#need that effing maple so bad

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTES: As Forkannukkah draws to a close, I give you incoming floof and a very tiny bit of almost-smut. Also for some reason, I was listening to a lot of Rilo Kiley while writing this part, as I normally seem to be; just fit.

And this is not the end! Well… it is, but there's also going to be a bonus smut chapter. But it's entirely optional, and I promise you will miss NONE of the plot if you don't read it; almost more like a PWP oneshot sequel. Anyway, thanks to everybody who liked this fic and read it, I appreciate all of you and hope you enjoyed yourself!

Jessex

We crashed hard that night. I mean, morning. By the time we woke up, it was night again; we slept the whole day away. My phone told me that it was after midnight, even. Guess we needed to recover, even though I had been literally still as a statue for most of the ordeal. Mental exhaustion is real.

I woke up first, finding her sweet body next to mine, and I wanted to ravage her with kisses. Which was a lot more forward than I was used to being. The part of me that still wanted to believe that the whole ordeal was a dream quickly gave up; it had never been this easy to be sweet to Knives. Even after we started dating. Again, it wasn't that different from before… just that I could let myself do the things I thought of, instead of angstily talking myself out of lovey-dovey shit.

But I didn't ravage her. Instead, I only kissed her cheek as gently as I could, watching her lips twitch into a sleepy smile before she rolled over and snuggled down into the pillow. Biting my lip to keep from laughing about how cute she was, I bounced out and into the bathroom.

Really bounced. Yes, me. Yes, Kim Pine bounced.

From there, into the kitchen. Made pancakes. I made coffee and pancakes for my girlfriend, and dumb as it was the whole situation made me blush. By myself! In the kitchen! What a complete difference allowing yourself to actually accept and enjoy things makes.

Even threw in some chocolate chips. Revolutionary.

It wasn't easy getting two plates, two cups, and a jug of maple syrup into the bedroom in one trip. But I got it. Set my own and the syrup on the nightstand on my side of the bed, then slid in next to her. She stirred again, and this time the smell must have gotten to her because she rolled over slightly, blinking up at me.

"Hnnh? Morning…"

"Hey," I breathed, heart pounding in my throat and eyes misting over at how cute she looked there. "You gonna sleep all night?"

"Whuh? All night?" She sat up a little quick, then her eyes crossed slightly. "Ooh… that was… a bad idea."

"Here, this might help," I chuckled as I handed her the coffee. She wrapped her hands around it and sipped.

"Mmm… Nesquik. You remembered."

For a few seconds, I just watched her, feeling like I'd never known a person I cared about enough to literally watch them drink coffee. Then I plopped the plate into her lap. "Breakfast."

"O-ooh," she shivered, squirming a little. "Warm plate."

"Yep. You okay?"

"Well…" Now it was her turn to blush, seemingly over nothing. Which was what I thought until she whispered, "You set it on top of my morning wood."

My eyes went a lot rounder before I hissed, "Shit, sorry! I didn't even notice, I'm- you need me to-"

"I got it," she laughed at my panic, nudging the plate slightly to a more comfortable position on top of one of her thighs.

"Okay." Then I turned to sit next to her, grabbing for my own plate and the syrup, offering that to her first. She took the bottle with an overly polite little dip of her head, and I grinned. Once her pancakes were covered, she held it over mine and began to drizzle, very, verrrry slowly.

"Say 'when'!"

Still giddy and smiling so hard my cheeks hurt, I went, "Okay… okay, wait… when." Then she tipped it back up, and I took the bottle and set it aside before digging in.

About a third of the way through, she swallowed and said, "Thanks for this. I don't care, pancakes are a food for every time of day."

"Even morning wood time?" I whispered. Her hand came up to cover her face for a second, but we were both laughing. "I dunno… just woke up and felt you there, and was thinking about how much you did for me…"

"You don't have to. Like, it's not that I expect you to 'pay me back'; I did what we needed to happen. You'd do the same thing if I ever got stuck in my own head or whatever, right?"

It was tempting to jokingly say "Nah, I'd leave you to rot." And I knew Knives would have laughed. But in that moment, I didn't want to use my usual biting humour. It was becoming easier to make other choices now. So instead what I said was, "In a hot second. You're everything in the world to me."

