#my DmC oc | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skvaderarts · 2 years

Text

Petrichor Chapter 15: Compulsion

Chapter 15: Compulsion

Note: Okay, so I had an unreasonable amount of fun writing this chapter lol. Can't wait to see the comments on this one…

(-~-)

Dante couldn't say he was even slightly surprised when he returned from the bathroom to find his brother laying face down asleep in the middle of the bed.

Morrison had surprised them by going to the trouble of booking them a room with two different beds, probably rightfully assuming that they would desire individual sleeping spaces. But even so, the devil hunter in red couldn't help but laugh to himself as he looked at his brother laying there in the middle of the mattress, completely worn out from their marathon of a trek of the stairs. They have been forced to give up the ghost and walk up all seven flights of stairs when the elevator had gotten stuck on the main floor, unable to move any further to assist them. The lobby boy and one of the other employees had to force the doors open with a crowbar when they got jammed shut and wouldn't budge, resulting in quite the scene when another guest was walking into the building to presumably check-in.

One could only imagine she had experienced instantaneous buyer's remorse and knew how to recognize a red flag when she saw one because she turned around and slipped back out of the door, shaking her head as she hurried off into the night. He just hoped she hadn't already made reservations and paid for her room. But even then, some things just weren't worth it. The only reason they were still there was that Vergil was far too done with the whole situation for one night for suggesting that they relocate to even be even a remotely good idea. Besides, they were checking out in the morning anyway. Unless the building caught fire, they could make it that long.

But even still, It was hilarious to him that Vergil hadn't even bothered to turn back the blankets before falling into the bed for the remainder of the night. His boots were lying at the foot of the bed as though he had simply stepped out of them and fallen flat on his face on the bed. He was still in the rest of his clothes aside from his coat which was draped somewhat neatly over the back of a chair next to the desk nearest to the bed. It seemed that he maintained certain standards that no amount of exhaustion would upend.

The luggage they'd bought along was in the middle of the floor, semi-stacked but clearly abandoned halfway through the effort. He couldn't say that he blamed his brother in that regard at all. He had simply set his own bags down by the door and called it a night. He wasn't even going to bother unpacking. Probably best not to, given this place's standards. Who knew what might be crawling about the place…

If not for the fact that he would probably wake him up if he laughed, he would have broken down into hysterics. But he knew better and he had more self-control than that. He would just allow his brother to rest for the time being, and he would do the same. They were going to have a busy day ahead of them, after all. As difficult as it was for Vergil to fall asleep most of the time, he wasn't going to ruin this for him. None of this was ideal, but then again, were things ever ideal in their family? Turning in for the night was probably the best idea he could come up with at this point. He wasn't hungry enough to bother getting anything to eat. It could wait until the morning.

As the devil hunter in the red coat made his way over to the bed and flopped down in it back first, he was pleasantly surprised to find the mattress was actually quite plush, the covers clearly quite old and perhaps a little overwashed but more than serviceable and quite texturally pleasing. At least this place had one thing going for it. He had most certainly stayed in worse places than this during his work in the past, so the faculty wasn't going to hear any complaints from him. Vergil might be a difficult story though, but he highly doubted it. He could be petty, but he wasn't that particular variety of petty.

Hitting the switch on the light next to his bed, he was plunged into darkness, save for the dim moonlight that shone through the partially open curtain on the far side of the room above Vergil's bed. They were on adjacent walls, so while his brother was facing the window having laid with his head towards the head of the bed, he was laying sideways, perpendicular to it with the head of his bed against the wall, the two beds making a sort of l shape with a desk in the middle and a TV on the wall.

Dante couldn't imagine that this would keep him from being able to sleep, but the moonlight was quite bright, something he made a mental note of as he glanced over at his brother one more time before closing his eyes and putting his arms back above his head. It wouldn't be long until dawn. It was probably best that he get as much rest as he could. Something told him tomorrow was going to be a long day.

"Get some sleep, Vergil. Sleep in if you have to. This is going to be hard for you. I just know it."

