rigfht#fuck i cant type anymore i feel like scrfeajming#i feel so upset :/
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