#maybe if i'm under observation 24/7 for 30+ days someone can figure out what is wrong with me
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#i. hope i get accepted to this one residential program#maybe if i'm under observation 24/7 for 30+ days someone can figure out what is wrong with me#'why dont you take your meds? why don't you start working out?' how do i explain that i WANT to??#that i would do those things if it weren't for the void block?? how do i say that without making it sound like an excuse???#my sister's been consistently working out every day for 2 months and she's dropped weight and clothes fit her#and i'm jealous because in two months i became a size bigger#like she went down a size & i went up a size. i'm DOUBLE her size now#but she's SO happy about her progress + her body + her confidence while always high is at an all time high#and i am proud of her!!!! i'm so happy for her!!!! genuinely!!!#but privately i'm. extremely jealous of everything she's got going on#not just her confidence or related to working out either. it's deadass EVERYTHING#she's got a 4.5 GPA; she's well-liked socially; she has friends; she's in club activities; her humor is unmatched; she's positive#idk how to explain that whenever i see her i feel like that she is the ghost of who i should've been when i was her age
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