Her fork fell to the plate as she stared at me, mouth slightly open. I had to look away, because that gaze was so intense. Then she pulled me a little closer and pressed our two sets of syrup-coated lips into each other. It was delicious and sweet in more ways than one.

"Fuck," I breathed when she let me go.

"I love you," she said easily, cheeks bunched. "Cutie."

"I am n-not cute," I protested weakly as I blushed almost as red as my hair. Not making much of a case for myself, I know.

"All lies. Princess Pine is the cutest princess."

Sighing, I finally reached for my own mug. "We're not calling me that."

"What about the dress? You promised."

"I didn't 'promise', I just didn't shoot it down. But… okay, maybe later."

"Yay!" she giggled, and I rolled my eyes as I sipped. "But if 'Princess Pine' really bothers you, I can stop."

Unlike before, I actually considered instead of demanding she never speak those words again. Finally, I set my mug down and muttered, "Just not in front of other people. Please? I have a reputation as a badass drummer chick to maintain."

"Deal. And I mean it, if I slip up you can punish me."

"Punish you how? A spanking?" That seemed to shock her more than I intended, so I cleared my throat. "Or maybe I withhold Nintendo privileges?" There; totally saved it.

"Y-yeah, that seems more appropriate," she giggled, cheeks rosy now. For a few seconds, we sawed our way through hotcakes and drank coffee. Then she swallowed and asked, "Unless y-you have a thing."

"What?"

"A spanking thing."

Again, I said, "What?" But the tone was a little more scandalised now. "No, I- what the fuck? I don't want to hit you, that's not the kind of thing I want any part of."

"Not 'hit', just like… kinky paddling? Nevermind." Now she seemed embarrassed, and I couldn't stand for that.

"Hey, maybe we could try it if you want. But no, I don't really have a specific thing that I know about. I mean, aside from liking you in general, which it already feels 'kinky' enough just dating a girl for the first time."

The little smile appeared. The one that always popped up when I called her a girl. Sometimes I missed it, and a lot of that was because the smile was usually so tiny it was almost insignificant. But I got it. Even though I didn't smile about it, I always liked when people called me Kim. Not that I have tons of love for my name, but being called "the drummer chick" or "the redhead" annoys me. So it's a very slight relief if someone doesn't do that. Probably the same for her when people got her gender right instead of calling her a dude, or whatever name she had before "Knives."

Which I asked her. I knew it was probably rude, but this was different from some random friend or stranger asking. I just decided not to hit her in the face with it. "So where did the name 'Knives' come from? Like… it's pretty unusual, so I'm surprised I didn't already ask before."

"Oh, it's really dumb," she laughed as we ate. But when I didn't say anything else, she shrugged. "Okay. Um… so my name was Qiang Chau, or Chau Qiang really. But like, I both wanted a Western name and a girl's name, so when I came out my mom let me change it on my birth certificate. And, um… I was still in junior high and trying to be edgy." By that point, she was blushing hardcore.

"Nothing edgier than 'Knives'. But I kind of figured you would go for something a little… girlier? Like, to make it more obvious to people that you are who you are now, and not still who they thought you were."

For a few seconds, I just kept eating and sipping at my coffee. When I realised the room was still silent, I looked over to see her eyes all watery. At first I thought I fucked up somehow, but then she leaned up to kiss my cheek, holding there for a long moment.

"What?"

"You're so sweet, Kim. Like… I dunno, just really hit me then. You're not messing up and saying stuff like I 'chose' being a girl or whatever. And I wouldn't mind much if you did, but like, it's so great to hear you getting it now. Makes me feel loved and stuff."

Now understanding, I set down my coffee and reached over to cup her face. "Yeah. Feel like I'm finally past the 'let's figure this out' stage. Not that much to figure out, except how I'm supposed to be a good girlfriend."

"Breakfast in bed is doing good, for sure." Then she looked back down as she started cutting up her last few bites. "And yeah, Knives is really my first name. But um… my middle name is embarrassing and dumb."

"Then don't tell me," I said easily. "I don't want you to feel embarrassed."

"Whatever. Um… it's Mulan."

Putting down my coffee again, I turned to raise an eyebrow at her. "Mulan? Like the Disney movie?"

