#like ill always think about finding the planet with the huge ass scar in it and then hours and hours of gameplay later

[breeeliss]

On Shiro and Adam...

So in light of the mixed reception of Season 7, I wanted to make a longer post about Shiro and Adam -- specifically what kind of role Adam played in Shiro’s life both as his partner and after his death. I think people are understandably hurt at the news of Adam dying, and I think that’s leading to a lot of misplaced anger and hatred. At its extreme, I’m seeing a lot of accusations about queerbaiting and perpetuating the “Bury Your Gays” trope. I want to speak on all of this, but as a quick prologue to this post, I want to say this: 

Queer representation does not always equal having a queer relationship on screen. Sometimes the best queer representation can be seeing yourself in a single character and connecting not just to their sexuality, but also to their journey as a queer character. This is what Shiro is for us. Our queer rep -- our gay, asian, disabled, mentally ill representation that overcame all of the trials he suffered and thrived as a character this season. 

Adam was a part of Shiro’s past, and their relationship helped define Shiro’s experiences in the present. Adam’s death is a huge blow, but to call it a “Bury Your Gays” trope suggests that his death was a useless, pointless plot point that accomplished nothing other than to make Shiro miserable. 

I don’t think that could be further from the truth. Adam’s death held purpose, and I also believe Adam’s death served as a sobering moment for Shiro that allowed him to reflect on their time together and come through with a greater understanding of what love and family truly means. 

(wc: 2.0k words) 

The Significance of a Failing Relationship 

I think it’s important to remember that Adam and Shiro’s relationship was one that was doomed to fail -- Adam and Shiro had conflicting priorities that led to more than just the one fight we were privy to in Shiro’s flashback. The reason we got a look at their relationship wasn’t just to show us that Shiro was gay and in a relationship. It was to give us a look at Shiro’s motivations and shortcomings, something that we never really had a clear sense of before this moment. 

It’s alluded that Shiro has some sort of chronic degenerative disease that is  causing his muscles to atrophy and is set to severely shorten his life. Going out into space, which puts a strain on the body even if you’re a healthy person, is a definite death sentence for Shiro -- at the very least, it’s going to cut short the good years that Shiro has left. The good years that Adam was hoping to spend with Shiro. 

Adam very clearly wants to take advantage of Shiro’s healthy years and spend it with the man that he loves. Shiro would rather risk his health and his life going into space and doing what he loves rather than spend it on Earth with Adam. Both very valid perspectives, just ones that aren’t compatible. Shiro cared more about being a pilot and exploring space than maintaining his relationship. It was more worth it to die in the line of duty rather than play it safe.

Shiro’s disease gave him a very one-track state of mind -- you have a limited amount of time left, so you better haul ass and accomplish everything you wanted to before that end comes. Everything else comes second, including your relationships. It might even mean your death. It might mean you’ll never see the people you care about again. But it’s worth the risk. 

Adam told Shiro that things were over if Shiro went on that Kerberos mission, and he went anyway. He ended a very good, very long relationship because he cared more about accomplishing his personal goals over maintaining that. It’s not a bad or a wrong decision, Shiro has a right to live his life the way he wants to. But the ramifications of this decision end up coming back full circle when Shiro comes home and realizes that it was Adam who died in the line of duty and left his partner too soon. 

What Adam’s Death Meant 

Never forget: Adam was a soldier. He was a fighter pilot. Part of being a fighter pilot was accepting that his job was inherently dangerous. Going on missions always left the possibility of death and Adam knew this. He decided to devote his life to training to become a fighter pilot anyway. 

Adam didn’t believe in dying uselessly. Shiro risking his life on the Kerberos mission was upsetting to Adam because it was entirely preventable. But Adam isn’t a stranger to risking his life for a cause that matters. And that’s essentially how Adam died -- fighting for a very clear purpose, one that he accepted the moment he enlisted in the Garrison. He doesn’t even hesitate when he’s told to go in for the attack, and neither do any of his teammates. It’s an immediate acceptance of duty. 

His death is hard to watch. We as the viewers know that they’re not going to make it. Their weapons aren’t strong enough and there are too many Galra. It was a bad call made by his CO, but Adam was part of the first wave of Garrison fighters not just because he was one of the best. It’s because he was willing to risk his life for a greater cause. In this case, it was protecting his planet. He died nobly and he died heroically along with hundreds of other brave Garrison soldiers. 

The battle that took place on Earth created innumerable casualties. So many people aside from Adam died fighting -- queer soldiers, soldiers of color, disabled soldiers, mentally ill soldiers, so many demographics of people that didn’t and never deserve to die. But that was a large theme in this season: sacrifice and loss. Even though Earth lost a lot of good soldiers during this face off, their sacrifices weren’t meaningless. They all contributed towards Earth’s liberation. Adam was a part of that. 

The “Bury Your Gays” trope is based on the useless, pointless deaths of LGBTQ+ characters in order to meaninglessly deprive queer characters of happy endings. Adam’s death wasn’t torture porn. It was tragic, but it was meaningful. He died for a purpose, a purpose that he understood and fully accepted. Nothing about that is meaningless. In fact, part of the point of the last few episodes of the season was to understand that everyone who lost their life died for a reason and would continue to live on in the hearts of those who continue to endure. 

And, lo and behold, Shiro is the one who delivers a speech saying exactly that. 

The Story of Shiro’s Endurance 

There are a lot of people who are frustrated that, as the one gay man in our main cast, Shiro is the character who has suffered the most. I don’t mean to take validity away from that complaint. But I do think the fact that Shiro being queer and enduring in spite of this suffering is very meaningful. 

As queer folks, we are often forced to survive in spite of outside forces that continuously attempt to oppress us and threaten our lives. We endure through impossibly bleak situations -- oppression, ignorance, prejudice, and violence. Many of us lose our lives because of this suffering. Many more of us depend on the strength we find in ourselves and the support of those around us to live in spite of all of that. Shiro represents that survival. 

Shiro was abducted, imprisoned, controlled, killed, cloned, scarred, and tortured all throughout these seven seasons. But he’s still here! He’s alive! As of this season, he’s no longer dying of a degenerative disease, he has control over his body, he got a new arm, and he was the Captain of the man made ship that battled the Galra and saved Earth. He’s come such a long way in spite of his struggles. Part of that was because of his own strength and his own perseverance, but he also needed those he loved and cared for in order to succeed. Without the support of Keith and the rest of the paladins, Shiro would’ve succumbed to his circumstances. 

I think Shiro learned something very valuable over the course of the series. Teamwork is important, but it’s also important to hold those you care about close. Value those you love and those you care about. Don’t let them go. Don’t forget them. You need them in your weakest moments. These are the people who will help you go on. Voltron’s emphasis on found families, on love, and on support are all things that we as queer people depend on in order to survive. That’s not a coincidence especially because it’s these same forces that keep Shiro alive. 

Adam’s death was a very sobering moment for Shiro. Because suddenly, he was the one that had to feel the pain of losing someone he loved too soon without getting the chance to say goodbye. Shiro was the one who had to say, “I wish we could’ve had more time.” I don’t think Shiro regrets his choices, but I do think he regrets the way he left things with Adam. I think he regrets making Adam think that he cared more about himself than his relationship with Adam. I think Shiro from this moment on is never going to forget how important his found family and friends are. 

That’s why it’s so poetic that Shiro was the one who delivered the eulogy at the end of the season. 

“Today is a solemn day. Today we look back at the lives that have been lost, and the sacrifices that have been made here on Earth and across the universe. There isn’t one of us here today who hasn’t experienced the tragedy of losing someone close. It truly feels like a light has gone out in our lives, and the sun itself couldn’t reignite it. But that light, that fire, has not gone out completely. It is fueled within each of us by the memories and the love of those we lost. And now we most move forward in their names and shine that light onto a new path for future generations. Today is a solemn day, but it is also a day of hope. Earth is now stronger than ever, and it stands as a beacon of light to help guide those fighting against tyranny and oppression. From here we will spread peace, and together we will hold strong as the defenders of the universe.” 

The fact that a queer, mentally ill, disabled person of color who has suffered immensely gave that speech to a crowd full of people who have also suffered and experienced loss is so inspiring. Because Shiro, by all calculations, shouldn’t have survived this long. He had so many cards stacked against him. But he’s alive. And he’s a beacon of hope for so many. Despite his loss, he’s here and he’s going to continue surviving. 

Adam didn’t die for no reason. Adam was one of those brave soldiers whose brave sacrifice has served as a beacon of light to keep everyone going. Adam’s death inspires Shiro to keep enduring. In the macro sense, Shiro is an inspiration to all queer folk watching this show and tells us all that despite our struggles, despite our circumstances, and despite our loss and suffering, we have the ability to solider on. 

What Shiro and Adam Mean As Queer Representation 

I want everyone to know that it’s okay to be upset that Shiro suffered. It’s okay to be upset that Adam died. But I also want everyone to know that this doesn’t make Voltron a homophobic or problematic show. I think the narrative they created around Shiro’s character -- his past, his struggles, his relationships, his loss -- is a truly beautiful message to send to everyone who is queer and seeing themselves in Shiro. 

