#mainly im just always thinking about 1. BarHu 2. 'Barhu went to walk among her people one last time.'
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the monster baru cormorant: i'm drowning 🤕💔💉
the tyrant baru cormorant: ... in pussy!!!😜👉👌💦
#the masquerade#finally finished tyrant after a MONTH god. i could have been done in one weekend idk what took me so long#anyway many many thoughts head very full#mainly im just always thinking about 1. BarHu 2. 'Barhu went to walk among her people one last time.'#that line made me immediately burst into tears and i couldnt even understand why at first#but it's just. god it's so much.#she did it all for taranoke in the end. the source of everything is taranoke and its people being colonized.#the story starts because taranoke has been transformed irrevocably by imperialism#and baru's entire life is a rebellion against that fact#but there is always that fantasy of living hidden on taranoke with her two wives arguing about something#there is always the fantasy of taranoke becoming what it was in her childhood again#it's a refuge in her mind it's a comforting image#and it's probably not even an accurate image because she was in falcresti school so young#it's a mirage but it's still the source of every single one of her sacrifices and choices . it's the thing that shapes her whole existence.#so of course she has to give up the fantasy; the comfort; her last link to her people and her parents.#just like she gave up hu and friends and betrayed everyone and completely lost herself and her ability to trust others#she has to be publicly repudiated by the people she gave it all up for#she has to cut ties to her /culture/; to the place she comes from; to a connection to people who simply understand#and it's not like those ties were not already frayed - she hasn't even talked to another taranoki since the first half of the first book#but it's still. one more cruelty dealt by the empire#the price of her fight against imperialism is unbearable and she bears it again and again#which is why i forgive all of her wrongs. MY poor little meow meow#but also in putting the taranoki in the confidence isn't she creating a connection that the empire cannot reach and cannot break?#something tenuous; invisible to everyone but her and her parents and her aunties and uncles. but it's there like a thread between them.#(it's trim!! the one thing imperialism cannot touch!!)#and the 'barhu' well. it's self explanatory but i'll explain anyway because i'm really just about to cry again#the fact that she physically; literally carries tain hu with her everywhere she goes.#she carries the grief; the guilt; the love; the memories. and she's so full of it all that half of her body is dedicated to holding it.#she made herself a shrine to the lover who sacrificed herself. her own brain altered to recreate hu as if she was still there next to baru.#im sorry how does anyone who's read the masquerade not go fully insane with that thought????
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