#ngl i suddenly relate to miles 'chooses death' edgeworth a lot more because i too feel the urge to fake my death and leave the country over
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what i did yesterday now constitutes officially as an 'epic' fuckup, not just a normal one. i hate e-mails.
#it may or may not torpedo my relationships with a lot of my peers at one of my hobbies and i am not here for it#can currently not even cry about it because i am all dried up and had a murderous headache after bawling my eyes out yesterday#ngl i suddenly relate to miles 'chooses death' edgeworth a lot more because i too feel the urge to fake my death and leave the country over#an apparently minor thing#but alas i am going to have to face the music#there's going to be a buckload of drama and i am centerstage due to my own rashness and ignorance#and i AM going to get through it. somehow.#mostly because about two thirds of my regular social interactions stem from this hobby and i cannot afford to lose these friendships#and/or acquaintances when my mh has already taken a nosedive#plus my home city is not that big so i could always meet them while doing something else which would be mortifying#and i have alienated enough people aready for a lifetime i am over 20 i AM going to get through this#one of the few good things to come out of this is that probably nobody at my hobby is going to ask me to take on a#role with responsibility anymore. which is good because as time shows again and again i am not at a point to act responsibly for#anyone other than myself (and even that's a stretch at times)#okay#i THINK i have calmed down a tad so i am going to post this on my zero(0) follower blog as a lil vent and then am going to try#my best to get through this. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh#okay maybe not my best but i am going to try#vaguing with a vent-geance#<-- new tag for myself in case i need to type some more frustration out and/or on the offchance that this all blow over in the near future#and i can read it and hopefully have a laugh over my catastrophizing here.
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