#lillian's mom is dead for those who don't know

[shiningstages]

Mother’s Day in a month, and Father’s Day the month after...................*cackles at all my muses with dead parents*

[queercapwriting]

Hey Cap! I don't think I ever told you but my gf and I (still blows my mind) have been dating for almost 11 months but she still hasn't told her parents because she's afraid of how her dad will react. I was wondering if you could maybe write a thing about Lena going to one of the superfriends and talking about how she can't tell her mother about Kara.

She brought a bottleof wine and her worst insecurities, and the vague hope that Alex wouldn’t hate herin a few hours.

Lena was alwaysworried – that she was one social misstep away from the people closest to herrealizing that they actually hated her, that there was nothing about her tolove.

Especially when sheasked for things. Anything, really. She was supposed to give and work hard andgive even more and work even harder. She wasn’t supposed to take.

But she was asking totake tonight, because all she’d texted Alex was “can we talk?” and as afollow-up – so she wouldn’t make up something benign, backing out of theconversation she really needed to have – she wrote, quick and hasty anddesperate – “it’s about Kara and my relationship, and my mother.”

Her mother.

If anyone in theircircle of friends understood, it would be Alex.

She didn’t know howshe’d wound up in a group of friends with mothers who were all either absent ordead, or – in her and Alex’s case – very much alive and very much thinking theyloved their daughters well, but in reality coming up short – very short – oh somany times, in oh so many ways.

But maybe it wasprecisely that – daddy issues, mommy issues, general parent and trauma andabuse issues – that brought them all together, that made them recognize eachother, really see each other whereother people couldn’t, or didn’t, or chose not to.

Which was why she wasknocking on Alex’s door, shaking hands and bottle of wine and Kara’s oldNational City University sweatshirt hugging her just right, just comfortingenough to give her the courage to not knock and run.

Alex tugged the dooropen with a lopsided grin and groaned in a way that Lena could never determinewhether Kara got it from her or she got it from Kara when they saw food ordrinks they loved.

“Oh my god you are the greatest person,” Alexsaid, taking Lena’s hand in one hand and the bottle of wine in the other andpulling her sister’s girlfriend inside.

Lena marveled at thetouch, the casual intimacy it implied. She knew that Alex knew by now that Lenawelcomed her touch, her hugs and her hand grasps and her hand on her arm, herknee, when they laughed together at Game Night, at the bar. But still, Lenamarveled at it every time.

The touch and theacceptance and the no strings attached.

“So talk to me,” Alexsaid, without preamble, as she opened the bottle of wine with a crisp pop.

“Um,” Lena gulped,drumming her fingers on Alex’s spotless counter top. “No Maggie tonight?”

“Working late.” Aghost of a grin passed over Alex’s lips as she poured a generous glass forLena. “And then she and James, Winn, and Kelly are grabbing a drink. Brainy andNia are probably going to join them, and then you know, it’ll be up to me tomanage all the hangovers.”

Lena grinned,remembering the last time they’d all gone out. Another night marked withmarveling of being accepted, being welcome, being… herself. Kara’s arm casuallydraped around her shoulders, or holding her from behind, or grasping her hand, gentleand perfect and right. And no oneminding, no one thinking anything of it except being happy for them, beinghappy that they finally admitted how they felt, that they finally kissed, forcrying out loud.

“So?” Alex repeated, tothe point but open. “Kara and your relationship and your mother.”

Lena’s eyes widenedslightly at the direct invitation – she should expect nothing less from thedirector of the DEO – and took a gulp of her wine.

“I don’t know how totell her,” Lena admitted, plunking down on the couch in a way that no oneoutside of this family she was growing would associate with the refinedbusiness woman-science genius Lena Luthor.

Alex sipped her wineand tilted her head, and Lena smiled slightly. She wondered what mannerisms shewas picking up from Kara, like Alex was picking up mannerisms from Maggie.

“How to tell…”

It was a gentle prompt– nothing Lena had been used to or understood until she fell into this family –and it unnerved her as much as it made her feel cared for.

“How to tell mymother. About Kara and me.”

Alex nodded, slow andunderstanding. Lena stared into her glass, worried that her face was turningred, worried that Alex would tell her she was being ridiculous, that she was agrown woman, that she and Kara had been together for almost a year and it was immatureand stupid and hurtful that she hadn’t figured out how to tell Lillian yet…

“Because Kara’s aSuper or because Kara is Supergirl?”