(-~-)

As the lights had been dimmed to the point of near uselessness on the whole of the train, a sort of eerie atmosphere took over the cars as everyone settled in and attempted to make as little noise as possible. It was strange how little sound there was. Not a single baby crying or child laughing. Not a single radio or TV turned up just that little bit too loud. Not even the click of shoes on the hardwood floors or the squeak of a door. Either the insulation on these trains was impeccable, or they weren't getting around with their volume policy. Or perhaps it was simply their car that was the culprit? Who was to say? The dead of night was always seemingly quieter than anything else, and the contemplation that came with that silence was always the most profound.

And to his own quiet curiosity, the young summoner discovered that his companion did, in fact, possess a quirk that he had seen a glimpse of previously, but was now able to confirm was consistent. And to say that it was a bit unsettling would be like saying that the snowy weather that they now found themselves enveloped by was a bit chilly. A vast understatement, indeed.

Sirrus had been sitting in the middle of the room on top of a small coffee table for what had to be close to 2 hours now, staring out of the large back window directly at the full moon overhead, transfixed. All of the lights in the room had been turned off by this point except for one near the bed due to V's insistence upon reading as he fell asleep, and he was glad that he had left one on because should he have had to sit in the room in the pitch black while experiencing this sort of power he would have probably actively sought out the sweet release of the ice-covered train tracks by now and simply walked to their destination because whatever was happening was deeply unsettling.

His friend's back was facing him, but he hadn't made a sound or provided any compelling evidence that he was still among the living for quite some time now. Well, aside from the fact that he was visibly breathing quite deeply, and the confirmation that V had received upon making the decision to get a bottle of water out of the small mini fridge. After grabbing it he'd glanced over to see Sirrus looking at him… If you could call whatever he had been doing at the time looking, exactly. And he wasn't sure that he could. It felt more as though the adjudicator was looking through him, and to say that it was one of the most immensely creepy things that he had ever experienced would be an understatement.

But it wasn't the sort of "looking through him" that people did when they stared blankly. No, this wasn't a thousand-yard stare by any measure. There was consciousness in his eyes. Intent, though he was unsure as to what that intent was. The same pure black darkness lingered in his eyes that had been there the night they had spent on the porch when he had startled him unintentionally, but it was much more prevalent this time, the veins in his face sharing the same hue as his pale skin and red hair created a terrifying contrast. And despite the fact that he had considered addressing him directly for a moment, he was glad in hindsight even if he currently wasn't out of the woods just yet that he hadn't attempted to because he wasn't sure that what remained of his sanity at the moment could have handled hearing him speak. He just knew in the depths of his being that he wasn't going to respond normally if spoken to. It was just something that he knew factually.

The young summoner had genuinely frozen in place from fright for a few moments before remembering that his friend would no sooner harm him than himself. He couldn't say that he felt as though he were in danger, but he did feel deeply unnerved in a way that he hadn't in what felt like a lifetime. It reminded him of their time in the illusionary grocery store that his enemy had conjured up to ensnare them. When they had stepped through the doors that were supposed to lead to the frozen meat storage section of the store only to discover that the hallway had turned into a non-euclidean nightmare and then a giant hand had snatched his friend away into the inky blackness, the possibility of ever seeing him again slim.

He knew without a shadow of a doubt that his friend was still in there, but the fact that his sentience had seemingly taken a backseat for the time being was what made him the most uncomfortable. It was as though he were astral projecting or something, having temporarily abandoned his body and allowed something else to occupy it. He didn't think that he was possessed or anything of the sort, but he was acutely aware of the fact that Sirrus was allowing (or perhaps unwillingly playing host to) a more primeval aspect of his being. It felt like he was witnessing a side effect of something that he had little knowledge of, and he certainly did have a mounting list of questions for his companion come morning.

His gaze put the sort of abstract fear in the young summoner that contemplating the deepest depths of the ocean or the infinite yet finite vastness of the cosmos did. A sort of uncomfortable chill that settled at the base of his spine and refused to thaw even in the presence of extreme heat. He felt no danger, but the aura of unknowable, primeval presence was there, nonetheless. He was quite clear now on why his companion had been so sure that he might reconsider their proximity to one another as the night dragged onward, but he couldn't say that even with that taken into consideration that he felt as though he were in danger.