Voltron doesn’t shy away from dark themes like death, war, and suffering. Voltron understands that these are unfortunate realities in all of our lives, even in the lives of the dorky, fun-loving paladins we have followed up until now. These same paladins understand sacrifice -- they understand the value of their lives and are willing to sacrifice them for a noble cause. They understand danger, accept death, and continue to soldier on anyway. That’s the lesson we are meant to walk away with, and that’s the lesson we are meant to draw strength from. 

Adam was a beautiful gay character who understood the value of life and nobly sacrificed it for the sake of saving millions of lives. Shiro is also a beautifully constructed character and a wonderful example of a gay man who is able to inspire hope in the hearts of all the other queer fans of this show who hold him in such high regard. 

None of this is useless or pointless. None of this is malicious. Everything about this is meant to send us a positive message. This is the result of impeccable writing and storytelling and I think that both of these men are able to serve as inspirations for all of us. Voltron did a wonderful job with them. Their story is one to be remembered. 

[echodrops]

Voltron or Final Fantasy 7?

In my last Voltron post I mentioned that Voltron Legendary Defender is really just Final Fantasy 7 with robot lions, so I wanted to elaborate on some of the comparisons.

Obviously this is mostly facetious; there are still several note-worthy differences between the two series, and if you want to get technical, Voltron certainly existed before Final Fantasy 7. However, it’s pretty obvious that someone on the writing team for Voltron Legendary Defender has been influenced by the plot and characters of Final Fantasy 7.

I mean...

We start out our story with the world in the clutches of an evil dictator, who by all rights, has no logical claim to the parts of the universe he controls, except that he has consolidated access to a seemingly unlimited supply of energy, which gives him military and utilitarian power over the hapless masses. (Also, bonus for their outfit color schemes matching almost exactly.)

The energy that these two scumbags are powering their military forces with is not just any energy, no sir: it’s actually the lifeblood of planets, the force that keeps worlds and everything on them alive.

In one of the most blatant cinematic parallels of all time, they forcefully draw out and refine this energy, using it for various purposes from powering their cities, building massive weapons, to creating armies of typically monstrous super soldiers, usually hopped up hard on the energy drug.

Meanwhile, our evil dictators rule from the thrones of their conspicuously ring-shaped dark fortresses that continue to slowly drain the life and peace from everything in reach.

But everyone knows that any villain worth his salt is backed up by an even more morally bankrupt and terrifying Mad Scientist:

Whose preoccupation with a calamity from another world

and penchant for creating horrific chimeras of flesh and machine

is about to cause everyone to have a very, very, bad day. Now where else have we seen pink glowing eyes, hm...

Of course, evil never reigns without opposition, so we have to have the consistently-out-of-focus-for-the-rest-of-the-series band of well-intentioned extremist rebels:

Although they talk a big game, their biggest accomplishment seems to mostly be getting themselves blown up.

They certainly aren’t responsible for killing their respective evil dictators, for example. Nope, that honor goes to:

The mysterious light-haired pretty boy with weird bangs, cat eyes, a sword, and a big ass chip on his shoulder over his parentage. He seems calm and rational, even sophisticated and princely--but it’s a thin veneer hiding a life-time of trauma and horror, and one wrong reveal about the identity of his mother could tip him over the edge into no-holds-barred madness. A dangerous free agent whose loyalties are questionable and whose existence is inextricably tied to the calamity from another world. He thinks He is among the last of the ancient mystical race of Cetra Alteans, who were eradicated by the creature from the other world, who infiltrated their society by possessing some of their closest allies.

Lotor also has shades of Rufus Shinra: seizes command after his father’s death, possibly still evil but everyone loves him anyway, commands a Quirky Mini Boss Squad:

Featuring in order: the One Who Rushes Into Everything, the Most Competent Right-Hand, the Quiet One, and the Plucky Redhead.

Of course, when the world needs saving from certain doom, a most beloved band of bizarre heroes will arise to answer destiny’s call:

The Stringy Inherited-Sword-Wielding Hero With Wack Hair

It’s a running gag to refer to him as a lone wolf and disinterested in other people, but under his prickly facade is a much softer, confused boy who is struggling hard with identity issues. He’s forced into a leadership role for which he is particularly ill-suited, and even though most people will leave the game/the show with the impression that he really grew into his leadership, the sum total of his accomplishments is actually causing far more trouble than would have occurred if he had just stayed home.

His obsession with finding and defeating light-haired pretty boy causes everyone no small amount of grief and then he ends up siding with said light-haired pretty boy anyway...

Can’t overcome the fact that he is deeply connected to the very thing he must defeat; he has Jenova Galra genes that lead him to question his role in the universe and whether or not he is a monster.

Incurably socially awkward country boy. Let’s mosey!

He learned everything he knows from:

The Black-Haired Best Friend with a Scar on His Face

Older, wiser, and in every way more competent than the stringy hero, this guy, complete with noticeable black and purple color scheme, is REAL hero material. He’s been through it all: held captive for year(s) by the mad scientist, “upgraded” and experimented upon with intentions of creating a true Super Soldier, something-something clones everywhere something-something... He has the good attitude and the powerful loyalty necessary to be a shining example of a white knight for the princess and is the standard which stringy hero knows he will never exceed. Stringy hero looks up to this guy more than anyone in the entire world, and this guy would give it all--even his life--to protect the people who mean the most to him. Complete with dramatic mid-series meaningful haircut!

Despite being a fan favorite, the creators spend more time writing this guy out of the series than they do actually using him to his best potential...

Shiro also has some shades of Vincent Valentine: atoner who fears he has become a monstrous tool for the enemy, despite his deep-down incredibly good heart. Some people like to pair him with the Genki Girl.

Mostly seen in the company of:

Princess Last of Her Kind

Don’t let her soft looks and pink color motif fool you! The “princess” is a strong, independent girl who does what she wants, when she wants, up to and including sacrificing herself to save the day when all the other heroes fail at life. As the last of her mystical and mysterious race, she possesses strange magics that allow her to feel the life force of all living beings and tap into the very energy that Shinra the Galra Empire are harvesting. Capable of wielding a staff, her actual greatest strength is her healing magic, which has the power to bring an entire planet back from the brink of death.

Her people were destroyed from within by betrayal at the hands of the calamity, and their sole remaining Plot MacGuffin, the white materia Voltron is the only thing left that can save the world. Despite being technologically advanced beyond all reason, her people were ancient peacekeepers who still, inexplicably, built stone temples.

The Promised Land Oriande is not a faerie tale.

Strongly flower-themed:

Then we have:

The Brilliant Young Rascal

As a character, Pidge isn’t actually a one-for-one to anyone in FF7. Yuffie’s acrobatic stunts and mischievous Genki Girl personality embody one obvious part of Pidge, but Yuffie lacks Pidge’s tech-ish brilliance and competent follow-through. In that regard, Pidge is actually somewhat closer to Red XIII: smart, inquisitive, and usually mature, their deep inner-conflicts, especially regarding the fate of their fathers, reveal their weaknesses and the truth that they’re still young, uncertain people who fear for the future of their world and sometimes feel helpless in the face of the staggering tasks put before them. They are deeply attuned to nature but also raised by someone whose technology is capable of revealing incredible truths about the universe. Both of them are also fish out of water when it comes to befriending new people, and they often feel like they do better on their own than trying to rely on people who aren’t part of their trusted family.

Courage the Cowardly Cat

Although it’s certainly tempting to compare Hunk to Barret, based somewhat on appearance and even, to a certain extent, on personality--Barret is a huge softy underneath who just loves his family and wants to do right in the world--Hunk has much more in common with Cait Sith, the robotic cat/moogle combo who is secretly an alter ego for the brilliant architect Reeve Tuesti. Cowardly and often the butt of jokes from teammates and enemies alike, Cait Sith is frequently underestimated and flies under the radar, allowing him to keep his own secrets even while sticking his nose in just about everyone else’s business. Although he’s not initially sold on the heroes’ goal of saving the world, he soon has a change of heart that makes him into a fast and loyal ally. Despite the fact that he’s made of “fluff,” in the hour of greatest need, it’s Cait Sith who steps up to rescue everyone, essentially single-handedly saving the world.

His creator is an incredible and genius engineer who longs to use his creations to better the lives of common people, but he’s also sarcastic and unafraid to tell it like it is, even if that means he’s telling his own allies where they’ve messed up badly.

His predictions about the future always seem to come true...

The Emotional Backbone of the Party

Don’t get me wrong, both Lance and Tifa are formidable fighters on their own, whose talents shine in different areas of combat than the traditional sword-wielding heroes. But their greatest strengths actually seem to lie in their ability to support their allies. When stringy hero falls into despair and falters in his leadership, it’s this right-hand role who steps up to bear the weight and get the party back on track. The voice of reason and drive, Lance and Tifa are go-getters who won’t let anyone settle for giving less than their best, and they definitely aren’t willing to sit around listening to tired old excuses when they could be out saving the world. Razzle Dazzle time!

They are both influenced strongly by their families and tend to listen to the feelings and struggles of others much more than they are willing to share their own feelings and fears. The others come to rely on them as an emotional crutch, whose central job it is to reassure, validate, and empower the team, sometimes at the cost of their own happiness.

