#me: *makes alix ace again because i'm a damn fool*

[secretagentspydetectiveninja]

Slow down! - chapter 1

What on earth is this??? Aish is actually writing heartrate fanfic for once??? And not turning it into a complete mess??? Well today is the birthday of my honourary fandom little sister Elise @colourfulheroes and she challenged me to write heartrate slow burn (don’t ask why, long story), so today seems like a good day to start!! (And also I got my revenge by challenging her to draw Kimax and she did and IT’S REALLY CUTE) (And sorry if this is terrible omg I had like zero motivation or ideas but it’s gonna get cute later on I swear)

And also on AO3 like always

“I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you here today,” Max said to his two classmates standing in front of him. He had dragged them all the way to the airport for this, and neither of them looked very happy about it. They would be even less happy when they found out what this was for, and he knew it.

“Don’t use the word ‘bet’ in front of this idiot unless you’re prepared to face the consequences,” said Alix, pointing a finger in Kim’s direction.

“Don’t be stupid,” Kim snapped. “You know perfectly well that Max is extinct from any of my challenges.”

“Extinct? Are you sure that’s the right word?”

“Whatever! You know what I mean!”

“Anyway,” Max said loudly, stepping between them, “I am going to be on holiday for the entire duration of the summer holidays, and therefore I won’t be around to prevent you two from strangling each other. So in order to save you both from either death or a hefty prison sentence, I am issuing you a challenge. One that will hopefully keep you from committing murder until I get back.”

“If you’re gonna do that ‘who can be quiet for the longest’ thing again then I may as well tell you now that I’m not taking part,” Alix said.

“No, not that. This challenge is something unique. Between now and the eight weeks when I get back, you are going to be doing something rather more intellectual for once.”

“Oh good, ‘cause I’m way smarter than Kim.”

“Will you be quiet and let me finish? Anyway, by the time I get back, I want you two to have written something. A story. It’ll have to be at least 30,000 words. And you can’t just write about anything, either. It’ll have to be…” He took a deep breath, knowing his friends were going to hate this. “…fanfic.”

Kim laughed. “Fanfic? That’s easy. I could write a million words about that dinosaur from Jurassic Park taking over the world and eating everyone. This is gonna be awesome.”

“Actually, you are not going to be writing fanfic about Jurassic Park. You are going to be writing fanfic about real life people. Specifically, this class.”

“Oh, you mean like Nathaniel does?” Alix said. “That’s still easy. He once wrote me a story where I beat up Kim, it was awesome. I could totally do something like that.”

“There are actually even more requirements to this fanfic,” Max said, internally preparing himself for some very aggressive reactions. “It will have to be what they call a ‘slow burn’ fic. You know, a fic about the slow and natural forming of a romantic relationship.”

The reactions followed very quickly. Alix stepped back saying, “Ew ew ew ew ew!” while Kim put his hands on his hips and said, “Max, if you’re trying to get me to learn how to be nice to people or something, there are other ways of doing it!”

“I’ve already made up my mind, you’ll have to do it,” Max said. “Unless you refuse the challenge, in which case the other person will win by default.”

“Fine, I’ll do your stupid challenge,” Alix said, glaring at him. “But I’m gonna write it about Marinette and Adrien. I’m not the only one seeing something between those two, right?”

“Well I’m writing mine about Marinette and Adrien too, so there!” Kim said.

“Actually,” Max said, fully preparing to be punched in the face at any moment, “I’ve already decided who you’re going to be writing about. It’s going to be… well… you two.”

For a few seconds they just stared at him in disbelief. Then, to his immense surprise, Alix burst into laughter. Well, to be fair this was a rather preposterous challenge he was issuing them. It made sense that she would find it absurd enough to laugh at. It was better than being punched, anyway.

“Max, that’s impossible and you know it!” she said. “For starters, I’m actually asexual, so–”

“I know perfectly well that you’re ace, considering you make puns about it an average of 3.5 times per hour. But that doesn’t mean you can’t like someone, does it? Anyway, all that matters is that you two have to be in a proper, willing, romantic relationship by the end of the fic. It doesn’t mean you have to be 100% in love or that you have to write smut or anything. You’ll just have to be creative.”

“This is stupid!” Kim whined. “Why would I ever even think of… you know… ugh, no! She’s so tiny and annoying and weird!”

“And she can also hear you perfectly well,” Alix said, stepping around Max and hitting Kim in the arm. “But for once you have a point. Max, this is impossible. Unless these fics end up ridiculously out of character.”

“I wouldn’t suggest doing that,” Max said. “At the end of the eight weeks, I will read both fics and be judging on how well-written they are, how in-character they are, and how realistically the relationship has developed. And please keep it T-rated at most. I don’t want to have to pour bleach into my eyes.”

“But Maaaaaax!” Kim pulled on his shirt sleeve. “Why are you even doing this?”

“I’m hoping it’ll teach you two the long-lost art of getting along with people in a polite, civil manner. And if you’re working on a non-violent challenge all summer, with all your annoyance directed at me rather than each other, then you might actually not kill each other. It would be nice.”

“Well I’m not talking to her all summer then, that’s for sure.”

“Oh, and another thing,” Max said, wondering if this would be the final straw that would get him punched after all. “I’m sick of you two constantly being at each other’s throats at school too, so you’ll have to learn to tolerate each other by the time I get back. Meet up once a week and show each other your progress on your stories. That way you can also make sure that the fics you’re writing won’t end up too similar. I’d like a bit of variety to read through, thank you.”

There was another silence for a few seconds. Then he quickly stepped away when he saw Alix curling up a fist.