Lena chuckled at thepun, at Alex’s gentle way of asking if Lena was out to her mother.

She tossed her handsup, nearly sloshing her wine, and shrugged. “I don’t know. Both? She knows, shemust know, about me and Sam, and me and…” Lena’s eyes sparkled mischievously,just for a moment, a brief moment of bemusement in her pain and anxiety. “Well,me and just about every woman I was close with in boarding school…”

Alex raised her glasswith a grin, and Lena clinked them together with a shake of her head. “But thenagain, I didn’t tell her about Jack, either. I never told her who I was dating.I assume she knows, of course. That I’mbisexual, that I lean more towards women, that… I assume she knows. But we’venever discussed it, because we’ve never discussed my personal life beyond myapparently endless list of failures…”

She glanced up atAlex, then, not wanting to pry. Not wanting to make her talk about Eliza if shedidn’t want to. But she watched Alex’s eyes, and knew that Alex knew why Lenahad chosen her to talk to. And instead of calling her selfish, instead ofhating her for it, Lena marveled – again, again – as Alex just shifted to getmore comfortable on her part of the couch, settling in, leaning towards Lenainstead of away. Lena searched, hard, for signs of discomfort or annoyance. Shefound none.

It confused her, andit made her feel like she was flying, safe in Kara’s arms.

Alex sipped at herwine, long and thoughtful. “When I came out to my mom, I don’t think she wassurprised. I think she was… I don’t know, sad that I’d felt like I couldn’ttell her. I told her I didn’t want to disappoint her, and she… it was hard.”Alex downed more wine. “She hugged me, and she told me she loves me, and itfelt amazing. But it also was frustrating, because of course I felt like she’dbe disappointed. She’s been disappointed in me for most of my life, you know? Iwas never good enough, never took good enough care of Kara, or… of course Ithought she’d be upset, but she acted so sad and confused that I would thinkthat of her. And that was hard, because it was just… infuriating somehow, I don’tknow.”

Lena nodded. “Iunderstand that. I do.”

Alex smiled sadly. “Iknow you do. So. How much of it do you think it’s because she’s a Super and howmuch of it do you think is because she’s a woman?”

It was Lena’s turn tosmile. “Who knows? 50-50, 70-30? Sometimes it feels 100% like one or the other…but another part of me thinks, does she even deserve to know? About my personallife, about my loves and my wants? Has she earned those parts of me? Especiallywhen she might turn around that trust and hurt me with it?”

Alex nodded. “And yetall we want, still, is for them to tell us they love us and are proud of us.”

Lena let a tear, justa single one, drop from unblinking eyes.

Alex leaned over andsqueezed her hand. Lena squeezed right back.

“She doesn’t deservethe power to hurt you like she’s hurt you. But she’s got it, and it’s okay totake your time deciding what you want her to know. Because even if she doesn’tdeserve those parts of you, if you want to share with her, you should beallowed to do that. And know that we’ll all be here for you, whatever herreaction.”

Lena sniffledslightly. “You sound like your sister.”

“Good, I’m glad you’retalking to Kara about it, too.”

“I’m just scared thatit hurts her. Talking about it. I don’t want her to feel like I’m ashamed ofher, or like I’m hiding her.”

“But Lillian isterrifying and has also tried to kill Kara several times, so. Your hesitationis more than understandable.”

“Also what Kara says,”Lena chuckled. “She says she’ll wait as long as I need, and in the meantime wehave our own family, but I still worry. That she’s protecting me from her hurt.”

Alex nodded, chewingat the inside of her cheek. “And if she is, then it’s her job to tell you that.You’ve got to take care of each other, and that includes telling each other allof it, good, bad, and indifferent.”

“When did you becomethe sage old lesbian?” Lena narrowed her eyes, but the corners of her lips gaveher away.

Alex laughed. “Maggiehas an odd effect on me.”

“It suits you.”

“And Kara suits you.It’s no one’s decision but yours, Lena, but whatever it is, we’re all here. Ipromise. Okay?”

Lena smiled, becauseokay. Yes. She did believe it. Maybe for the first time ever.

