#like i wasn't expecting historical accuracy but was it too much to ask to give everyone boots and buttons instead of shoes and zippers.....

[stormyoceans]

I NEED THIS STAPLED ON THE INSIDE OF MY EYELIDS AND TATTOOED ON MY BODY AND CARVED INTO MY HEART AND SEARED ONTO MY SOUL AND INJECTED DIRECTLY INTO MY BLOODSTREAM. AND ALSO HANGING ON EVERY SINGLE WALL OF MY APARTMENT

[mermaidsirennikita]

ARC Review: Earls Trip by Jenny Holiday

3.5/5. Releases 4/23/2024.

Heat Index: 5/10

Vibes: romcom shenanigans, childhood friends to lovers, positive male friendships, vacations

Archie (earl), Simon (earl), and Effie (future earl) have been friends since they were young boys. And they have a tradition--Earls Trip, where they spend time together, relax, and have fun. But this year's trip gets diverted when a letter arrives, begging him to rescue his childhood friend Olive from an ill-advised elopement. Oh, and Olive's sister Clementine ran after Olive, so can he rescue her too? The trip is no longer just the earls, but a pair of girls; and Archie finds himself drawn to the grown-up Clementine, who's gone from his wild young friend to a blunt woman who refuses to marry.

As we all know, historical accuracy is not my biggest priority with historical romances. Is this book very concerned with history? Not at all. Is it a frothy, funny little story about a bunch of hapless lords dealing with ladies just CRASHING their PARTY. Yes.

Could it have been a lot more? I do think so.

I feel like this premise could've gone a lot further, and based on that and the cover (which I actually find rather cute and befitting the book, despite my general dislike of cartoon covers) I thought we'd get roadtrip romance vibes that we just didn't. In fact, while Archie and Clementine had chemistry, and their romance was cute, I think we should've leaned into the romance part a good bit sooner.

Quick Takes:

--Jenny Holiday has a really approachable, naturally funny writing style, and that's on full display here. I think it best serves the earls (well, the earls and the viscount). Their relationship was my favorite part of the book, and I don't necessarily think that's surprising or a bad thing. I love a romance, especially a historical romance, where the heroes are like "that's my brother. THAT'S MY BROTHER" [tearful manly hug].

This actually takes it a step further. Archie, Simon, and Effie are supportive and openly loving. They confide in each other. They bare their hearts to each other. Like, they have their little quirks and none of them are perfect creatures without flaw. They're funny and human. I just think these kind of friendships between men are so uncommon in fiction that it's just refreshing to see.

--You do have hijinx, right? You have an errant bullet early in the book (nobody is seriously injured--I think this is the second heroine I've read shoot the hero by accident this year?), you have phallic hedges, you have poetic drama. But while I by no means expected a Hangover-esque orgiastic trip from what was clearly a romcom.....

I don't know. Not a lot happened on the trip. Like, I get that it was supposed to be dudely bonding, but I didn't really see them... doing much... besides companionably hanging out? And I think you need more than that. I mean, there's some plot, but the pacing of the book just kind of made it feel less.

--I also think the pacing could've used some work. The official summary mentioned that Clementine asked Archie to teach her about sex, and he does... But like, in the back half of the book. It's not a big thing. It doesn't kick off the PLOT.

And I think that if it had, there would've been a lot more urgency to the story. I kind of felt like the book pulled a big "hurry up and wait".

The Sex:

So, the sex does something interesting. Again, it's kind of at odds with the description. There are a few scenes, and none of them go super far. Like, pleasure is had, but I kind of felt like the story was building up to a big wedding night scene and it... doesn't happen.

That said, I did appreciate that Clementine wasn't a virgin; she just hadn't had good sex. Archie is really sweet and weirdly friend-like during these scenes, but he's also BARELY keeping it together. One of my favorite moments of the book is when he demonstrates the "tools" men can use to give women pleasure. I just wish we'd have more of that, or at least had it earlier in the story.

While this installment wasn't a home run for me, it was fun, and I think there's potential for the series. I want to know what happens to Simon and Effie. That's half the battle, right?

Thanks to NetGalley and Kensington for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

[charlesboyfriendwasright]

MY DEBT TO YOU

Chapter ONE

Me: "I'm going to write this and have it posted by Tuesday"

Also me: *does not do that*

I'm so sorry for the long wait and the fact that this chapter is shit 💔 the other ones will probably be better because they'll be straight porn

CW: DOM FEM Reader, reader uses she/her pronouns and is a literal monarch, Maxim is a subby medieval bitch boy, no actual smut in this chapter but the rest of the series is so just Minors DNI, poorly researched, historical accuracy? We don't know her, ik I said no smut but dildos, lots of dildos, also Maxim almost slips into subspace at the end if that counts as smut

Under the cut because of smut (not really but it rhymed so whatever)

Sir Maxim Walter was tired.