He knew in his very soul that Sirrus but never intentionally hurt him or put him in a situation where he thought he could accidentally be harmed. At least physically. This was most certainly an abstract form of mental damage if he'd ever experienced one. He just hoped that his friend would be back to normal come sunrise when he told him that this would all be water under the bridge. Apparently, sunup triggered a shift of sorts with him on nights like these, and he had to say that he was looking forward to it.

It had been explained to him by Sirrus before any of this had even started that around midnight he might experience some sort of unnerving dissociative episode, and that come morning, he would provide any explanations required for his peculiarity during the evening. V recalled chuckling at the very idea internally of being uncomfortable around Sirrus at the time, completely at a loss as to what his friend could possibly do to unnerve him so deeply. He assumed that Sirrus was probably just setting him up for some sort of practical joke or being his normal, overly worried self, vexed by the young summoner's complete trust in him… but then he had seen all of whatever this was, and he couldn't say that it hadn't been quite the experience to witness so far.

Something told him that this wasn't going to be the sort of night where he got a deep, restful sleep…

The aura his friend radiated was so strong that it was practically visible; tangible to the touch. There was no way he could simply overlook it, and he was amazed that it was possible for the other humans on this train to not sense it, either. Perhaps that's why it was so quiet on the train? Was everyone too simultaneously creeped out to leave their rooms and realized that the feeling was mutual among the other passengers? Only time would tell. And he genuinely wished that time would move a bit faster because even considering his own inhuman heritage, he felt a tiny bit out of his depth on this specific occasion.

But as he stole a glance over at the clock on the side of the bed, he closed his book and said it aside. It was 3:00 a.m. now. He'd actually even been sitting there staring at the back of his friend's head in total silence for 3 hours now, wondering what he might do. He didn't seem to be physically struggling or in a state of distress, but the young summoner simply hadn't felt comfortable going to sleep. But as tiredness fully settled in, he felt the call of the void beckoning him, convincing him that all would be well and that sleep was inevitable. Perhaps it was best that he indulge himself, even if only for a little while?

"... Griffon, do you mind keeping vigil for a little while until I doze off? I think it would put me at ease."

The bird didn't respond initially, something that made his master increasingly uncomfortable for a short while. But just as V was about to address him a second time, the bird chimed in, materializing in his now outstretched hand, but not speaking out loud. It seemed that he was wary of drawing Sirrus's attention, something that V found morbidly fascinating. Was Griffon afraid of him? That in of itself held fascinating connotations to V personally. There was only one other time that he had ever seen his avian companion actively uncomfortable at the prospect of possibly having to interact with something, and he had been right on the money back then…

"No worries, V. Me and Shirley can keep an eye on your pal here. He's acting a little strange tonight, isn't he?" The bird said in a hushed tone, almost as though if he spoke too loudly within the confines of V's mind that he might be heard aloud. That wasn't the case by any measure, but it was still curious to V nonetheless. "It's kinda hard to explain, but I'm getting a weird vibe from him. He's not dangerous to us but… there is something weird. I can't put my finger on it. Something that's always kind of been there in bits and pieces even before we went to the underworld, but right now it's really obvious. It's overwhelming. It's been more noticeable since he woke up at that mansion, and it's been building for a while, but I didn't think anything of it until now. But whatever this is… It's feral. Is barely under control. It's like an instinct or something. I don't know. But it's wigging me out, you know?"

V concurred with his avian companion, unsure as to how to put it into words, but feeling much the same. There hadn't been a shift in his friend's personality since he had returned from the underworld, but there was most certainly a shift in his aura. Something dark but not necessarily malevolent had become noticeable, and he hoped that it would phase out by the time morning came. But for now, all he could do was sleep. He imagined he would struggle to do so given the circumstances, but he would attempt to regardless.

