#like in at least one reality Demetri and Eli work out their shit in a timely manner instead of beating around the bush for 5 seasons

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

So I was thinking about the parallels between Cobra Kai and Fight Club--mainly that macho dudebros who idolize Tyler Durden and/or the entirety of the “Hawk” persona are entirely missing the point and the general commentary that toxic masculinity is like...bad--and before I knew it, my mind wandered to an Elimetri Fight Club AU and I realized it’d be like...beyond perfect??? I’m shitting myself with excitement so y’all get to hear about it, buckle up!

BIG BOI SPOILERS FOR FIGHT CLUB BELOW, DON’T KEEP READING IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN IT YET AND YOU WANT TO

Anyways just imagine Eli as the protagonist, “Hawk” as Tyler Durden, and Demetri as Marla (genderbent, obviously lol). Like maybe Eli stays in Cobra Kai under Kreese’s influence and as a result, his mental health just COMPLETELY tanks to the point where his grip on reality itself starts slipping (which isn’t really THAT far-fetched, considering that not a single goddamn person has tried SENDING THIS POOR KID TO THERAPY and every adult in his life is FUCKIN USELESS) and he’s in a bad enough place a few years down the line to actually start seeing Hawk as a completely separate person. Of course, before this happens, he eventually feels like he has to “grow up” and give up the “Hawk” persona--he stops taking karate, he goes to college, he gets a “normal,” well-paying, respectable job. But even escaping from Kreese, even assimilating into what seems to be a peaceful and stable life, it doesn’t make him happy--he figures all his bridges are too far burned to mend, and his old friends who he alienated now probably hate him too much to ever want anything to do with him again, after all the shit he pulled while in Cobra Kai. Never having the best social skills, Eli is certainly no natural at making new friends either---he’s decently friendly with some of his coworkers, but that’s about all he has in the way of a social life. He’s lonely, he’s frustrated with his repetitive, empty life, he’s bored with his job, and perhaps worst of all--the remnants of his Hawk personality never really left. That aggressive streak, that thirst for violence, that burn for a fight--it’s still there, no matter how deep he’s pushed it. Then one day, on the way back from another dull business trip, he meets a guy about his age who wears his hair just like Eli wore it back in high school. He even goes by the same old nickname Johnny Lawrence once gave to Eli--how about that? Hawk encourages Eli to get back into karate to get out some of that pent-up aggression, but isn’t interested in doing it with all the “suffocating constraints” of a normal adult martial arts class. Before Eli knows it, he and Hawk have started an underground “Karate Club” where basically, anything goes.

Demetri, meanwhile, has gone off the deep end arguably just as much as Eli--his grief at losing his friendship with Eli sent him spiraling into a deep depression, and he ended up feeling so numb and unmotivated that he dropped out of school, turning to drugs and alcohol to cope and to just be able to feel something again. His new self-destructive tendencies and crushing depression have completely exhausted and driven most of his old friends away--Miguel, Sam, Chris, Nate. Now, scraping by working at a dingy convenience store, Demetri is nearly as alone as Eli. He starts going to random support groups just to have someone to talk to--imagine his surprise when he runs into his old friend Eli Moskowitz, infiltrating support groups for exactly the same reason. He’s ecstatic when Eli reaches out, wanting to reconnect and try being friends again after all these years. However, with as much as both their minds have already spiraled, it’s hardly going to be rainbows and butterflies for Demetri just because Eli is back in his life. And the same Hawk who once snapped his arm in half is not nearly as gone as Demetri thinks...

As relieved as Eli is to have Demetri back, his new friend Hawk...complicates things. Hawk treats Demetri with open scorn and contempt, chastising him for being a “weak pussy” whose relative maturity and logical senses (which, Eli can’t help but notice, have seemed to increased back to what he remembers from high school since Demetri started spending time with Eli--almost like the self-destructive habits and drug and alcohol abuse stopped as soon as Demetri had something to live for) are “suppressing” the violent, primal urges Hawk so much revels in. And yet, somewhat unexpectedly, Hawk lusts for Demetri like Eli never expected. Before Eli knows it, Hawk and Demetri are regularly fucking like the world is on fire and they’ll never get the chance again. And Eli doesn’t know what to think--he can’t imagine why Demetri would want to sleep with someone who treats him like utter filth the rest of the time. And Eli doesn’t much like the way Hawk treats Demetri, either--to the point where he questions if he really wants to be around his cool new friend as much as he thinks. And of course, there’s the fucking awful icing on the cake to top everything off--Eli is falling in love with Demetri, and he knows it’ll end terribly.

Demetri is...concerned, to say the least. It’s starting to baffle him, how Eli is flipping back and forth seemingly at random between the timid, meek best friend he had for years and the hyper-masculine asshole with spiked hair who made his life hell in high school. But he vows he’s going to get Eli through...whatever this is, and he’s not going to let Eli lose his mind. Demetri refuses to lose him again, no matter what it takes. But that might be harder than Demetri thinks, given the fact that the karate club Eli’s started with “Hawk” is already getting WAY out of hand...

But Demetri can’t say anything about that, can he? After all, the first rule of Karate Club is you don’t TALK about Karate Club. Well...unless you’re talking to yourself about it where you think Demetri can’t hear, anyways. Things are just getting more insane by the day.

~~~

Legit SO HYPED about this, like I can’t stop thinking about how similar the Eli/Hawk and Narrator/Tyler dichotomies are??? Like we’ve got this meek, timid, rule-following guy who just does what other people want him to for the most part and tries not to stand out, and then we have the side of him that has all this explosive, repressed anger at the world and the society he’s forced to live in (even if it’s just the “society” of high school lol) and this destructive hypermasculine energy and it’s lowkey FASCINATING to me??? And Tyler even has flashy, flamboyant clothing the same way Hawk has flashy, flamboyant hair!!! And of course Demetri tries to be the “Marla” in that he’s the Voice of Reason who’s the only one who really tries to help this guy battling his own head. And some of Marla’s dialogue to the narrator/Tyler sounds EXACTLY like the kind of thing Demetri would say when Eli is flipping back and forth between “Hawk” and “Eli,” it’s PERFECT. Like I am SO DOWN for this AU, if someone writes this I will sell you every limb on my body. It’d be dark as shit and probably can’t really work without both Eli and Demetri being a LITTLE insane, but ohhhh baby, that’s what I love about it <3 THE ANGST! THE DRAMA! THE PAIN! I live for it!!!</p>

Anyways Fight Club AU with the Binary Boyfriends 2021 please and thank you