#like i guess i'm willing to believe analogous things have ever happened to anyone

[aeide-thea]

apropos of nothing but like. the thing in fic(tion generally?) where characters will be like 'oh no did i say that out loud???' or, like, absentmindedly give someone a kiss goodbye and then five minutes later do a double-take about it is SO unrelatable to me as to be unbelievable tbh

[ygulati32]

So I went through some stuff in school that affected a lot of things in my life. One of the things that happened was that it put a very poisonous thought in my head - I will never be loved, I'm not lovable, everyone's ever only going to hate me for what I look like, what I sound like, what I do anything and everything like. And the analogy to poison is perfect - it keeps you suffering till either your system gets rid of it, or your mind just dies.

So this "poison" spread far and wide in my "system". I never approached anyone for anything for the fear of them disliking me. What others thought of me was of PARAMOUNT IMPORTANCE. And if I made a bad impression on someone it was THE most stressful thing ever - enough to occupy my mind for hours.

I had a very specific set of people that i ever got close to - ones who were willing to interact with me. Because I'd rather not interact with other humans. Too risky, what if they think negative of me? Better stay away. That's how you make people think negative of you. I realise that now.

Another thing that got affected was my love life. Which was non existent till I started college. I really liked a certain someone and they denied me. Should've been no big deal, but it fed that poison. And oh boy did that cloud of noxious gas grow. "El magnifico" a work of art that made me shut down entirely to the world. I just stopped trying, for years i didn't even throw an eye towards someone. If i found someone attractive/pretty/hot/whatever adjective you prefer, I just said to myself - nope she'll never like you back. Basically I was scared of love. I realised that recently. I'm not anymore.

So how do you get rid of this feeling of hopelessness, this suffocation that just won't let you leave your bed in the morning? That won't even let you make eye contact with the people close to you, let alone strangers? Some people benefit from therapy, others talk to their closest friends. For me it was no one - literally brute-forced my way through life till I could breathe freely. And now that I can, looking back at all those years makes me well up - why, I haven't figured out yet. Sadness? Happiness? Pride over what I've achieved academically/mentally? Don't know.

But since I'm not dead inside (I really believe I'm not dead inside), I believe I've vented all the smoke out. There's traces of that poison left but i can't find it right now. The pungent smell sometimes makes me scared, but I have people now that help me out. I don't consider myself lucky for that - I worked over the years the achieve this, I'm just proud of me I guess.

I just hope this poison doesn't spread again. It's sitting back there somewhere, there's a faint smell I know of. I hope i can find someone that helps me throw that out.

Jan 23rd ‘23

[chrysolipsist]

Pre-Milkshake Ducking

It's probably better if you find out someone is a shithead before you expose their personality to the rest of the world. I was thinking that there is basically 0% chance anyone will ever pay any attention to anything that I post, should some post I make become viral and people try to guess at my identity and what-not and scrutinize the content of my posts to try to figure out if I am some sort of *-ist, how would the conversation be like with the public?

public: Are you a racist, sexist, homophobe, transphobe, or in other ways bigoted?

me: No.

public: Have you ever abused another person or animal?

me: Absolutely not!

public: Are you fair in your dealings with others? With people over whom you have power?

me: Yes, I do my best.

public: Oh yeah, how about unions? Do you support them? Are you in one?

me: I, uh, am not in one but I support them.

public: yeah, you support them up until you have to make a personal sacrifice, right? Would you be willing to walk off the job if your colleagues needed it? Refuse to do your duties? Even if it meant you'd lose pay?

me: I, um, don't know, that's a very hard question to answer but I'd like to think that I would do the right thing and stand in solidarity with my fellows.

public: Oh, "solidarity" is it? I guess you stand in solidarity with the globalist backers who control those unions, don't you? And want to make sure you get held down with all the other lazy-asses who don't want to hustle a little and make more. You stand up for them because you're lazy, aren't you? You're one of the lazy rats dragging down those better than them, like that analogy about the crabs in the bucket, also let me work in that other one about a frog not noticing that they're boiling if you turn the heat up slow. (((They))) control you, don't you? Admit it!