But they weren’t always this way, and in fact, in the past, they happened to be a bit shallow and excitable, with a penchant for throwing themselves into situations which were way, way too far out their league and for rarely, if ever, listening to good advice. Head-strong and romantic, they started out as dreamers before the war took its toll.

They definitely had a rocky beginning with their stringy hero--they were not friends--but, by the middle end of the series, have grown and matured as characters into a strong person who not only helps guide the hero but also holds up better in the face of all the trauma and suffering the party experienced.

Even being such a central character, they get a bare minimum amount of dialogue, leading many fans to interpret the character however they see fit, causing both Lance and Tifa to become common stand-ins for the fans themselves.

(Despite both losing their place as the “heart of the party” to the “Princess,” they never become jealous of her.)

And finally:

Coranic The Mechanic

Coran and Cid Highwind don’t have that much in common in terms of personality, except both being extreme dorks with notable accents, but I wonder how much of that is because Voltron is a kids’ show and Cid’s chain-smoking, curse-laden, women-abusing attitude just wouldn’t fly in a place like that. In terms of story role, they fill the exact same niche: the older male mechanic who advises and leads when needed to, despite his advice often seeming eccentric at best to those he’s trying to lead. He’s in charge of flying the ship while the others race off into danger, and if you lay one dirty finger on his baby, he will probably throw you overboard.

Tough as nails, despite all appearances, but also tried, true, and loyal to a fault. Won’t give up, even in the face of insurmountable danger, and gets a big kick out of killing bad guys. Impeccable timing for dramatic last second saves.

PHEW, got ‘em all!

In case you need anything else to convince you that you’re watching an at least partially repackaged story, don’t forget the:

Bizarre Egyptian-themed ancient stone temple where the mystical race of the Cetra Alteans kept the deepest secrets of their magic.

Really unlucky magic rock from space.

Gigantic killer robot beasts.

An overly-drawn-out and somewhat poorly explained clone plot line that just leaves the fans even more confused.

And OF COURSE:  infamously long unskippable summoning sequences.

tl;dr:

If you’re in the game of predicting where Voltron’s future plot might go, you would not be misguided to go play FF7 as fuel for your predictions. And if you’re a Voltron fan who still hasn’t played FF7... What are you even doing with your life? Get out of here!

[unwoundvisions]

Cayla (1974)

- What is your Full name? Include any maiden names, aliases, or nicknames.

Macayla Faye Ridley, but I’m usually called Cayla. Because 1, it’s easier and 2, my dad’s called me that since I was kid.

- When is your birthday? Do you know where you were born and at what time?

February 23, 1949. I was actually born late in the morning and it was at a hospital in Leicestershire.

- What is your star sign? Do you know your Chinese Zodiac too?

Pisces and I believe it’s the Ox.

- What is your earliest memory that you can remember?

Oh lord. I can’t recall a ton from my early childhood. I’ve got flashes of things like riding around with my parents. However, some of the stuff I can clearly recall is the times I was singing and dancing. I sang in front of my family all the time and I can clearly remember being excited for my first dance class when I was very young. I remember being obsessed with Marilyn Monroe and Elvis. Going back even futher, I can kind of remember my first day of school. I was very shy and started crying when a group game started because it was just so overwhelming. That’s a pattern in my life apparently, crying whenever slightly overwhelmed.

- Where was your childhood home? Was it more urban or rural?

I would call it more rural than anything. Just ask Deacy. We both grew up in very small town called Oadby in Leicester. Great place but I was desperate to get out and see more.

- How was your childhood in general? Did your parents treat you well? Did you have a lot of friends?

Overall, my childhood was pretty good. My parents never tried to rush me to grow up too fast. I’ve had a handful of friends in my life. Haven’t really kept in touch with anyone from secondary school other than Deacy. He’s my oldest friend and we met a very long time ago. So long ago that I don’t recall the exact moment we first met. We’ve literally known each other since we were small and I’m glad he’s still in my life after all this time.

- How was/is school? What is your favorite and least favorite subjects? What were your grades on average?

I was always somewhat okay when it came to school. Always did well if was about anything other than math. I never liked the strict requirements for school but I have always loved learning (again as long as it wasn’t math). I did strive for good grades but that is only because I am perfectionist and underperforming literally made me anxious. I still have a problem with being perfectionist and failure to this day. But hey, it made me get decent grades. I’m proud to say mostly A’s and B’s amongst the sea of C’s or D’s I got in math.

- Did you have a best friend growing up? What was their name? Are you still in touch?

Hell yes. John fucking Decon. He’s been my best friend since we were kids. We’ve just always gotten along. Balanced each other out in a nice way. We weren’t always together because I’m a couple of years older than him. But, we spent every spare seconds together we could. We always ate lunch together. Always played together or went to parties together. We weren’t super in touch when I started university. I just got busy and then he quickly did too. But we clicked back together again once Queen started up.

- Were you in any cliques?

Not really. I really hung out with all sorts of people. I mainly hung out with the creative types. Drama kids, music kids, art kids. But I usually hung out with all sorts of people.

- Best childhood memory you can recall?

One of my favorite memories is when Elvis was on television once. This was when I was super young, the days where everyone hated him simply for dancing to his own music. My parents had left Deacy and I alone with the television and I was convinced that was the most gifted singer on the planet. Of course, my mother turned it off once she realized but that didn’t stop me and Deacy from going outside to preform exactly what we watched.

- Worst childhood memory you can recall?

When I was teenager, right before my parents got divorced. Not the greatest time. They did nothing but arugue and cause me stress so I often spent a great deal of my time out of the house, staying with whoever would let me. Just to get away from it all. I was miserable and I think their entire relationship is why I’ve never really had this huge urge to get married.

- Name an event in your childhood that has shaped you into the person you are today.

Doing theatre for the first time changed my life. Helped me come out of my shell and helped me realize what I’m passionate about which is entertainment. At the end of my first play, I’ll never forget thinking I had found my calling.

- What is the dumbest thing you have ever done to impress someone? Were they impressed or was it all for naught?

Okay, I had this guy in school who used to wear this ridiculous hat. Somehow, he made it look attractive even though he wore it everyday. So, my ass went and bought one very similar too it; hoping he’d say something and he never said a word. I don’t blame him, I looked ridiculous.

- Did you ever have any sweethearts or lovers? Do you have a boy/girlfriend?

Oh lord. Well, me and a Deacy went out for like a week when we were young. We quickly realized that wasn’t going to work. After that, I really dated until I was in my late teens. Not, by choice, I think it’s because people more saw me as a funny/outgoing type so they never really thought about me THAT way. So, when dickhead of the century, Conrad, came along, showing me all the attention of the world, looking like a lost puppy who just needed to be fixed, I fell for it. He led me along for about almost a year and half before I finally made a move and asked him out. It was all downhill from there. We went on a handful of dates and he was the first guy I ever slept with. Promptly after we did that, he never wanted anything to do with me. Stopped talking me. Wouldn’t even explain why until I cornered him: “I just don’t like you that way.” Asshole used me as a shoulder to cry on for a year, acted like we were best friends, acted like he cared for me and “changed” his mind after we slept together. So yeah, that gave me a huge amount of trust issues. So much so, I never really seriously dated anyone after that. I’ve dated casually, slept around, but I’ve never tried to have anything serious again because one asshole ruined it for me,

- Are you a virgin?

Nope. Not at all. I probably wouldn’t be even if I hadn’t met Conrad. Still hate that he was the first person I slept with though. Should have waited around for someone better as person and in bed.

- Do you ever plan on getting married in your life? Do you want kids?

I mean, I wouldn’t say no to it. It’d have to be the perfect person though and I’ve been told by my mother my standards are too high to ever find a man so I suppose it may never happen. But even if I never did get married, I’d probably adopt some kids.

- Would you rather have your own kids or adopt? How many kids would you want?

Adopting is my preferred method because I’m terrified of giving birth. However, if I did find the right person, it wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. They’ll just need to be prepared for how worried I’ll be. But as for how many, I say two or three.

- Do you think you’d be a protective parent or a relaxed parent?

I think it’d be a little bit of both. I want my kids to always trust me and know they can come to me about anything, which calls for a lot relaxed type parenting. However, I’d also be the type of parent always checking in on them because I’m terrified of them getting hurt.

- How would you prefer to pass away? Surrounded by loved ones and at peace, or while doing something heroic?

I’d prefer not to for a very long time. If I get to choose though, quick and painless. If it can’t be painless, in the name of something good like justice or family.

- Generally, how healthy are you? Do you get sick or injured easily or are you fit?

I get mild injuries because I do trip sometimes. But, I’ve never broken anything. I’ve got some scars from a couple of nasty falls. I’ve even got a tiny one near my mouth from when a dog attacked me as a baby. My immune system is shit if I’m not taking vitamins. Seriously, if I go to crowded places, I will come back with some type of cold. Hell, even with vitamins I can still get sick.

- Have you ever been badly injured before? What was the worst time and how did it happen?

Well, I can only think of two times. Once, wag before I can remember, my mother’s dog attacked my face. It was small but still did a lot damage at the time. I think my dad said it even look like my eye was going to fall out. Thankfully, though, I walked away with a mild scar and maybe some uneven eyes. I think I was also in the hospital once for a dislocated shoulder. Again, before I can remember but it happened because my dad was playing with me by swinging me around by my shoulders. Other than those two times, I’ve been lucky.

