#not scott is like well sometimes you have to be a platonic relationships are important too activist idk

[maddy-ferguson]

not many fans of a ship can say they've been serviced like stydia fans were serviced

[kareniliana]

Chapter 2: Second Chance At First Line

So my mini ( or maybe big ) series of Stiles I decided I am gonna somehow go back and forth between transferring and writing this series.

Which I am so excited for

I love stiles but my sister is OBSESSED with stiles/ Dylan

This “episode” is very much Derek x reader(platonic) based. And it’s extremely long!

Y/n/n= your nickname

y/e/c= your eye color

y/m/n, y/d/n= your parents names.

Series Masterlist

~

You woke up with a feeling of content, school just started meaning that so did lacrosse. Which is your favorite de-stressing activity, well that and other certain activities.

Walking past your broken bathroom door, you sighed. Remembering how the previous two nights you had to get chained up in Derek’s cellar to help control your shifting. He and you had been talking more and more, just so you know everything that comes with being a werewolf. The shifting, the importance of control, the hunters, what it means to have a pack, and most importantly; what other creature lurk in the shadows. In a matter of days Derek had become a huge support system for you, while Stiles and Scott repeatedly complain about how much of a bad guy he was. You never rebutted, just kept your mouth shut. Knowing how the boys can get, you decided it was best they didn’t know of your growing relationship with the experienced werewolf.

Which also means you had to lie to both Stiles and Scott about where you’ve been and why you hadn’t been hanging out with them. Basically, every conversation with you, you were lying. And it started to take a toll on you. you avoided as much as possible, which had become easy now that you’re a werewolf. You can hear and smell them coming from a mile away.

Walking out of the girl’s locker room, fully dressed in your lacrosse gear you made your way out to the field. You were the only girl on the team, which sometimes you hated but you had plenty of guy friends to keep you company that aren't Stiles or Scott.

Talking with Greenberg, more like fake listening to Greenberg talk about his latest failed attempt to conquer a girl on the basketball team. You ran into the exact boys you had been trying so hard to avoid.

“Y/n, there you are. I got to talk to you, now!” Stiles said urgently, grabbing your wrist and dragging you into the boy’s locker room, trying to find Scott. You couldn’t just get away from him without an excuse, and you couldn’t think of an irrefutable one, so you followed along.

“Scotty boy here is dating the daughter of a werewolf hunter!” He whispered; his hand still had a tight grip on your wrist. You looked between each boy, wondering how this was at all your problem.

“Okay, and?” You asked, but then realized he said dating. Confusion written across your face, “Wait, you apologized? And she accepted? Damn I’m good.”

“Yes, she gave me a second chance, but that’s not what's important right this second!” Scott explained, cause stiles to take a step back, finally seeing his hand wrapped about my wrist, he reluctantly let it go.

“Okay?” You said, dragging out the first syllable.

“Her father shot me with a crossbow. He didn’t recognize me, thank the lords.” He sighed deeply; you can just tell that he has a whirlwind of worries swimming out in his head.

“Look at me you idiot, right now you can’t think about that. Okay? Right now, just focus on Lacrosse, yeah?” You didn’t know what to say to help relieve his constant worry but knew that a distracted is what best works for you. So why not have him give a try.

“Yeah, yeah, a good distraction is what you need. Good idea, Y/n/n.” Stiles agreed, patting your back, but keeping his hand on your back. Hearing coach blow his whistles, meaning it was time to leave the locker rooms and head out to the field for morning practice.

You nodded you head as Stiles has guided you and himself outside, leaving Scott to finished getting dressed. Once outside his hand left your back, he gave you a small smile before you headed off to talk to coach.

“Finstock, so i was thinking, since we’ve got to train up the new first lines, we’d put Jackson on long-stick to do defense.

“Y/n, you know, that’s a great idea. Glad you are on the team.” Coach wraps his arm around you shoulder, shaking you a little in gratitude. He really saw you as his daughter, you love the game so much and loves it too. One of the many bonds you have.

“Okay! one-on-one from the top! Jackson, take a long stick today!” He called Jacksons attention, who nodded his head and changed sticks.

“Y/n’s going to show us how it’s done, then the rest of you pathetic players will try to do the same!” Coach Finstock blows his whistle as you Jackson goes to your spots.

“You just know how to make my day, don’t you Y/n/n?” Jackson comments as you cross paths.

You laugh, “Oh, Jack, don’t act like you don’t love me!”

Once you made it in front of everyone, he yells back at you. “Well, come on then, try and score.”

With your helmet on, you smirked. Picking up the ball into your net, you charged at the cocky pretty boy. Twirling on your toes as he tries to knock into your right shoulder, perfectly avoiding his hit and flinging the ball into the net.

A round of claps from the girls and few boys watching the practice on the stands, along with Finstock.

“That’s how it’s done! That’s my girl!” He laughs as he praises you. Earning a well-deserved growl from a few boys in the line.

“Yeah, I admit that was good.” Jackson said as you walk by him, raising his hand for you to high five.

“The left side has always been your weakness; you should work on that.” You teased, happily complying to give him a high five.

You laughed as you walked off the field towards Finstock. He likes when you help him coach. Finding people’s weakness has always been a skill of yours.

After each person would charge towards Jackson, he was able to either knock them off course and get the ball or the goalie would block their shot easily. With every person you’d point out what to do differently until Greenberg. He barely looked like he tried, making Finstock to take a lap. Only a few handfuls of people, like yourself, were able to deflect Jackson and score.

Then came Scott, you could smell how distracted he was, and not in a good way. Not how you intended for him to be distracted. Charging at Jackson and getting thrown back almost immediately.

As Finstock made his way to his lying body, you heard Jackson make comment at him. “You sure you still want to be first line McCall?” Chuckling and walking back into position.

You can sense the hatred heat off his body from where you stand.

“Then do it again!” Finstock riled him up, walking back over to you he repeats. “McCall’s going to do it again!”