[superredcorp]

It was Defence against the Dark Arts Class in Hogwarts. The Hufflepuffs and the Slytherins were joined together in this class which was led by Professor Cat Grant. As soon as the students had all gathered in the classroom, she announced the day's subject: Boggarts. Most students, who knew what they were, got a little nervous. And as soon as Professor Grant explained the basics about the creatures, the remaining ones got flustered and uncomfortable as well. No one liked to openly present their fears. No one wanted to feel that vulnerable. However, it was nothing that was up to discussion and the students knew better than to protest in Professor Grant's class. So they did as they were told and collected in the room, in front of a big closet which was already rumbling.

"Now, remember the spell. Riddikulus. Yes, it sounds ridiculous, we've heard the joke before, it's nothing original. Chip chop.", Professor Grant said. "You, the girl who's name I can't remember, you go first."

A Hufflepuff girl shrieked a little when the teacher's finger pointed at her. She gulped and stepped forward. She seemed to be trembling. "Wand at the ready. I'm going to open the closet now. Riddikulus. One, two, three.", she opened the door and a whirling shadow came out. It swirled around until it formed the shape of a spider which was the size of a big dog. The girl stared at it, mortified. Then suddenly her eyes showed determination, she lifted her wand and yelled "Riddikulus!"

The spider slipped and landed on it's back, long legs high up in the air - with grapes starting to form on them like grape vines. A few students laughed and the girl let out a relieved giggle.

"Good. Next one.", Professor Grant said.

One by one the students went forward, facing their nightmares - from wild mystical creatures to bad grades.

"Alright.", Professor Grant said, looking around. "Miss Luthor, you're up next."

On the other side of the room, Lena was standing with crossed arms, leaning against a desk. When she heard her name, she looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, no. I'm not doing that."

"Oh, you are. You may think you're too good for this class, Miss Luthor, but it is a lecture and it is obligatory. So, unless you want to meet with the headmaster..."

Lena scoffed. But one more look at Professor Grant's stern face and she faltered. She rolled her eyes. "Fine."

A few feet away, Kara stood with her two friends: Winn, who was a Hufflepuff as well and Mon-El, who was in Slytherin like Lena. Kara had spent some more time with Lena the past couple of weeks and they had grown closer. Kara was the only one really trying to make a connection with her. And she'd always been very compassionate and attentive. That's why she was the only one in the room who noticed the quiet tremble in Lena's voice when she caved or the way she took her steps to the front rather hesitantly, through she tried to appear tough. Lena seemed to know what was going to come out of that closet - and she was really scared of it.

"One, two, three.", Professor Grant counted and opened the closet door once more. This time the Boggart took its time. It didn't come out as a wild whirl of blackness ready to transform. Instead it stayed in the pitch black of the closet. Then suddenly, a hand grasped the frame of the door. A foot stepped out, wearing heels. The rest of the body followed slowly, anticipation building up.

It was a woman, wearing nice clothes and an evil expression on her face. Kara recognized her instantly and her eyes widened. She recognized her from the Daily Prophet's articles. And others did too because whispers and murmurs interrupted the silence in the room.

"Wait, guys. Isn't that...?", Winn hushed.

"It's Lillian Luthor. Lena's mom.", Kara mumbled, concerned.

Lena was frozen on the spot. She stared at her mother - or the boggart disguised as her mother. Who now started talking. "You are a disappointment, Lena. Your father never should have brought you here. You ruined everything. You are a disgrace. Pathetic. Useless."

Behind her suddenly another figure came out, joining her hateful speech. It was her brother. Lex Luthor. "Worthless. Your real mother is better of dead. You would have been such a disappointement to her. It would be no surprise if she got herself killed on purpose. So she would be rid of you."

Lena had meanwhile dropped her wand. Her hands covered her ears, trying to block them out. Hot tears streamed down her face. No one was whispering anymore, everyone gaped with their mouths open in shock. Even Professor Grant was speechless for once. She obviously hadn't expected this.

Kara couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't bare seeing Lena like this, couldn't bare hearing all those terrible things that the boggart was still spouting at her with an endless amount of shame, anger and hate. She stormed forward, running past her classmates and slid in front of the young Slytherin, who was whimpering heartbreakingly desperate, with her arms spread wide, in a protective stance.

Her eyes narrowed. She knew what was coming but she was prepared. The boggart started swirling and forming new for it's new opponent. Soon enough, it had finished it's transformation. Kara released a shaky breath as she stared her worst fear in the eye.