- How many times have you been to the hospital/doctor’s?

A handful of times at the hospital. Mostly for the things I mentioned before but I can also remember going for stomach issues. Other than that, I hate going to the doctor so I don’t go as often as I should.

- Have you ever had a concussion or brain injury? Have you ever had amnesia?

Thankfuy, no.

- What was the worst illness you ever contacted? Do you know what it was? How long were you sick?

Again, thankfully, I’ve never been seriously sick.

- Ever had any extended hospital stays? What for?

I think I may have been in the hospital for a few days with a nasty stomach bug but thankfully nothing serious.

- Are you employed? Where do you work and who do you work for? What do you do?

I’m a manager for Queen. I consider myself to be more so their stage manager but I’ve really been around far too much for that too be the case. I help them where I can, make sure their not getting screwed over and try to make sure they play nice. There’s also paper work sometimes which is boring.

- Are you happy with your current job?

It’s been a dream honestly. Makes way more money than I ever dreamed of having. The music is amazing, I get to be around the people I love all the time and it’s been really rewarding. Maybe I’ll dable with film making in the future. I really do think we should be filming way more tour stuff and that might be cool to put out there.

- Did you have any previous jobs? What were they and what did you do?

Nothing too serious. I helped around in shops in my spare time. Did makeup for a couple of weddings and parties. I had a lot more fun doing the latter.

- Most dangerous thing you have ever done?

Well, I’m really not a risk taking type person so I’ve avoided a lot of dangerous situations. However, one time I was around some people at a party who really wanted me to get high with them, that’s never really been something I’m into so I said no. She didn’t pressure me much more but her boyfriend was really keen on trying to get me to do it. I think this was because she told him I was bi and was hoping he could relax everyone enough into a threesome. Yeah, fucking hated that guy and I’ve avoided people who pressure me ever since.

- Do you consider yourself a more active person or a more relaxed person?

Both. I’m pretty relaxed in most situations but if I’m excited about something, I get very vocal and obvious about it. But for the most part, I’m pretty relaxed.

- What is your dream come true? How about your worst nightmare?

My dream come true isn’t too far off from what I have now. I’m around the people I love, I have a good job and I’m happy. Maybe I can do some more acting and filming making in the future but for the post part I’m really happy. As for my worst nightmare, not doing enough. I worry about not trying hard enough for what I want and dying without feeling completely accomplished. Plus, it would suck if I never find anyone I connect with.

- What is the biggest and most important goal you have set for yourself?

Being a manager wasn’t a goal of mine but ever since I did start helping the boys I’ve been determined not to let any man think they can belittle me. I usually outwork them and I usually known more than them so I refuse to be treated as less because this usually a man’s position.

- How persistent would you say you are? How much does it take to get you to give up on a task?

I’m very persistent when it counts. I’ll do whatever needs to be done as best as I can. However, if there is a bit of time for me to do that, I’ll probably waste a tiny bit of that time. If there’s no time, it’ll have my full attention until it’s done and I’m stressed.

- Would you surrender yourself to your enemies or fight to the very end?

If someone I loved was in danger, probably surrender. But other than that, hell no. I’ll fight until it kills me. I’d rather die fighting then simply give up.

- When do you usually do your shopping? What is currently on your shopping list?

Whenever I can. I like shopping but it gets exhausting if it happens too much. We’re on tour at the moment so the only real thing on shopping list is cute souvenirs like buttons or pins.

- Currently, what is something you want but do not need?

I want to get a tattoo. I never have because they always said tattos were a death sentence for an actress and now I can not find a single reason I shouldn’t get a tattoo.

- Do you like shopping? What is your favorite thing to shop for?

I do just not all the time. I usually prefer to make it an all day event and then do it again a month later. I really enjoy shopping for makeup, clothes and unconventional things like comic books or stuffed animals. I swear, I don’t buy all of them. Just really, really cute ones. I have standards.

- What is the most expensive thing you have purchased? Was it worth it?

Okay, first thing I properly bought myself was one of Elvis’s guitars. I shouldn’t have. Way too much fucking money but Brian told me about an auction where they were selling the guitar Elvis played during the 1968 comeback special. I bought it. It pained me but I bought it. I don’t even play guitar. It’s just in my apartment. Hanging up like artwork but to me it is.

- What would you do if you were suddenly given one billion dollars out of the blue?

I’m making a good bit of money these days. Way more than I ever expected. I give what I can away to charities and that’s exactly what I’d do with a billion dollars to. Give it to charities. Or create my own where we create housing for homeless people.

- What would you describe your style of clothing as?

Casual and relaxed. I live in t-shirts and jeans for the most part. But if it’s important, I’ll wear some cute dressss or skirts. I like looking cute. I think I give off a “fuck cute things” vibe but I do like being cute. For parties I’ll usually wear something sexy because I love doing that when I can.

- Do you have any hobbies? Name all of them if you can.

Writing, makeup, painting, traveling, photography and reading.

- Do you like and appreciate art? What is your favorite piece of artwork?

I do appreciate art but I don’t know nearly as much as I want to. I know what I do know from Freddie and Elton. They collect art. I suppose I am a fan of Vincent Van Gogh but I think everyone is.

- Do you like music? What is your favorite style of music?

I do. I love music. I admit, I think I’m more passionate about film but music has always been a huge part of my life. I think my favorite style is Rock and Roll. I grew up listening to Elvis but as I got older, I found more cool stuff. I adore Queen’s stuff and they’ve introduced me to a lot of music I didn’t know before.

- Have you ever seen any musicals? What is your favorite?

I have seen them and been apart of them. I have to say, I think I like Phantom of The Opera the most but Les Misérables is good too.

- What are your top three favorite animals? What would you say your “Patronus” or “Spirit Animal” is?

Dogs, Tigers, Ducks. I suppose my spirt animal would probably be a tiger.

- What are your top three favorite colors?

Red, Black and green. I really do love all sorts of colors though.

- What is your favorite season? Do you prefer hotter or colder weather? Do you like snow at all?

Fuck the hot weather. I love the colder seasons and I love snow. I can’t stay out in it for too long because I’m a baby but I love looking at it.

- What kind of flavors do you prefer: Sweet, Sour, Bitter, Spicy, Dry, or Umami (savory meat taste)?

I would say I usually prefer sweet and salty tastes. Sour I’m okay with. Spicy is okay sometimes but again, I’m a baby and I’ll start to sweat if it’s too hot for me. I’m also one of those weirdos who likes Fish. I feel like everyone hates fish but I don’t.

- Can you cook at all?

I can cook enough to survive.

- What is your favorite dish? Can you prepare it? Do you have the recipe handy?

I think my favorite dish is anything pasta related so thankfully, yes, I can easily make that.

- What is your favorite fruit and vegetable?

I really like Pears, Blueberries, Peaches, pineapples. I like others too but that’s what came to my mind. For vegetables I’m a fan of broccoli, cauliflower, cucumbers, celery, onions, peas, corn and carrots.

- What is your favorite dessert? What is your favorite type of candy/treat?

Ice Cream or Cake. I’m really not hard to please at all. My favorite type of candy though is probably any of those gummy candies.

- What is the best thing you have ever had the opportunity to eat? What is the worst?

I think Sushi was probably one of the coolest things I’ve gotten to eat. I legit cannot eat anything with mushrooms. I hate them with a passion and they ruin food.

- Do you like to drink tea or coffee? Any favorite flavors?

I’m more of a coffee person. Flavored coffees like Carmel or anything like that are usually my favorite. I don’t mind tea either but I don’t reach for it often.

- Describe your sense of humor.

I think it’s sarcastic and dirty. I’ll really laugh at just about anything except cruel type of humor or slapstick. Slapstick isn’t always bad but it just doesn’t appeal to me most of the time. I think I like humor that just seems genuine.

- What is one thing you are justly proud of?

My makeup skills.

- Do you have any religious beliefs? If not, have you ever been to a church service?

I do. I’m Christian but I like to say I’m very relaxed and private Christian. To the point where I never really talk about it with people unless they absolutely express some type of desire to. It’s just not something I naturally want to talk about because it’s a personal thing to me. Plus, I really do respect all religions so I’ve never understood the point of trying to force it down people’s throats. I don’t attend church because I just hate that atmosphere. Feels way too hive-mind and judgmental to me. Plus, I think a lot of religious structures likes churches have caused so much damage in society that it’s made me want to keep to my self.

- What would you say is the worst thing someone has done to you? What is the meanest thing someone has ever said to you?

See the Conrad story above. He’s the worst. As for the meaning thing someone has said, I think it has to be all the times grown ups called me “spastic” simply because I was eager to talk about something.

- What is the worst thing you have done to someone? What is the meanest thing you have said to anyone?

The worst thing I have ever done to someone was tell a secret of theirs because I was with someone who figured it out on their own. It’s the only time I’ve ever done it and I regret it to this day. I think I’ve said quite a couple of mean things to Roger. I’m usually joking for the most part though. I hope he knows that.

- Share the latest entry in your diary/journal.