Scott runs back to the front of the line just as you get called away to help a benchwarmer how to tie his net to his stick. But was easily distracted when you heard bodies colliding and what you can assume the sound of a joint popping out of place. You whipped your head up back towards the field to see Jackson writhing in pain as Scott is not too far away, on his knees breathing heavy and his helmet covered head into his hands.

You could sense he was shifting, the heat radiating off his body was intense that you could feel it. But the scent of someone else made you turn your head behind you. Finally noticing Derek, he stood with his hands clenched at his sides.

You walked to him instead of Scott, seeing Stiles was at his side taking him back inside the school.

“Did you see that?” You asked as he grabbed your arm, guiding you under the stands to talk.

“Did you feel that? That anger, how easy it is for you to shift during your game. He needs to not play this weekend.” He says sternly, you furrowed your brows.

“What? No, he must play! He has to seem like normal!” You argued but the look the gave you made you sigh in defeat.

“Fine, fine. I’ll talk to him, but I can’t make it through his thick head, you’ll have to intervene!” You shoved your index finger into his hard chest. Easily getting distracted. “Wow, talk about muscle definition.”

You poked at his chest again, feeling his rock-hard pecks. He chuckles, making your face turn red but was quickly distracted once you heard the screams and yelps of Stiles and growls of Scott. Without a second thought you ran towards the sound, landing in the boy’s locker room.

Once walking into the locker room, you saw Scott on the beam above the lockers, growling at Stiles as he scrambled to get away from him. Quickly jumping into action, you wolfed out attacking Scott once he pounced towards Stiles. You roared and clawed at him until suddenly you were hit with the smoke from a fire extinguisher. Shoving Scott into a locker as Stiles round the corner away from the two werewolves.

Hearing Scott calm down as well as Stiles’ racing heart rate. “Stiles...” He pants, taking his helmet off.

Once Stiles came back into view you noticed he was perfectly fine and without a scratch, a wave of relief washed over you. Quickly making your way to the boy, just as he drops the red can with a clank and pulling his gloves off, throwing them to side. Without a beat, you embrace the human boy, letting a breath out that you didn’t know you were holding in as he wrapped his arms around you.

“What happened?” Scott breathes out as Stiles buries his head into your patted shoulder, taking in your scent of sweat and honey from your hair before responding, “You tried to kill me.”

You pulled away, “It’s like we said, it’s the anger and your pulse rising.” You sat on your knees in front of Scott, Stiles falling into place next to you.

“It’s a trigger, Scott.” Stiles adds wiping at the light layer of sweat on his forehead.

“That’s lacrosse, it’s a pretty violent game if you hadn’t noticed.” Scotts rebukes.

“It’ll be more violent if you end up killing someone on the field.” Stiles tries to reason with him.

“You can’t play Saturday.” You quietly suggest, earning a small glare from Scott as he shakes his head.

“She’s right, you’re going to have to get out of the game.” He sighs, seeing your worried expression. He places a comforting hand on your back, running it up and down.

You can smell the desperation and fear of him, “I’m first line.” He said somberly.

“Not anymore” With a huff Stiles set a comforting hand on Scott’s knee.

~

After school ended Derek called but you quickly declined it since Stiles was giving you a ride. You sent him a text to meet up, so you could tell him what happened with Scott without anyone trying to listen in.

Right after Stiles left and his jeep disappeared around a corner, Derek’s black Camaro came rolling up. Immediately you climbed in, and he drove off to his estate in the opposite direction. Not speaking a word until you had gotten inside the cellar where he’d been helping you control the shift.

“He almost killed Stiles! We told him he can’t play but I don’t think we convinced him well enough. You really should talk to him. Maybe you’ll get it through his thick skull.” You talked to his back as he was fiddling with something on the metal table.

“I’ll pay him a visit, but first you. You seem to be much more in control of your anger and triggers. Why is that?” He asked, finally turning around but still shielding whatever was on the table.

You crossed your arms over your chest, mulling over any sort of explanation. “Uhm, I don’t know. With lacrosse I’ve always been good, maybe it’s that I don’t need to use my werewolf abilities to play. Unlike Scott, he wasn’t good beforehand.”

“Yeah, okay I can understand that.” He mumbles, taking a few steps towards you. “I want to test your anger out.”

“How?” You asked uncrossing your arms and letting them limp at your sides.

“I’m going to shock you with electricity to trigger your shift, then we’re going to work on ways you can stay in control or regain it.” He explains moving to the left so you can see electricity box with a dial and jumper cables. Your eyes widening at the pure thought of getting electrocuted.

“Wha-no-Der- no!” You stumbled to respond, already nervous of something going bad.

“Do you trust me?” His tone soft and convincing. You huffed and nodded your head. “Good, I’ll start at a low voltage and go higher, while you maintain your control.”

“How? How does one stay in control?” Your voice slightly shaking.

“It helps if you think of someone or something that keeps you grounded. Like your parents, best friend, boyfriend or girlfriend.” He suggests, walking back over to grab the jumper cables that were connected to the circuit box.

You inhaled deep and slowly let the breath go before nodding your head, giving him consent to shock you.

The first shock hurt like hell, but nothing happened, no shift and no anger. Before you were bitten you had been dared to get tased, which you weren’t about to back down from, this time around it felt just like that. Only difference is this time you were able to recover faster.

The second shock made your eyes change from your regular y/e/c ones to the bright neon yellow but was able to change them back. You growled as you panted and had to fight the urge to let you claws extract.

The third shock, Derek jumped the voltages from a 2 to 5, from a 5 to 9. Your eyes, fangs, and claws were out for the world to gawk at. Derek had been usually soft with his tone but still stern. Until now, he was full on yelling at you to think of anyone. It didn’t matter who they were, all that matters is what they mean to you. Almost immediately you thought of Stiles and Scott laughing, but you couldn’t get anything to go back until after a full minute of thinking of them.