Not just physically, though exhaustion did seep through his bones, but mentally as well. This was the fourth time this week some old shopkeeper had been covering for a younger fellow selling contraband through the back of his shop. Six barrels of unregistered ale in the back room, and Maxim and his team had been called in to investigate and arrest the smugglers. Now, as Dresten and Quincy pulled the offending parties through cuffs and into the back of the cart headed to the prisons, Maxim was tasked with doing another run through the shop to make sure there were no hidden rooms with more ale.

He stepped through another archway, one hand rested gently on the hilt of his sword, the other running across the wall. A hard expression was settled on his face, eyebrows knitted together in suspicion. He had a twitch in his jaw telling him that the old man was lying when he said that there weren't any hidden rooms.

He stopped when he got to the biggest room of the shop, which had a large square display in the center with nothing around it all the way up to the edges of the room. Things hung on the wall of course, but it seemed off to Maxim that every other room in this place was stocked full but this one was so barren. He took one more step forward.

The floor creaked loudly.

It wasn't out if character, creaky floors. The whole building creaked. But that was different. Louder. More hollow. He stepped again. Same sound.

Kneeling at the ground, he placed a hand on the floor, feeling for some sort of handle to grasp. His leather-clad fingers found the loose board and he pulled, moving aside so the panel could lift, revealing a steep, narrow staircase down to a cellar.

Maxim unsheathed his sword and put one foot on the first step. Sturdy. Another step. Then the next, all the way until he wasn't the bottom. His face knocked into a cord hanging from the ceiling, and he pulled it, letting the light fill the room.

He stopped dead in his tracks. His sword fell to the ground.

Where Maxim expected to see a stack of barrels, or maybe even a person, he instead saw a huge display of-

His brain stopped on the word.

On the wall, laid out unmistakable and clear as day, were about a hundred toys. Polished metal plugs of every size imaginable, and then bigger than Maxim though possible. Gently blown glass phalluses were laid out, some skillfully attached to off rope contraptions, some not.

Maxim stirred in his leather chaps, forgetting for a moment that he wasn't supposed to like this. He was supposed to be the man of the relationship. Dominant. He closed his eyes and imagined a woman who's like to use those upon him. It was when the pleasure emitting from his crotch bordered on pain when his father's voice stirred in his mind.

Deviant.

Maxim's eyes shot open. He pushed aside all his thoughts, reached down to pick up his sword and resheathe it, and marched out of the room, yanking the cord for the light on the way. He closed the door to the cellar gently however, not wanting one of his fellow knights to find it.

He could only imagine what his face looked like to Quincy as he approached. Flushed in arousal and twisted in frustration because of his findings.

"Nothing sir?"

Maxim shook his head. Quincy nodded once and then bowed, then they both got onto their horses and went off, following the prison cart back to the palace grounds.

-~•~-

The House of Walter was not the largest of the noble homes, nor were the Walters part of the Dowster twelve, the elite nobility of Dowster. They weren't very well off either, with only a small fortune. But their two sons were both high ranking military officers, and while the other noblemen and women make faces at them as they passed in the street, they weren't out of favor with the Queen.

Arthur greeted him at the door, giving Maxim pause. His father wasn't usually one to show overt politeness towards his family.

"Hello to you too father." The words were stiff.

His father gestured to the table, set for a meal. Maxim's mother died when he was young, promoting his father to remarry. Elizabeth, who had the same name as his mother, was nothing like his mother, in looks and personality. She was nice enough, and though her and Maxim got along fine, she was Elizabeth to him, not mother. She didn't push their relationship though, and Maxim enjoyed that. And he could tell they really loved one another.

"Hello Maxim!" Elizabeth said brightly. That wasn't out of the ordinary. Elizabeth was perpetually smiling. "Dinner tonight is a pot roast." She placed the dish in the center of the table.

Maxim took a seat.

"Where's Castian?" Maxim pointed to the empty seat across from him where his brother usually sat.

Elizabeth and Arthur shared a glance.

"Arthur let the boy eat for ten minutes before telling him," Elizabeth chided, serving herself and Maxim each portions of food. Her tone wasn't off, she usually kept Arthur in check, but the concerned, almost sad expression was out of the ordinary.

"He deserves to know Elizabeth," his dad spat. Maxim forced himself not to flinch. That was where him and his dad differed. Arthur had a temper. He was quick to anger and always assumed the worst. Castian was the same. Maxim preferred to sit on the sides until he knew what was needed. Until he was perfectly posed to get in and out as quickly and quietly as possible. He'd be a good stealth guard if not for the heavy clanking of his armor.