“Dear Diary, I got a journal today. I can’t wait to start keeping a book about my life so I don’t forget this amazing time. Starting tomorrow, I’ll write in you daily. “

I’ve gotten multiple diaries and usually every entry looks like that and I never pick it up again.

- What is the most precious thing you own? Is it valuable at all?

Prescious makes me think of personal value more than anything. I think it has to be my Pooh Bear. Plus, all the photo albums I have.

- Talk about someone you know. It can be someone you either like or dislike.

I suppose it’s fitting to talk about Tony because I haven’t mentioned him once. I probably shouldn’t bring him up at all but it’s hard not to. He’s a very confusing man and he drives me crazy. Also, don’t tell him but he’s so good looking that it’s not fair. Really. He should be arrested.

[bluebeirry]

This is dedicated to Suzume42, whose works got me into this pairing and filled a prompt I sent. I didn’t manage to write out a fic, so I just wrote out some outlines of how I think this pairing might have gone down. Slight warning for lime, mental illness not being properly treated, some slut-shaming, and bad parenting from Paragus and Vegeta. Non-explicit.

So I came up with a Broly/Trunks AU where Broly kinda has his abridged personality (though the others are cannon, and the slaves are given the name “Shamoshans”). Except slight expansion on his past, complete changing of Bardock’s origins, and my own half-assed attempt at trying to justify the “crying baby” backstory. And I am of the opinion that the reason future!Trunks had such trouble entering SSJ form when present!Trunks discovered it by accident is because tailed Saiyans fuel SSJ with rage, but tail-less Saiyans do not. Basically Gohan teaching Trunks SSJ form was the equivalent of a right-handed teacher trying to teach a left-handed student how to write. Also my strange opinions on Saiyan mating habits.

So the party spends a night on the planet. Reason: the stupid comet is too big and if Vegeta had wanted to look out the window on the way over he’d have easily seen it & fucked up everything. Since Paragus knew nothing about Vegeta as a person except a) he’s Vegeta Sr,’s son, b) he used to work for Freeza, and c) he lives on Earth now; Paragus knows nothing of Vegeta’s personality and couldn’t take the risk of him wanting to be in the command center of the ship (with all it’s nice windows and scanner equipment) and chose to wait another day. Gohan, Krillin and Trunks spent the day exploring the planet and came home late; by the time they returned they’d missed dinner and raided the kitchens instead.

Unfortunately, the Shamoshans? Aren’t so willing to trust people who look in every way like the (monsters) beings who rule over them- especially since two (and then three) admit to being Saiyans. Even if they saved them, the Shamoshans don’t know if they’re honest or if they orchestrated this entire thing with the guards in order to manipulate them into speaking the truth, especially since no guards were killed or even crippled. From the Shamoshan’s POV’s and cultural understanding of war, this means their “rescuers” are on the guards sides- and ergo not to be trusted. Merely respected and sucked up to and told what (the Shamoshans think) they want to hear. So on that first night, Trunks is kind of still poking around the castle, having done most of his earlier exploring outside it. Broly was in the room when a servant reported to Paragus that the other guests had returned late, but as soon as Goku came up Paragus kicked Broly out so he could talk about him in private. Not sure what to do, Broly figured that their guests were probably hungry- especially the Saiyans. He’s not sure how much non-Saiyans eat but from experience can guess that non-Saiyans probably won’t become immobile if they don’t eat for twelve hours, so chooses to send some food to Gohan’s room and Trunks’ room- y’know, the small one and the cute one. Trunks, meanwhile, is caught off guard when a random servant shows up with a cart full of food while he’s literally picking apart the room (hey he’s Bulma’s son- he can do some “science-y analyzing stuff”). And is reminded by the food that there’s someone else there who might know something.

So Trunks tracks down Broly at a nearby lake; Broly explains that he likes lakes. They’re nice and peaceful and nobody’s around them (usually, since most sapient aquatic species prefer rivers and oceans), so it’s a good place to practice doing “that thing he can do that his dad can’t where his hair changes color and he feels a lot stronger and faster and confident.” Getting back on topic, Trunks asks Broly about the Shamoshans and the planet. Broly doesn’t know much about them; his father handles most of that. He also doesn’t know how Paragus found this planet, why he chose it, how they got the Shamoshans there, or where the Legendary Super Saiyan is- though when Trunks mentions never having heard of them Broly is surprised, then wonders if the LSSJ seems to be following him and Paragus; wherever they go reports of the LSSJ aren’t far behind.

Trunks starts to ponder this, and Broly in turn asks if he can ask him a question: if he knows why his father kept those servants since they don’t seem very strong. By “servants” Broly meant Oolong, Krillin, and Roshi; he assumed from the smell that Gohan is either Trunks’ little brother or else Vegeta’s ward. Trunks figures out that Broly assumes non-Saiyans to be inferiors and servants; Broly is confused by the assumption that they’re not. Except for the Galactic Patrol- but he hasn’t really seen those guys since they left their original galaxy- he’s only known his father and various servants and underlings. Well, not his underlings- they answer to his father, but he can command them. He assumed it was the same with Trunks. Trunks in turn explains that they’re his friends- and again Broly is confused, he’s heard that word used by non-Saiyans in relation to each other but he’s not sure what it means. By this point Trunks is thinking that this guy might be somewhat amoral, but that seems to be mostly his upbringing; so he describes “friends” as someone who’s your equal and who you enjoy spending time with. That, Broly can understand; he sometimes enjoys spending time with his father, but his dad is the superior officer there. But… wouldn’t that make Gohan Trunks’ friend and not the others? Trunks then tries to ask what makes someone “equal”- is it strength? Broly admits that no it isn’t, because Broly can do that hair-changing thing and his father can’t, he’s stronger than his father. His father is older than him, though, especially when you factor in the years Broly spent in Cryosleep when his father woke up.

This piques Trunks’ interest, and he learns that inter-galactic travel is far more recent than he’d thought- the technology to jump galaxies in hours was only developed in the last year or so, and even then the ship they used to get there was cutting edge technology. When Broly and Paragus first came to this galaxy years ago, it took almost a full decade to get there; they and all the other passengers were put into cryosleep to make the journey go by quicker. But Paragus was woken up after only a year of sleep, because the ship lost its best fighter and ran into an unexpected band of Wraiths (Wait what-), they needed someone strong enough to fight off the Wraiths for them and with enough strategic, logistical and tactical knowledge to keep them alive. So even though he’s technically 30, he’s only got about 21 years of memories and physical growth behind him. Ergo he’s still a child and his father is his superior. Trunks thinks that’s a little foolish to call him a “child;” he can fight after all, and besides which Paragus should still include him in his work to show him how he runs things. After all, he won’t learn how to do the things Paragus does if nobody shows him how.  

(Wait, wraiths? Oh yeah, big carnivorous space whale-penguins with a hive mind that like eating people’s souls. “…You’re going to have to tell me more about them later,” says Trunks.)

Broly would like to point out that his father does try to include him in planning; but he always gets confused and either keeps interrupting to ask “silly” questions, or he gets bored and stops paying attention. Besides which, he doesn’t really fight all that much. Which is not to say he doesn’t know how, just that he’s… not very well controlled. He kind of… blacks out when he’s in danger and goes into a Berserker Rage, which he can’t really control; once when he was like that, he gave Paragus that eye-scar. Trunks compares it to Super Saiyan form- no, not like the Legendary Super Saiyan, more like a toned-down version that any Saiyan can access- shouldn’t Broly know that? He was doing it earlier.

Thus Broly learns that “that thing he can do that his dad can’t where his hair changes color and he feels a lot stronger and faster and confident” isn’t just something cool that got his father really excited when he first did it. Trunks can do the same- and Trunks can and does prove it. And then Trunks invites him to show his own form- so he does. And it’s kind of… nice to have someone else who understands it.

So the two of them get talking about their forms. Broly explains that his father used to get scared and angry at him a lot, because he was narcoleptic. (Or at least that’s what he assumes- he used to black out a lot and wake up in new places. Still does, sometimes, but now it doesn’t happen as often or in inconvenient places or times.) So his father took him to see a lot of holy people- monks, nuns, gurus, priests and priestesses and shamans and people like that. They’d work with him on meditation, on getting control from the inside, and after a lot of practice he learned how to access “that thing he can-” er, SSJ form. Which basically took finding anger where it was hidden away and accepting it, even without knowing it’s cause (or how to kill the cause), and letting it be replaced by other emotions- positive ones. And Broly talks about the teachers he’s had, the stories they told him, the lessons they gave, and the problems they had that sometimes he could help them with (he liked that, it felt good to know that someone he cared about was doing better because of him). (It tells Trunks something important about this person- he’s not dumb. He’s not a child. He’s just… sheltered.) Trunks in turn explains how SSJ form was a huge part of his past and it took him so damn long to find in himself the rage needed to create it. Broly is silent when he hears about how Trunks grew up in a dying world and so helpless on a personal level- he’s never experienced something so horrible himself and he doesn’t know what he could possibly say in response that wouldn’t sound like pity or dismissing his experiences. Trunks asks if Broly can maybe show or explain how to use SSJ form without the rage; it’s something he didn’t think was possible, but the hardest part for him has always been keeping that rage going- usually it just burns out. Broly’s not sure he can, but he agrees to try.