Derek sighed, almost feeling bad for the girl. Kneeling to the floor, to be at eye level with you, “How about you think of whatever that was while repeating this, ‘Alpha, Beta, Omega’. It works, just focus on saying the words as you think of that memory you have.”

Once his tone of voice is back to normal, lifting your head to look at him. Your body was covered in what felt like layers on layers of sweat, your hair was a wet mess, and you could feel your body trying to heal itself. You felt exhausted but, you were determined to not shift while at school or even on the field. Because even if you are naturally good, it can still get your pulse rising and your anger just adds gasoline to the fire.

“Alpha, Beta Omega... Alpha, Beta Omega... “You continued to repeat to yourself as you close your eyes and brought yourself back to that memory. You made some stupid joke about Jackson and Lydia, that you told it to them too and got the same reaction, in the cafeteria on the very first day of school. You were sitting next to Scott with Stiles in front of you. He was most of the memory, you started focusing on the way Stiles laughed. The way the smile reaches his eyes, his feet accidentally hitting your shins resulting in Stiles leaning forward to take your hands into his as he apologized.

With every word you began to retract your claws, fangs, and every extra werewolf facial features. You shifted back. That feeling brought a smile to your face, letting the words slip out of your lips.

Derek smiled as he stood, feeling proud you were able to get control. In a matter of seconds, you stood up eagerly, “Okay, let’s go again.”

“You need a break, let yourself heal. I don’t want to kill you when we just started.” Derek jokes, putting the cables into its protective tent. You chuckle as you reached for your water bottle.

“Derek, can I ask you a question?” Derek contemplates it before nodding his head. “What happened to your family? Do you know how the fire started? Were there any survivors?”

“That’s more than one.” He sighs as he turns his back to you before continuing. “The Argents started the fire, some of them were pure humans, some weren’t. We never broke any laws, we were careful. My uncle Peter and my sister Cora were the only ones to make it out of the fire, my sister Laura and I were at school. My uncle is hospitalized full time, he’s still healing.”

He turns around the add, “And also it was 6 years ago, not 10.”

You nod with a sight frown on your lips, looking over to the circuit box. “Breaks over.”

Setting your bottle down and readying yourself for the next few hours of torture.

~

When you woke up on Friday morning, both your parents were standing at the foot of your bed wearing angry expressions. You almost felt a shiver in fear run down your spine. As you sat up you stretch your limbs out. Readying yourself for the berating they were going to give you.

“What happened to your door?” Your mother shouted, pointing to the broken door, that now was leaning against your bookshelf.

“It broke.” You shrugged your shoulder, you were still exhausted from the previous nights of getting electrocuted, but you were proud to say that you found an anchor to keep you in control of your shift and anger. Not so proud that it was Stiles, still oblivious to the fact that you have very strong feelings for the spastic boy.

“Doing what? Was it the boys? Are you covering for them again?” Your father asked, who spoke in a softer tone than your mother.

“No dad. Okay, maybe. But it’s not what you think. It is my fault, Scott dared me to wrestle with Stiles and we broke the door. Plus, it’s my own bathroom, I don’t need a door.” You sighed, trying to get your mom to calm down before she gives herself an aneurysm.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to fix it, it’s an easy fix really.” Your dad sat by your feet while looking to the door that's in pieces.

“I’m sure dad, I always bumped into it anyways.” You chuckled as your mother finally cracked a smile and laughed a little.

She sighed heavily before sitting on the other side of your father. “We’re just worried they are too rough with you.”

“Sweetheart, she said she’s fine. I raised her right.” Your father spoke up, his hand falling to your ankle. “Remember when You fell off the roof and broke your ankle? She just got back up and laughed saying ‘Daddy I need the doctor.’ Then your mother started to freak!”

“Well, when your daughter goes to her father for every injury, I can freak since you’re calm headed one.” You mother exclaimed, earning a laugh from you and your father.

“Then in the ER Melissa was berating me for even getting on the roof.” You parents laughed; in some ways they weren’t just your parents. They were your best friends. Sometimes they forgot that they are responsible for you, but in a good way.

Like when you, Stiles and Scott were caught egging and TP’ing Harrisons house. At first, they laughed and high five you, then when Melissa and Noah crossed their arms and gave them that look, they cleared their throat and changed their whole demeanor. But once you got into the car, you all began to laugh uncontrollably.

“Sometimes we forget we’re no longer kids ourselves. We live vicariously through you and your friends.” You dad laughed as he explained their behavior. As you grew up the more responsible, they got, but they trust you enough to not be those parents were breathing down their neck.

“I’m glad you are my parent.” Without any notice you pulled them into a group hug, quite harsh. Earning a groan from them, which made you loosen your grip.

“Are you okay? You’ve been getting home pretty late this week.” You mother mumbled into your shoulder.

“Yeah, I made a new friend, he’s been helping me train.”

Well, it’s not a complete lie.

“What happened to Stiles and Scott?”

“They’ve been busy, but it’s okay.” You couldn’t just tell them you were bitten and now was a supernatural creature.

“Well, when can you bring around this new friend of yours? I want to meet him.” You father comments, finally pulling away from the embrace.

“I’ll ask him.” You nodded your head as they stood up to leave.

“We were able to push our business trip to leave Saturday after your game, I'm excited to see you play.” You dad cheered as he walked out, followed by your mom who blows you a kiss.

~

You were walking through the halls at school when you heard Lydia pushing Scotts buttons, getting a certain reaction from him. You shook your head, that redhead bitch knew exactly what to say to do her bidding. Considering she wasn't your friend, you were friends with Jackson, you didn’t feel bad at all for calling her a bitch.

Then finally you ran into Stiles, who was going on and on about his dad’s phone calls. You were barely paying any attention to the boy, who didn’t even seem to notice. You were starting to get nervous. It felt like you are living a double life with being a werewolf and now with Derek, it feels like a triple life situation.