me: How do you even begin to answer this shit, is my question.

public (100%): Okay let's do this differently. We're adding a rating. Let's change the subject and start with less consequential questions to get at how you are as a human being. How do you hang your toilet paper? Over or under?

me: Over.

public (75%): Okay. What's your opinion about astrology?

me: I don't believe in it myself but I think it's a mostly harmless and fun thing. I mean how many decisions do we make that are purely arbitrary anyway?

public: (68%): Are you more of a dog person or a cat person? No fence-sitting. You have to pick one.

me: I like both, but since you're forcing me, I would have to say cat person because they're less demanding animals.

public: (55%): Let's go back to astrology. Remember when you posted that (ahem) "funny" image but you put "Astronomy" instead of "Astrology"? How stupid are you?

me: Look, I didn't even notice it. It was a stupid mistake. I posted a correct version later.

public: (42%): Oh sure but nobody saw that or cared about it. Look at you, you lamebrain loser. You don't know the difference between astronomy and astrology.

me: Look, it was a stupid mistake like I said. Listen, I'm so hard-wired to not confuse it the other way, like look how stupid you look if you mix it up the other way and say astrology when you mean astronomy? Like, "how's your astrologer brother who runs a planetarium doing these days" is way more embarrassing don't you think?

public (21%): That's what you call COPE, lol, COPE HARDER BITCH

me: Don't use your twenties neologisms on me, I don't know what you're saying.

public (13%): This piece of shit is OLD. He remembers when 9/11 happened, he probably can tell you exactly what he was doing that day and everything. He was alive when the USSR was still around. That's right, he's older than Crystal Pepsi. His balls are probably saggy and he probably smells like piss.

me: None of these statements are wholly untrue.

public (4%): Okay, well that's the end of the process and you are left with a final score of 4%. That's right, your approval rating is 4% of the mainstream of normal people, but since this is the Internet there is a vast number of people who do like you although they're not connected to you but guess what! You don't particularly like them! Ah but that's the whole "principle of maximum irony" thing going on isn't it, maybe you'll post about that sometime, if you haven't already done so! Who knows, someone may even read it!

[gffa]

I'm the anon who feels the Jedi would change and thank you for answering my question! I definitely feel like if I were to write a time travel fix-it I'd have them stop Palpatine's plans, not drastically reform the Order. I have a follow up: what kind of changes do you think they would make, say in an AU where Order 66 didn't happen, Palpatine died, the war ended, etc? So basically the Order/Republic/galaxy get to recover and reflect, how would that look like? Thank you

