#most TMI these tags are gonna get i promise i just need to make it apparent i think masato's hot and it's not fair

[todayisafridaynight]

That last picture of Masato you drew... I shant say what that did to me, but it did things to me. Top Ten Hottest Yakuza Pics

gonna cry if i have to read 'i shant say' one more time in ref to that drawin LMAO THANK YOU THO GLAD IT DOIN SOMETHIN FOR YA

[jq37]

The Royal Report– A Crown of Candy Ep 5  Lapin’s Big Day

Aftermath

Right before the stream for this episode started, I saw the title and I thought, “Lapin’s Big Day? After last episode, how could it get any bigger?”

…

So, anyway, as you remember, while Lapin was mic dropping over at the jail, with Theo and Cruller, the rest of the candy crew were en route to their quarters and everyone is feeling the gravity of the situation. Jet is trying to stand in the prime position to protect anyone who might need protection. Ruby (who has given one of the watersteel daggers she took--and which were apparently never confiscated from her--to Jet) is vigilantly looking for escape routes as they walk and she’s so anxious that Yak flies up and starts helping her scout. 

As Jet talks about the changes she wants to make once she’s “king” (including considering installing Ruby as queen--platonically--which Ruby feels sends too Lannister a message) the more magically inclined members of the party (Ruby and Liam) feel a swell of magic. Liam feels like the earth around them is speaking and Ruby feels a welling up of Candian magic. Not only that, she sees a ghostly glimpse of both Lazuli and Rococco (who is smiling at Jet), but she thinks she might be seeing things and doesn’t tell Jet.

Liam asks Amethar if he’s in trouble and wonders again if he should just take off. Amethar says that they’ll protect him and, if he has to run, they’ll find him. 

When they reach their quarters, they’re met by Amethar’s cheese friends who are clearly upset by the assassination attempt and offer their protection. Amethar says they can handle themselves and they should worry about Primsy. Once inside the room, the kids start full Home Alone-ing it full of booby traps and Amethar sends for Cruller, Lapin, and Theo. 

And, speaking of, they, along with Grissini and a garrison of imperial soldiers are on their way to arrest Alfredi. Grissini is clearly nervous and asks Lapin to tag-team the arrest with him so it will have the weight of the church. Cruller thinks it will look bad if there are too many Candians involved in this arrest so, when the Tartguard shows up looking for them, he decides to leave Alfredi to them. Before he goes, Lapin suggests he look into boats for a possible speedy exit in the near future. Lucky for them (presumably, though I guess we’ll see) the people most likely to have spare boats are their friends, the Dairy Islanders.

Everybody else enters the Great Food Pyramid where Alfredi is talking to Senator Ciabatta in the presence of a bunch of Ceresian military (the actual Ceresian military, not Imperials like Grissini). Grissini goes into business mode and starts the formal arrest and Alfredi isn’t pressed about it until Lapin jumps in and asserts his authority as Primogen at which point she is suddenly outraged. Lapin publicly asserts that she made the daggers (gasps from the crowd) which she denies. Ciabatta for his part steps aside and lets the arrest happen. Alfredi tries to run but Grissini’s men tackle her and perp walk her out.     

Ciabatta is being awfully chill about this whole thing and he kinda seems like he’s waiting for everyone to leave so he can talk to Lapin. Theo goes to make sure Alfredi gets properly jailed. Once they’re gone, Ciabatta says that Lapin was very bold to come in and arrest Alfredi basically on her home turf, a compliment Lapin demurs. Ciabatta suggests taking a walk and Lapin agrees. Before they leave, Ciabatta looks at some of the other senators who were also with them but on a Nat 1, gleans no info. Ciabatta says that it’s a little odd that with all the might of Ceresia, no one thinks they’re a big enough target to take down with back to back assassination attempts. He does not seem to have a high opinion of Alfredi and offers Lapin a chance to come with him on a sneak mission (along with anyone Lapin wants to bring) to figure out what’s what on Alfredi. Lapin agrees and gives him a card with Illusory Script so that whatever messenger he sends will hand it back to him as a calling card and he can verify it’s legit.

He tries to get a read on Ciabatta to see what this guy is about and on a 19 Insight and a 24 History, he knows that he clawed his way from the bottom of the social pecking order to become a senator 4 years ago. He’s a great fighter, a war hero, and he “rules”.

At the jail, Theo makes sure Alfredi is secured (she’s gagged in addition to being bound so she can’t cast spells) and then heads back to the Candian quarters.

Rewards and Recon 

Once everyone is back together, Amethar sends Lady Donetta to entertain the Swirlies so he only has the people he truly trusts in the room. They lock the door, Ruby magics up some music to mask their conversation, and then Amethar declares that, as of now, secretly but officially, they are at war with whoever is trying to kill him. The kids all offer themselves up as spies/protection but Amethar is not about them risking themselves like that. 

As they discuss that, a Tartguard shows up and announces that the winners of the unfinished tournament are being honored, meaning Theo (who unhorsed--unmeeped?--Plumbline) and Liam (who was leading the archery competition) have been summoned to the emperor to receive their boons. Liam’s is just a cabinet appointment basically but Theo’s requires thought because he gets to nominate a candidate for emperor. They consider nominating Plumbeline as a good faith gesture but Amethar thinks it will probably be bad for politics to have an unbroken line of succession. Ruby think about Annabelle but they all agree it’s a bad idea (and she’s cool enough as is). Theo suggests Caramelinda but Jet, knowing her mom and her isolationist tendencies, thinks it’s a bad idea. Theo’s name is thrown in but he doesn’t think it’s a good idea and Liam suggests his traitor dad which Cruller full, like, soda out of his nose laughs at. Cruller also suggests nominating Amethar himself as a safe option, even though he’s already a lock, because there are some legal/procedural protections he gets that way. 

Lapin tells everyone about the meeting with Ciabatta and Ruby and Jet volunteer to go with him (when Ciabatta sends for him) and Amethar goes with Theo/Liam to the emperor while Cruller holds down the fort. Liam casts Pass Without Trace on everyone for some extra sneaking mojo.  

The winners and Amethar make their way to see the emperor and run into Annabelle, the other champion, on the way. Plumbeline is there too and she apologizes to Theo who accepts it gracefully. Liam fully puts his foot in his mouth and asks Annabelle why she didn’t want to marry and she just goes off on him and his lack of tact, finishing with some Charm School 101 and the advice that he should, when he meets someone, give a simple compliment not related to appearance or anything personal and then bail from the conversation. Advice that he immediately uses in the next scene when he meets the emperor and says, “I really like your infrastructure,” and I cannot explain to you how good that setup/payoff was, you just have to watch it.

Annabelle says that there are two things she really wants (one for herself and one for her country) then asks that the emperor request that the Pontifex release Stilton Cordeau (the suspicious little cheese dude Primsy was flirting with) from his Bulbian vows (including celibacy)--he entered the clergy young and then his older brothers died at sea--so he can marry Primsy. The Candians gathered are flipping out internally but can’t really say anything without causing a huge scene and probably an international incident (AGAIN). Theo’s turn is next and he has a lot of angst about who he's gonna nominate to be emp--lol no I’m kidding. Murph pulls out a pre-made scroll irl, unrolls it, and rattles off all of Amethar’s titles, nominating him, obviously.

Official business taken care of, everyone but Amethar and Plumbeline leave. Once outside, Liam expresses surprise to Annabelle that Primsy has a love interest (I half expected Annabelle to accuse him of TMI again) and Annabelle says they’ve kind of been seeing each other since they were young but it was complicated what with her having other official suitors and him being promised to the church. Theo thinks this is a way for the Bulbian church to get into politics more directly by putting one of their guys in power but Annabelle thinks they’re pretty in it already. When asked by Theo, Annabelle says she doesn’t really care about Cordeau but she’s OK with him if he makes Primsy happy. When asked by Theo if she cares about Primsy (Charisma Check, disadvantage--rolls a 2) she gets really upset and basically tells him to F off and leaves.

Back in the room, Uvano tells Amethar point blank, get ready buddy. It’s you. Amethar asks if he can appoint Plumeline to his council and she seems very happy about that. Uvano tells his daughter to get the official papers to declare it but Plumbeline says the Pontifex is holding on to them for some reason. He says to get them, even if she has to disturb her.         

Speaking of, Onionpatch (the Primogen from Greenhold) shows up at the Candian Quarters to fetch Lapin on behalf of the Pontifex. That’s basically a summons from God so he has to go, even though he has that meeting with Ciabatta. He trusts Ruby and Jet to go in his stead and leaves with him. 

Ruby and Jet have a little chat about how they’re always treated like children (though it’s probably partially their fault) and Cruller is like girls, we let you in on the war council today and you’re going on a spy mission in like ten minutes. We respect you.  