It was starting to affect your friendship with the boys. They barely talked to you, which you don’t mind because that means you don’t have to lie. Which Derek was more than happy to help show you how to control your heartbeat and you tells.

“You can’t exactly tell your dad the truth about Derek” With that you finally came back to reality, Scott had overhead about a curfew because of the dead body.

“I can do something.” Stiles shifted his weight back and forth between each foot. Without a second thought, you grab his hand into yours. Causing his fidgeting slow to a stop.

“Like what?” You asked softly, their heads immediately whipping in your direction. You hadn’t said a word in the entire time you were together.

“Like find the other half of the body.” With that Stiles left, pulling you along with him and leaving Scott to call out for you.

“Stiles!” You finally called his attention, making his movements abruptly stop. His hand still clenched around yours.

“What’s going on? Why are you so worried?” if he didn’t have such a death grip on your hand you would have run your hands up and down his arms trying to comfort him. Instead, you used your free hand while in your other hand, you rubbed circles with your thumb.

“Derek isn’t human, and my father is. What if my dad was out looking for the body while Derek was out trying to hide all the damn evidence?” He exhaled, pulling you into a tight hug, finally letting go of your hand.

“And what if it wasn’t Derek?” You asked quietly, causing his body to tense up and release you.

“I know it was him, Y/n/n” he simply shook his head and walked away.

~

After School ended, Jackson dragged you and Lydia to his doctor’s appointment. Saying he needed his supportive girlfriend, while you scoffed, and his best friend, which Lydia rolled her eyes at.

It was no secret the redheaded girl didn’t like you, and it was no secret that you treat people the way they treat you. So, if she hated you, you hated her.

Lydia was on the phone basically the entire time, while you sat by her trying not to scoff at every petty response she had. Eventually seeing his doctor call for you, and you have never been gladder to go into a doctor’s exam room. Anything to get away from her.

Of course, there was another reason, you wouldn’t like the most popular girl in school. Stiles is obsessed with her, so in love with her. Whenever he tries to talk to her, it’s like he stabbed you in the stomach with a knife and twisted it.

After waiting with Jackson for a while, you heard the familiar heartbeats of Stiles and Scott. You also heard Stiles trying to talk to Lydia and her ignoring him, basically stabbing him, and twisting the knife like he does to you.

While you waited for the doctor, Jackson talked to you about his playing insecurities. You told him he was fine; he was our male star player and that if anything just tell Lydia and she’ll make all his worries disappear. You walked out with him, waving goodbye once he got to Lydia. You walked straight past Stiles, even after he called after you.

Once outside you leaned again the wall and listened to when Scott got to Stiles, and they started to talk about their plan to get Derek put into jail for a murder he didn’t even do. Immediately running to your car while you dialed his phone number.

“Y/n?” he answered after the second ring.

“Hey, my parents want to invite you over for dinner. They noticed I’ve been getting home late and just want to meet you. Make sure you’re not a murderer.” You joked, and you drove back home.

“Oh yeah, they don’t know, or do they?” You can hear him walking around his burnt down house, the creaking with every step.

“No, they don’t, I want to tell them though. They deserve to know.”

“I can help to tell them; they should know I'm not a boyfriend.” He chuckles, earning a small laugh from you too.

“Knowing them, they probably think that.”

“That’s not the only reason you called, is it?”

“Stiles and Scott have a plan to go to your place and dig up Laura. If I tell them not to do it, they’d need an explanation to why I know why she's there.”

“And they can’t know I’m helping you.” He sighs deeply. “Okay, I'll fall into their plan.”

“You already know how to get out of it, don’t you?”

Finally pulling into your driveway, you dad’s car missing which means he’s still at work.

“I’ll be at your place at 5:30.” Is all he says before hanging up.

With that you grabbed your stuff and walked into your house. Heading straight to the kitchen where you knew your mother would be just by the smell of the house. You explained that Derek was invited to dinner that night so they could meet him. You also had to explain that he wasn’t a boyfriend, just a friend. When you told her how old he was, that’s when she began to worry. You had to reassure her that there is nothing happening between you two, just a blooming friendship almost like a mentorship.

Werewolf mentorship

~

Right after Derek left, Stiles called you frantically going over what he and Scott found on Derek’s property, and you had to act surprised. He wanted to come and visit you, but you knew that if he goes to your house, your parents will spill the beans on everything Derek and your family talked about. Something you were still trying to wrap your head around, but until you accept it you decided to ignore it and shove it deep down.

The next morning right as you were pulling out of your driveway to go meet Jackson for a pre-game workout, Derek called you to inform you that the police were coming, and your two idiot best friends were outside. You decided to put your phone on do not disturb, as to avoid the boys at all possibilities. Which you did in perfect timing because not two minutes later, Stiles tried to call you in hope of finding Scott after he freaked out from the wolfsbane just five minutes prior.

Finally, it was time to get ready for the lacrosse game. You were nervous to play because it’s your first time since being bitten and your werewolf abilities were triggered. You knew you were good before, but now it’s different. It felt like before the dial was only at 10, now it feels like you're at a 90. You can only imagine if a game is on a full moon. You wouldn’t be able to play, not even if it was within three days of a full moon. Last cycle you were turning for three nights straight. Thankfully Derek was there and will always be there for you.

Right after you finished getting dressed you were walking into coach’s office to talk about defensive and offensive plays when you heard Jackson say ‘only to me, don’t pass to McCall’

Then mid conversation you overheard Stiles rambling on and on about what Scott shouldn’t be thinking or worrying about. But knowing how Stiles gets, he’s just nervous and worried for his friend.

“Hello, Y/n” Finstock waved a hand and snapped his fingers in front of your face getting your attention again. This time a referee was standing in the doorway.

“Sorry, I spaced out. What did you say?”

“The other team won’t play with a female on your team.” The referee says almost concerned for you. You knitted your brows together.

