#like obviously all my friends are important to me diffeerently but. if i disappear on an irl for a while they'll give me shit for it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

elytrafemme · 11 months

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friendship is cool bc you get to have these funny little guys who make you happy and become a better person or whatever and laugh a lot. but then there’s the horrors (trying to see and message them frequently enough when you know you can’t possibly juggle all of them all at once and never knowing the best answer)

#nightmare.personal #maybe i tell my irls to fuck off for a week so i can just get to work repairing all my online relationships #i won't actually do that but like. my social battery is so fucked #also there's the other issues but we don't talk aboutu those <- diseased interpersonally #we do talk abt those a lot but im turning over a new leaf to be normal #this is late night confessionals. hi i know cool people. wish i fucking knew how to talk to anybody #its so stupid too bc when i message them or join a vc everyone accepts me like i was never gone and is friendly and kind and all that #but then it's like. do ppl think im not committing. do they think i don't care #and like how do i convince people i care when im barely here and barely know whats going on #idk. wish klav was here he's better at fucking online things i think #i think im doing good socializing with my irls at least. like scheduling hangouts #when my gf comes back i need to see her like asap bc my brain is fucking obliterating itself but thats unrelated #sorry this is litrally late night thoughts #dont rb btw #my irl social life is better and i think part of me sees that as more important?#like obviously all my friends are important to me diffeerently but. if i disappear on an irl for a while they'll give me shit for it #versus online that's just life you know but. i don't know.#sometimes i wonder if my online friends know how much they mean to me and i realize they probably don't and i get scared #and then i wonder how all of them have to feel about me at that point and we don't really have to go into that but like #i don't know. it's always a little a lot scary #and people seem to be so natural at doing this online but i meanwhile just fucking can't #i'm allergic to discord servers its a thing. except the one im active in which makes me happy but i still forget to talk there all the time #so im still allergic but im choosing to partake. its like the lactose intolerance of the whole group

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