A Tartguard shows up with Lapin’s note (Zac, with a successful roll, retcons that he in the moment made it so that his friends could read his secret message/watermark too) now with added info, the symbol of a bakery. They sneak over to the bakery (Ruby the rogue getting a crazy 36) and they spot Ciabatta dressed in peasant clothes (as they also are). They sneak to an abandoned but gated palazzo (big, fancy, Italian-y house) outside the Great Food Pyramid and break in. As they enter, an assassin tries to get the drop on them but Ciabatta ices him immediately and takes the guard as proof that this is Alfredi’s secret house. There’s a lot of Bulbian imagery but Ruby can tell that they’re mismatched and BS, like painting random hieroglyphs on a set piece for flavor.   

Ciabatta opens a door at the top of a set of stairs and they find themselves in an alchemical lab that’s just full of interesting stuff:

Ruby finds pure water and Jet finds mold both super deadly weapons. These are like tools for bioterrorism. They talk about how to get rid of it and Ciabatta says they’ll leave an anonymous tip to someone who can safely handle it. 

Ciabatta finds eye-droppers and, upon using them, his eyes glow like Alfredi’s do, exposing her as a fraud of a miracle worker (I wonder if she has artificer stats).  

Jet finds the schematics for making the water daggers and Ruby can tell that it’s instructions on how to make milk silk in a weird mix of Lacra and Fructerano (both languages she speaks--she must have paid SOME attention in school, or hung out with a bunch of multilingual circus peeps I guess) that would be common in the Yogurt Shoals. The recipe for milk silk is the same as how to make water steel, you just sub some ingredients. Also, Yogurt Shoals is the home of House Bleu! Home of Stilton--the heir--who is now, suddenly, able to marry. Emily feels very vindicated with her pasta/cheese connection from earlier.

Ciabatta finds a bunch of papers and starts burning them or taking them with him. He says that Alfredi was an expert on blackmail collecting (s/t very common in Ceresia) and the room is full of blackmail. He takes the Ceresian blackmail and implies that he’s gonna use it to clean house back home so Cersia can be honest again. 

Jet looks for Candian blackmail and finds none, though she finds notes from the Pontifex about the Profidian Heresy and the Ramsian Doctrine--two terms she doesn’t recognize. 

Anyway, they sneak back out, Ciabatta stone cold carves up the assassin's body for the birds (which begs the question of what the birds are made of but we still have a lot to get through so let’s just keep moving right along) and they part ways. 

Lapin’s Big Day (Part 2)

Lapin is brought to the Pontifex who is, in a word, livid. She asks Lapin where the power of the church comes from and his answer of, “The Bulb and those it shines on,” does not make her any happier. She full SLAPS him and starts ripping him apart for publicly arresting Alfredi--making fools of them and weakening their position with the public--instead of letting the church handle it privately. Lapin says, since Alfredi and Kerradin are in the church, he doesn’t have a lot of faith that the church, as it stands, can handle their own business which was NOT the right thing to say.

The Pontifex gives him an ultimatum: Are you a Candian or a Bulbian official first? Lapin, doing as he’s always done, lies and swears to the church. The Pontifex says that this situation can still be salvaged. Alfredi will be tried privately and hanged publicly (gonna be a real fig leaf of a trial it seems) and then there’s the matter of Candia which is not in good standing with the church. There’s still that little matter of the magic on the Sucrosi Road. Lapin is quick to defend Ruby but it isn’t Ruby she’s targeting. It’s the much easier scapegoat: Liam, the traitor’s son who publicly did magic earlier the same day. She tells Lapin that he will arrest Liam immediately who will be put on trial for witchcraft, a crime with the penalty of death. Obviously torn (to us anyway) Lapin agrees to do it with an, “As you see fit.” He walks out with a group of knights to get the job done.

Back at base, Ruby and Jet fill in everyone on what happened and ask about the two religious terms they saw in the letter from the Pontifex. Nobody knows but there would be records of this stuff in a cathedral somewhere--it’s a big city. Based on what Amethar knows about Pangranos (which he says swings between an ineffective democracy and a destructive imperitorship) it seems like he’s going to try and install himself as imperator--Cersian senators are notoriously corrupt we learned in an earlier episode. They discuss whether the church is trying to get Stilton on the throne for the aforementioned reasons which leads to the news that Amethar was named emperor coming up and everyone is really happy for him.

And then there’s a knock at the door. 

They open up and it’s Lapin with a whole mess of soldiers. The head soldier cedes to Lapin and lets him formally charge Liam of witchcraft on behalf of the church. Amethar (and Jet) are like absolutely not and stand in front of Liam to protect him. Theo Messages Lapin like, “Bro, what is happening? Please tell me this is some kind of plan,” and, Lapin, who knows that he can at least assure Liam a real trial with actual due process and that he won’t get disappeared in the night, thinks this is the lesser of all evils. So instead of fighting, Theo asks if she can give up his weapons and stay with Liam in jail overnight. The request is granted. Liam, in a delayed reaction, flips out (valid) and the princesses promise that they’re gonna be A+ witnesses for him. He asks if he can bring Preston to jail and I thought they would have a problem with that seeing as familiars are a thing but nope. The pig is all good.

Before he’s marched out, Amethar brings Liam close. Liam, so deer in headlights, whispers, “Don’t let them kill me.” Amethar responds that he would die before he let them kill him.    

Liam (with Theo keeping watch) spends the night in a jail cell and wakes up to the sound of bells. The emperor is dead. And, guess what? The papers were never signed. 

The Rocks family goes to the Emperor's chambers where Plumbeline is crying. Amethar comforts her. Jet says that she only took a short rest so she could look up those two religious terms from the letter. She found a book with the info but if she reads it now, she’ll miss Liam’s trial so she takes it with her. Amethar offers Plumbeline an out from going to the church but she wipes her tears and insists on going.     

Liam is brought out. The Pontifex speaks and says the trial is being slightly postponed to deal with the emperor's death. She days the paperwork wasn’t finished but a successor was reportedly named. Amethar kinda prompts Plumbeline who stands and says that she was there when the Emperor named as his successor...Ciabatta. 

Ruby instantly calls her a liar and Amethar stands up and makes his claim (not happy to have to speak against Plumbeline but also not happy with whatever BS she’s pulling). Ciabatta, btw, is not present for this. 

With two competing claims, the Pontifex brings out the Book of Leaves--a Bublian artifact formerly belonging to Amethar’s sister, St. Citrina--which basically has Lasso of Truth powers. Lapin does a check to make sure it’s the real book and not tampered with in any way and on a Nat 20, knows that it’s the real deal *and* that he can glean info about the true nature of the Bulb from it with some more time. While this is going down, Jet is reading and she learns that the Profidian Heresy is an old belief of the church that the Hungry One is as powerful as the Bulb and they eventually decided that couldn’t be true and it was discarded as an official belief. 

Back to the action. The Pontifex asks Plumbeline if her dad really named Ciabatta emperor and she is compelled to tell the truth. No, he didn’t. Amethar comes in for his easy lay-up but, as he walks up, in a little side room, he sees that Manta Ray Jack is chained up and he’s had the crap beat out of him. And the Pontifex has a different question for him: Who is your lawful wedded wife?   

Amethar hems and haws but eventually is forced to admit that he legally married a woman from the Dairy Islands when he was younger and it was technically never annulled because of the war making things complicated.

The Pontifex, who is playing 4-D lightning chess, says that because he never actually divorced his previous wife, his marriage to Caramelinda was never valid which means that Ruby and Jet as bastards and he’s an adulterer in the eyes of the church, grounds for excommunication which she performs at once. Excommunication means no ability to hold land or title which means the crown of Candia moves to the next in line which happens to be Joren Jawbreaker (Liam’s dad--Ruby and Jet can’t inherit bc they’re bastards and Caramelinda has no claim since the marriage wasn’t official) who is in open rebellion with the rest of Calorum. Which means that all of Candia is now in open rebellion with the rest of Calorum. Which means everyone in the room can now be arrested as enemies of the state! 

You *know* everybody’s rolling for initiative, and I’m trying to not hold my breath because it’s gonna be a LONG wait until next Wednesday.       

Things I’m Concerned About

I almost feel like I should have a Things I’m Not Concerned About list this week to save time. What a roller coaster of absolutely insanity. And it’s only episode 5 people. It’s episode 5! You know that chart we all learned in school about rising action, climax, falling action? We’re still way on the bottom of the rising action part! There’s still so much buildup left but where is there left to go? This is like the end of act two of another story! What is happening!? 

Annabelle said she had one request for her and one for her country. Then she asked for something for Primsy which sounds like the country one but I’m not convinced it is. Like, it certainly could be but the phrasing of that and lack of clarification has me wary. 