“Oh, they’re scared of losing to a girl?” You scoffed, earning a laugh from Finstock.

“They are scared you’ll get hurt and blame it on them.”

“They should be scared I’ll end up hurting them.” You mumbled, crossing your arms over your padded chest.

“That’s unlikely.” The other teams coach rounded the corner, a smug smirk on his face.

“Either we play full roster, or you forfeit, Evergreen.” Finstock challenges the other coach.

He looked between all three of you, and with a huff he responds “Fine, have it your way.”

Then you all left his office to go out to the field. You heard the boys trying to catch up with you, so you ran up to Jackson ready to smack him upside the head.

“Don’t single out Scott, you idiot.” You almost growled as you smacked him upside the head. “Do you want to win or not?”

“What are you going on about?”

“Don’t be stupid.” For good measure you smacked him upside the head with your glove one more time before going to your parents. They gave you a good luck hug like they always do and went back to the bench.

Then the whistle blows, and everyone is getting on the field. The ball gets thrown back and forth for a while between a few players then it was on the ground. Immediately noticing the Jackson was only going to tackle Scott, you went for it. Getting it into the net as Jackson shoves Scott, you ran off toward the goalie, perfectly avoiding everyone in your way with help of teammates and scoring the first point of the game. The crowd goes wild, seeing your parents jump into the air in excitement. They were sitting next to Melissa and Noah.

Noticing a group of teammates gathering up, you immediately go too. Interrupting Jackson. “Jack, quit the jealousy act and get your head in the game. Are you a winner or a loser? I swear to god if any of you deliberately keep the ball away from anyone on our team, I'll make your life in this sport a living hell.” You growled at your team, hoping to get the point across. Once you earned a harsh nod from everyone sans Jackson, you broke the group meeting away.

Stopping Jackson from leaving, “Do this for me, please? Set aside whatever you’re feeling and play to win, not for power.”

He rolled his eyes but agreed, nonetheless. But as the game progressed Scott only got more and more angry. The worse he got the better he played, which only angered Jackson more. It was a terrible game, who could make the best score.

Once he got too wolfed out had to take matters into your own hands. The scoreboard read 5 - 5 with only 20 seconds on the clock. You whispered, “Follow my lead.” Crossing in front of him, acting like you switched the ball into your net, faking right and going left, as Scott went to the right and scored with only 2 seconds left and you won the game!

Giving Scott the distraction he needed to run off to the locker rooms, people started gathering around you cheering out your name and Scotts and a few people chanting Jackson but that died down as fast as it started. With all the excitement around you, you ran over to Stiles pulling him into a tight hug. He lifted you up and spined in a circle.

“Ha-ha we won! You and Scott did it! “He mumbled into your neck, smelling of sweat and grass but also a hint of your deodorant.

When he set you down and pulled away, the smile on his face never left. His bare hands cupped your face and basically yelled in your face excitedly, pulling you forehead to his lips quickly. Trying to hide the blush that creeped up your face as you looked down, once you looked back up Stiles was distracted by his dad getting a phone call.

“What’s that about?” He motioned to his father. You focused your hearing to his phone call. Hearing that the DNA they got off Laura’s body were animal hairs, it couldn’t be Derek who killed her. Repeating it all back to Stiles as you listened. He grabbed your hand, intertwining your fingers as he dragged you to where Scott was.

Once inside the locker room, you saw Scott and Allison in the showers kissing. You stood in the middle as you gawked at them in each other’s arms. Stiles wrapped an arm around your middle pulling you behind a metal locker just as they pulled away. As Alison left, she saw you hiding in the shadows.

“Y/n, Stiles” as she waved shyly at you two. You waved back with a proud grin on your face.

“Hey, yeah.” Stiles said awkwardly, waving at her too. Scott walked over you two, Stiles moved his hand from your stomach to the small of your back as he guided you out into the moonlight that peered through the high windows.

“I kissed her.” He breathes out, as you leaned into Stiles’ body.

“We saw.” You respond.

“She kissed me.”

“Saw that too.” Stiles speaks out, proudness evident in his voice. “That’s pretty good, huh?”

“I-I-I- I don’t know how but I controlled it. I pulled it back. Maybe I can do this. Maybe it’s not that bad.” With Scott’s revelation, Stiles didn’t want to tell him about the ‘bad’ news.

“Heh, yeah, we’ll talk later then.” Stiles’ hand leaving you as he tried to leave. but was pulled back by Scott.

“What?”

“The medical examiner looked at the other half of the body you guys found.” You started somberly.

“And?”

“I’ll keep it simple; M.E. determines killer of girl to be animal not human. Derek’s human, not animal. Derek not killer, Derek let out of jail.”

“Are you kidding?”

“Bigger kicker, his dad identified the victim; Laura Hale.” You said, trying to hide your sadness about it. “Derek’s older sister.”

To be continued

~ 

Taglist: @stilesstilnskisx 

[margarethx]

I feel like one of the reasons why Sam and Bucky work with each other so well as a duo in is the fact that they are at the same (or almost the same) level of importance when it comes to the MCU. They are in a similar position as characters.

Let me explain...

----- ------- -----

Before tfatws Sam Wilson was a character from the background. He is important for the overall storyline, but he’s not at the front of any movie. Even in ca:tws he was less relevant to the plot than e.g. Natasha. He’s necessary and there is a significant reason he’s there at all, but at the end of the day it’s a Steve Rogers’ movie. Not Sam’s. And even if calling Sam a sidekick is most of the time insulting - at least within the MCU - he kind of is a sidekick. That’s the role he has in the narrative. There’s a main hero (Steve) and a guy who follows his lead to help (Sam). Of course Sam has his own life and issues that have nothing to do with Steve, but we don’t even know them at this point. And here we’re looking at Sam through the lense of the Captain America movies.