"Yeah," she groaned, definitely wanting to crawl under my bed and hide. "Like, it was my fave growing up because she was Chinese, she was really strong and badass even though she was a girl, and… I dunno, she did the whole cross-dressing thing, so somehow that kinda fit to me, y'know? But I didn't want it to be my first name or I'd just get a lot of teasing. Like Japanese girls who get called 'Hello Kitty' or whatever. At least with Knives, other kids in high school tried to laugh at it but then I could pull out a knife and they'd be like 'oh'."

"Knives Mulan Chau. I dunno, I like it." I finished off my pancakes and set the plate aside, then turned to snuggle into her side as she finished. "My name's so boring. Kimberly Annabel Pine. Mom usually just called me 'Kimberly Ann' when I was being good, and only the full middle name when I was an unholy terror."

"That's sweet. Even the yelling part, unless she would yell about nothing. My mom does that sometimes." To my surprise, she offered me one of the last bites, holding it up to my lips. Feeling a little self-conscious, I opened and let her feed me, and we both grinned. It was such a randomly cutesy moment that I almost couldn't handle it.

"Y-yeah," I finally said once I swallowed. "She's a good mom. You'll have to meet her if I head back north again."

"That'd be awesome! And you can meet my parents, too; just make sure you wear hockey pads." I laughed, and she grinned before taking a sip of her coffee. "Nah, they're actually pretty cool, just nosy and set in their ways. But like I said, they both accepted me, which is way better than it could be. Families can be kind of mean about transitioning without even like, doing it on purpose."

Didn't have much to say to that. She would know better than me. I watched as she finished the food and the coffee, then set the dishes aside and slid down to snuggle a little closer to me. We kissed, and she wrapped her arms tightly around me as if she never wanted to let go.

"Thank you."

"What? For what, breakfast? No big."

"For existing," she whispered, and I felt my heart skip over a beat. "Being everything I wanted. A rock star who can treat me sweet. Like… everything."

"I'm not a rock star," I grumbled, but she just kissed me again. We tangled limbs and enjoyed each other's mouths for a few minutes. I forgot the thread of the conversation, forgot everything except how much I loved this, loved being with her.

Even when I felt something poking me again, I ignored it. But she didn't; not this time. Her lips pulled off mine and she whispered, "Guess you can tell how much I… like rolling around with you."

"And you can't, so I'll tell you: a lot." She grinned against my mouth, and we kissed. "But I'm having fun just like this."

"Me, too. Hey…" Her hand rubbed up and down my side. "Um… I think I'm gonna get a shower. Sleeping for that long makes me feel gross. After that… you wanna spend the rest of the morning before work just hanging out?"

My lips quirked upward. "You gonna jerk off in the shower?"

"No, I promise," she giggled, waggling her hips back and forth. A little gasp of desire fell from my lips. "You gonna do it while I'm in there?"

"Maybe." She pouted, so I changed it to, "No. I can resist."

Nodding, she kissed me again and began to get out of bed. Turned away so I couldn't see the tenting in her cute little floral-patterned panties. Hesitated. I was reaching up to put my hand on the small of her back, just to ask her something like if she was okay or needed something, or forgot something. It just barely brushed there before she turned around, and I found myself touching her again.

"Oh, shit," I breathed, staring at my hand. At the firm form resting there. After a couple of seconds, I drew my hand away and looked up at her. "Sorry, Knives, I wasn't-"

"I know," she said in a nervous voice. She knelt on the edge of the mattress, and I had to fight to keep from glancing back down again. Holding her eyes. "Do you like it? For real."

"What?"

"My dick. I mean…" She hesitated for a second. "My plan was always to have bottom surgery after college. Y'know, because of recovery time. Some people have more trouble with it than others, and I don't wanna flunk out of classes. But like… if you like me how I am, and I do get surgery… that affects you, right?"

That was a pretty big question. And I didn't want to answer right away, afraid of fucking up my words or hurting her feelings on accident, but she needed an answer. So I let Princess Pine take over. I kissed her hip, far away from the actual bulge but close enough to show I wasn't remotely afraid.

"I want you… to be happy. Yeah, you're hot like this, but you would be hot like that, too. So just… do what you feel is right for Knives. I'm not going anywhere."

Tears were in her eyes. She couldn't seem to respond, and was still holding herself still and watching me, so I kissed a little closer to the middle. A fraction of an inch at a time; giving her plenty of time to pull the ripcord. When she never said anything, only smiled blearily down at me while I kissed, I pressed my lips against her semi-firmness.