“You know, Max, you’d better hurry up and get on that aeroplane before I commission Nath to write a fic about your tragic death…”

“And you’d better not have any more rules for this challenge!” Kim added, folding his arms. “Honestly, if I stop considering you my best friend after this then that’s completely your fault!”

Max shrugged. “Hey – you can always just refuse the challenge, that’s still an option.”

“I never forfeit a challenge!”

“And I’m not surrendering to this idiot!”

That had been just what he expected to hear. He picked up his luggage and started walking off. “Good luck then, and see you in eight weeks!”

The furious expressions on his friends’ faces as he left caused him to wonder if he was even doing the right thing. Or if this would even work! But he had to try. Those two being rivals was just constantly giving him a headache. They needed to learn to get along somehow, so why not this? Hopefully this wouldn’t backfire terribly.

Kim sat at his computer desk with a blank document open in front of him, thinking hard. What was he even supposed to write? He had never been good at creative writing. The only things he liked to write about were action stories, where people were going on adventures and fighting aliens or whatever. Not some stupid sappy love story about himself and the only girl in his class he would never consider in a million years!

But this was a challenge, wasn’t it? If there was one thing Kim was good at, it was winning challenges. Okay, so he had never actually won a challenge against Alix before. But there was always a first time for everything. This time he would actually try hard, and actually win. He was best friends with Max, the cleverest guy in school, so surely that intelligence must have rubbed off on him. This couldn’t be too difficult.

He typed a few words.

Once upon a time…

Now what? He was already stuck. His brain kept reminding him of all the cool things he could be doing right now – going to play basketball with Adrien, going to Marinette’s bakery and playing video games with her, going for a run, anything! Even doing homework was better than this! Why should he waste his time on something so stupid? He wasn’t like Nathaniel, he didn’t enjoy this kind of thing!

Wait… Nathaniel! Of course! That guy was an expert at writing stories about the class. He was always being creative – drawing little comics, writing drabbles, all that sort of thing. It would be easy for him.

Would getting his help be considered cheating? Well, Kim didn’t care. It wasn’t like anyone would find out. At least this way it was a win-win situation. Nath would get to have fun writing more fanfic, Kim would have time to do whatever he wanted and only have to meet up with the tiny pink goblin once a week, and he would probably end up winning the challenge. Perfect!

He picked up his phone and called Nath’s number. Luckily he still had it after having to do a class project with him one time.

“Hello?”

Nath’s voice was always so quiet and hesitant. Kim just didn’t understand how anyone could be like that. Wasn’t it more fun to be loud?

“Nath, I need your help with something,” he said. “Something really stupid and weird, but uh… basically, I want to commission you to write a fanfic.”

He could almost hear Nath smiling on the other end. “A fanfic? Okay, I’m listening…”

Alix, too, was sitting in front of an empty computer document, banging her head against the screen. Was she going to get akumatized again? Hopefully. That would be way better than this.

Honestly, if Max wanted her to get along with Kim, there were better ways to do it! He could have just dared them to be friends with each other. That would work. Maybe that way Kim would stop being an annoying jerk to her all the time. Why was he like that, anyway? He was probably just jealous at her for always beating him at his own challenges.

Well, she would beat him at this one too, no matter how stupid it was. Now she just had to get her brain to come up with ideas!

There was once a really stupid guy called Kim, and he for some reason fell in love with the coolest girl in his class, and she dated him for like one day. The end.

No, that wasn’t 30,000 words. And it wasn’t exactly “slow burn”, either. Ugh, she just hated writing stupid romantic nonsense!

Okay, so being ace didn’t mean she didn’t get attached to people. Of course she did. And if she was attached enough to someone that she would willingly jump into a volcano for them, then dating them was no problem. It would make them happy and she’d get to hang out with them more – where was the downside? If she liked someone enough then she would do it, even if stupid lovey-dovey stuff was not her thing.

But just not Kim, of all people! Couldn’t it have been anyone else in the class? Anyone at all? Even Chloé? Kim was just the worst! He was so annoying! Always picking on her, always challenging her to more of his idiotic dares and then being a sore loser when he inevitably lost…

She just couldn’t think of any good things about him at all, no matter how hard she tried. In that case, how was she supposed to write a fic where she actually ended up liking him? It was impossible with a guy that horrible! She needed to get someone’s help with this. But who?

Marinette? No, Marinette was friends with Kim, she would tell him that Alix was totally planning to cheat on this challenge, and that would be humiliating. Adrien? No way, Adrien was far too busy with all the stuff his father was making him do. Juleka? Rose? Both of them were just a little too sappy. Alix did not want to have to gouge out her eyes after reading the fic.

What about Lila? Lila was always making up stories about her life, things that seemed a tiny bit far-fetched but mostly believable. That was just perfect! A slightly far-fetched but still in-character story was exactly what was needed.

Alix picked up her phone and sent Lila a message.

Hey, can we meet up at some point? I need to ask you a favour.

Lila always kept her phone on her to keep in touch with all her adoring fans, so the reply arrived quickly.

Of course! What did you need me to do? :)

How to put this? Something like ‘Well you’re a liar so you’ll be good at writing cheesy fanfic’ would not be tactful. She’d have to be a bit more subtle.

I need your creativity to help me out with a challenge. You’re pretty much the only one who can help.

There, that was better! And Lila seemed to think so too.

Sure, I’ll help you, whatever it is! This reminds me of that time I helped Jagged Stone write a hit single. Let me know when you want to meet up!

The Jagged Stone thing was almost certainly a lie. But then again, that was a good thing. Lies and creativity were just what Alix needed right now. Maybe she would win this challenge after all!