Almost every scene with Sam before tfatws was connected to Steve. Sam joined the fight in ca:tws to help Steve. He was in AoU, because Steve invited him to Stark’s party. He was in Civil War, because Steve asked him to join the Avengers and he wanted to help Steve with finding Bucky... Similarly, Sam had his own opinions in Civil War, but we only hear them when it’s relevant to Steve’s story. (When Sam and Rhodey argue about the Accords they stand behind Steve, because the scene is about him making the decision.)  Even in Ant-Man, where there is no Steve at all, Sam mentions him after Scott left. Etc, etc. You get the picture.

And the same goes for Bucky.

We only see him in ca:tfa where his story is intertwined with Steve’s. When Steve gets his ass kicked before he got the serum. Or when they go to the Expo. Or when they fight during the war. Even when Bucky is saved by Steve it’s less about him being finally free and more about Steve finding his friend again. In ca:tws their meeting is told mostly from Steve’s perspective. It’s a film about Steve facing the Winter Soldier not the other way round. And later viewers don’t see Bucky’s life as a fugative untill the moment he becomes important to Steve’s storyline again in Civil War. And so on and so forth. It goes like that basically from Bucky’s first appearance in the MCU to the last scenes of Endgame.

When Steve and Bucky are fighting on the same side Bucky’s role could also be described as: “a sidekick”. Just like Sam’s.

----- ------- -----

And I honestly believe that this is the reason why pairing Sam and Bucky together makes so much sense. Even if you put aside the obvious chemistry between the characters and their actors it just works for them to join forces in multiple scenes.

Both of them walked in Steve’s shadow before they got their own show. Not because they’re less interesting as characters or because Steve’s storyline is better, but because Steve is one of the main heroes in the entire MCU while Sam and Bucky were always orbiting around him in a way. And we, as the viewers, learnt very little about them outside of the stuff that was important for their relationships with Cap.

Why do we know about Sam losing Riley? Because Steve also lost someone who fell to their death. Why do we see Bucky killing Stark’s parents? Because it’s a movie about Steve’s conflict with Tony (mostly) and it’s just one of many things that makes the conflict worse. I’m not implying it’s unfair to the characters or something (even though I’d love to see them having more sceentime in general)... It’s just the role they serve in a story, because someone has to be in that position for the narrative to flow. You cannot make every character “the main one”. That wouldn’t really work.

----- ------- -----

But then... When Sam and Bucky are together we suddenly see much more about both of them outside of their connection with Steve. It’s almost like destiny how they always end up in close proximity. They seem to naturally gravitate towards each other ever since they’ve met. And it looks like taking them away from a big, important character (Steve) makes them shine brighter. Most of the little moments they shared became iconic at some point when they were just allowed to exist together.

And again... I’m not saying that I don’t enjoy seeing their interactions with Steve, because I do. Especially Sam’s. But it very often feels like they interact with each other because it’s important for the progression of the plot. When Steve talks with Sam it’s often about their next mission, or how Sam helps him with something, or to show that Steve has difficulties with adjusting to the modern world. And when Steve talks with Bucky (at least after ca:tfa) I always feel like there should be a narrator’s voice talking over a scene, telling me: “see? they were friends in the past, before the war... this is important! pay attention”.

Meanwhile, when Sam and Bucky interact, some scenes just... happen for no purpose. Like they interact, because they want to, not because the script told them to. There’s absolutely no plot-related reason for showing Sam and Bucky sitting in that tiny car in Germany. Or for showing them standing together in Infinity War when Thanos attacks.

What the two of them have is completely different from what they had with Steve in the past.

----- ------- -----

To be honest, it always bothered me a little how Steve never really did anything for Sam (freeing him from prison where Sam landed for helping Steve doesn’t count). It’s always Sam making Steve feel better and standing by his side. So it’s a very glaring contrast, when we got to see a whole separate montage where Bucky visits Sam and helps him fix the boat that was important to his family. Or when he casually throws a shield with him for practice, asks Sam if he’s okay, and brings him a new super-hero suit even though Sam never even asked for these favours or suggested that he needs Bucky’s help.

And I know that some people won’t like what I’m about to say, but Steve and Bucky really don’t act like they are particularly close to each other most of the time (especially after their first movie). I believe that they were friends before everything went to shit, but after ca:tws? Not really. They cling to that label, because of their shared story and because Steve cannot let go of the past, but they just... don’t act like they are friends anymore. It’s like they both changed too much and don’t know how to deal with that. So they don’t. It’s like Steve is only attached to some past version of Bucky that no longer exists and the new Bucky doesn’t fully match his expectations. Sam on the other hand has no expectations at all. He builds his relationship with Bucky from the fresh foundations. The creators don’t need to bring back some shared memories from 70 years ago to prove that these two have a strong connection. They just show them doing stuff together. The argument about The Big Three? Petty revange over a car seat? Discussing music tastes? Having “sleepovers” and giving each other slightly mean, but harmless nicknames? Discussing mental health? Having staring contests? Watching goddamn sunsets? That’s what people who are close to each other do.

And that’s why these two simply... work.

It’s not just implied or explained in a flashback. “Look, viewer. They are friends. I know they don’t act like they are, but trust me. They went for a dinner a decade ago... offscreen.” Sam and Bucky even refused to call themselves friends! They’re a couple of guys (allegedly). And yet I still know they like each other very much from the way they interact, speak about each other, or look at each other.

And I really think that one of the main reason’s why it works like that is because they’re both equally crucial (or irrelevant at times) for the story. Both are just as (un)necessary for the plot to move on. Sometimes they are very important and sometimes the plot would easily work without them. ca:tws could’ve happen without Sam. Civil War could’ve technically happen without Bucky if they put more emphasis on the Accords. There were both certainly unnecessary in Infinity War or Endgame. But there’s no way the events in tfatws would’ve happen without both of them being there together. Sam might’ve never taken the shield and become Captain America if it wasn’t for Bucky. Bucky would’ve spent countless years trying and failing to make amends and never finding peace if it wasn’t for Sam. The fandom likes to focus on only Bucky, but you wouldn’t get this much content about him if there was no Sam to share the story with him.