Sirrus was dangerous, no doubt about it. But he wasn't dangerous to V. He didn't need to fear him, and he didn't, but he did fear for him. Whatever this was was something that he was going to have to address sooner or later, and he got the impression that his friend knew that and probably had done so in the past, but he just hoped that he would be alright in the end. He was clearly struggling in some way, and the fact that V had no way of helping him took a toll on him personally. It was probably more distressing than anything else, honestly. He didn't want to see the adjudicator suffer. He deserved to be okay after everything he'd done recently. They both did.

Laying down on his side, he pulled the cover up around his neck and closed his eyes before reaching up with his right hand to pull the cord on the lamp and turn it off. The sooner he went to sleep, the sooner he could awaken to the answers he now desperately sought. He just hoped that Sirrus knew by now that if he needed him, he was there. And that should he need that help, he would be able to communicate with him. The sun would rise in 3 hours or so. He wouldn't have to stay like this much longer.

… Tomorrow was going to be a fascinating day…

"Thank you, Griffon. Let me know if anything changes. He may very well need our help."

(-~-)

Hehehe… I'm curious to see what you guys think about this one. You'll get your answers soon enough, but I'm just curious to see what your theories are until Friday. I hope you've had a great week so far! See you at the end of the week, and take care! It cooled down quite a bit where I am due to a bunch of rain, but it's heating right back up. Crap.

3 notes · View notes

skvaderarts · 2 years

Text

Petrichor Chapter 18: Dusk

Chapter 18: Dusk

Notes: Hey everyone! Hope you've had a good week so far! I've got an interesting chapter for you today, and I hope you like it! And don't worry, if you're confused, it's going to be elaborated on further later. Enjoy the chapter, and if you have any questions, just let me know! I'd be happy to answer them!

(-~-)

Silence fell over the room as the two of them lingered there, the gravity of what had just been said palpable. They stayed that way for the better part of five minutes, clearly unsure as to what else could be said. But then, after what felt like a lifetime, one of them decided to break the ice.

"... That's your best approximation?" V said softly, taking in the implications of what his friend had just revealed to him. He knew that his own family's bloodline was a bit complicated, especially considering that several parents were missing along the lines, but they knew their own genetics. That wasn't much of a mystery. But in the case of Sirrus's family, that seemed to be a difficult subject. There was genuinely no name for what his friend was as far as either of them could tell, and that had to be very strange to him in retrospect.

Sirrus nodded, yawning before wiping moisture from his eyes. He wasn't exactly tired, but he supposed it was just that time of day when everyone became a little drowsy. "Correct. I technically fit two different classifications simultaneously, but I have no idea which one I actually am. In truth, I've made a point of not thinking about it. Even among my own clan, I am something of an outcast. A pariah. There was… quite a bit of gossip during my youth. And I can't say it stopped when I grew older. Parentage and lineage was something of a big deal where and when I was born, and if you couldn't clearly trace yours, then you were less than nothing."

V nodded, unfortunately able to relate to that issue more than he might have liked. He had faced similar struggles for different reasons, and it certainly hadn't done anything good for his self-esteem, that much he was sure of. He'd been talked about behind his back the entire time he'd grown up, and the feeling of isolation that I had left him with was something he still struggled with. And while he might not understand the issues of parentage in regards to gossip about it, he certainly understood what it was like to be judged for it. But even still, something told him that what Sirrus had gone through might have been somehow worse, or equally bad at the very least. But perhaps viewing it that way was incorrect. Suffering was my contest, after all.

Perhaps it was just his friend's demeanor or his hesitancy to talk about it despite his generally confident and self-assured personality, but he was sure that it had been awful. No child deserved to be judged for their parentage, but to be punished for it as well? It was one of the most fundamentally wrong things you could do to a developing mind. It was something he still struggled with having gone through. He wondered how long it had taken Sirrus to become the person he was today, scar and all. To overcome the challenges of his upbringing and to make some kind of peace with them so that he could continue to function.

"I'm sorry, Sirrus. I had no idea."

Sirrus waved his hand to signify that he didn't need to be, the same kindness that had always been present in his eyes when he looked at him stronger now than ever. There are many people in his life that owed him apologies, but V was not one of them. "There's no need. You've done nothing to be sorry for. You and yours are the only ones who have ever treated me with respect aside from a small handful of others. I found more success with being accepted in recent times, but that was never something I found with my blood family. I had to seek one of my own. Build one from scratch. But even then, the ache of what should have been but never was is still there."