I’m concerned Jet only got a short rest going into this battle. She got hurt at least some during the fight and I know she doesn’t need to regain spell slots but, like, a million NPCs are gonna be at this fight. This is not the one to come in nerfed. Like, I trust Emily to make judgement calls and Jet probably doesn’t have that much HP so a short rest might have done it but mmm, don’t love this. (Upon rewatch, she did get another short rest during the “who do we nominate” scene so maybe it’s fine but still...). 

I really don’t see a scenario where everyone leaves this fight alive/OK. You know that Smash Bros screen where it’s like, “Everyone’s Here!” That’s what this is like. Like, can you imagine trying to escape the White House surrounded by secret service? Gah, I really feel like I’m gonna be writing a eulogy for a piece of candy this time next week. And, for everybody else, this isn’t a fight you win. This is a fight you escape. I really hope Calroy made good on getting that boat.

Gah, there are so many potentially shady NPCs to talk about. It’s not gonna dig too deep into any of them but just a quick look on where my head’s at:

Ciabatta: Is he corrupt? And it just within his country (and thus, not really the concern of the Candians), or did he put up Plumbeline to nom him? Where was he? Was he not at the trial because it was none of his business or did he not want to be there when things went crazy. What docs did he burn? Just the blackmail on him? What has he done?

Plumbeline: Who put her up to putting up Ciabatta? What does she have to gain from doing that (or lose from not doing it)? It was enough to give up a seat on the council and contravene her father’s dying wish. Did Ciabatta have blackmail on her? Did the church make her do it to have an excuse to question Amethar (maybe when she went to get the papers signed)? What did Ruby miss on her 7 Insight check right before they went to the trial?

Annabelle: Did she really make Stilton a viable heir just for Primsy’s sake or does she have ulterior motives? And are those motives personal or fully in league with some kind of conspiracy--possibly the cheese one in particular.

Pontifex B: OK, so obviously the church is shady. We got that. But what is their angle here? Is it as simple as Candia is doing the magic they don’t like, let’s remove them? And which parts of this (or, more likely, *these*--there’s got to be multiple things in play here) is she actually puppet mastering? I’m sure some of it is just the church being shady just because it is. 

Stilton: I simply do not vibe with anything about him.

Just to put a fine point on it, if I--me irl--was attacked by people back to back, I would assume the attacks were related, but Amethar is a BIG target. It’s very likely multiple sets of people are independently gunning for him and multiple gunners always makes a mystery harder to solve.

Lord and Lady Swirlie are always around but being sidelined. Brennan keeps mentioning them and Amethar keeps stiff-arming them. I don’t know if they keep coming up because they’re secretly relevant or if Brennan is just a good DM (second is true regardless) but hmm. Related but not really a concern per se, I would like to know what Lady Donetta is like. She’s rarely around because she’s usually keeping the Swirlies busy. 

OK, so Lapin. Yikes. He was in a bad position to start with but now, I don’t even know where he stands. He’s a Candian, but just the day before he said he was a Primogen first, right? So, hypothetically, he should be able to escape this and stand with the Pontifex. After all, he’s a miracle worker for all she knows (unless she *actually* knows). You would give your official who was specifically chosen by your god the chance to do the “right thing” right? Would that be a wise choice to make? I could see him doing that so he can be their man on the inside. Lapin doesn’t die but Zac has to use his backup because Lapin is MIA. But if he sides with the Candians, he’s fully persona non grata with the church and he’s already on pretty thin ice. Also, if the worst happens as I suspect and one of the Rocks’ family falls, what position does that put him in with his patron? Yeesh, I would *not* want to be Zac next fight.

Just to also highlight this, very possible that even if we have no deaths, someone gets captured, stuck in a dungeon, and put out of commission for a long stretch of eps. I don’t think the church wants them dead necessarily. Except for Liam who they for sure want dead.

I don’t know how fast news travels in Calorum but Caramelinda is in for a SHOCK. Also, I wonder what was meant by, “What the world took from her”? (Caramelinda’s reason for not really caring about the rest of the world when they’re discussing whether she should be nom’d). Like, is it just general war stuff or something specific? Oh and, in case it wasn’t mentioned before, she’s originally from House Meringue, and that’s her house again now that her marriage is legally invalid. 

I think it was said that Gustavo was a little more lucid this time then when they talked. Then the Pontifex gets the papers and he just dies? Could just be a coincidence, but poison has been established in this story already at least twice and Liam even thought to check for poison (though he wasn’t able to) so I’m keeping an eye out. 

OK, this episode was A Lot so, this week, I’m adding a section to shout out the funniest parts of this episode and it’s called:

Sunny Side Up

Theo barking at the Tartguard, “DO A SADDER DANCE” had me DYING.

As did Murph going through the motions of the nomination conversation like he didn’t have a scroll ready to go that he’d made in advance.

When they Home Alone their room, Ally says, “I have a bunch of micromachines and they’re peppermint.”

When Brennan/Ciabatta was going through pronouns and Jet was like, “Or a spaghetti person,” and Ciabatta was like, “Tbh, that will prob be the case regardless.” Also, the very Brennan double peace signs at the end.

When they’re like, “We should make Preston King,” and Calroy is like, “Emperor,” like that’s the only wrong part of that.

Five A Lot More Things

Lol at Brennan going through the mechanics of the trial like there was ever gonna be a trial. 

Grissini, man. He’s at the fight and while I would not blame him for following orders I would love for him to be exactly who I hope he is and if not fully defect, maybe throw the Candians a sneaky Help action. I know hope only exists to be destroyed in shows like this but I want what I want, OK?

What an exquisitely DM’d episode. Giving the players an agonizing political minefield of a decision in disguise as a reward is brilliant. The jump between the spy stuff and the church stuff and then the whole lead up to the arrest? Like, I knew Liam was gonna take the fall for Ruby from last episode and that was still a gut punch. And then making it seem like Liam’s head was on the chopping block and then BOOM, nope. It’s actually everybody? The uno post by @aydaspastlives is both the funniest D20 post this week and the best description on the insanity that we saw. Most fun I’ve ever had being womped. Well done Brennan.

I realized this episode when I accidentally typed Pete instead of Liam because of the Peppermint alliteration that Pete had a peppermint tooth from like episode 2 onward of TUC. Connections! 

If you follow me for non D&D stuff know I’m very into Six the musical and I can’t hear the word excommunicated with doing it in my head like in Don’t Lose Ur Head which was jarring, as I’m sure you can imagine. 

We were all bracing for bastards but the bastards were with us all along! Very wild. I wonder if/how that reveal would have gone down if Amethar had died. And I really wonder if there is still another child. The Pontifex didn’t mention, but that could be a good pawn for later, both for her or for Brennan. Or someone’s second character, who knows? Also, I very much want to know more about this milk maid and how literal that description is. 

Edit: I can’t believe I forgot to mention this before but the delicious monkey paw-ness of Ruby and Jet continually talking about how they don’t want to be royal and then suddenly being branded bastards in front of everyone? Amazing. Also the little, “Call me that one more time,” from Ruby. So good.

I wonder if the protections Amethar got by Theo naming him do him any good in this situation.  

What does bread bleed, Brennan? Please? Why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me consider this? Also, why would Ciabatta just stick his hand in water like that? My guy, there are better ways to check the deadly poison other than directly handling it. 

Brennan really likes naming important religious concepts, huh? No shade, I genuinely think it’s great. 

I don’t know why I heard, “bacon steel” and I was like, “Plausible,” and then I heard “fruit iron” and I was like, “Absolutely not.”

Oh and just a quick note: Ruby and Jet double leveled last fight so I think they’re all caught up with everyone else now (but Liam might still be one level behind).

One More Thing!

This has absolutely nothing to do with Crown of Candy but I am still, as always, on my BS re: the Abernants and y’all should check out this amazing animatic by @crayfishcoffee. It is, hands down, my favorite piece of D20 fan art, absolutely period. I could literally go off for another thousand words but I’m being indulgent as is so I’ll shut up now. Go watch it! 

[jawnjendes]

a particular lie | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

if there’s anything you wanna see happen in this series, let me know!

masterlist | series playlist

“She just goes right for the what?” I asked incredulously.

Shawn only smirked and wiggled his eyebrows.

He has been quite open with me ever since we started dating, mostly in the hopes that I would do the same. It was easy for him to be honest because he put so much of himself in his music, which was both his passion and his therapy. It was just another thing I adored about him, even though I never outwardly said it. Explicit expression of emotions was… quite the task for me.