Because they just fit together perfectly.

----- ------- -----

Last disclaimer (because I really don’t want people to get the wrong impression): I actually like Steve. And I like Samsteve (romantically or platonically). Platonic Stevebucky is alright too. But it just kind of... pales in comparison when you see what Sam and Bucky have. Most MCU relationships pale in comparison if I’m being honest.

[rosfrandomness]

Who wishes to know more about my Last Life and friends Stardew Valley AU? You do? Click the read more then!

I shall cover the basics!

So I defined all the important jobs that are kinda needed (food, pharmacy, someone to build the houses, all that stuff) then after that chose ones I want to keep out of the rest! for example, I kind of don't want the same type of museum and want to make it more of a "there's someone who studies stuff and you can choose to help their research by giving them things"

So the mandatory occupations are

Blacksmith - Stress

Bar keep (at the saloon) - Gem

Farmer (mainly crops) - GGG

Farmer (mainly animals) - I was thinking the southlands, but it may change

Pharmacist - Etho

Grocers - Tango

Carpenter - Bdubs

There's also a ton of others who don't necessarily have a job that's, well, necessary for any absolute basic human needs, let alone a job at all! But many have a role within the universe.

For example, Lizzie is the forest fairy to the west of town who learns and even to an extent gets involved in a conflict between BigB and Cleo after he accidentally trampled her crops (I can elaborate on that tidbit if wanted). Wels, Impulse, and Gem all help decorate for things like spirit's eve, or the flower dance, or town wide barbeques, or any other events! Impulse also sells books, and Joe is a ghost that comes as a package deal with Bdubs since the carpenter has a clock that used to be his during life (again, can definitely elaborate if wanted (also here's a link to a comic based on that))

So, back to the main point, Cleo, Scott, and Pearl take the place of the player/player crew and are the ones mainly responsible for growing crops, and make it their main point of profit.

Now, you may notice that I've omitted the mayor from the list. That's because there is no mayor! Instead, the selling box is repurposed and reworked, and things are mostly sold to others within the township, merchants, and travellers who visit during festivals and whatnot.

° • ☆ • °

As for universe rules (ex: Minecraft's nearly nonexistant gravity or Stardew Valley's "food never expires") I was thinking a few things:

- food still never expires. It's a thing in both games, so I'm keeping it! In a similar vein, food provides energy and health in both games (or sometimes temporary speed, food poisoning, other such sicknesses, other stat boosts, etc) so I'm keeping that as well.

- The flower variety from MC and dish variety from SDV are both staying, being combined to give more flowers and more food options beyond Soup. This'll mean fun new recipe opportunities!

- the gravity will still be a little wonky. We're gonna have the "infinite pockets with seemingly no weight" in the form of backpacks, and you'll be able to have the 9 by 4 inventory Minecraft has rather than Stardew Valley's only 9 by 3 inventory option that comes with two pack upgrades

- they can't perma-die! they either faint or they need to go to the pharmacist's or they die and respawn. It's a combination of both game's health mechanics, and it's dependant on the severity of their injuries n all that jazz

- there will be more to come if I think of more or someone makes me think of it cjdnccj

° • ☆ • °

I think we're gonna have the GGG be the main protags, if I ever write anything based on the AU. Scott very well may have a romance with Jimmy because of 3rd Life, but who really knows! There may be shipping, there may not, I'm not really sure

I really want this AU to focus on things like relationships (not just romantic ones, in fact I want to put a focus on platonic ones and conflicts within any of those) and other stuff if I'm able, such as mental health!

so yeah, feel free to ask me about any of this. even if no one does, I'm still gonna be making content about it (duh) since I really like both games. honestly this is meant to be more a passion project; self indulgent, if you will! and if anyone else enjoys it then yay!

[wtnrscap]

Never Enough

Pairings- Steve Rogers x Reader, slight Bucky Barnes x Reader towards the end, platonic Tony Stark x Reader, platonic Natasha Romanoff x Reader.

Summary-  Steve Rogers has been forced to adjust to 21st-century life. Y/N has been by his side every step of the way. But in recent weeks, it feels as though she’s living in the shadow of a certain British Agent. She realises she’s fighting a losing battle. A choice will have to be made. But it isn’t up to her. It has, and always will be, the Captain’s choice.

Warnings- Winter Soldier, Civil War, Infinity War, Endgame references. Mentions of previous sexy times, brief smut and fluff. Swearing and angst. 

A/N- Italics are the past. Bold is lyrics. Inspired by ‘Never Enough’ by Loren Allred from The Greatest Showman. I’ve always wondered how a lover of Steve would deal with him still being in love with Peggy, how that would affect their relationship and what would happen to them in Endgame. I wanna explore that, so feeling like this is gonna be quite long. I won’t even hint at the ending.

I am gonna say that while writing this, I am crying. Like, ugly crying. Steve and Bucky’s goodbye is so freaking emotional. Okay, I’m okay. Enjoy!

Word Count- 3.2K

Masterlist

The sunlight filtered through the silent room, highlighting her tears. Today was the day. Today was the day that Steve Rogers had to make the biggest choice of his life.

-

“Steve!”

The scream echoed around the battleground and the blonde turned his head, unclipping his helmet, his heart pounding painfully. 

A woman stood a few metres away, her face dirted, her Y/E/C eyes wide as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

For a few moments, the pair stared at each other. Steve’s helmet clattered to the ground and she was running, her hair flying out behind her before she jumped, her legs wrapping around his waist, his hands in her hair and their lips joined in a passionate embrace. When she finally pulled back, she giggled, allowing herself to get lost in his blue eyes. Steve nuzzled into her neck, panting slightly, “You’re okay... You’re back... We’re okay... We’re going to be okay...”