They spend a few hours flying around that pond, mostly playing around with a little bit of instruction going on, and soon leaving the pond to explore more of the world- there’s a lot of forests and wilderness alongside the rubble, and the unoccupied deserts have some real beauty. Until eventually, finally, Trunks drops out of SSJ form while in the middle of it- and pretty high up, giving Broly a bit of a scare- only to push back in at the last minute, laughing and smiling. He’d never gone SSJ like this before- with the delight of the challenge, the thrill of the flight fueling it. Gohan had always said to be angry, use the pain- he’d only ever seen his own powers as weapons, not something so, so, fun. Not something good, or nice, or- (“Beautiful,” Broly whispered.) (Then he blushed and tried to backtrack.) (“Broly,” he said so softly yet strong, confident, with moonlight shining in his hair, “Thank you.”)

And the moment is just so right, and nobody’s talked to him like this since that one nun who died while Broly was asleep from one of his blackouts, and he’s neve met anyone who felt like a real equal, like a real person only with compassion and a new sort of affection he’s never felt before, and it just seems so right. So Broly asks Trunks if he wants to spar. (He’s never asked this before, and it’s so strange to say and to feel the words on his own lips. Gah, too forward!) And Trunks agrees. And they fight- first in their base forms, but that’s fine because they’re pretty well matched (one is stronger but the other faster, one has more organized training and the other more experience [even if it was almost always against the same two enemies] [even if they’re wrong about who has more experience, but only one of them can remember all of his battles]), as near as Broly can tell. And it’s… good. To have something like this, to have someone else challenge your skills and your strength and make you feel alive and strong while still being so alive and strong. He wants to share that- he wants Trunks to know how he feels and wants Trunks to feel the same way. (Unknown to Broly, Trunks is feeling something very similar.) So when they’re grappling, and Broly had Trunks pinned but he managed to flip them, Broly kisses him. And he kisses back. And they sort of keep going from there- both the spar and the kissing, which just feels so right. Because every bit of pain is a reminder of how strong (and ergo beautiful) the other one is, and furthermore it feels good, at least once they get going. So being scratched and hit and bitten is wonderful, and they both want to share that so they scratch and it and bite the other so that they can see how it makes their partner smile. And soon, they’ve gone all the way. Until they’re united in body, and Trunks starts to feel that feeling of joy in being strong, because Broly is making him feel strong, and he powers up in this newer, better way with that joy and delight motivating him. And to Broly, it’s like being closer to anyone than he’s been in years in ways he’s never felt close to anyone before (not even with that one prostitute he got for his birthday a few years ago- that was just awkward and messy), and seeing Trunks ascend reminds him of one more way he’s not alone. Because somewhere in the back of his mind, behind the repression and damage, he knows what it means for him to be able to transform, and he knows it sets him apart from the rest of the universe in ways nothing else will. And at this moment, when giving in to instinct, it’s waking up all of him- both halves are coherent for just this one time, and he knows full well that Trunks cannot truly match him. But even with that knowledge, he can fool himself for just a few moments into thinking that there’s someone else who can truly match him in every way- and he gives himself this luxury, powering up to the same rank Trunks is at.

So they have fun. They end when the first rays of sunlight from the dawn start to crack- except that they’d flown so far they’re in what amounts to a different time zone. Back at the castle there’s still several hours until the night is over. It doesn’t really matter, it was the changing light and the romance of it that stopped them. Probably for the best that they head back now; Trunks points out that for practical reasons, they probably shouldn’t go a whole night without sleeping. Broly kinda quietly mumbles that he’d rather be impractical and spend more time with Trunks. Trunks blushes a little- which worries Broly, but he’s assured that it’s good blush. Trunks jokes that he feels a little bit like a cradle robber, since Broly’s so sheltered.

“’M not that sheltered- I know things.” “Yeah? Like what?” “Well, I know how to…” [Meanwhile, his brain cannot stop focusing on how Good Trunks looks with those hickeys] “… do stuff. Lots of stuff.” “Such as?” “You.” “…” [One Super Saiyan is instantly worrying if that was too crude or too forward, until-] “Well, I walked right into that one.” “Y-yeah, yeah you did.” “…” [‘Okay, Trunks, now you have to decide- do you really want to do this? You could just go home now and pretend this never happened. Or you could…’] “What, else do you know?” “Um…” “Or, what specifically do you know? About, me?” [‘Think brain! Right now all I can come up with is very, very literal stuff that I only just learned- unless that’s what he wants? For me to be more forward?’] “Well… I know that you’re sensitive behind your ears.” “Oh?” “And, I know that if I kiss you, like this-” “Hoo!” “you make a little noise just like that. I know that… I like that noise. I like it a lot. But… I like the noise you make when I do this-” “Uh!” “-even better.” “Hey- you wanna know what I know?” “Huh? I mean yes- yes please.”

Alternatively, the two just lie there for a while and talk about it. Which is just as nice as the other option, just in a different way.

Either way, they didn’t head back until the entire sun was in the sky. And when they did return had to stop for food- and a bath. They broke apart here, since it was late and was probably a better idea to go alone and actually get what they set out to do done (Broly’s idea).

So the next morning, when Broly doesn’t show up to leave with Vegeta on time and the servants report he didn’t eat breakfast, Paragus has to bluff to Vegeta that Broly must be sick or something (as Vegeta is cranky and ready to go and will take any excuse to leave this dump behind if it’s given to him). Vegeta in fact decides to collect his own offspring to come with him instead, or better yet get “Kakarot” to teleport them home.

Paragus, unable to stop Vegeta without breaking the ruse, quickly goes to wake Broly, and is at first furious that the boy was still asleep, then confused why Broly is wrapped in a blanket like a cape or a toga. Meanwhile Vegeta is also mildly disappointed that his offspring wasn’t already ready to go, and then confused why he’s curled up and holding his jacket around him. Paragus insists the blanket is unnecessary and yanks it away, just around the same time Vegeta grabs Trunks’ arm and sees that the jacket is actually ripped. Goku, Gohan, Krillin, Oolong and Roshi choose then to show up. (Goku says, “Hey Vegeta, are we going or what because Iiiiye holy-” Gohan says, “Trunks are you okay? You look like you got in a fight.” Krillin says, “Huh- I didn’t think I saw any ladies around here. Guess I was wrong.”)

Vegeta is like “you know what, fuck it, I don’t care if you screwed a hundred strangers last night. Just make sure it doesn’t interfere with your ability to function. If someone like Cell, or this stupid Legendary Super Saiyan were to come in and attack while you were asleep and you made it easy for them to kill you because whoever spread your legs wore you out to the point where you couldn’t wake up- then we’ll have a problem. We’re leaving in ten minutes, get your shit together and meet us there or beg Kakarot to come back for you later, I don’t care.”

Paragus is much more anxious and freaking out- it’s one way in which he doesn’t have control over his ultimate weapon. And he didn’t see this coming, so that means that either he didn’t understand Broly as well as he thought he did, or something big came along that changed things outside his predictions (though Paragus doesn’t know it, both are true). Oh, and Vegeta’s about to leave too early.

So when Paragus and Vegeta cross paths near the ship, it’s a bit embarrassing for everyone involved who isn’t named Gohan. Broly and Trunks both have new outfits out of nowhere. Broly got his from various clothing items the staff and soldiers could provide; it covers everything but doesn’t fit well. Trunks is wearing Roshi’s (still somewhat smelly) shirt, and Krillin’s belt. Nobody wants to talk, so Vegeta tries to just go “See ya,” which reminds Paragus why exactly they were there and drives them all back into the plot.

This is where things get complicated.

After some time of arguing, Vegeta makes a nasty insult, Paragus looses his patience and decides to fuck the plan- time to break out the ace. He then chuckles and brags cryptically about how Vegeta played right into his hands. It was hard going, and Vegeta almost “won,” but in the end Paragus will get what he wants. (Trunks looks over to Broly, who just shrugs- he didn’t ask questions about why they came here in the first place.) Paragus claims he has the ultimate weapon (“And despite (Vegeta’s) attempts to send (his) spawn- if that is (Vegeta’s) offspring and not just a hired whore- to seduce him, that power will remain in (Paragus’) hands.”). And Paragus uses it by activating the crown to initiate Broly’s split-personality takeover, and get him to kill Vegeta. (He’s not focused on Earth, but he can’t stand the thought of someone else ruling his empire- and he knows if he wants Saiyan rule, he can’t exactly uphold Saiyan glory if they all die out soon. If the prince is alive, he outranks Paragus, and thus any other Saiyans he discovers would just follow Vegeta around, not him. First he has to kill Vegeta- then he can go looking for survivors.)

They all start fighting, but something is off. Though Trunks isn’t holding back- he understands the concept of mind-control and knows the dangers- the change comes from Goku and Gohan. In that whenever Goku or Gohan shout in battle, Broly flinches and gets angrier, fiercer, stronger. Until eventually the crown breaks- and he’s still in a blood-rage.