Falling silent again, the young summoner dwelled on that statement for a lingering moment. He'd been alone his entire upbringing, and it wasn't until he had met his birth family that he’d truly understood who and what he was. He had found peace and solace in his day-to-day routine before then; his chosen profession had brought him immense enjoyment. But never singular acknowledgment. That was the caveat of being part of an orchestra: each instrument was not meant to stand out. Sections were. And while he did his very best for the good of his troop and they appreciated that work ethic, by its very nature, he was not supposed to stand out. And that was probably part of why he had chosen that particular rule. He had spent his entire life trying not to stand out. But at some point, a part of him craved recognition, validation, and praise. He needed to know that he was someone. An individual. Worthy of the recognition that he hoped he deserved. He wanted to stand out in a way that mattered, not in a way that would gain him ridicule and disdain. And he imagined to some degree that his friend could relate to that.

"... You were… no one explained what you were? Not even your parents?" The summer I said almost tentatively, unsure as to whether or not bringing it back up was a good idea. This was clearly a painful topic, but if his friend was willing to clarify that would go a long way in regards to making him feel less confused. It was completely fine of course if he didn't want to, but his curiosity had been peaked for understandable reasons.

Locking eyes with him again for a moment, The adjudicator cleared his throat before straightening up, clearly trying to stretch the muscles in his back as he shifted in his seat. They hadn't been sitting for a long period of time, but he wasn't truly accustomed to doing much of that in the first place. He spent most of his time standing, reclining, or otherwise not sitting in a chair. He would be lying if he said he cared one way or the other, but his back seemed to disagree. Perhaps that was more to do with the weather than anything else.

"Due to the… let's say "uniqueness" of my genetic background, my classification is complicated. My mother is technically a demon because one of her direct ancestors is demonic in origin and that has trickled down the bloodline to where we currently stand, but that ancestor was born of the union between a demon and a human who contracted a demonic ailment that altered their humanity, making them somewhat of a misnomer in terms of identifying what they actually were. The details are unclear despite how recent this all was, at least by the standards my family uses." Sirrus sighed heavily, shaking his head. He genuinely wished that there was more he could say, but even he didn't know everything. It might have been his family's history, but it was his mother's prerogative to keep him in the dark about seemingly everything. "And I'm sure some of this information is being kept from me, so I have no way of verifying. But I do know factually that there are ways but a human can become a demon and that there are illnesses that can cross the boundary between the two. But what kind of effects they carry forward would have to be studied by someone a bit more studied than myself."

"That makes sense," V said softly, suddenly out of breath. This was a lot to take in, let alone have lived through. It sounded like an intense amount of drama for something that didn't need to be so it's strenuous and ruinous. He couldn't imagine why things had gone that way. It sounded as though the adults that had been in his life had a severe inability to communicate properly, and he had suffered as a result.

"And as for my parents… " Sirrus paused suddenly, holding up a finger as if to signal that he needed to stop for a moment. He then stood up out of the chair, taking their empty dishes and the tray with him as he headed over to the small counter area. He sat everything down before reaching under the counter and pulling out another bottle of the wine that they had tasted the night before, grabbing a glass and heading back to the table. He then sat down again and pressed one of his fingers to the top of the cork, his fingernail elongating into a thin claw that he used to secure the cork and remove it from the bottle. It seemed that he couldn't be bothered with a bottle opener at the moment. Or at the very least, he had forgotten that they had one built into the counter.

Pouring the glass completely full, he took a few swigs of it, allowing the cold liquid to coat his throat as he cleared his throat again, inhaling deeply before sighing slowly, as long eyelashes fluttering as he blinked slowly, only reopening them to about half their potential positioning. This was clearly a sore subject, but he had volunteered it.