Death Eaters. Death Eaters who broke into her home when she was just a child, who killed her family for being muggleborns and squibs, who made her an orphan. She may have gained a new family in the Danvers' and she loved them, loved the sister, Alex, she got out of it but the trauma of what happened still cut her deep. Her whole world had been taken from her in that night, in that moment.

Kara raised her wand and screamed "Riddikulus!", directing all her anger and pain towards them. The force hit the boggart so hard that it, or well they, flew back into closet which fell backwards and shut close. Kara breathed heavily. Then she quickly turned around to see how Lena felt but she had to find that she was gone. Kara scanned the room, seeing her run out of the door just in that second. Without second thought, she took off after her.

She ran across the corridors of the castle, looking around, trying to find the Luthor girl. Finally, she found her, sitting against a wall, her legs close to her chest, her arms wrapped around them and her head buried between her knees. Kara came closer, slowly and kneeled down in front of her. She eyed her carefully. By the movement of Lena's shoulders, she could tell that she was crying. Kara gently touched Lena's arm. The Slytherin's head shot upwards, rapidly trying to brush away the tears but failing rather miserably.

She sniffled, looking down at her hands. After a few seconds of silence between them, she said quietly: "You must think I'm pathetic."

Kara's eyes widened. "Why would I think that?"

Lena gave a devastated, dark chuckle. "My greatest fear is my own family. I'm a Luthor, my fear should be muggleborns touching me or not being able to learn dark magic. I'm going to be the laughing matter. Why did you even help me back there? They're gonna take it out on you too."

"Don't say that.", Kara said softly. "You're not like your family. You're good. You are a brilliant, kind-hearted, beautiful soul. No one can take that away from you. I believe in you. That's why I helped you... You're my friend."

Lena looked up at her. There was so much pain in her eyes. But also hope and gratitude. "Thank you, Kara. Really. I... I don't know how to thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. Not for that.", Kara smiled. She scooted around her and sat down next to Lena, putting her arm around her and pulling her close. "I will always protect you. And I will always be here for you. I promise."

BONUS SCENE

It had been an hour since the incident in Defence against the Dark Arts class. Kara hadn't left Lena's side since then. They had a free period afterwards anyway so this was easy to do. Soon enough class would start again though and they didn't share the same one there. So Kara wanted to at least spend the rest of their free time together. At one point, Winn came running towards them. They had found a secluded space where no one else was, to talk without anyone listening or staring. "There you are, guys! I've been looking for you!", he said.

"Is something wrong, Winn?", Kara asked worriedly.

"No. Well, actually, um. I just wanted to see how Lena was feeling.", he stammered, fidgeting with his fingers.

Lena frowned. "Well, that's nice but... you don't even know me."

"I know! But I- well, I-", he began, sighed and looked at the ground. Then he sat down and started again. "Look, I... I know how you're feeling."

"I doubt that.", she said, with a raised eyebrow.

"No, really, I-", he sighed again. "When you two ran off, Professor Grant interrupted the lesson. That's why I didn't get my turn to face the boggart. But I still know what shape it would have taken. I know how you feel because... because I know what it's like to be scared of your parent. The boggart would have turned into my dad."

Kara and Lena blinked a few times, uncertain if they'd heard correctly. "Really?", Kara asked sadly.

Winn nodded, looking down at his hands. "My... my father is also in prison. Regular prison because he's a muggle. When he found out that my mom's a witch, he... he lost his mind. He killed six people."

"Oh my god, Winn, I had no idea.", Kara exclaimed, reaching over to touch one of his hands. Winn let out a sad chuckle: "Yeah, well, it's not really something I go around bragging about. I didn't want anyone to think less of me."

"No one would do that!", Kara was quick to respond.

"Are you sure?", Winn returned with a question. "Because I'm not."

"There's always people who will judge you for your family's mistakes. I'm proof.", Lena said bitterly. She looked over at Winn. "Why did you say something now?"

The boy shrugged. "I guess, I just... I wanted you to know you're not alone... with that feeling. That there's someone who gets what you're dealing with."

"That's... that's very considerate and... very nice of you. Thank you.", Lena said, a small, shy smile forming on her lips.

Winn smiled back. As did Kara who started clapping. "Hey, look, now you have two friends!"

Lena laughed and the other two joined in. And Lena did feel better, included, happy. She had friends. Well, she had a friend and... and she had Kara because she couldn't quite call Kara a friend. She embodied so much more than that. She wasn't just her friend, she was her hero.