#not gonna lie i teared up a bit i didnt realise it 'counted' as an actual phobia

[toastsnaffler]

I was on the wikipedia page for phobias just for fun but just discovered theres an actual word for a fear of being touched.. 🥹

[brelione]

Love and Lies (JJ Maybank X Reader)

Word count:1562

Summary:JJ just wants to be appreciated.

Warnings:Mentions of sex, might make you sad.

Viv was JJ’s first serious relationship. He thought that he was ready for a relationship, that he was finally mentally stable enough to handle exposing himself to someone other than his friends. He gave her everything he had, listened to everything she said, and hugged her whenever she was feeling down. 

He had opened up about his home life and his insecurities only for her to become angry with him for not telling her earlier in the relationship. She ended things after that, the only person that made JJ feel safe was now missing from his life and she had all his secrets.

 He felt sick to his stomach as he walked to the Chateau from Viv’s house, tears streaming down his flushed cheeks. He felt ridiculous. He was silly to think that any girl would ever want him after he opened up to them. 

They only wanted the person that he pretended to be and now he was left with nothing but a broken heart. He was tripping over his own feet once he got in the house, noticing the van was gone. He felt safe to cry since he knew that his friends werent home, letting out a choked sob as he squeezed the doorknob. You sat up immediately, shocked at what was happening. “JJ?”You asked, coming into the kitchen. His heart dropped, turning around with shaking hands.

The next thing he knew he had collapsed in your arms, sobbing into your skin as you held him tightly. You still didn’t know what was going on, whispering to him as you rubbed his back. His ears were ringing, trying to control his breathing as he clung to you. 

“It’s okay, JJ.”You whispered to him, combing through his hair with your fingers. “No-no-no!”He choked out. “JJ, J, what happened?”You asked. He didn’t look up at you, figuring it would be less humiliating if you couldn’t see him. 

“Viv broke up with me.”He answered. You nodded, waiting for him to say something else. His ears were ringing, his vision clouded and everything just felt wrong. He felt like he was floating away from his own body, unable to feel your touch.

He didn’t remember you bringing him into your room, giving him another hug before telling him to get some sleep. That’s when he finally returned to reality, grabbing your hand. “Please...just….”He didn’t say anything, squeezing your hand.

You were stiff, his arms around you and his head against the back of your shoulder. You could feel his tears even through the material of your hoodie, squeezing his hand. He grinned a bit, taking in a deep breath. He was just glad that he felt safe, more grounded now.

He knew that it was a terrible thing to love you. He didn’t want to, he had never meant to. But with Viv out of the picture, he was starting to wonder if all the love he had for her was actually for you. He had always acted differently around you than the others but he figured it was just cause you were a girl in a group of guys.

But of course, Pope came after him and said that was bullshit because you weren’t the only girl in the group. But JJ always ignored him and his feelings for you. He knew that you didn’t care about him or like him outside of the way a friend should like somebody but he couldn’t help it. He knew that there was no way to win, it didn’t matter if he confessed his feelings or kept it a secret.SO he did what his instincts told him to do.

 It was a large boneyard party, John.B and Kie were handing out beers while JJ searched the crowds for you, a big grin on his face when his eyes finally met yours. He had gotten you away from the party, the two of you walking down the beach.

 You were dancing as you walked, skipping on the sand as he smiled at you. Once he figured the two of you were far enough from the party he turned to you, taking in a deep breath. “Oh god...what’d you do?”You asked, waiting for some bad news. 

“Um...okay.So...okay so basically…..okay-just hold on. Okay so for a while I’ve had a crush on you and um….well, I didn’t know how to tell you but I’m telling you now so...yeah.”He muttered. You were taken aback by his confession, not really sure what to do. If you were being honest you never looked at JJ like that.

You saw him as a close friend rather than someone that you’d want to have a romantic relationship with. But you couldn’t tell him that. Viv had already broken his heart and you didn’t want to hurt him again. If you hurt him he would have no one to go to. So you lied. 

You told him that you loved him, that you always had and always would. And of course, he believed you. You faked everything for weeks, afraid that you were in too deep. You couldn’t break up with him. He didn’t deserve that. You wanted to love him, you really did.

 He had taken your virginity, done things to you that you had never imagined. He took you on dates, let you wear his clothes, and slept in your bed. But still, you felt nothing. The two of you were laying in the hammock, his arm around your waist as the net swayed back and forth slowly. He pressed a few kisses to your neck, his hand making its way into your pants.

 You could feel his boner pressed up against your ass, your breath getting shaky. “JJ.” You muttered, his cool finger slipping into your underwear. “Shhh...just let me take care of you, babe.”He whispered into your ear, fingertips brushing against your clit. You shivered, head leaning against his shoulder. He leaned down, biting your shoulder lightly before kissing the skin he had bruised. 

He dipped a finger into you, moving slowly at first, his hot breath fanning against your neck. “I love you.”He muttered, the comment making you stiffen. Every time he said it you just felt uncomfortable. It made you feel guilty, gripping his wrist. He was confused, pulling his finger out of you and pulling his hand out of your pants, a frown growing on his face.

 “What’s wrong?”He asked, not sure why you had stopped him. You took in a deep breath, licking your lips. You didn’t know what to say, getting out of the hammock and going inside of John.B’s house, walking past Kie’s sleeping figure and into the bathroom. 

JJ sat up in the hammock, confused. You couldn’t do this anymore. You couldn’t lie to him but you didn’t want to hurt him, pacing around the bathroom. He knocked on the door but you ignored him, taking shallow breaths. He opened the door, staring at you.

 “Are you okay?”He asked, standing in front of the doorway. You didn’t know how it happened, the next thing you knew you were confessing everything. “And I cant- I can’t pretend anymore, JJ! I can’t do it!”You sobbed. He did nothing but stare back at you, searching for anything to tell him that you were joking, that you loved him. 

He shook his head, blinking. “You can’t- (Y/N)-I thought- why…...why’d you lie?”He asked, his eyes becoming glassy. You were speechless, taking in a shallow breath. “I don’t- I don’t….no, it’s just-I didn’t want to hurt you.”You whispered, choking on your own words.

 “You would’ve hurt me less if you just told me the truth! For weeks you just- you lied!”He exclaimed. “I didn’t think it’d get this far!”You shouted. The Pogues were all awake, listening in on the argument. “What’d you think was gonna happen? Fuck, you and Viv. I thought you were different!”He exclaimed. “I don’t know what you want me to say, JJ!”You replied. 

He stared at you for a few seconds, an unreadable expression on his face before he stormed out of the house, the screen door slamming behind it. You stood in the bathroom, hitting the wall before you walked out, bruises already forming on your knuckles. 

It wasnt until he had days without you that he realised how much he really depended on you. He was forgetting to do basic things. He forgot to brush his hair, put on socks before he left for work or even charge his phone. You found yourself feeling like you were fading away, like your soul had detached from your body.

 Kiara spent most nights with you, insisting that you at least call the blonde boy that you claimed you didnt love. You never listened though, shaking your head and telling her youd get over him eventually. 

Pope was desperately trying to bring you and JJ back together, reminding his friend that you had a ton of his clothes and bracelets and that he should go get them from you. Pope knew that if you guys were even together for a few seconds that you’d find a way to fix things, he just didnt know how to get you guys back together.

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