"O-ohh…" I didn't do it again, so a moment later she opened her eyes to look at me again, licking her lips. "Kim… how can you be real? You just… you didn't even flinch."

"Not everybody is Young Neil, Knives."

"That wasn't exactly what I was thinking about… and it wasn't just him. But yeah, you're amazing. I can't believe…" When I knelt up, putting our faces level, she smiled a little wider. "Hi."

My lips ghosted over hers before I whispered, "Love you," then kissed her harder for a moment. Satisfied that she believed it now, I pulled back and swatted her butt. "Now go shower, you stinky ninja."

"AH! Kim!"

"Testing out that spanking thing a little." Giggling, Knives backed off the bed, holding her backside as she skipped away. I saw her little CN Tower was still partially erect, but for once she wasn't trying to hide it away, wasn't turning or crossing her legs. Just grinning at me while she floated out of the room to bathe and I moved to take care of our dishes.

Nope, I really didn't have any problem at all. And I don't just mean with that one issue; I mean at all. There are days when you look around and just realise how precious life is, and this was one of those. And I expected to have plenty more where that came from, thanks to the cute stalker who changed my life from the inside out. Healed my heart. Made me happy when I never thought I would be happy again.

Happily fucking ever after. In both senses.

                                           The End (kinda? But not quite!)

[plms-hockey]

Coyotes @ Leafs - Game 22 - Nov.20.17

KEY NARRATIVES

Toronto Maple Leafs (14-7-0) vs. Arizona Coyotes (4-15-3)

Right off the bat, I'll be upfront in admitting that I have a large soft spot for the Arizona Coyotes. A decent part of that can be attributed to their role in the creation of our Savior Auston Matthes, child of the desert and future King of American Hockey. If not for Matthews' uncle taking the Scottsdale native to Coyotes games (and an interest in Zambonis, so the story goes) Auston Matthews could have ended up a baseball player.

The horror.

Also working in Arizona's favor is young general manager John Chayka who actually came out of an analytics company before taking the job. He's has been branded as the canary in a coal mine of the analytics movement which means I can only root for him and his team. The twenty-eight-year-old GM made a number of great moves over the summer, including the obtaining of center Derek Stepan and goaltender Antti Raanta from New York and right-handed defenseman Jason Demers from Florida.

They also had a few young stars that seemed ready to break out, including center prospect Dylan Strome, who was drafted 3rd overall in 2015, just before Mitch Marner (both played in the Ontario Hockey League and had a friendship and rivalry that included a head-to-head race for the OHL scoring title in 2015, due to a hand injury that knocked Connor McDavid, Strome's BFF, Erie Otters' Captain, and soon-to-be Hockey Messiah, out of the competition. And the answer is yes, I am still and will continue to be obsessed with every narrative around the 2015 Draft masterclass, including the fact that Auston Matthews would have been a part of it if he'd been born only a few days earlier — I mean can you even imagine the ripple effects of that alternate timeline? Anyway, moving on.) The Coyotes also had potential firepower young winger Max Domi and prospect Clayton Keller who was picked 7th overall in the 2016 NHL Draft.

While nobody expected them to be a contender or even make the playoffs, this seemed like the year the Coyotes were going to make some noise at least. We were going to start to see some payoff from the Chayka Era, evidence that the league shouldn't just be an old boys club making player decisions on grit and outdated stats like +/-.

So, of course, it took the Coyotes twenty games to get one regulation win. Yes, you read that right. The Coyotes have had a single regulation win in twenty NHL hockey games. 

Strome was quickly sent down to the actually successful AHL Tuscon Roadrunners to get some pro-level development. Max Domi can't buy a goal, and while Clayton Keller is the early Calder Trophy (rookie trophy) frontrunner, it hasn't been enough to save the Coyotes from a truly, historically horrible start to the season.

The Hockey Gods are both merciless and cruel.

Only Montreal, who, lest we forget, has given Arizona their only regulation win, has a worse PDO at this point in the season. The Coyotes are only getting a save percentage of 88.35 out of their Goaltenders this year and an under average shooting percentage is nowhere near enough to make up for it. While they are underperforming in a few categories, the difference is like expecting one rotten apple and getting two instead.

It's still, for the most part, all rotten apples.

The Leafs, who did play season-starting lines this morning at practice, are the dominant statistical favorites for this game. I haven't looked up any of the numbers yet or anything, but it's definitely true.  Sorry, 'Yotes.