"They refuse to tell me virtually anything about how they met or what drew them to one another. I know what both of them are, and by extension, I have some idea as to what I am, but as far as my father is concerned, I am his perfect creation, and as far as our mother is concerned, well… I should not be." He trailed off for a moment, holding the glass up to his lips as he seemed to look into it before taking another sip. V was horrified by this revelation. He had yet to meet his own mother, and he was unsure as to whether or not he ever would, but he couldn't imagine knowing that his mother didn't want him to exist. That was… He didn't quite have the words for it.

"The only thing that characterizes their relationship now is a deep, seething hatred on behalf of my mother, and a cold, narcissistic, self-serving indifference from my father. I believe he was there when I was young, but circumstances led to him leaving. Though I can't blame either of them for divorcing the other, even if that separation only added to my ridicule as a child. If I were in the position that either of them had been in, I would have left the other, too. No one should stay in a loveless union, and they certainly weren’t staying together for my sake." He shook his head, clearly bothered by the subject matter. He then took another drink, the alcohol doing nothing to satiate his desire to forget all of this had ever happened. He couldn't get drunk, but he could enjoy a fine drink while he spilled his heart and soul to his closest friend. But despite the knowledge that alcohol would not be an effective coping mechanism even if he could become intoxicated, there was always a part of him that wished he could become drunk at times like this. "Frankly, they're both unbearable in different ways that I find equally compelling. My mother is only interested in people so far as they can serve her purposes, and my father is much the same, though he is much more willing to manipulate and dabble in more than his fair share of eugenics. That is the sole reason I exist. My mother simply chooses to pretend that you do not exist if you displease her to even the slightest degree, completely tuning you out. You could lie bleeding in front of her dying and she would simply carry on as though you were not there, begging for her help. But my father… Well, you've met poor, sweet Aluta. She was once known for her joy and compassionate nature. I tried to warn her before their union that my father is not a good man and that he would not change in the slightest for her, but she was simply smitten, blind to the danger that she was getting herself into. Too naive to think that she couldn't fix someone; that with enough love she couldn't put a soul into a person who had never possessed one in the first place. I think she blames herself now, truly unable to see that she was and still is still a victim of his self-righteous quest to empower himself at the cost of everyone and everything around him. Or perhaps she sees who he always was now and blames herself for the folly of her youth. For falling from my father's honeyed words. No one wants to believe that someone they can care for so much is putting on an act. It feels like a failure on our part when someone won't love us as we love them, especially when we've done everything that we could. But sometimes it is best to let go, even if we don't know how."

The look on V's face was truly hard to quantify. When the adjudicator looked up at him, he wasn't entirely sure what to make of it. He looked utterly heartbroken for what Sirrus and Aluta had both been through, and he couldn't begin to comprehend what it had been like for the young redhead to watch as his father destroyed the life of another person that he couldn't save from the kind of suffering he had endured. To watch them fall from grace. He wasn't sure that a single thing he could say would be worthwhile, but he could only try.

"... Neither of you deserved to go through that."

Chuckling slightly and nodding and agreement as he closed his eyes, Sirrus finished off his glass, sitting it down gently despite an obvious urge to do otherwise. He didn't seem angry, but he did seem utterly overwhelmed by the awfulness of what they'd been talking about for the last little while. "It bewilders me that my parents ever saw anything in one another, let alone long enough to conceive me. Their very natures contradict one another to the point where they should have found one another actively repulsive just by being in each other's presence. But perhaps my mother found my father's utter corruption attractive? After all, my father is a Fallen, a formerly holy creature who was cast out for being the very thing he proclaims to not be: self-righteous and self-serving. The perfect lethal concoction of pious, judgmental, manipulative, hypocritical, hyper-critical, and narcissistic. He would sooner accuse a woman he knows is innocent of witchcraft and watch her burn at the stake as she begs for her life and feel nothing than to even consider taking even the slightest bit of responsibility. And perhaps the worst thing about him is that he knows this about himself and instead of using that self-reflection to better himself, he simply accepts that just who he is and that his methods shall justify the means. That greatness requires suffering, and that suffering does not have to be your own. I shudder to think of what he might be up to these days. I stopped paying attention after what he did to Aluta. That was when I cut all ties with him. I had to make sure that she was alright, even if the majority of her clan was suspicious of me. I should check one of these days, if only in passing."