Before Maxim could ask what, he got his answer in the form of a knock on the door. Whoever it was didn't wait for an answer though, before bursting through the door, swords drawn. Maxim reached for his own, only so see that he had left it across the room. There was no way he could been able to get it. Upon closer look, Maxim recognized their uniforms. Something about their faces was also familiar, but Maxim couldn't quite place them.

"On behalf of the Queen of Dowster by the Queen's Guard, you Maxim Walter are under arrest for your treasonous actions against the throne and the Queen. You will stand trial for these crimes in three days time at the palace-"

"WHAT?" Arthur roared, cutting off the lead Guard.

The lead Guard glared at Maxim's father for a moment, then began his speech once more, addressing Maxim only, instead of the house as a whole.

This time it was Maxim who cut him off, "I know the speech," he informed them. The lead Guard nodded to another guard and they placed Maxim in cuffs. Arthur was silent now, and Maxim glanced over to see a Guard had his sword drawn right near Elizabeth.

Maxim went in silence as the guards led him to a cage. For the sake of his family's reputation, he lowered his head so no one would recognize him. People stared. He ignored them.

He couldn't say it didn't get to him though. He had always tried so much through his life to be loved by his family, to be accepted. But Castian had always stolen the spotlight. As he thought of his brother, it suddenly clicked why the Guards looked familiar. This was Castian's group. But Castian wasn't with them?

"Where is my brother? Where is Castian?' he asked. The guards stayed silent. They wouldn't talk to Maxim. He was a prisoner.

A lucky one though, if you could really even say that, because the Palace was only a half days trip from his house so it went by quick. He spent a single, sleepless night in a cell in the dungeon, and by the next morning, he was being marched to the throne room to stand before the Queen.

Maxim had never met the queen before, had only heard her words regurgitated by her Guards. But as soon as he stepped into the room he was immediately aware of her presence.

It was hard not to be, she took up most of the room with her presence, even is she was only physically taking up a single person's space. She was sitting in her throne, dressed in the most beautiful garment of clothing Maxim had ever seen his life, draped with rich purple silk. She looked regal. Royal. Beautiful.

Maxim had to pick up his jaw from the floor.

His mind idly drifted back to the room at the Shoppe he found yesterday wondering what it would feel like to have one of those used on him, by her.

He pushed those thoughts away as she began to speak.

"Maxim Walter, you have committed a heinous act of treason against me and my country. Do you have anything to say for yourself?" There was a hint of something in her voice, something familiar to Maxim but so far removed from him he couldn't place it at first. Was she amused?

Maxim gave a cursory bow, taking a knee before speaking.

"Your Majesty, I do not know of what you speak of. I have not committed any crime."

"You presume to know more than I?"

"Of course not, Your Majesty!"

The Queen studied him for a long moment. Maxim felt like squirming under her gaze. He barely held himself still.

"Leave us," she gestured to her Guards. They all shuffled out, leaving Maxim and the Queen alone in the large room.

"Stand and approach me," the queen instructed, standing up in front of her chair. Maxim stepped forward, slowly at first, but at her impatient stare, sped up his pace. He stumbled slightly on his way up to her, but managed to make it so he was on the step right in front of her, the step making up for his height and bringing him to her eye level.

"Did you do it?" She asked. Her voice was soft, quieter, but still just as strong and commanding as before.

"No Your Majesty. I don't even know what crime I'm being accused of." The Queen nodded once before stepping back so her heels were against her throne. She placed her hands on Maxim's shoulders before sitting down, pressing gently so Maxim got the message. He knelt in front of her, head practically in her lap. She removed her hands.

"I see you aren't lying to me." Maxim nodded. "But I don't believe that the rest of the country, nor your family, will see it that way." She stared off as she spoke. "So I'd like to make you a deal." Her eyes snapped back to Maxim's, holding his gaze. Maxim didn't dare to look away. "You will come to me. Live at the palace. You can be my personal guard. You would be free to leave at any time, though I cannot guarantee your safety if you do."

The Queen continued talking, but Maxim's ears were ringing to loud for him to hear her properly. His brain became foggy, vision blurring around the edges. Something about her dominance, the way she spoke as if she'd already made up her mind gave Maxim a twisted high, one he clung to. He felt a hand on his shoulder and snapped back to the Queen, realizing she was speaking to him still.

"Maxim?" she asked. He was barley conscious enough to refrain from begging her to say his name again. The word fell from her lips beautifully, wrapping around Maxim and holding him tight.

"I'm sorry I-" she held up her hand.

"I know." Her tone was soft, kind. Understanding. Maxim was brought back to reality by her touch, allowing himself to focus on her skin against his.

She seemed to know when he was back to himself. "Do you want me to repeat myself?" She asked.

"No Your Majesty." Now that his head was clear, her words came back to him.

The Queen only nodded in response.

"Well then, what do you say?"

Maxim didn't have to think about it, really. He knew his answer.

"I accept."

TAGLIST: @whiiiiplaaaaash