#luckykoi's TL on chrysanthemumgarden is lovely as well

[touchmycoat]

First-Class Lawyer, ch.108 excerpt

Yan Suizhi’s body gradually relaxed, and after a period of silence pillowed on his arm, he suddenly spoke up in a light voice: “Gu Yan.”

“Hm?”

“Are you a little afraid of me?”

Gu Yan halted in his motions.

Then, Yan Suizhi felt a touch to his forehead.

“...”

With a huff he caught that hand and pulled it from his forehead.

“Trying to call me delirious?”

“Where in the world are you getting that I’m afraid of you?” Gu Yan’s low timbre was far too suited to the night. The torrential storm poured on outside with the occasional flash of lightning and thunder but he remained ever calm and steady.

“I don’t mean that sort of afraid,” Yan Suizhi said. “More like...you’re a bit cautious.”

With that he flipped decisively over to watch Gu Yan’s eyes.

“You’re clever. You know what I mean.”

Gu Yan was silent for a moment before, “mh.”

Somehow, such a simple single note felt oddly stifling.

His brow pinched, and his gaze fell to a lamp on the side before unfocusing. A few moments later, he opened his mouth to speak: “After the explosion...I had a bout of insomnia, for a few months.”

This was likely the first he’d ever talked of that time. He fell silent after every sentence.

“It wasn’t that I actually couldn’t sleep. I just didn’t want to fall asleep,” he said. “Because at the time...the same dreams kept recurring. I would dream of an alumni gathering where Lola tells me there’s been a mistake, the explosion didn’t happen at the hotel you were staying at. You’ve gone back to your job, you’ve taken on a new case, you might clear up a week to go give a lecture back at school.”

This man was always like this—whenever he spoke of his once frank and immense emotions, his tone was always calm.

But that was what made it so upsetting to hear.

“Those dreams were always very realistic... Sometimes it was hard to tell what was the truth upon waking. That’s why I gave myself a lot to do. I’ll read over case files at night, including all the most tedious files on other explosion cases from those few years.

“Those cases actually weren’t relevant at all. It was just that they all covered explosions.”

...

But he had still felt dissatisfied. He’d kept thinking that maybe he had just missed a keyword, or maybe that the connection was hidden away in some covert corner. He’d kept thinking, there must be some undiscovered, convoluted reasoning to all of this because otherwise...how could a perfectly fine person be gone, just like that?

Gu Yan went silent again, then said: “These days...I still dream of some things. I dreamt of Fitz rushing over to tell me there’s been a mistake, that there’s never been an intern, that it’s all been an absurd fantasy. The last I’ve heard of you is still the explosion. The last time we talked was still ten years ago.”

Yan Suizhi watched him for a very long while, feeling for the first time in his life an indescribable sort of heartache.

“There hasn’t been a mistake.” He reached out and caressed Gu Yan’s cheek and neck. Then he leaned forward and hugged him. “I am alive and well. There aren’t even old scars left on me. Thanks to you, I’ve returned to my job and taken new cases, and once all this mess has been sorted out, maybe I’ll clear up a week to go give a lecture back at school. Of course, I’m also of the opinion that the first lecture won’t be all that effective. People might even faint from the fright.”

Gu Yan’s chin was tucked into his neck, his voice in his ear: “I know.”

He was very rational, and very awake.

He knew those were only dreams.

Maybe because reality had turned out so unexpectedly well that in the night, these dreams had to come and remind him not to get too cocky.

Gu Yan, in a low voice, “I’m adjusting.”

“Then you best do it quickly,” Yan Suizhi said, “or I’ll appear to have adjusted too quickly, like a scoundrel taking advantage of his student.”

As soon as he said this, he felt the cool bridge of Gu Yan’s nose rub against his collar. And then Gu Yan bit, murmuring, “I think you’ve misunderstood something...”

“Speak, don’t bite...” Yan Suizhi leaned away, but the motion was so small it didn’t dodge anything, obviously lacking all resolve.

一級律師 ch. 108