Anyway, Shawn put a new song up on Spotify and it was a lot sexier and more fun than his other ones. The lyrics caught my attention, because they were pure sex, which he and I hadn't done a lot of. I certainly didn't do what this girl in the song did, not that I thought he was going to be singing about our sex life. I just knew Shawn got around as much as I did before we met each other. Although, his reasons were different from mine. Consider my curiosity sparked!

“So, who's this ex you were obsessed with?” I asked with a grin. The song was on repeat in the background, playing through my small bedroom in the dorm.

“Oh, you don't wanna hear about that,” Shawn replied, waving it off.

“If I didn't, I wouldn't have asked,” I said, only for my attention to be taken by another interesting lyric. I was learning a lot about the sensual side of my boyfriend.

Then, I crawled onto the bed where Shawn was laying, and I made my way onto his lap. I smiled at him and gently ran my fingers through his curly brown hair. “So, you gonna spill the tea or…?”

“If I do, will you keep doing that?” he asked, closing his eyes at my touch.

Listen, I love music. I'm not a singer or songwriter like my boyfriend, but I knew the effect music can have. Listening to music and creating playlists was one of my healthy coping mechanisms. A good song can alter my mood completely, and this song… Well, I felt a little daring.

My hands cupped Shawn's face and I leaned in until our faces were an inch apart. “I'll do whatever you want…”

His cheeks heated up almost immediately, but he sounded composed when he spoke. “It was just an idea that ran through my head.”

“Like a fantasy?”

“Uh… yeah. Something like that. Now, are you going to do whatever I want?”

The rising heat between us was enough to wipe away any other questions from my head. I nodded and pulled him into a lustful kiss, but it only lasted for a second.

I quickly pulled away hearing noise outside my bedroom. Stella had come home, and she was chatting with someone. By chatting, I mean we heard audible kissing noises, soft moans, and finally a door slamming shut.

“Is this weird?” I asked Shawn. “I don't want this to be weird.”

He shook his head. “Two… couples can play at that game.”

I smiled and kissed him again. “I'll be right back.”

Quickly, I hopped off his lap and dashed out of the room. I ran over to the bathroom and opened the cabinet under the sink, reaching for the box of condoms Stella kept in there. Just as I snagged the last one, the lady herself ran up to the doorway.

“No,” she said in disbelief. “Please tell me there's another one.”

I shook my head. “Sorry, boo.”

“Weren't you taking it slow? I thought you weren't getting dicked down yet!”

“Bitch, I might be! I told Shawn I'll do whatever he wants! I need to be ready!”

Stella opened her mouth to argue, but it seemed like she had that argument in her head. “Fine! Only because you haven't gotten any in a while! If I catch something, I'm blaming you!”

~

We're going to get a little TMI for a minute, okay? Cool.

I was in bed with Shawn after… three hours. Yes, three fucking hours. We each missed a class, who cares? We were sweating and panting, coming down from a particularly intense high. I was beginning to wonder why I put this off for so long, even though I had very good reasons for doing so. I was perfectly sleepy and loopy in the best way, and I couldn't stop smiling.

“Mm, Stella's gonna be pissed,” Shawn mumbled as he rested his head on my chest.

Her guest didn't stay very long, we discovered after our first round. I almost felt bad, but then Shawn showed me just how talented he was with his fingers and his mouth. Nothing else mattered.

“She’ll live,” I replied, stroking Shawn's hair.

Now, I'm not a virgin, but I was new to the concept of not leaving after sex. I was new to cuddling and still caring after sex. I was new to the other person caring about me. A long line of being kicked to the curb left me very touch and affection starved, so I needed Shawn to stay with me. I needed to be reassured that he still liked me after getting his nut. He hasn't left a single time.

Shawn picked himself up, and rolled off of me. He rested on his elbow and cupped my face with his free hand. He did that when he wanted me to look directly at him.

“Hey.”

“Hi,” I mumbled, my eyelids heavy and my heart whooshing.

“I love you,” he said quietly.

Okay, I know I said I needed reassurance… but my eyes weren’t heavy anymore, and the cloud I was on vanished and hurdled me back to earth. I blinked a few times and I smiled. Shawn had a hopeful look in his eyes, like he was expecting something in return.

“I love…” I trailed off, “that concept.”

And I kissed him on the nose.

Yup. I said what I said, and I crawled out of bed before it got weird.

“You know what?” Shawn said while I got dressed. “I'll take it.”

I didn't know what to say, honestly. I kept my back to him as I got my underwear back on.

“That's probably as much as I'll get right now,” he continued. “And that's okay. It's probably just another wall you got up, right?”

Finally, I looked at him. He was still lying on my small bed, arms resting behind his head. He didn't look upset… but he sounded like it.

He certainly knew how to call me out too. I guess it's what I get for disclosing my reasons for going to therapy. He wasn't wrong, though. I was weary around the L word, thanks to various life experiences. I guess Shawn just wasn't having it anymore.

“Is it so bad if I don't say it the second you tell me?” I asked, mild snark in my tone.

“Well, it doesn't feel good.”

That put a gross feeling in my stomach. “Huh. I definitely don't wanna say it now…” I turned away again to pick up my t shirt.

“No - sweetheart. Hey…” Shawn got up and approached me, the blanket wrapped around his lower half. “I'm sorry. I got lost in the moment.”

“So you don't feel that way?” I was confused now… and picking a fight.

“I do. I don’t know how soon is too soon for you, but I love you… a lot. You don't have to say it back at all, or ever. I know you don't use words to express those things, and that's okay. I promise.”

Why does he have to be nice to me? Why can’t we just yell and be angry and call things off? Why can’t we just ignore each other for weeks and have him come back just to sleep with me again?

I offered a weak smile and silently went to my dresser. It was time for my round of meds. Usually, I had to take 2 of my 3 pills in the morning, but I was rarely awake before ten o’clock. I knew how to take care of myself, it was just actually doing it accordingly was my problem.

Shawn approached me yet again. He looked down at my prescription bottles and whistled. “You take all of these everyday?”

“Not this one.” I held up the bottle with large white tablets. “This one is only for three more days. It’s for my abnormal digestive tract.” I smiled like I said the most attractive thing in the world. Then I held up the bottle with small, white circular pills. “I also got birth control to treat PCOS-”

“What’s that?”

“It’s a reproductive disorder. There’s that, and finally-” I held up the bottle with blue and white tablets. “Prozac for the nerves.” I wanted to jokingly ask if he still loved me, but it was probably too soon.

“Wow,” Shawn said. “My little fighter.”

I chuckled as I downed 3 pills at once. “It’s not a big deal. In three days, I’ll be down to two pills.”

Then, there was a knock on the door, followed by Stella’s voice.

“If y’all are done,” she called, “me and Camila need a ride to the mall!”

“Your kids are calling,” Shawn told me with a grin.

~

My boyfriend left to his next class, leaving me to drive Stella and Camila. Oh, and it wasn’t just the two of them, either. They had a third friend named Hailey who tagged along. She was long, blonde, and beautiful. She didn’t speak that much, she just sat with Camila in the backseat and scrolled on her phone. She, Stella, and Camila could wipe out the entire campus with their looks.

I really felt like a mom driving her teenage daughters around. That was partly because I felt tired and my stomach was grumbling ominously. I love being a 40-year-old mom.

“Did you guys hear Shawn’s new song?” Camila asked. “It’s different, right?”

“It sure is,” I said, blushing at the events that happened after I first heard it. “What a talented boy.”

“Why don’t you tell him that?” Stella asked, probably still salty about the screaming match from earlier.

I chuckled. “I can’t. He’s already got a huge ego.”

Then came something interesting from Hailey, who I did not think was listening to a word I had to say. Oh jeez…

“That’s not the only huge thing about him.”

I peeked at her through the rearview mirror. She was still scrolling on her phone like nothing happened. Uuuhhhhhhhhhhh-

“You know you’re talking to Shawn’s girlfriend, right?” Camila said non-too-gently.

“Yeah,” Hailey said mindlessly. “Thought I was just saying something we could agree on.”

Shit, I thought I was bad at making conversation. Aside from that, my stomach felt heavier. It made me sweat a little bit.

“Are you, like, trying to flex your BDSM thing or something?” Stella asked, looking back at Hailey.

What the hap is fuckening??

“I’m just quite particular. And Shawn would agree.”

Particular? Why particular?

“Did you date him?” I finally asked, but talking made my nerves increase.

Hailey laughed. “I wouldn’t say that. He was never the dating type. I wonder what he sees in you. No offense.”

My stomach kept flipping, so I kept my eyes firmly on the road. “Yeah, I always say he’s much cooler than me.” Especially right now, because I felt quite warm in the face.

“Hey, you’re cool,” Stella reassured. “And Shawn is very fucking lucky to have you. You’re not exactly the dating type either, it’s a match made in heaven.”