Key Numbers

9 - Clayton Keller - Left Wing 23 - Oliver Ekman-Larsson - Defenseman 16 - Max Domi - Left Wing 55 - Jason Demers - Left Wing

THE HIGHLIGHTS

THE POST GAME

Score: L 4-1

First off, I'll simply summarize my own failings in this morning's google search history which notably includes "quotes about hubris". I'll also say that this game was utter horseshit.

It's actually kind of surprising but, while the Leafs have stolen a couple games this season, they've yet to have a game so completely ripped from their deserving hands this season. But there's nothing more Leaf-y than breaking a win streak over the worst team in the league. So what happened?

Well, the Leafs showed up ten minutes late to the game again, which is sort of baffling considering they had the most first period goals in the league by a wide margin for a while, and got shelled before their alarm clock finally went off. From that point on the Leafs utterly dominated the Coyotes at evens. They owned possession with 61.36% CF. They crushed Arizona with a staggering 67.59% of the 5v5 expected goals for.

Unfortunately, the Leafs also took four penalties in this game, two of which resulted in Coyotes goals. It was not a good night for the penalty kill unit. The other two goals were empty netters, so the score doesn't clearly represent the balance in this game, of which most was spent at 1-1 and 2-1.

The most frustrating thing about this game, of course, was that the Leafs should never have had to pull Freddie to try to tie it up in the first place. Because the score should have been 2-2. In a move hilariously contradicting his own morning comments, Babcock deployed Matthews and Marner together again. Marner, to Matthews, and in the puck went in. What a nice way bow on Matthews 100th game in the NHL versus the team credited with inspiring a desert boy’s love of the sport. 

Then Rick Tocchet, former Penguins assistant coach and new head coach of the Coyotes, called for a review.

I'm so tired of nebulous goalie interference calls. It's clear at this point that nobody, including the officials, knows exactly what it is. Did Hyman's stick push Raanta out of position? Yes. Did Raanta have enough time to recover from the already bad position he was in that allowed him to be moved so much before Matthews shot (like... he was already halfway in his own net)? Should that matter? If it does, how much time should goalies get to reset after an interference before a goal counts? Should the fact that Hyman was pushed into Raanta by his own defensemen disqualify an interference call?

We've seen it before and we'll see it again. The answer to all the unanswered questions above varies from game to game. In this case, the goal was reversed, and the Leafs lost.

While this game was debatably decided by dicey officiating, the fact is that the Leafs need to get their penalty kill back in order and figure out how to come out of the gate hot or at least present instead of sleeping for the first ten minutes. If they can figure that out they'll get to spend more time defending leads again instead of chasing them.

The effing Coyotes... because of course.

Statistics courtesy of Corsica.Hockey, hockeystats.ca and hockey-reference.com. 

[forkanna]

[AO3 LINK] [EF LINK]

NOTE:  Yes this one is super short, too. Sorry! Next one will be better.

Let's skip to a couple days later. Not much else happened other than smarmy grossness. Of course, that still wouldn't be the usual level of pure, grade-A Canadian maple sap given that I was part of the relationship, but it was cute. Lots of takeout and movies, gaming, snuggling. Things that I had to get used to since none of my previous significant others had ever stuck around long enough.

Well… other than Scott.

Maybe that's why he was on my mind so much during that time. Literally the only other long-term relationship I'd had was him, and we were in high school, trying to figure ourselves out as much as we were trying to figure out each other and how to combine those two factors. Opening up those memories was like watching him drive away all over again, but I kept doing it. Had to figure out if there was some weird nugget of truth in there somewhere that could help me figure out how not to fuck everything up with Knives.

Scott and I didn't "date" much. It was definitely a benefriends situation; we were buds who started boinking in the back of my parents' car. So all of our activities were about the same as they had been before; practicing music, hanging out with Lisa Miller. We didn't do much that was coupley other than holding hands and sex. From what I heard, Scott got all those romantic experiences from Natalie after he dropped me like a bad habit.

So why did I keep thinking about him if there wasn't much wisdom to be had? Because I didn't have any other experiences to compare it with.

I'm pretty pathetic. But at least I had someone to call and ask for advice. He might not be the most monogamous person I know, but he is a flaming queer, and has had more success in the dating arena than pretty much anyone else in my extended circle. Maybe using my phone-a-friend lifeline counted as cheating, but when working with such a severe handicap, I figure it all shakes out.