V reached out and placed his hand on his friend's arm again, trying his best to comfort him. He wasn't sure what to say or what to do, and he wasn't sure that if he did or said anything that it would actually help, but he could make sure that he knew that he was cared about here and now. Perhaps that was the only thing worthwhile he could do at a time like this. Or perhaps…

"... The first time I met my father I bumped into him on the street while I was walking around a corner. We both turned at the same time and slammed face first into one another. I knocked him down by mistake, and when I extended my hand to ask if he needed assistance, I thought he was going to break it initially. But then he stopped suddenly, looked up at me, and stumbled into a nearby alley. And when I followed him to see if he was all right, the next thing I remember was being strangled by the arm that I found around my throat as the darkness encompassed my field of vision and waking up on the floor of a house I had never seen before. I had no recollection of how I had gotten there." V stopped for a second, the surprised look on Sirrus's face speaking volumes as to how little about this he had known. But then it occurred to him that he hadn't actually talked to his friend about any of this before. This was probably quite the rude awakening for him. He had probably just assumed they had been fine this entire time. Oh, how much he had missed…

"The next thing I knew I was being launched out of a glass window and I fell several floors with only a dumpster to catch my fall. That was when I met my familiars. And I said I want a journey to stop my father. But I knew that I was working on borrowed time. I could feel myself slipping away. And within the next two months, that very thing happened. I literally began to crumble away into dust until I was no more. But for reasons that escape me even to this day, I made the decision to try and stop the cycle of violence that my family was locked in. It was not my responsibility to forgive my father, but it was my responsibility to be better than he had ever been. The only thing that can break a cycle of trauma is the understanding that you exist within one, the will to overcome it, and the inner strength to refuse to become the thing that hurt you so deeply in the first place. Revenge wasn't going to serve me in any way. I chose to forgive my father to remind him of who he had once been. None of this is to say that you should forgive your father, but to say that you've done well to overcome everything he's done to you thus far. I think being a good person despite the best efforts of others to turn you into something you're not and thriving in spite of the crusades waged against you for the sole purpose of tearing you down is perhaps the best revenge one can enact. To stand still living despite every attempt to destroy you. And then it's best done when it is done for yourself, not just to spite them. Because the second you shape your life around what you think would most upset them, you're still inadvertently giving them the power over you that they so desperately cling to and crave. You will never forget what they did, and perhaps never forgive it, but they want that control, and taking it from them brings a satisfaction I can't quite put into words."

Sirrus just stared at his friend, seemingly blown away by this revelation. He had never been quite able to put into words what he felt until that moment, but V head more or less nailed it. And he was once again reminded of one of the things that he found the most attractive about his unrequited love: his intellect. It was so rare that he could talk to someone the way he spoke to V, but they shared a unique connection. He was not going to go as far as to say he was simply smarter than everyone else. He didn't believe that for a second. But it was a rare occurrence to find someone who understood him the way that V did.

"I couldn't agree with you more. I only wish that that was a lesson that wasn't so often taught through immense suffering." He said as he set the bottle of white wine aside. Perhaps it was time that they found another activity to do. There had to be something fun to do on this train, after all. "Revenge and the desire for it can be more destructive than the trauma that caused the yearning for it at times. It can become all-encompassing. And while there are certain instances where it is warranted and just as must be delivered, there are other times when simply living is the best revenge."

V nodded in agreement, a slight smile on his face. He thought back for a moment to all the times that he had been hurt deeply by someone. Every one of them had wished him the worst, and yet here he was, alive and content. He liked to think that kept them up at night sometimes. It was no less than what they deserved for their senseless hatred. "Then let us continue to endeavor to do what they hate most. Being us. For he whose face gives no light shall never become a star."

(-~-)

Hi everyone! I hoped you liked these two most recent chapters! I have something super cool planned within the next few chapters that I think you're all going to ADORE, and I can't wait to reveal it to you! Let me know what you thought in the comments, and I'll see you next week on Wednesday! I hope you've all been well! Take care and have a lovely weekend!

0 notes