I smiled and then flipped off the AC. “Is it too cold?”

The other three girls said they were fine. While I was blushing from the uncomfortable conversation, the rest of my body was chilly. Soon enough, I was trying not to visibly shiver. Also, why did I never know that Shawn wasn’t “the dating type?”

“You know his song is called Particular Taste, right?” Camila said. “Does that sound familiar, Hailey?”

“I knew I left an impression. Guess I just have that effect.”

Suddenly, I hit the brakes and swerved to the side of the highway. The girls practically screamed at my actions and were about to cuss me out. However, the second I pulled the parking brake, I opened the door and threw up on the ground. It didn’t take long because there wasn’t much in my stomach. Once I finished, I sat back in my seat and shut the door.

“Like I said,” I told the girls, who were now looking horrified, “my boyfriend is way cooler than me.”

He’s also a fucking liar.

~

Shawn was out of class by the time I got back to campus. I just knew that by looking at the time, so I went back to my dorm and asked him to meet me there. If I was going to be sick again, I’d rather it be in my own living space.

I listened to his new song again while I waited for him to come over. The lyrics had a whole new meaning now that I had spoken to Hailey. This song was riddled with inside jokes and little intimate moments that had happened between them. So it was just some fantasy, huh? Just a little idea? When in reality, she actually went for the face. Holy fuck.

When he finally showed up, he had a plastic bag in hand, and he was moderately frantic. “Hey!” He kissed my cheek as he stepped into my humble abode. “Camila texted me saying you got sick, so I brought some stuff!”

“Oh…” I said, my mind not occupied by my stupid intestines for once.

Shawn went and sat in front of the coffee table and emptied the bag. “I got chamomile to calm your tummy and your nerves. Pepto for your tummy. Oh, and I got you some Lunchables because I know you only eat that when you’re sick. How do you feel now? Feeling okay?”

I was surprised at the lengths he went. “This is… awfully nice of you. I’m fine, though. I just forgot to eat with my meds. And I’m supposed to take them separately.”

He made himself comfortable on the couch. “Aren’t they supposed to help?”

A pit of annoyance struck me in the chest. “Yeah. I don’t really wanna talk about that, though.” I cleared my throat and sat down next to him. I busied myself with devouring the Lunchables, but I still couldn’t push down what was really bothering me. “I met a girl named Hailey today. Said she knows you.”

“You met Hailey?” Shawn asked, his tone changing from that sweet boyfriend voice.

“She’s very… particular.”

He gave me a look. “Sweetheart. Is there something you wanna say?”

“Is your new song about her?”

“Well, not entirely-”

“Shawn.”

He hesitated. “Yeah. Yeah, it’s about Hailey.”

I began picking at my nails. My stomach flipped again, but it wasn’t from nausea. “Why didn’t you tell me that before?”

“Why is it such a big deal? Are you jealous?”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes. “No. She’s gorgeous, and I don’t blame you for letting her sit-”

“Please don’t finish that sentence.” He paused, then he held his hand out to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

I folded my arms, still feeling dramatic. “Are all of your songs about exes I don’t know about? Am I going to run into all of them in the hallway? In class? How many of your songs have you lied to me about?”

“Hey, I didn’t lie-” Shawn tried to say.

“You told me you made it up. You told me there wasn’t an ex when you wrote that song.” I raised my voice a little bit. He needed to know why I was so upset.

He sighed. “I told you that because you loved the song and I was worried that the real reason would ruin it. Like when you found out about Mercy.”

My mind was still searching for things to be pissed about. How do I know he’s not lying right now? Why did I have to find out the truth from the ex and not him?

“Plus,” he continued, “you liked the song so much that we had really good sex for like three hours. How could I tell you then?”

“Oh, so you lied to get into my pants? You know I was trying to take that part slow!”

“That’s not why I did it!” He raised his voice at me, but he stopped himself and took a deep breath. “I was trying to protect you. I wasn’t thinking of myself, I was thinking of you and your best interests!”

“Protect me?!”

Now, Shawn looked exasperated. He huffed. “Yes, I wanted to protect you! Why is that such a bad thing?”

This is why I don’t like letting people in. Once they see what’s in my head, I’m suddenly fragile and made of glass. They think they can’t do anything around me. They proceed with caution like I’m some ticking time bomb. But Shawn knew I was strong, he was the last person I expected this from.

“I don’t need protecting,” I said firmly. “I need you to be honest with me. I don’t mind knowing about your exes. They’re probably way better than mine. I don’t mind that you write and sing about them. It’s what you do best.” It sounded less angry than I was, but I didn’t know how to sound bitchy about it.

Shawn processed what I said and nodded. “Okay. You’re right, I need to be more honest. And, I won’t perform Particular Taste if you don’t want me to.”

Oof.

“That’s another thing,” I told him. “I will never ask you to do something like that. Those are your songs, your babies. I know you’re proud of them otherwise you wouldn’t put them out there! Keep singing Particular Taste, and keep singing Mercy. They’re both amazing songs, and I love them because I love you-”

Shawn and I gasped at the same time. He lit up like a Christmas tree, all of his frustration flying away. I had my hand clamped over my mouth. My eyes widened in shock, and I quickly tried to retract my impulsive words.

“No, no!” Shawn said over me, smiling wide. “You said it! You can’t take it back!”

I could only continue staring at him with wide eyes. I didn’t mean to say it at a time like this. We were supposed to be fighting!

“You love me.” His smile was radiant, like it was his birthday. Like when he was on stage. He placed his hands on my upper arms. “Honey, it’s okay! I love you too!”

I dropped my hand and nodded. “I’m not the type to say it all the time, though. Honestly, I don’t know when’s the next time you’ll hear it.”

“I’ll say it enough for the both of us.” He kissed my forehead. “And I really am sorry I lied to you. I won’t do it again, I promise.”

My eyes narrowed. The irrational, anxious side of my brain was screaming for me to kick him to the curb. The logical side reminded me why he did it to me in the first place. His intentions were good.

“Fine.” Then I figured I’d give him one more for the road. “I… I love you.”

“And I love that concept,” he replied.

“Nevermind. I fucking hate you.”

[kpopshitposter]

Are these actual people or characters?

ayo ayo ayo

The people on my blog are kpop/cpop/vpop idols, so they’re actual people who just be looking and acting like fictional characters bc they’re so beautiful it doesn’t feel real

Since it really be seeming like you’re in the wrong part of town I thought I’d compile a lil playlist for you… it’s a #-Z of Korean artists I personally listen to on the regular. Complete with song recs! I had a lot of fun putting it together so even if you only bother to listen to one song on it I hope you enjoy it!!

uhhhhhhh it’s a lot (this list should explain why it took me so long to reply to your ask i’m so sorry I hope this is helpful)

Casual disclaimer that if you feel like theres any problematic people mentioned please be aware that i dont pay attention to scandals so this is just about the songs

Also I guess people should feel free to add their faves to the list if they wanna recommend it and I haven’t included them

Alsox2 if any links are wrong im sorry i love u

Feel free to ask me to order them by genre, male/female, or mood or anything like that too if you’d like!! K-pop in general is a really fun and comforting music genre and you should totally give it a chance

#

2NE1 - I am the best3racha - Matryoshka (MaaAaaAAAAA)4Minute - Whatcha doin’ today

A

AB6IX - BreatheA.C.E. - Under Cover (I also really recommend Take Me Higher but rlly all of their songs)Agust D - Agust D (TONGUE TECHNOLOGY!! ICONIC. But also The Last and all of his solos)AOA - Bingle BangleASTRO - Moonwalk ATEEZ - Promise and Wave and HALA HALA all of their songs again lmao wow so many talented people in one list

B

B1A4 - Rollin’BASTARZ - Help Me and omg just take the albumB.A.P - Wake Me Up B-BOMB - Give & Take BIGBANG - LAST DANCE and FANTASTIC BABYBLACKPINK - Kick It they have a lot of good songs tho!!Block B - Be The Light and Don’t Leave and Dreams Come True and No Joke and Toy dkfjghjsw Block B are my ultimate group and I love every single one of their songs - they’re kings of genre varietyBolbbalgan4 - Some and Travel and Ring they have loads of good songs!!!BTS - Blood Sweat & Tears and Dope and Just One Day and Home picking is rlly rlly hard because they have a crazy amount of songs lmao I went with songs where they all have lines

C

CHUNG HA - Roller CoasterCL - Hello BitchesCLC - Hobgoblin and NoCrush - None also Cereal ft. Zico

D

Day6 - I Need Somebody and Shoot Me don’t forget to dance to Shoot Me like this (but we’ll get to Stray Kids later)DEAN - The Unknown Guest and Bonnie & Clyde and D (Half Moon) ft Gaeko

E

Eric Nam - Honestly EXID - Up & Down and I Love YouEXO - Damage and Wait and EL DORADO and Universe and yknow ALL OF THEM they do a lot of different genres!EXO-CBX - Hey Mama!EXO-K - Overdose

F

F(x) - Rum Pum Pum PumFANXY CHILD - Y

G

GFRIEND - Me Gustas Tu and Time for the moon night and RoughG(I)-DLE - LATATAGirl’s Day - Something Girls’ Generation - Lion Heart GOT7 - MiracleGRAY - TMI and Late Night with Loco

H

HEIZE - Don’t Know You and Shut Up & Groove with Dean and Jenga with GaekoHOA - LongingHoody - Like You and Golden with Jay ParkHYUKOH - LOVE YA!