                                                            ~ o ~

"Well, well, well," Wallace Wells half-purred in that voice of his. You know the one. "The redhead."

"That is the colour of my hair, yes," I grumbled.

"Didn't expect to ever hear from you again once Ess Bee Bee and that other thing broke up. See you around in that bump-into-people-you-knew-through-people-in-Honest-Ed's way, sure…"

Gripping my drumstick tighter as I sat on my drumset's seat — the seat of power, a place from which I drew comfort and ability to cope with life — I said, "Same. But I got your number from Stacey, because… I need help."

"'Fraid I'm fresh outta that stuff."

"Help? You're 'out' of help. Really?"

"Yep. The generic kind. But if you elaborate, I might have a specific flavour blend in stock…"

He was definitely going to make me work for this. So I decided to stop being shy and cut through the double-talk and uncertainty. "I'm dating Knives."

The line was quiet for a moment. "That sounds painful. My advice is to buy plenty of bandages for when things get frisky."

"No, Knives Chau. Scott's ex."

"Oh!" he said in a pleasant tone of voice. Even now, I'm not totally sure whether he was trolling me or if he really didn't think I meant her the first time. "She was cute in a Pokémon trainer kind of way. Didn't think you played in the kiddie pool."

"She's in college now, you asshat. But I could use some advice."

"Advice for dating women? Fresh out of that, too."

Gritting my teeth, I said, "Wallace…"

"Alright, alright. So you're edging onto the Rainbow Road and you're afraid of flying off the side. I gotcha. Assuming that's the reason you called me instead of someone else you know…?"

"There's nobody else. Stephen's pretty much the only other person I could call, but he gives terrible advice. Hollie is in Nowhereville with Jason, who knows? And Steph… I just don't know her very well. Or maybe too well. I'm really not sure which."

"That makes me the bartender."

"What?"

"You know, the nameless bartender you tell all your deepest, darkest secrets to in hopes he can give you guidance because you're too blasted to figure out he couldn't care less about your life."

"Fine, nevermind. God, sorry to have bothered you."

But he was chuckling. "Alright, alright. I'm half-kidding; I barely know you and don't care that much, but you're family now. That has to be taken into consideration."

"I'm… family?"

"Gay family. A budding bisexual, right?"

"Y-yeah." I cleared my throat to get rid of that uncertain quaver. "I guess."

"We all start out 'guessing'. It's okay." He let out a long sigh, and there was the sound of something being moved around; he was probably working on something in his apartment, or at his job. Whatever that was. "How long have you two been having playdates?"

"A couple weeks, or whatever," I growled, ignoring the insult.

"How far have you gone?" When I let out a strangled noise, he reassured me, "For informational purposes only. Trust me, I'm not going to get off on two girls doing anything. If there's not at least one dick involved, it's off my curiosity list."

I started to correct him that one was involved, but again I felt that instinct to protect her identity kick in. Maybe I should ask her if she minded me telling people at some point. "Dry-humping. She's kind of… never done it, and I haven't done it with a girl. I swear, if you tell anyb-"

"Lips are sealed. Do you want it to go further?"

"YES! But I mean, only if she's ready."

"Good, that's good. I've had a hesitant date or two. No still means no, and that's more important than all the prep work in the world, but I have a couple ideas that could help get her in the mood."

That one hit me hard. Luckily, I just barely listened to her "no"s when we were drunk as skunks. Nodding as I chewed on my drumstick, I then put it down and said, "That'll help, but I'm actually more worried about… other stuff. Like, how to be in a relationship with a cute, bubbly, fun girl when I'm a vortex of despair."

"Opposites attract. Chances are, she already likes you because you're a vortex of despair. Not usually something people put on their eHarmony profile, though." But apparently, I had him curious. "What other stuff?"

"Dating. I suck at it. Like…" I tried to lower my defenses. "She's so sweet to me, and I feel like I'm just there. Sucking all the fun out of the room. I want her to feel what I feel. Or I guess, to show her that. Something."

"Awww, baby lesbians are so cute. Like puppies."

"Ugh…"

Then he sighed again, a long, floaty sigh of someone toying with someone else. Which would be me. "Alright, never fear — Wallaciraptor is here. Let's help you get rolling…"

                                                            ~ o ~

When Knives walked in the door, I could tell she was caught off-guard by the way her purse fell to the floor instead of being set down. "Kim? I… what's going on?"