Hi again!  As a follow up to this post (since it’s been a few weeks that I dared approach my inbox/had the energy to answer much of anything), why I have trouble with “the Jedi needed to change to avoid their fate”, when I don’t see the same being said of the Wookiees or of Alderaan or of the Lasat. As for how would they chance in an AU where, let’s say Mace was successful at stopping Palpatine (presumably because Anakin made the right choice/chose to follow his Fate), where the situation in the galaxy was still really shitty, the Senate was still full of corrupt people, but the main thing that kept it from being rooted out was gone.  How do the Jedi adjust to this galaxy? Because I do think they would want to change some things--scores of them died in that war and it’s not that they weren’t willing to lay down their lives to help protect people, to fight back against oppression, but their numbers were so few even before the war, now they have what?  I don’t think it’d be an unreasonable guess to say that they may have had half their numbers. I think the Jedi would have seen that they couldn’t stay with the Republic in the same way--they’ve always believed that effective change comes from within, we see Ahsoka teaching that as a core fundamental of how to be part of the galaxy, as a Jedi.  So they wouldn’t separate themselves from the Republic entirely, but I think they would push back for a lot more autonomy.  Palpatine had pushed them so far into the corner that he was able to force them to place Anakin on their highest Council, the war had drafted them into a service that was destroying them, it wasn’t what they wanted to do. But it’s not so easy to step back, because the Senate punished anyone who tried to go around them--Padme faces this for years in Queen’s Shadow, Mandalore faces this in The Clone Wars when they remain neutral and are cut off from supply trade, etc.  The Jedi can’t just say, “Yeah, we’re taking our lightsabers and going home.” without massive backlash.  Which isn’t what they fear in and of itself, but that backlash would include, “No, you can’t go to Pijal and set up a regent there to help with the monarch, so when Czerka comes along, our representative will do whatever they want and possibly lead to over a million slaves being created.” So, they can’t just walk away--wouldn’t just walk away, because their ability to help just about anyone would be destroyed, because they could not fund themselves without the Republic, they could not negotiate unless the Republic is willing to back up the treaties they form, etc.--but they can’t just go back to the way things were, either. The Jedi firmly believe lasting change has to come from within. So, I think they would push for much harder boundaries between their own internal matters and what the Senate could interfere on, that Jedi matters were theirs again.  I think they’d push for the Senate to allow them to do more relief work, now that the tire fires aren’t popping up as fast and furiously as they were in the war, the Jedi can go help the “little people” again and they would very much want to.  I think they’d join Padme (and presumably Bail and Mon) in advocating for clones’ rights, now that there was a chance in hell of it genuinely happening. Mostly, I think they’d say, “We do not regret helping save lives in this war, we do not regret saving planets from enslavement or destruction, but we cannot do so again.  You have galactic level commanders with experience now, you have a galactic army now, we can no longer fill that role, nor do you need us for it.  We need time to recover and heal.” And I think they’d return to their roots--their practices and teachings are analogous to real world therapy techniques, so I think there’d be a WHOLE LOT of people sitting around the Jedi Temple, soaking in the peace, learning to unclench again, learning how to face the trauma they’d all been through. I mean, hell, we see even without that safe space or community to support them, characters like Obi-Wan and Kanan and Cal and Cere and Ahsoka, all characters who were raised as Jedi, eventually find their way to that self-reflection and facing their demons and coming out the other side of them, just as their Jedi upbringing taught them.  Of course that’s what they’d get back to. So, when I say that things would “change”, it’s less that I think the Jedi ways were in need of change, but more that “now that the tire fires are down to a manageable level, we’re going to go back to what we were doing before the war”. When I say things would “change”, it’s about what they were drafted into doing, not what is part of their core philosophies--those would be the same.  They define attachment as selfish love (the kind that makes you obsessed with someone, that makes you greedy for them, makes you feel you’re owed their presence in your life, that you can’t let go of even when it’s time) and that would not change.  They are married to their Order, that would not change. The things that would change are things that, say, Alderaan would change--their culture is fine as it is, but their political positioning and maneuvering would change, to better set up protections against anything like that ever from happening again.  But it would be a delicate, complicated process, because the Senate did not want anyone getting out from under its thumb, but I have hope that they could find a balance, once Palpatine’s constantly updated plans weren’t roadblocking them at every turn!

[thelawyerthatwaspromised]

Hi! I'm a jonerys shipper but I find your theories very interesting. I wonder though, how will you feel about the show/Asoiaf if Political!Jon is debunked with season 8? Do you think it will change your opinion on Jon? And will you still ship Jonsa if he truly bent the knee because he is in love with Dany? I suppose I'm wondering how a post S8 Jonsa faction will look.

Hello! I really appreciate the question because it’s not a bad one: what if political!Jon isn’t a thing? First, I guess I’ll explain what I think has to be true for political!Jon to not be true.

Jon has to have total faith in Dany’s ruling ability; not just her capacity as a conqueror. Jon has to have thought it was acceptable to give away the Stark ancestral home without consulting anyone about it. Jon has to have actually been unable to lie to Cersei at the Dragonpit. Jon has to actually believe that the stuff he warned Dany about earlier in the season (about northerners not wanting to follow a southern ruler) is either not true anymore - or - at least not as important as the urgency to give away his crown before he could even talk to them about it.

All of these have terrible, terrible implications on Jon’s character.

Because it will mean a number of things…

1) It would mean that Jon really didn’t learn anything from Robb and Ned and their respective downfalls. That’s tragic in itself. When it comes to Robb, sure he made mistakes that cost him his life - but he was also way too young and thrust into a position he should never have been forced to undertake. The same is somewhat true for Jon, except he’s now been in leadership and he knows his family’s mistakes. 

