#me whrn people say he's a dog or something

[short-welsh-and-angry]

So, yesterday, I was supposed to go out to my grandmother's with my sister and my dog to see our barn cats, seeing as we had a half-day. I hadn't been living out there like I used to - my grandmother had only been up and around for just a couple weeks after beimg layed up since christmas for an operation, and theres always drama avout how I've chosen to train Markus. They've never had big dogs, so I don't necessarily expect them to understand that they're different from small dogs, but taking the word of someone who's done her research. Nonetheless, I've raised all of those cats since they we're about 7 weeks old.

Except for Izzy.

Izzy is nine years old, and I've had her since just before I turned 7. She was born under my dresser at our old house, and her mother had let me hold her immediately after she was cleaned off. Izzy has gotten me through tough times, like whrn my mother was incarcerated, then in the hospital, and when my father was in a toxic relationship. Izzy was always there. Her and I used to cross the creek together, and climb trees, and I'd write in the barn with her sitting on the bench right beside me. Izzy is my baby, my best friend, my soulmate. I'll never find another cat like her, nor do I want to.

15:30, my sister and I were getting a little anxious, seeing as our grandmother was silent - no call, no stopping in after getting groceries

Nothing.

So, I called her. And after having this amazing day in which we took Markus (my dog) out to the field for off-leash training, and got out of school early, and my new room had some progress, my heart sank. No, broke. Like someone ripped it out of my chest, twisting while doing so,and crushed it right then and there.

My grandmother picked up, and I asked her "1.) What is a good time on Monday for Connor's appointment-" Connor has a hole in his side. "- and 2.) Where are you?"

"I told you any time is good Monday; Cory doesn't have to work."

I can't remember how the next part of the conversation went. Probably because it didn't matter. Only thing that mattered was what she said after the next part.

"On my way back from gettin' groceries, I found- I found our Iz. On the side of the road. Somebody got her."

I almost thought it was a joke, until I noticed she was crying, too.

I hung up. I couldn't. It felt like my world was falling down around me. I felt weak, especially in my knees, and my sister got me before I could drop. I couldn't believe it - my Izzy, gone. For 7 years she'd been crossing thay country road, there was no way it could be hers. Surely it wasn't her, right?

When Aurora and Markus and I went out to my grandmother's, I seen Izzy. Before I even got out of the car, I seen her. I didn't want to - I wasn't ready to see her. Not yet. My grandmother said she wasnt bad - just looked like she was sleeping. And how I wish that were the case.

We sat inside for a while. I asked my grandfather why he just left her out like that, on top of one of our metal generator covers. He thought I wanted to see her.

When we finally went out, Misha was sitting outside the garage. Connor was coming back from where my grandmother found Izzy. Castiel was sitting on a truck, on the side of the barn that which faced the road, like a sentinel guarding the rest of the cats, in a daze, staring at where my baby girl once lay.

I don't know how long we stood there by Izzy. I had fallen to my knees, screaming and crying into the called ends of my sleeves. Aurora was frozen, like she couldn't believe it either. My grandmother was right - she did look like she was just sleeping. It simultaneously made saying goodbye easier yet more difficult. We could face her, whole, and not mangled, but on the other hand, she looked like she was going to sit up and start bitching at us for not immediately giving her affection. We sat there, waiting for any sign of life. Aurora kept staring at her as I did, waiting for the smallest sign that her side's were rising and falling, taking shallow breaths because maybe she was just unconscious, not dead.

When I pet her for the second to last time, she was so cold. So wet, and cold from the rain. But her undercoat was still warm. She hasn't been gone that long.

While we had been standing there, before gaining the courage to approach her, Misha had been trying so hard to get Izzy to wake up. Mishi was meowing at her, standing at the foot of Izzy's temporary bed, trying to gain any reaction from the elder cat. Cas was looking all over in the barn for her, and when we later came back out before I had to return home, Connor was sleeping in Izzy's bed.

The last time I pet her, I broke down again. I wanted her to move, to meow at me as a way of telling me she was alright, to push her back against me as if I to say "scratch me, hooman." If I would have thought of it at the time, I would have taken a brush to her, and brushed the gravel from her paw and leg fur, and deshed her one last time. She always loved to be brushed, no matter what time of year.

We can't give her the burial she deserves yet. The ground is too frozen. Now, she's in a bag, in a box, in the barn. It's the best we can do for her right now, to make sure nothing can get at her.

And Izzy, I love you. I love you so much, much more than I can begin to put into words, because there simply arenr enough out there that can convey just how special you are, pretty girl. You were my first cat that I could call my own, and no matter how many companion cats we ended up with that took off, you always stayed. When your sister left, when your son left, when your best kitty friend left - you didn't leave with them. You stayed right here with us, until you couldn't any more. You had so many good years left ahead of you, mumma, years that you deserved. We all loved you so so much, and we still do. We always will. I love you. Aurora loves you. Logan loves you. Destiny loves you. Dad loves you. Cory loves you. Papa and Nana loves you. My mothers side of the family loves you. People that never even met you love you. You were the bag that changed it all, Izzy. Because of you, you opened the rest of our family up to the idea of having cats, that cats were worth something. That cats aren't loyal just because we feed them - that cats love people. You proved that when we didn't have cat food for about 3 days, and not once did you leave. You opened their minds, and caused the rescue of and housing of 12 other cats. You changed our lives so much, beautiful girl. You SAVED lives. We'll never forget you Izzy, please don't ever forget us.

Goodnight, Mumma-Kitty. You're with your mumma and kittens now.