I

iKON - Love Scenario (this might as well be Korea’s national anthem at this point)INFINITE - AIR and Bad (they don’t have a bad song)I.O.I - Very Very Very ITZY - DALLA DALLA and ICYIU - BBIBBI and Palette ft G-Dragon (she’s ridiculously good)

J

Jay Park - Me Like Yuh and Solo ft Hoody and Upside Down ft Simon Dominic and Loco and GRAY I really like Mommae ft Ugly Duck tooJENNIE - SOLO J-Hope - Daydream Ji Chang Wook (fight ME LMAO IM SORRY I HAVE TO INCLUDE HIM) - To a Butterfly he’s done a lot of good songs and has a really beautiful voice!! You can listen hereJimin - PromiseJimin Park - April FoolsJin - EpiphanyJJ Project - Tomorrow, Today and Find You (I think all of their lil subunit songs are good)JONGHYUN - MoonJUNNY - Handle You and Magnet TELL ME WHY EVERYONE IS SLEEPING ON JUNNY BC IDK

KKang Daniel - What are you up toKARD - Oh NaNa and Don’t RecallKevin Oh - LoverKEY - Show Me but really NOT A SINGLE BAD SONG IN DIS BITCHKNK - Love You

L

Lee Hyun - You Are Here (i know it’s random bc it’s from the BTS game album but this song is so so beautiful)Loco - to be completely honest I don’t know if Loco has any solo music but I really like Still ft Crush and Don’t ft Hwasa

M

Mamamoo - Open Your Mind MOMOLAND - BBoom BBoom Monsta X - No Reason and Ready or Not and Be Quiet yet another one who physically can’t do bad songsMINHO - I’m Home

N

NCT - Baby Don’t Stop and Highway to Heaven and Simon Says and Jet Lag and Candle Light and Boom (I couldn’t with all the subunits so JSIJFGUH) also I’m gonna include WayV even though they’re not k-pop (they’re an NCT subunit) Come Back and Regular (my most listened to song on spotify) and Let me love u and Take Off and Dream LaunchN.Flying - Hot Potato and Rooftop NU'EST - Where You At

O

ONE - HeyaheONEUS - Twilight Orange Caramel - Abing abing and Dream of Clara and So Sorry and Cookies, Cream and Mint and Superwoman (they’re my favourite girl group im OC trash even tho they’ve disbanded :]]]]]]] )O.WHEN - Picture

P

PARK JI HOON - L.O.V.EPENTAGON - Shine P.O - Comme des Garcons

Q

????????? I GENUINELY HAVE NO IDEA NAN MOLLA

R

Red Velvet - Red Flavor and Aitai-taiRM - Forever rain and Change ft Wale (tbh I only like mono. - his other solo stuff just isn’t for me but feel free to check it out he’s got MVs and stuff on YT!)

S

Sam Kim - Scent and Make Up ft Crush and It’s You ft ZicoSEVENTEEN - Pretty U and HIGHLIGHT and HOME and THANKS and ALL OF THEM ARE BOPSSSF9 - RPM SHAUN - Way Back Home SHINee - Get The Treasure and Diamond Sky and View they have a lot of songs and a lot of rlly good stuffSimon Dominic - ullah and Simon Dominic and Comfortable with Gray and ONE and WON & ONLY ft Jay Park and Cheerz …….. I like all of his songs as well sofjhrSISTAR - Touch my bodyStray Kids - 4419 and GLOW and My Pace and Chronosaurus and MRIOH anduhh one more time everything they do is worth listening to at least once!! Stray Kids are really all such sweet people and my ultimate bias is Chan from this group so I hope you like them!!SUNMI - Siren and ADDICTSuper Junior - MamacitaSURAN - WINE ft Changmo (produced by SUGA odfjgh)

TT2U - Ososugiruouni and Goodbye TAEMIN - Famous and Tease and Slave and I’m Crying and Thirsty and MOVE TAEYEON - WhyTHE BOYZ - No Air and Giddy Up and Walkin’ in TimeThe Rose - sorry and with you and Like We Used to Do and She’s In The Rain and BABY wow really all of their songs thanks for coming to my ted talkTXT - Nap of a Star and CROWNTriple H - GIRL GIRL GIRLTWICE - Heart Shaker

U

U-KWON - Let’s Ride also whatever you don’t should definitely NOT check THIS performance out

VV - Winter Bear (not a dry eye in dis bitch)VAV - Give me more and SenoritaVIXX - Chained UpVERIVERY - Tag Tag Tag

WWanna One - Energetic WINNER - AH YEAH and REALLY REALLYWoosung - FACE and MOON

X

X1 - everything is just teasers right now really but X1-MA IS EPIC SO

Y

Yerin Baek - Blue and As I am (her voice is really incredible and unique)Yoon Jisung - In the RainYoon Jong Shin - Like It and Wi-Fi ft Zico

Z

Zico - I am you, you are me and She’s a Baby and Eureka ft Zion.T and Bermuda Triangle ft Crush and Dean and Artist and ANTI ft G.Soul and Fanxy Child ft FANXY CHILD Zico is CRAZY talented and he’s done a lot with a lot of people and he’s really out here saving the whole hiphop industry Zion.T - Eat and Hello Tutorial ft Seulgi

[wickedsingularity]

Writer Interview

Tagged by @dirajunara, thank you for giving me something to do at work, it’s quiet here today...

1) What made you start writing for the first time?

I’m not entirely sure what made me start writing. I’m old, and it’s a long long long time ago. I just know that I enjoyed writing essays in school. But then, as I got older, there were more restrictions on the essays, they had to be about something so specific and sometimes analyse stupid subjects, and I couldn’t be creative anymore. So I gave up. I remember one essay, I had to see my Norwegian teacher and say that I couldn’t hand it in, because I had been unable to write a damn word. I was like 13 or 14 I think.

When I was finished with that kind of school, and started “videregående” (possibly the equivalent of high school, I don’t know) I started writing fanfiction. I have no idea what made me do it, what I had come across, what I had done or read or anything, but I started writing a Tekken fanfiction. Must have been 16-17, possibly. I rewrote it countless times, because I couldn’t make up my mind about writing in English or Norwegian. At one point, I think I even wrote dialogue in one language and narrative the other. This story has never been posted, never coming anywhere near being finished. I toyed with the idea of turning it into original fiction, because I like the idea I had. Maybe one day.

Then, when I actually started to become a huge Harry Potter fan, I started writing something worth posting online. My first ever fic, a Draco Malfoy x Original Female Character, first part 14 chapters, second part 12 chapters plus epilogue. The first review I got on it was November 2nd 2006, I was 20 (I downloaded the reviews from HPFF before I took them down). Back then it was easy to write.... I had energy, no worries, lived at home, barely any homework, school from 9-2 four days a week... *wistful sigh*

2) If you could only write about the ocean, the forest, or the desert for the rest of your life, which one would you pick?

I think I would definitely pick the forest. It’s what calls to me the most, and I could write about talking trees, all the real and imaginary forest creatures.

3) Would you ever write a memoir?

God no. Do you have any idea how fucking boring my life is? My best (and kinda only) friend lives halfway across the world, I barely see my family because they’re all useless. I go to work, sit at a desk for 7.5 hours, go home, stew and brood and hate my life on the couch until I go to bed again.

If insomnia became a huge problem in the world, I’d do it. My memoir could put anyone to sleep.

4) Do you like writing by hand, or writing with a computer?

I used to like both. Until my carpal tunnel became a pain in the ass. I’ve had surgery for it, but my right hand has never really been the same since. I can’t even knit anymore. TMI, I’m wearing a wrist brace most of the time so at least I can get off every once in a while without hurting myself too much. So now, it’s on a computer only. Sometimes my phone. A tiny smidge on paper.

5) Would you rather be popular among many readers, or unpopular, but loved by critics?