I don’t want “aww shucks” stupid heroes. I don’t enjoy that type of storytelling. I don’t think it’s something I can suspend my disbelief while I’m watching if I actively think “he is a complete and total idiot” and he’s supposed to be un-ironically a hero of the story. Beyond that, I think that’s the opposite of the point of Jon’s arc, most especially in the books but also on the show. 

Robb and Ned are there to be cautionary tales for good people who are struggling with the intricacies of dangerous political games. Jon being as dopey as not learning anything from their decisions cheapens Robb’s story, it cheapens Ned’s story, and it makes Jon simply a lucky idiot if he somehow survives.

Jon is also taking a gigantic risk throwing all his eggs in Dany’s basket even if he thinks she’s the most wonderful person. He has no idea what she’s like as a ruler. He didn’t know anything about her other than she’s come to Westeros and has three dragons. He doesn’t know anything about her tenure in Essos - or that it concluded with her very responsibly have Daario Naharis overlooking the biggest political transition in thousands of years over there. No big deal.

In the best case scenario, Jon would have been detained on the island, been “asked” to bend the knee to Dany on multiple occasions, and agreed to go on a mission that he otherwise wouldn’t have gone on (since he asked Dany multiple times to come North without regard to Cersei’s intentions) and almost died on that mission only to have seen Dany take another big risk by flying her dragons up North to try to save him.

That’s not even close to enough information for Jon to know whether Dany is in any way a good ruler. Flying dragons and ruling are two different things. He took a huge gamble whether it’s political!Jon or not; but at least with political!Jon it was because he felt he HAD to do it to ensure her commitment. The alternative is Jon handing that over without any clue as to whether she can do the mundane things like administer land dispute decisions or responsibly manage the treasuries of Westeros. 

2)  It would mean that Jon governs and makes decisions based solely on his own emotional impulses which would really suck. It’s practically inexcusable for Jon to behave this way. It’s irresponsible as a ruler for him to just hand Dany power like he did at face value without talking to anyone from the North about it first. You could have made an argument to me that Jon could legitimately think Dany should rule the North and it might be a plausible explanation without making Jon a terrible rule IF Jon had actually waited until he returned North to tell the lords in person that he planned to give away the crown for her.

By not doing so, it tells me that either Jon is inconsiderate and impulsive enough to give away something as sacred as an entire country (on the macro) and his childhood home (on the micro level) - OR - there’s something else in play for why he felt it absolutely necessary to “bend the knee” with the timing as it occurred. If there’s some 3rd explanation that I haven’t thought of - I’d actually be willing to read it first before I decided whether it’s an idea willing to entertain.

I don’t talk politics thaaaat much on here, but the analogy really would be that, after being elected, Donald Trump literally believed he had the authority and moral high ground to hand his presidency over to Putin. Not only would everyone hate him, but he literally does not have the authority to act like that and would be removed from his position before it happened.

[to be clear Jon =/= Trump and Dany =/= Putin. It’s an analogy on political leaders behaving in another context. If you want, you can imagine the PM of Canada and the the King of Wakanda as substitutes behaving the same way.]

By going solo in that process - Jon almost guaranteed at the very least a gigantic amount of political turmoil in the North…but it’s something I think he’s aware of and has anticipated. If he hasn’t - he has no business ruling anything ever. 

There is no reasonable explanation for the timing of Jon bending the knee (before consulting with anyone in the North let alone his very own travel companion Davos) other than political!Jon and realizing the exact moment was right because Dany had just promised to help fight the Night King and Jon wanted to cement her commitment as much as he could.

3) It would mean that Jon genuinely valued everyone knowing openly that he planned to fight Cersei in the war after the Night King over actually getting the truce to allow them to fight the NK. If Jon did what he did at the Dragonpit - then he proved himself a liar when he said just before that “there is only one war that matters” because he immediately (again, in the absence of political!Jon) affirmed his position in the war for the Iron Throne at the expense of the war to save the Realm. 

