#like they aren't maliciously hiding anything from each other and neither thinks so of the other

[feroluce]

“-and that's why I ain't allowed in Pier Point no more!” Boothill throws his head back and cackles, somehow completely comfortable on the bare floor of the archives. He's the very picture of ease, his arms behind his head, his legs bent and crossed.

Dan Heng barely looks up from his notebook, not much surprises him anymore after the first few tales of lawless exploits. “So they really have that many laws and restrictions there.” 

“And prob’ly a few more now that I've been through there! Heck, ya think they named any after me? I'm hopin’ so.” There's so much smug cockiness seeping through his voice Dan Heng could bottle it.

Silence settles in, stretches out. Dan Heng doodles pensive circles in the corner of his page.

He shouldn't ask. It's a private matter. It's none of his business. He of all people should know-

Something pokes his shoe, and when he looks up, Boothill has stretched one arm up to tap metallic fingertips against his foot. “Ain't like ya to hesitate.” With his head tipped back on the tiles and gazing at him upside down, Boothill's hair is out of his face and spooling out all over the floor, offering a rare view of his right side. His right eye is sealed over with a pitch-black patch, stark against his skin. Dan Heng wonders what he looks like behind it. “C'mon, then, out with it. Spill the beans, brother, just say it.”

“What does ‘Boothill’ mean?”

The man blinks at him, the crosshair in his cybernetic left eye flickering. Dan Heng shifts, smooths out his long coat. “I tried to look it up once. It's not in any database as a name...other than your wanted posters.” There's a thread beginning to fray near the hem, he should sew it up. “I couldn't find it anywhere.” 

He nearly takes it back, but- “Heh, ya that curious about me, darlin’?”

Dan Heng quickly levels his face into the most impassive, nonplussed expression he can muster, but Boothill has already turned away, head pillowed on his arms and face once again turned to the ceiling.

“But nah, ya wouldn't. Hah, like they'd allow any record of the language, fudgeheads.” One arm sweeps around blindly until it finds the edge of Boothill's hat, sets it back where it belongs on his head. Dan Heng shuffles around, scoots a little closer, but the brim is pulled too low to see his eyes anymore.

“It's ‘cause it's not a name. It's a noun.” All that's visible of his face is a sharp grin, pulled too tight at the edges.

“It's my people's word for a grave.”

Dan Heng's pencil stops.

“It's the kinda grave fer someone who died with their boots on. If ya catch my drift there.” Boothill's foot starts to bounce. “There was a war, and it got reeeeeal intense, yup. Folks started droppin’ like flies, ‘n’ there was bodies faster'n what we could bury ‘em.” A cooling fan kicks on somewhere. Dan Heng is pretty sure it's not any of the Express equipment.

“We lost some real good people there, real good. Mighty shame.” His hidden Vidyadhara ears detect a quiet metallic click, a whir, pressurized gas. Boothill's next words waft steam from his angry circuits into the air. “When I left, I decided to leave my name there, too. Didn't feel right otherwise. The life I lead now is a whole ‘nother existence.” And then Boothill turns his head, raises his hat, and Dan Heng suddenly feels pinned dead center, caught in that crosshair.

“Ya know what I mean, don'tcha?”

Dan Heng swallows.

Does Boothill know? Who he is and who came before him? There had been that moment in the Penacony Grand Theater, after he activated the Jade Abacus… Dan Heng had tried to shoo him out, keep him from seeing anything, but Boothill has the astounding ability to turn up exactly wherever people are trying to keep him away from.

If he did see, does he actually understand it? Does he know what a High Elder is? Does he know about the sedition of Imbibitor Lunae, the transmutation arcanum, everything Dan Feng had done and Dan Heng was punished for?

He doesn't want to explain it all. Not now. Possibly not ever, truth be told.

And it's not the same as Boothill leaving behind his old identity when whatever event happened that caused him to leave home. Not really. But…

But so far, Boothill has slid so easily into Dan Heng’s routine. His presence never feels like an intrusion. He's already figured out what he can push and when to back down. And even Dan Heng finds himself able to roll with whatever punches Boothill throws with baffling ease. They share too much in their methods and ideologies, and sometimes Dan Heng knows what Boothill will do seemingly before even Boothill himself knows.

“...Tell me about Talia and the Nailscrap Town.” Boothill must know he's avoiding the topic. He must. But the man just throws his head back and cackles, melting easily back into what they had been doing before, as he speaks fondly of a planet that Dan Heng has never visited.

Not today. But.

Dan Heng inches just a little closer, just enough to nudge his foot against a metal leg. Boothill doesn't pull away.

Maybe someday.

[northsidesebastian]

I'm going to be really honest with you, Jaqueline St. James. And I'm going to be brutally honest at that. I need you to know that you are someone who is important to me because you were an important part of Brina, as much as Q and Hunt are of me... So, please remember that I'm not trying to be malicious here but you literally cannot blame how you felt when August left on him.

You stayed because that is what you wanted and this was home for you. He left because the world is so much bigger than Riverdale. Neither one of those things are the wrong choice. I mean, personally I'd side with the cocky hot guy who looks like he was chiseled out of marble and knows that the word deserved to experience him but that's me projecting what I did.

But you are Jaqueline St. James, you are not someone who should be defined by a person you're attached to or allow yourself to be made so small. I get that you're going deep when you call yourself a human being because you have all these emotions and vulnerabilities but God you have always been more than that simple humbling word.

You were made to be larger than life. God blessed you with talent, smarts, good looks and an ass that could start and end a war. So the fact that you believe some guy, even a guy like August and Aston for that matter, can determine who you are, what you were worth or what you deserve, has nothing to do with them, babe. That's a self-reflection thing and now makes me worried about you getting married.

I don't know anything about love, except how to really love myself, but I don't think it's supposed to be about finding someone who fixes you, teaches you to care about yourself or completes you. It's supposed to be about having those people who you don't have to change for or fix anything for... it should be you, even at your worst and most awful, but having someone waiting out the storm just to give you a stupid peanut butter and jelly sandwich because they know it's what you need. Or them not even scaling the high walls you use to keep everyone out, just simply knocking and waiting patiently to come in because you decided they were enough for you.

People leave us, Jackie. Everyone leaves eventually. Boyfriends bigger than a small town, girlfriends who wanted something different, best friends who go off to college and date each other... and even twins... if your happiness is based on who wants you or who is promising they aren't going to leave you... I can assure you, that your relationship is no different from what you did before, it's only just another thing you're hiding in hoping that you'll be good enough someday to be loved if you just try hard enough.

[ PRIVATE ]

Sebastian, please. I know this is what you do…but I can’t listen to it. He left me because he thought I didn’t want to leave this town. I don’t have time for people who don’t want me. I can’t do that any more, I didn’t deserve it then and I don’t deserve it now. 

I can’t tell you how long I sat and wondered why I wasn’t worth a long distance relationship. I felt like maybe I wasn’t fit for relationships at all. Maybe that fear  is what kept me in this godforsaken town. I threw myself out thinking fun was all I could handle. Anything more than that? They would leave this town too. Everyone does and everyone will. God I even stopped thinking of my own future too. 

But when I met Aston? I finally felt like I was worth more than my good looks and my dancing. I was a human being, a woman who was intelligent and could do so much more than just plan a good party. He appreciated me, he helped shape who I am today….he taught me what love really is. And not once have I felt useless since I met him. 

So no I am not clutching my pearls or feeling mortified. I thought that chapter of my life was gone. But now it is all coming back. I just want to be happy with my engagement and think about this party. Is that too much to ask? 

@northsidesebastian​