"Nothing," I lied as I bent over to take the casserole out of the oven, showing off my bare ass. Just below the apron strings. Yes, I really did the cliché. Yes, it was super uncomfortable for me, since I'm not exactly a flesh-flashing kinda girl. But I thought, hey, it was worth a shot. "Making dinner."

Which was also part of the plan. There were multiple parts; I didn't know which one to try, so I tried everything. One big gesture to try and prove to both Knives and myself that I could be a girlfriend, and not just some drummer chick who acts like she's on the rag all the time.

"Yeah, but you're naked! I mean… almost!"

"You like it? I thought the green apron brought out my eyes." It still came out sounding sarcastic, even though I didn't mean for it to. My voice just sounds that way unless I'm actively suppressing the biting tone, and even then sometimes it bleeds through.

"Um…" Deciding not to comment on my butt, she turned toward the stove. "Smells great! We're having casserole?"

"Yes. And garlic bread. That's not done yet, though. And, um…" I glanced at my coffee table, where there was a cabernet open and "breathing" — Wallace's suggestion. I would have just put a couple of beers down to go with dinner, or at least uncorked the wine right before drinking it.

Knives walked over and touched one of the wine glasses with a finger. I got them from a dollar store specifically for this occasion, since I didn't own any before. Then she picked up the remote for the stereo system, which was pretty conspicuous because it was the only other thing on the table. "What's this do?"

"Hit 'play'," I said as I got out plates.

She did. And quiet, soft, romantic piano music started floating out of the speakers. Also from the dollar store, but I listened to the whole CD before using it to make sure it wasn't too terrible. She laughed… but it was a very specific, actual happy laugh. Not so much at my expense as just surprised at the situation, I guess.

"What is all this?" she asked as she went back over to kick off her work shoes and leave them by the purse. "Like… I thought we were just going to have cup ramen and watch TV."

"Wanted to try something else. Um… y-you'll have to tell me if it's any good. Never tried this recipe before." Hell, I don't think I'd ever cooked anything more complex than a frozen pizza in forever.

Once she was in the kitchen, she put her hand in the small of my back. "I'm sure I'll love it." Then she shivered and smiled shyly, withdrawing from the touch. "Not used to touching your skin like that."

"I can change if it's more comfortable for you. This was kind of just… y'know. The 'naked housewife fantasy' bit as a joke. Or maybe not a joke, if you liked it."

"Trying to get me in the mood?" she guessed with a slightly wry smile. When I flushed a little darker, she stopped smiling. "Wait… oh, is this really what that is?"

"Not exactly. But… kind of. I just… wanted to be a good girlfriend, or something like that. I dunno."

The silence was kind of tense. She didn't look angry, just a little confused and contemplating the whole situation. Then she glanced at the oven and back at me.

"How much longer? For the garlic bread."

"About another five. I'll be quick." Clearly, she wanted me in real clothes, which I already had laid out on my dresser. Ready for plan B.

And I was more okay with that than I first expected. Sure, it hurt a little that she didn't know how to feel about me being naked while we ate, but at the same time, neither did I. Just seemed like a weird idea. But Wallace swore it worked like a charm on this one guy he was dating, so I figured I'd give it a shot. No real harm.

Once I was wearing a nice white blouse and a long grey skirt, we got our plates loaded down with casserole and bread and moved things to the table, where we sat cross-legged and ate and drank. She told me about her day, and I told her about mine until the point at which I started getting dinner ready, which I didn't think was interesting — until she started demanding more details with her cute, patient way of doing everything. Incredibly, stories about me buying ingredients and wine glasses was actual entertainment for her.

And somehow, she managed to out-girlfriend me again. Shut up, I know it's not a competition… I know. But even after I drove like a thousand miles outside my comfort zone, hoping to really show her how much I cared and how much she meant to me, Knives was already there and had a jetpack to fly even further. She started doing the dishes as soon as we took our plates to the kitchen, said it was her turn to cook next time when I wasn't expecting it, asked if I had a long day, offered to rub my back when I moved my neck and made the world's tiniest wince… and she gave me the rub, and it felt so good. Told me I looked really cute in the outfit before I could ask. Sweetness and sunshine.

What kind of jerk was she to be so perfect?

                                                            To Be Continued…