Popular among many readers. I hate critics. In Norway, most critics are very negative about everything that does not fit inside their tiny tiny bubble. Because apparently getting someone who likes... I don’t know... movies that study the psyche of a hair dresser that collects the hair of his customers to review a superhero movie makes total sense. (And yes, there was a movie like that years ago.) All critics here are all about the fragile, the deep troubled issues of a... rock by the beach, the hidden meaning in stuff.

And it’s the people who actually read my stuff that I care about. The people that pick up my story and want to read it for whatever reason. I don’t give a rat’s ass about some stuck up critic.

6) Do you listen to music while you write? What is the best writing music?

Sometimes. When I do, it’s either the soundtrack for all the Harry Potter movies, the soundtrack to all the Cap movies or the soundtrack to the Dragon Age games. I don’t like listening to music with lyrics. It’s distracting. I need to be really into what I’m writing if I’m gonna do that. I managed to write for hours with a Selena Gomez album on repeat, but I was so into the story I didn’t hear a peep of the music.

7) Do people you’ve met find their way into your writing?

Not so much yet. But I have promised my best friend a role in an Avengers series I’m working a bit on, but I sort of wrote her into it without knowing it long before she asked me about it :) I tried to base the little sister of an original character in a Harry Potter series I’m writing on an ex-friend of mine, but I don’t like this friend anymore, so I need to change the little sister’s name (cause the name is half of my ex-friend’s name) and work on her personality a bit more.

So, subconsciously, I think people in my life make their way into my stories. When I’m working on Until Next Time, the main character’s family is basically mine and how I imagine they would react if I had stepped into the main character’s shoes. Which is depressing, but not surprising. In Rogue Shadow, my parents are her parents, and the way I’m planning it and have written it so far, makes me very sad. Certain parts I’ve written, I’ve cried while writing, because... Well, I’m saving that for when I get around to posting it.

Tagging: @iguess-theyre-mymess @lemonlime799 @arelyhb I don’t know if you guys have done it already, feel free to ignore me :) But if anyone else wanna do it, let me know so I can read it!

[jrubalcaba]

Precious Cargo Ch. 4 - The Arrival

Precious Cargo Chapter 4 - The Arrival

author: jrubalcaba

featuring: OFC Guinevere “Gwen” Adams x Bucky Barnes

word count: 1542 words

rating: G

warnings: none

A/N: Thank you everyone for your continued support and praise for my story. I cannot thank @avenger-nerd-mom enough for being my beta for this entire series! Without further ado, here is chapter 4!

We finally landed in the hangar. I got up and stretched as Bucky powered the quintet down. “I'm gonna grab my suitcase and see if our ride is here,” I called over my shoulder as I walked to the back. I heard him say something, but the back of the quinjet opening drowned him out. I walked down the ramp and saw just one vehicle waiting for us, a blacked out Suburban. “Sah-weet. Dibs on driving!” I sprinted towards it, only to be stopped by the locked door. I yanked on it a few times, just to make sure it was truly locked, before I turned to complain. Bucky was walking towards the driver’s door with the key fob in his hand. He held it up and clicked it, unlocking the doors and stowing his luggage in the back before sliding behind the wheel with a smirk. I snorted, stowing my suitcase away as well before climbing in. “I called dibs on driving,” I reminded him, reaching for the keys. He yanked them away before I could grab them.

“You are not driving, doll. Steve told me about your driving, and no way in hell am I getting in a car with you behind the wheel. I’m driving, end of discussion,” Bucky explained with a tone of finality. I flipped him off and begrudgingly buckled my seatbelt. He chuckled before starting the engine and pulling out of the hangar. “You could give me directions so we get there faster,” he suggested after a brief silence. I grabbed my phone and pulled up the map.

 “Follow this road for about 20 miles. Once we get to town, you'll want to go all the way through it until you come to a 3-way stop. Then you'll turn right and follow the road for another 20 miles. This place is in the middle of nowhere,” I instructed. I leaned forward and fiddled with the radio, not wanting to sit through another long silence like we had on the quinjet. I found an oldies station and that made him laugh. When we reached town, there was so much static that I had to find a new station, and the only music that reached out here was country. We finally got to the 3-way and Bucky reached out and shut the radio off before he turned right.

 “We should probably lay down some limits and what we're comfortable with before the kids arrive,” he started. I raised my eyebrow at him as a silent question before he continued. “We’re married, remember? Married people usually touch and talk all sweet to each other. We should set boundaries of what is and isn't okay in that respect.” He had a good point. I thought for a moment before I figured out what all I wanted to put off limits.

 “Well, hugging is ok. Pet names? Negotiable. Holding hands...iffy. Kissing, wellll,” I trailed off, debating with how to put into words how I felt about it. “A peck on the cheek or a kiss on the forehead every once in a while shouldn't be too bad. Full-on kissing on the lips, no. Not only no, but hell no.” Bucky scoffed, before agreeing.

 “Fine. Pet names? Like ‘doll’ or ‘sugar’? Well, they don't really bother me, but I'd rather be called ‘babe’ or ‘honey’. What kind of names do you like? I'll do my best to commit them to memory,” he promised. I made a mental note to try and call him ‘babe’ (shouldn't be hard, since he is one) before I gave him a few choices.

 “Babe is fine for me too. I was also thinking that Elizabeth might be a mouthful for the kids, so maybe I could go by Ellie. Sebastian might be hard for them too, so maybe they can call you Seb?” I offered, shrugging. Bucky mulled it over for a while before nodding. I looked out the window and saw a cute house off in the distance with a winding driveway leading from it. He slowed down so I could read the number on the side of the mailbox.

 “This is it. Driveway’s all gravel, so go slow,” I cautioned. I'd hate for anything to happen to this gorgeous vehicle. Bucky drove along at a slow pace until we got to the house. It was a cute little ranch with a yard and playground out back. We parked the car and got out. Bucky went ahead and checked out the house around the outside before going inside. After a while, he came back out and started unloading our suitcases. I walked inside and was blown away. Everything was updated and brand new. I had a feeling that Tony might have helped deck this place out. Bucky walked by with my suitcase and I followed him towards the bedrooms. One room was decorated in shades of pink and purple, while another was in shades of blue and green. Looks like each kid will have their own room. We walked into the last room and the first thing we noticed was the absolutely huge bed in the middle. The walls were a gorgeous maroon while the bed was done in black and silver.

 “How much you wanna bet Stark made the room look like me on purpose?” Bucky snickered, laying my suitcase on the bed. I giggled, as I had thought the same thing. I walked to the bed and opened my suitcase, unpacking my clothes and sticking them in the dresser. He jumped and landed on the bed, laying spread eagle in the middle of it. “Damn this bed is comfortable. I think it might be memory foam. Come check it out Gwen,” he called, snuggling into the bed. I smiled as I walked over and grabbed his suitcase and began to unpack it too. “Hey don't worry about my stuff, I'll mess with it later,” Bucky assured me, reaching out to pull the suitcase away.

 “No it's ok. I can put your clothes away. I'm going to be doing all of the laundry, so it's not like I won't be dealing with them anyway,” I objected. I grabbed his socks and underwear and went to put them away. “Boxers huh? I figured you to be a tighty-whitey kind of guy,” I mused, holding up a pair.

 “Nah, they're, uh, too small for me,” he murmured, a blush on his cheeks. Wow, that's a little TMI, but I did ask for it. Won't do that again. I folded them back up and put them away. I reached back into his suitcase and grabbed more clothes before he asked me a question. “So what side of the bed do you wanna sleep on doll? Or would you rather snuggle with me at night?” He shot me a Cheshire Cat grin and waggled his eyebrows. I climbed on the bed and sat next to him, leaning back on one hand while I gazed down at him.

 “I would prefer if we slept on different sides. I've seen how you sleep. You sleep like Thor, all over the place. If you stay on your side, I might not get knocked off like Jane does.” I poked the end of his nose before getting up and finish unpacking his clothes. After that, I checked out the bathroom, which was ginormous and immaculate. I left the room and went to check out the food situation in the kitchen. Empty. “Bucky! We need to go grocery shopping. Grab the keys and lets go!” I heard him groan before reluctantly shuffling out of our room. He hates grocery shopping, but he doesn't want me driving, so he has to come along.

 #

 “I am exhausted. I hate grocery shopping with you Bucky,” I groaned as I flopped on the bed. He followed me in and fell on the bed too, his head landing on my stomach. “You sure you don't want me driving still? Otherwise, you'll have to drive me to the store every single time,” I taunted. Bucky sat up and began removing his boots.

 “You can drive. No ifs, ands, or buts. I will not go with you again,” he conceded. He stood up and removed his shirt before reaching down to undo his belt. I lifted my head up as Bucky shoved his pants down and stepped out of them, standing in nothing but his underwear. I raised my eyebrows at him and he shrugged. “This is what I’m sleeping in. Most of the time I sleep naked, so be glad I've still got these on. Now, scoot over.” He grabbed the comforter and sheet and pulled them down, sliding underneath.