When the crown breaks, Trunks is the one who tries reason. It helps that Broly seems to be solely focused on Goku and Gohan, ignoring everyone else and swatting them out of the way like flies. Trunks shouts at Broly to stop, there’s nobody making him do this anymore, what’s going on. Broly in return does talk- about death. Describing death, or rather several deaths, as though he’s experienced them. Then he hits Gohan- and outright says “Now, it’s a daughter, watching the corpse of her parent as she bleeds out, blood filling her lungs, making it harder and harder to breathe, she’s-”

And Broly keeps talking, but Trunks realizes that this isn’t a fantasy- somehow Broly is experiencing another person’s death, every time Gohan and Goku raise their voices (and then Broly stops talking and goes back to beating up everything in sight). But… the way he said it seems like there’s about one vision per yell. And he was rambling a lot, but describing more deaths than Gohan and Goku could have given him in this short time they’ve known him. He tells the others his theory, saying that maybe if they stop yelling they can calm him down (which as Goku points out isn’t easy when he’s beating them up).

As the fight goes on Trunks and Piccolo wind up grouped up at one point and making a plan together. Trunks remembers some of the advice Broly said his teachers had given them and, with Piccolo’s input, they realize in hindsight that those teachers were trying to help him recover from some early trauma. Something repressed in his memories, something he usually can’t remember until he snaps like this; and then they re-enter the fight. They start spreading this guess to the others when they can, and Piccolo informs Vegeta of this while Paragus is still there. Only now does Paragus learn that Goku’s scream has this influence on Broly, and only now does he make the connection- remembering that he saw Goku’s cradle next to Broly’s years ago. He knew there was some trauma that caused this split personality- Saiyans can remember infancy, some even recalling their own births. But he always assumed it was the attempted murder that made Broly so uncontrollable. But now…

(And Vegeta remembers, but doesn’t feel the need to say, that according to the few files he could find on the loss of his planet, that Bardock was reported to have gone mad a few weeks before the loss of the planet- trying to tell everyone that their planet was doomed. At first he thought it was just bitter irony, but now he wonders if he had seen something. If the blood of a seer could carry the genetic potential to one day have a child who is a seer; and if a being whose power is the very epitome of all Saiyan power might be affected by the power of another Saiyan, if that power was unusual enough.)

(At the time, nobody but Broly recognizes or remembers that Kakarot wouldn’t stop crying. He’s a bit too distracted by the [3 hours = 3 x 60 = 180 min, 180 min x 60 sec = 10800 sec. Lets say an average of 15 seconds per death if we assume that a new vision begins as soon as the last one ends if he’s still screaming and/or screaming again when the vision ends, so 10800 / 15 = 720 deaths] ~720 deaths being replayed over and over, fuzzy from time but still there, plus the new ones from today.)

“Why didn’t he try to kill Kakarot, then?” “It’s been 30 years- in that time, your voice changes, your appearance changes, your scent changes, everything but your hair, and let’s be honest- there was quite a few third-class Saiyans with hair like that.”

So. The battle. It goes as it goes. Not much of a choice. They make it out, barely, and everyone’s trapped in a tiny pod. Meanwhile, there’s a guy who wakes up, dizzy and confused, figuring he fell asleep, and everything around him is about to burn up and he can’t really breathe- he needs to get the fuck out of here ASAP.

[radioactivedelorean]

Human Sample

 Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

Chapter 2: Stargazing

Stanford retched violently, the force of his stomach emptying itself causing him to physically move forward each time. His throat burned and his stomach ached. His eyes were watering. Ford’s shoulders were trembling violently. It felt like someone was holding his stomach in their hands and squeezing it hard, pulling it around and digging their fingers into his internal organs. It was horrible. The acidic bile stung his throat, only making the whole ordeal infinitely worse. He absolutely detested the sensation of being sick. He was fairly sure nobody actually liked it, but still. It was pitch-black in the shed, the keepers having provided no form of artificial light to keep the shed lit up during the night. His eyes had long since adjusted to the darkness, but his eyesight was already poor, even in good lighting.

When he felt his stomach stop lurching, Ford wiped his mouth on some toilet paper, pushed the handle down and sat back. Lifting his left hand to his face, he noticed how badly he was shaking. He was pale, too, and dripping with sweat, making him shiver. He got up and stumbled over towards where he had left his jacket, atop the pile of straw in the corner of the small shack. He pulled it around himself and sat down. Ford frowned and put the back of his hand to his forehead. He felt warm.

Great, he mused. I’ve got a fever. Perfect.

He wasn’t entirely sure how he’d contracted food poisoning in the first place if he was honest. He hadn’t detected a change in the food the keepers had been giving him. Sure, a lump of raw meat (he had no idea what animal it was from, but it was oddly maroon-coloured and smelled like lavender and vanilla) and a load of some kind of salad wasn’t exactly what he would call a ‘balanced diet’, but he’d been eating it for a month at least by now and hadn’t had any symptoms of illness from it. At first, he’d been stubborn and the keepers had had a hard time getting him to eat, but after the first ten days, his hunger got the better of him and he’d eaten it. It tasted surprisingly more pleasant than what he had been expecting (like somewhere between duck and beef), but it wasn’t very nice, by any means. Ford had never really cared for raw meats. He liked his steak almost charred - unlike his brother, whose steak was practically still alive - and the sensation of eating meat that wasn’t cooked was rather disgusting. He didn’t have a choice, though. If he wanted to stay alive, he had to eat. The last ‘meal’ he’d had had been at least ten days before he’d been captured, so that meant he’d gone two whole weeks without eating. He was still considerably more underweight than he had been when he’d first been knocked through the portal, despite having actually eaten on a regular basis for the last few days. It wasn’t much, though, which explained his current weight. He was probably eating less than nine hundred calories a day, only 40% of what a male his age should be eating. He wasn’t inactive - he’d regularly be doing exercise around his enclosure, he couldn’t afford to let himself go - and nine hundred calories a day was enough to make him lose two or three pounds a week.

Ford took a deep breath, running his hands over his face. He still felt terribly nauseous, despite his stomach being empty. He looked over to the water dish in the corner of the shed and picked it up, tipping the bowl up and taking small sips of water. It had been barely thirty seconds since he’d swallowed before he was once again knelt over the toilet bowl heaving up all of the water he’d just swallowed. He coughed and spluttered, his eyes watering furiously again. Once again, he wiped his mouth off and flushed the vomit away. The shack now had a faint but foul odour of acidic bile and rotting food. Ford gagged again, for once not due to the nausea. He got up and crawled through the door to leave.

The fresh air outside was a welcome relief to his pounding head. Ford ran his six-fingered hands through his hair, gently tugging out the knots and tangles. By doing so, he let the cool air circulate around his scalp. This helped his headache further. Breathing a deep sigh of relief, Ford lay down in the grass with his hands behind his head, gazing up at the night sky through the net hanging above his enclosure. The sky on this planet was fascinating - a swirling mixture of pale blues and greens in the daytime, before plunging into violets and cobalts at night. There were two suns visible from his position on the planet - a large, almost silver one, accompanied by a smaller pale pink one at the 5 o’clock position. At night, Ford had counted a total of seven moons, each a different size and colour and each appearing at different times of the night, and at different intervals in the week. The largest one, a pale duck-egg blue one with small navy blue specks, he’d nicknamed Edison. He’d named them all, actually, and if one were to stand outside his enclosure at night (though none of the creatures on this planet could understand him), he could sometimes be heard having conversations with them. The deep red one was called Filbrick, since it reminded him of the colour his father’s face would turn when he was angry (which was often). Always next to Filbrick, the smaller, paler red one was called Chloe, after his mother. The pure white one was called Einstein, the grey one Tesla and the pale lilac one called Nightingale. That just left…

Stanley, Ford sighed to himself. The third largest one and the one that was visible for the longest period of time, a pale peach moon with red specks, was named after his twin brother. That was the one he talked to the most. At first, the one-way conversations had involved Ford demanding to know why Stanley shoved him, why Stanley broke his science project, why Stanley hadn’t tried to grab his brother as he’d been pulled into the portal, why Stanley tried to burn the journal. As time went on, however, the tone of the conversations had changed. Over the last week, Ford hadn’t mentioned the broken science project once. Instead, he’d been apologising over and over again to his brother for giving up on him. For turning his back on him when Stan needed him the most. For ignoring him for ten years and not even bothering to contact him. For finally contacting him, only to tell Stan to stay as far away from Gravity Falls as possible. For pushing Stanley into the burning symbol on the side of the desk and causing Stan to get burnt. For… for being a terrible brother.

At the moment, Stanley was the only moon Ford could see. He found his mind wandering back to the childhood he had shared with his twin. All the times Stanley had been hurt due to Ford’s own weakness. Ford had never been as physically strong as his brother, nor as good at fighting, and Ford hated himself for it. Sure, now, maybe things were a little different, but back then, Ford had never been able to throw a punch even a tenth as good as his brother could. Stanley had achieved second place in the New Jersey Youth Boxing championships when he was in the ninth grade, after all, and Ford could barely cause a bruise when he hit people. He’d fought with words instead, something which was much more his forte but something the other kids certainly didn’t like. Who the hell was this little six-fingered freak to tell them what to do? As a result of his quick wit, Ford found himself frequently in trouble. Stanley, nine times out of ten, was there to haul his brother’s ass out of it, but on the one-in-ten occasions where Ford was alone, he’d been beaten senseless.

