#maybe if i didnt thunk of it as praying it would help more. i dunno what it is but praying just sound so...
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i really really hate that even after so many fucking years anytime i feel anxious or upset or really any negative emotion my gut instinct is still to pray
#like rn im worried im gonna get sick bc my little brother is and my dad's staring to feel sick too#and every time i think abt it gor more than a few seconds my brain is like “dear god please dont let me get sick” without me even telling#myself to think that and i just. i hate it all it does is send me further down the spiral of Thinking About It#and i hate it because thats what i was told would help for years and and i never fucking did#and im not trying to sound like a bitter edge lord or whatever the fuck i just. i dont know i just feel gross about it#maybe if i didnt thunk of it as praying it would help more. i dunno what it is but praying just sound so...#i dont know. i dont know i dont know#i just really cannyget sick right now and i am so fucking stressed and i hate that i feel like im talking to no one#but then again ive always been talking to no one so
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