 I huffed before getting up and trudging to the dresser. I pulled out some pajamas and walked into the bathroom. When I was done, Bucky had already turned off the lights. I slid under the sheet and got comfortable. “Night Bucky,” I whispered. He grunted in response before rolling into his side away from me. I rolled over on my side as well and sleep came swiftly and easily.

Chapter 5

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[mightbedamian]

#TMIishTuesday #46 - The Trumpet - But why?

Hey there mighty people of the internet! And welcome to issue #46 of #TMIishTuesday - my weekly Tumblr post about what goes through my weird mind and what you guys want to know more about. It can be something very personal, it can be something political, it can be completely pointless - but in 99.9 % of the cases, it involves opinions. And mine as well. // Last week I talked about make-up. On girls, but more about it on guys: Society's general perception of it, some male YouTubers who look ACE with make-up, and my opinion on whether or not men should or should not wear make-up. Not telling you to read it, but… YOU SHOULD! // Disclaimer: I can't treat certain people the same as everyone else. People who just disrespect of groups of people for one, and only one, reason: Belonging to this group. And by saying this, I do exactly that, I know... And I’m still gonna do it. You know, if they were at least a little bit open-minded or didn't treat people like they're sh*t, I'd respect that. I wouldn't cheer for them, but everyone has different opinions - and that's awesome! But I won't respect people who hate on others for having one attribute that the haters don't like: Gender, sexuality, race, color of skin, this list goes on and on. Okay, so if you're not living on the Moon (and even then), you'll most definitely have noticed that the U. S. have a new president. For the reasons stated above, I will not call him by his name, but rather refer to this person as "the Trumpet". Not much of a difference anyway, right? And now you know who I'm talking about, we can start this post. Did I mention that it's about reasons why this person could even become president? Oh, I didn't? Well… Now you know! There are obviously lots of reasons why the Americans eligible to vote voted like they did. I pick three that seem most important to me.  1. The devil vs. the deep blue sea With the elections coming up one thing that I read a lot in polls and assessments of the candidates is: "I can't possibly choose between two inacceptable candidates." As expected, Democrats and Republicans had voted two extremely opposing candidates to go for president - Clinton: the impersonated establishment who still lives on her father's achievements as president and who is rather conservative for a Democrats candidate. And - the Trumpet: the impersonated American dream: business man, self-made millionaire, the exact opposite of the establishment, who bluntly told his opinions on basically everything, even when not asked about it. And I had the impression that people didn't feel that ANY of the two would be a good president. But given the American political situation, with only these two parties standing a real chance to win the election, most people did choose to distribute their votes between the devil and the deep blue sea - or simply didn't turn up to the polling stations. 2. Jobs vs. trade There is a common misconception that many Europeans might have fallen for: The Trumpet's only focus seemed to be on immigration politics. Constructing a wall at the U. S.-Mexican border and getting rid of TPP* and TTIP* trade agreements, before the latter was even signed. These seemed to be the Trumpet's only political goals. At least if you believed European media. Oh my, were we wrong! The Trumpet actually got lots of votes in the Mid West states promising people to get jobs. Of course that's part of the getting-rid-of-TPP-and-TTIP deal. But that's not what was the most important aspect of this issue. The U. S. still suffer from the global economic crisis that was sparked by the failure of the banking industry in the late 2000s. The most important promise of the Trumpet was jobs. Jobs, jobs, and more jobs. And, please correct me, if I'm wrong, dear Americans, but to me it looks like most Americans don't bother too much about what is going on in the world, if the U. S. is not involved. Am I wrong in assuming that? And to be honest, it's looked to me like that over the last few years/decades. Rather, you guys are more focussed on your own country. You know, I'm not a big fan of overly demonstrated patriotism. But it makes sense that you voted the Trumpet then: He promises to get you all into jobs again. Sure, that will work. But there'll also be massive inflation, if he basically closes down foreign trade and goes back to producing everything domestically. But people don't seem to see that. Or they ignore it. Well, if you don't see it, let me give you a quick tour, okay? The Trumpet wants to put import tariffs into place again against any country out there. Sure, most still have import tariffs - the EU certainly isn’t the norm - but over the last couple decades there has been worldwide understanding that we should thrive for lower tariffs and less trade restrictions. In 1947 32 nations signed the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT) which wanted to "reduce tariffs and other trade barriers" among the signing countries. Over the years, with globalisation hitting in more and more, more nations joined the agreement and tariffs and trade restrictions got less and less. Based on the work that had been done under the GATT framework, the World Trade Organisation (WTO) was established by 123 nations in 1995. A huge part of this hard work is at stake now that one of the biggest economies of the world threatens to leave the WTO. As I'm typing this, the Trumpet has just announced that the U. S. will not ratify TPP. A small step for a Trumpet, but a huge one for humankind. Anyway, I'm drifting off. And the effects of the U. S. leaving the WTO and other international trade policies could fill another #TMIishTuesday. Let me know, if you are interested in that! * TPP - Trans-Pacific Partnership * TTIP - Transatlatic Trade & Investment Partnership 3. Ego vs. opinions This might even be the most important factor that got him the crucial votes in the swing states* which ultimately led to the Trumpet winning the entire election. All the way during his candidacy - in the internal Rep duels as well - he has been very straightforward about basically anything he represented. He made clear his goals basically on day 1 of the Rep internal campaign and, from what I can tell, he sticked to them. All this "The U. S. don't need any foreign trade" thing, all this "I don't give a f*ck about minorities" hatred, all this "I'm the king of the world" behaviour - it was there from the very beginning. And even if Clinton didn't change her campaign too much, too - just by not letting anyone exert ANY influence on his campaign, the Trumpet really presented the "I am me, I won't change for others" attitude. When most candidates try to take on some viewpoints of the other candidates of their party to rule out competitors, he didn't do that. Cause he didn't need to. The whole "I won't change for others" thing was already bearing fruit. Many Americans are apparently still looking for a father figure to look up to. And that's EXACTLY what they got. ...Although you might argue that someone, who is as bold as the Trumpet, is not exactly a father figure… Granted, but he's definitely "the strong man" the people were looking for. And I guess the Americans just thought Obama didn't take measures drastic enough to cope with the (perceived as well as existing) problems the U. S. were faced with. * swing state = "a state that could reasonably be won be either the Democratic or Republican presidential candidate" Finally: Judging from the younger history, it just made sense that a Republican was elected president: The last three presidents all took two terms in office - and after each 8 year period a president of the other "big" party - Democrats and Republicans - was elected into office. Right, I'll leave you with that. This post turned out way more subjective than I planned to. But I never promised that. And remember how I started this post? "Disclaimer: I can't treat certain people the same as everyone else." I guess, that's exactly what's happened now. Sorry not sorry! :P Before I go, please let me know what you thought of this post and what your thoughts on the new president are. Do you hate him, do you respect him, do you like him? Place a comment, tweet me, dm me, or do anything else you can think of to get to me. Oh and today's TMIish Queer Shoutout goes to: Anyway Köln TV, the queer YouTube channel of youth centre Anyway in Cologne. I stumbled across the their YouTube channel last week and really liked the videos in which the team took to the streets to interview the people of Cologne on queer topics: Can they tell who identifies as straight, lesbian, or bi just by appearance? Does it work better when the choices are straight, gay, and pansexual? What do you imagine gay sex to look like? And the one that I liked best: How do people react when they are asked to film two guys for a minute and suddenly one proposes to the other right in front of the Cologne Dom cathedrale? Their videos are well thought of and, most of the times, involve strangers they meet on the street. If understand German, check them out and drop a sub! As always: Next #TMIishTuesday next Tuesday. If you have any questions in the meantime, just ask away. Whatever you’re curious about - I don’t bite. :) Until then: Stay mighty! Linkage: - Wikipedia on TPP: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trans-Pacific_Partnership - Wikipedia on TTIP: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transatlantic_Trade_and_Investment_Partnership - Wikipedia on swing states: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swing_state - Anyway Köln TV channel on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/AnywayKoelnTV - Anyway Köln website: http://www.anyway-koeln.de/ Oh, and here’s some self-promo: - Last #TMIishTuesday: http://mightbedamian.tumblr.com/post/156001271441/tmiishtuesday-45-guys-cant-wear-make-up - More #TMIishTuesdays: mightbedamian.tumblr.com/tagged/tmi - Poll to decide next week's topic and more very cool stuff: www.twitter.com/mightbedamian - Even more very cool stuff: mightbedamian.tumblr.com