Ford lifted his left hand up to look at it. He counted his fingers. One, two, three, four, five, six. There had always been six, no matter how many times he counted, no matter how many times he dreamt of having normal hands. No matter what time of the day, the year, he always had six fingers on each hand. Looking at his hand closely, Ford examined the thin scar running across the knuckle of his sixth finger and just grazing his ring finger. Back in high school, when he was fifteen, he’d tried to remove his finger. He’d locked himself in the bathroom and sliced at it again and again with a small vegetable knife. He’d tried so hard to cut his extra finger off. When he’d hit bone, he pressed down hard with the blade, but nothing had happened. Stan had heard his sobs from their bedroom and had broken down the door, only to find Ford standing at the ding with blood dripping down his forearm and falling to the floor. Ford had looked like a deer in the headlights, absolutely mortified. Stan had knocked the knife from his brother’s hand and embraced him in a tight but brief hug. He’d dragged Ford down the stairs and forced him to go to the hospital. They’d managed to get Ford fixed up without their parents finding out. Ford had simply worn gloves until his hand had healed.

Ford sighed and put his hand down, staring up at the night sky. Stan had moved about twenty degrees to the left and now Filbrick and Chloe were visible. His parents…

“Mom, Dad… I’m sorry,” Ford mumbled. “I just don’t know how I’m going to get out of this. I’ve tried, and I think they’re gonna neuter me if I try again. I don’t know what to do.”

Filbrick simply gazed down at Ford, while deep purple clouds drifted over, completely obscuring Chloe from view. Ford choked on a sob. He was being pathetic. He was a forty-year-old man, talking to huge inanimate objects thousands of miles away and pretending that they were his family. Before he knew it, the clouds had moved over and Filbrick had disappeared too. Spots of moisture started hitting Ford’s face. They were ice cold. The clouds above him emptied themselves, dropping buckets of freezing rain down onto the world below. Ford quickly pushed himself up and trudged back over to the shed, crawling inside. He’d learned the hard way that the rain on this planet was slightly acidic. Once, he’d found it overwhelmingly warm in his enclosure and had removed his shirt before stepping out into the rain, thinking it would cool him down. It did, for a moment, before the acidic water started reacting with his skin and leaving nasty burns on his shoulders and back. They had itched terribly as they healed.

Ford plonked himself down inside, laying down in the straw. He didn’t know what to do. He reckoned that if he had his brother with him, they’d have some sort of plan. Ford could do the thinking while Stan could try and get out by force. The man shook the thoughts off. He couldn’t wish that his brother was here. Sure, his brother had been a nuisance, but he wouldn’t wish this kind of thing on anybody. The keepers were breaking practically every Earth human rights act by treating him like this. He didn’t have any proper shelter, any decent facilities, no good food, barely any clean water and he was being held here against his will. This was similar to the horror stories in the news of people being kidnapped and forced to live in horrible conditions by some sick maniac. Except, on this planet, this was all perfectly legal. What was worse was that people were making money out of him being here. Just yesterday, Ford had seen a small child wandering around holding a small stuffed toy that looked like a human. It had the same messy brown hairstyle as Ford and the same glasses. Ford had a sneaking suspicion that it had six fingers, too.

He couldn’t help but laugh to himself in, the darkness. He was a joke. He was nothing more. There was no doubt that in the gift shop, one could buy a mug or a notebook with a picture of Ford on it, the same way you could buy a notebook with a lion or an elephant on it in an Earth zoo. It was absolutely disgusting, and at that moment, Ford made a pact with himself to never set foot in another zoo ever again. He didn’t know if he’d even be able to, now that he knew what it was like to be one of the animals held against their will in a small enclosure, being forced to live off food that was barely sufficient and having to sleep in a pile of straw every night.

Sighing, the man closed his eyes. The straw pricked his back uncomfortably, making it feel as though he was sleeping on coarse sandpaper. He’d tried to sleep outside before, but the nights on this planet were simply far too cold. He’d woken up one morning to find that dew had settled in his hair and had actually frozen, despite his own body head. His night outside had led to a nasty cold, which he was still feeling the after-effects of. Since then, he’d figured he had no choice but to sleep on the sorry excuse for a ‘bed’ inside the shack. Shifting slightly, he tried to get comfortable, adjusting his jacket to try and protect his back from the sharp points of the straw. Eventually, Ford managed to drift off to sleep.

Almost immediately, his dreams were plagued by images of Bill once again. He was running, faster than he had ever ran before. At first, he didn’t know whether he was awake or asleep, since the Nightmare Realm was exactly as he remembered it. Swirling red and purple skies, dark red and black asteroids, and of course, Bill and his henchmaniacs. He truly thought he was back there again, until he managed to jump an impossible distance and deflect an electricity beam from Bill with only his bare hands. That was when Ford realized he was dreaming. He knew he was dreaming, yet he kept running. Back on Earth, in his home dimension, if Ford had been hurt in a dream, he would instantly wake up. He was always spared from whatever sort of horrors his mind had concocted a split second before he was shot, or eaten, or scratched, or stabbed, or whatever it may be. More often than not, he had been faced with a dream version of his childhood bullies. He was asleep to hear the insults, shouts, swears and threats but always woke up just before the first kick or punch. Here, however, he didn’t know if the same rules applied. Before he’d realized BIll had tricked him, he would frequently drift off to sleep and wake up with mysterious bruises or scratches, which Bill would insist he had no knowledge of.

That had been a lie, of course, since Ford later figured out that Bill was hurting his body while in possession of it. Ford didn’t know if Bill could possess his body from where he was right now, but he doubted it. It was likely Bill was unable to pass through the Dreamscape to get to him from where he was, but he wasn’t going to risk it. Ford hated himself for the deal he had made, allowing Bill to pass in and out of his mind freely. He couldn’t break the deal without killing himself and he wasn’t prepared to do that. He had to stay alive long enough to be able to gather enough information on Bill to be able to defeat him and save the multiverse from any more of Bill’s chaos.

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to continue his efforts just yet. At least in this enclosure, he was safe from any predators and/or bounty hunters who were hunting him down for either food or money. An Earth year ago (Ford still used Earth time, no matter which dimension he was in), he’d had a rather nasty run-in with a wild-haired alcoholic scientist who had now put a bounty on his head. It turned out the guy had a lot of connections with bounty hunters, and plenty of money to boot. Apparently the guy himself (Ford remembered his surname was Sanchez, but didn’t know any more than that) was an outlaw and wanted by some government called the ‘Galactic Federation’ for every crime under the sun. Ford had done some research on the Galactic Federation. Apparently, in over three thousand dimensions, they were the Earth equivalent of the government. Earth wasn’t one of the planets that was part of it, however. Well, at least Ford’s dimension’s Earth wasn’t. No, Ford had to get out of this place before he could do anything. He’d come this far and he wasn’t prepared to just throw in the towel.

An explosion of rock to his left snapped him out of his reverie. Right, he was still running from Dream Bill. By this time, he was breathing heavily and his legs felt like they were melting, yet he couldn’t feel them aching. Sprinting round the corner of a large chunk of the meteorite he was running on, Ford smacked head-first into a solid wall and fell backwards. That hurt. Right, he could still be hurt by his own stupidity. He scrambled to his feet and had just put his foot up on a small ledge fifteen inches off the ground when he felt a hand on his shoulder. The hand pulled him backwards and next thing he knew, Ford was face to face with Bill Cipher himself. Before he could so much as put his hands up to shield himself, Bill had struck him with a beam.

Ford sat bolt upright in the shack, drenched in sweat and panting. The good news was that he still woke up before he could be hurt, but the bad news was that Bill could still torment him as he slept. The man put a six-fingered hand to his forehead and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. He was fine. He was in the shack in his enclosure. Bill wasn’t anywhere near him. He was safe.

“Get a grip, Stanford,” he muttered to himself, trying to steady his shaking hands. He was freezing now, the cold sweat causing his body to release too much heat and making him shiver. It was still dark in the shed, but Ford got up anyway. He couldn’t hear any rain falling outside and deduced it must have stopped by now. Crawling through the small door, he stepped outside to stretch his legs. To the far east of the enclosure, Ford could see a faint sliver of light over the horizon. The glow was mostly silver, indicating that the larger of the two suns was rising first. It reminded him of the sunrise from Glass Shard Beach back in New Jersey, sitting on the swings by the ocean with his brother.

Ford felt dizzy, but at least his nausea had passed by now. His stomach still ached, which wasn’t unexpected, considering how violently he’d been sick. His forehead didn’t feel as warm, either. That was a relief. Maybe the high temperature had just been a result of the vomiting. He remembered being hot like that during his earlier childhood after catching a stomach bug from another kid at school. His mother had told him that he would feel much better after the first day or so. Her words were still true, even nearly thirty years later.

“Don’t worry, mom,” Ford said quietly to himself. He squared his shoulders. “I’ll be home soon, I promise.”

He just hoped he’d be able to keep that promise.

——— Initially I wasn’t going to continue this, but

@1thousandminus7

suggested that I did. Based off

@looloolalalol

’s

post

AO3