#not a fan of june egbert personally bc of my own transmasc john feels

[itsrealbad]

I don't know how I feel about June.

I more or less left the homestuck fandom like a few years ago and came back 413 out of nostalgia, so I only really had a vague awareness of her canon status until recently. Don't get me wrong! I like what she stands for, shes a canon transwoman and technically the main character of homestuck and I love that people can relate to her. I like fanart shes in, and I love that she'll be (dubiously) canon. It's a big W. But I wish I could still enjoy John without feeling like a transphobe or like im shitting on transfemmes just by acknowledging John's existence. bc if I think about it, aren't I sort if am?

Like, I've been into homestuck for 8-9 years and John has been my comfort character since the beginning. Even when I wasn't into homestuck I still loved john. I cosplayed him and literally filled out a sketchbook of just John. I named my actual rabbit after him. So it just sucked when people were constantly putting down John bc damn thats my best guy!

But I get it though, I think. Like obviously transfemmes would hate being referred to by their deadnames, so I get why people would call out anyone who still used the name John, and I know a lot of people don't realize they're trans until later, and looking back they'll see certain actions as an obvious in hindsight sign that they were the wrong gender. There are a lot of things that June fans do that just make sense if you look at it through the lens of a trans person who just wants to be known as who they actually are.

So I feel extra awful bc I personally never saw this as a possibility for John, I always saw him as just a guy, which is so boring I know. After homestuck ended in 2016 it really was a lawless land, it really was whatever you could make it, and June came out really fleshed out. After reading through other peoples thoughts I can see why they would interpret it that way in canon too. Honestly, I think if it had been anyone else being canonized as trans I wouldn't be so conflicted about it.

John was never as popular as June is now (that I was around for) and he never will be, which like honestly is very fair, June's story is just more compelling to a lot of people. But I can't help but feel a bit like someones taken my favourite toy away from me? awful i know.

John means so much to me, I guess I became so attached to the character that it's hard for me to see someone elses headcanon become canon. Especially dubiously canon. I understand that John and June are the same person but why is it that I'm just not that into June? I wish someone could tell me how to feel but I know I'd still be thinking myself into a pit even then.

I still prefer John... and I like June too. I can't wait to see her in canon and I'll only be reading HS2 when that happens. But I just wish it wasn't super goache to like John at all, even if it makes sense that people would be against it. I used to prescribe to the notion that in homestuck everything can be canon but gender identities are just not something you can mess around with. Like, sure transmasc Johns or cis Johns probably exist in paradox space but am I allowed to explore that? Sure it makes sense in context but looking at it from the outside, aren't I just kind of invalidating her existence?

I think until June appears in HS2 proper or if someone official canonizes June across paradox space, I think I'll still be juggling my feelings about June. Which just. It sucks, bc Egbert was literally the character that got me through so many tough times and the fact I have weird hangups that makes it hard go enjoy them? Even I know that's just sorta weird.

I know I can do my own thing, keep drawing and writing John Egbert as I headcanon him and I really wouldn't be hurting anyone but I'd always feel bad about it?

since like i cant help but feel like some of the people who still like john are just, transphobes, which just doesnt help my case huh