Beyond the silliness of the idea that Jon Snow is incapable of lying to Cersei - it really is highlighted perfectly in Jon’s scene with Theon:

“You risked everything just to tell an enemy the truth.”

I mean…is telling the truth generally good? Yes.

Is telling the truth still good if….

SCENARIO: Bad Guy has their finger on the button to launch a nuclear weapon on a Sunday and they say, “oh wait, these nuclear codes were only good until Sunday and now it’s after midnight so it’s Monday!” 

Bad Guy is momentarily confused. “Or is it still Sunday? Say! You, Honest Fellow! If it’s really after 12:00 AM, I’ll have to leave here and try to grab more launch codes, is it really after midnight? I don’t have my watch.”

Honest Fellow: “I’d like to tell you it’s 12:04….but alas, I cannot. It is 11:58-…”

*KABOOM*

Well…you’d rightfully be displeased with Honest Fellow. But, then again, I think Jon Snow would hate this honest fellow as well. How stupid is that if it’s the same story we heard at face value? 

“I just can’t lie!” 

That’s irredeemably stupid. It KNOWINGLY put everyone at risk and actually is LUCKY that Cersei planned all along to accept a truce so she could have time to replenish her forces with the Golden Company. 

I’d recommend that the Honest Fellow version of Jon Snow climb up that 700 foot Wall he’s supposedly been working so hard to protect and fling himself off. They could call it Lord Commander’s Landing.

4) It would completely upend the part of Jon’s story where he has yearned to truly be a part of House Stark, his residual guilt about not being there to help Robb when the fighting began, and his close relationship with Sansa after their reunion. 

I could say plenty of shippy things about how the absence of political!Jon would completely ruin the relationship with Sansa that Jon’s built since they reunited but I don’t even have to go there. Simply as a close companion and trusted adviser and family member, Jon would have spat right in her face.

People seem to misinterpret Jon feeling like an outsider with the rest of the Starks with Jon never feeling welcome and never wanting to be a member of House Stark. The exact opposite is true. Jon’s detachment was due specifically to his wanting very much to be Jon Stark but feeling like it was an impossibility because of his birth. Jon loved the Starks. He wanted to be known as Ned’s son. He craved acceptance from Catelyn but never received it. It’s caused him to feel unworthy of that. 

When they found the direwolf pups, Jon wanted each Stark to have a wolf first. It was essentially a gift of the gods that Jon “heard” Ghost (who is famously silent) after his noble self-denial in favor of the trueborn Starks. 

Immediately after winning the BotB, Jon makes sure Sansa takes up residence in the Lord’s chambers. He didn’t do that because he doesn’t care. He cares very deeply. He wanted Sansa to know that she is House Stark’s true representative. He doesn’t feel like he deserves that, hence the sadness in his voice as he says “I’m not a Stark.” He reiterates that Sansa is the Lady of Winterfell. Being the Lord or Lady (as opposed to “acting” Lord or Lady) means that Sansa has hereditary rights over Winterfell - something they both fought like hell to re-take.

Now I’m supposed to believe that the guy who didn’t even want a simple puppy before the other Starks, who fought like hell to re-take Winterfell, who tried to desert the Night’s Watch once and arguably did a second time to fight for the Starks, who very intentionally placed Sansa as the head of House Stark rather than himself, who then passed to her specifically ruling authority over the North while he was away - THAT GUY - is now supposed to think it’s fine and necessary and RIGHT to give ruling authority and his crown over to a woman before she ever even stepped foot in the North.  (The Gift, which is the territory along the Wall is owned by the Night’s Watch independent of the North. Even if you count the top of Eastwatch as Dany stepping foot up there, she’s still not in the political North)

All of this, too, without ever talking to a single person about the decision beforehand. 

That’s a Jon Snow I cannot root for or reconcile with the rest of his story. In my mind, it’s character assassination.

It would make me wonder what the point was of Jon Snow even coming back from the dead.

Thank you for the ask. Hope this answers your question sufficiently. You’re welcome to ask more anytime.