-

Y/N wiped the tears and took a deep, shaky breath. Since their reunion, Steve had told her absolutely everything. 

The aftermath of the snap, Thanos destroying the stones, Thor killing Thanos, 5 years, Scott’s return, time travel, time heist, the new snap and, finally, the moments leading up to the final battle.

She’d figured it out in seconds. He didn’t need to say it. 

Y/N sighed, standing and walking over to the window where she could see Steve talking to Bruce as they set up the time machine. In the morning light, Steve looked beautiful, his blond hair smoothed over and a mug between his lips. Y/N wondered if he’d always been this beautiful...

-

“Captain Rogers? Are you here?” Y/N dropped her keys into the bowl by Steve’s front door and walked into the living room to a strange sight. Pillows and duvets were bunched in a mess on the floor and the mound was moving slightly. Y/N moved forwards slowly, “Captain Rogers...?”

“How many more times? Call me Steve!” Steve’s head popped up through the blankets, his blonde hair messed up and blue eyes wide with mock anger. She almost had to coo at cute he looked.

“What the hell are you doing?”

Steve stood up and brushed off his trousers, “I found a list that had 100 things you have to do before you get too old and I’m working my way through it. Pillow fort was one of them.”

“I hate to break it to you Captain, but I think you’re a bit too old...” Y/N giggled. Steve pouted, “What will it take for you to call me Steve? Now help me! I feel like you’re better at this than me!”

“As your tutor, trying to get you to experience things you’ve missed out on, I will help you. Not because I’m a big kid,” she shrugged out of coat and picked up some pillows. Steve frowns, “It’s not that I’ve never made a pillow fort... It’s just I can’t remember how to. And need new memories, I’ve decided, fresh, happy memories.”

“Well, Steve, I’ll be perfectly happy to help you make new memories.”

Steve blushed slightly as he realised she hadn’t called him Captain and picked up a pillow, “Pillow fight!”

-

Y/N felt a hand rest on her shoulder and jumped when she saw Bucky standing behind her, “Are you okay?”

She nodded her head, “Yeah, I think so... Do you know?”

“Do I know what?”

“What Steve’s planning. As his best friend, have you figured it out?”

Bucky brushed a strand of hair out of his face and refused to look at her in the eyes, “I... I have an inkling of what he’s about to do...”

Y/N sighed and turned away from the window, another tear trickling down her face, “I was never enough...”

“What?”

“You know, it was you who brought us together. I’d been helping Steve to fit into the 21st century and I liked him, but on Nick Fury’s orders, I couldn’t... be with him. That day, back in 2014, when you saved his life... I realised I couldn’t lose him without him knowing how I felt...”

Bucky smiled weakly, “Glad to be of assistance, doll.”

-

“Is he okay?” Y/N pushed past Sam, forcing her way into Steve’s hospital room to see his smirking face. Without thinking, she dived onto him, making him gasp in pain, “Careful, careful! Y/N it’s good to see you too!”

A punch to his arm made him gasp again, “What was that for?”

“You’re an idiot Steve Rogers. When I saw you fall... My heart was in my mouth, I was so scared!”

“I’m sorry for scaring you... But I’m okay... I promise...”

“How did you survive? You should have drowned!”

“I don’t know... Steve suddenly looked thoughtful and Y/N grabbed his wrist tightly forcing him to look her eyes, “What?”

“Fuck Nick Fury and his stupid rules!” Y/N pressed her lips to Steve’s and his eyes widened before he kissed her back. When he pulled back, he was blushing, “What was that?”

“You almost died Steve! I can’t lose you... I just can’t... I love you...”

Steve flushes, “I love you too... I can’t believe that I’m asking you after everything we’ve... Be mine!”

“Yes, Steve! Thousand times yes!”

-

The air by lake seems clearer, and Y/N takes a deep breath, savouring her last sane moments. She knows she should spend them with him, but right now she can’t even look at him without a dull pain shooting through her heart. The last 24 hours have helped her to see every beautiful second with Steve, but at the same time, she has seen every flaw and every fight.

-

Steve gasped, rolling of Y/N and wiping a sheen of sweat of his forehead, “That was... amazing!”

Y/N nodded her head and pulled the duvet up to her chin, “It was certainly something else.”

Steve turned his head, his brows furrowing, “It wasn’t good for you? I love you, I tried to show you how much I-”

“Best sex I’ve ever had, Stevie...” she interrupted, standing up. Steve grabs her wrist, “Where are you going?”

“I’ve worked up an appetite after that.”

(20 minutes later)

Natasha sipped at her coffee, “Clearly Steve can please you. Has he got the golden dick?”

Y/N laughed bitterly, “Gave me an orgasm and that’s all I can say about it.”

“That bad?”

Unshed tears fill Y/N’s eyes and Natasha frowned, wrapping her arms around her, “What’s wrong? Tell me.”

“I love him, Tasha, so much, so goddamn much but I’m not enough! These hands could hold the world and it’ll never be enough!”

“What do you mean?”

“As he finished inside me, he called me Peggy! Every time we’re alone, he talks about how amazing Peggy is, how much he loved her, how much he misses her. I can’t compete!” she wept and Natasha’s gripped tightened on Y/N’s shoulder. Standing quickly, Natasha left the room, her eyes narrowed in a death stare.

-

Y/N almost had to laugh at how wrong things went after that. She had supported him at Peggy’s funeral, and then fought with him in Germany. Things came to a head in the Quinjet, on the way to Siberia.

-

“I KNOW YOU’RE STRUGGLING STEVE, I KNOW IT’S HARD FOR YOU BUT LOOK AT ME! I’M IN FRONT OF YOU! I’M RIGHT HERE! PEGGY’S DEAD! SHE’S GONE!” Y/N screamed, her emotions getting the better of her. The Quinjet was on autopilot and Bucky was trying his best to pretend he couldn’t hear the argument.

“SHE WAS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, Y/N! YOU NEED TO RESPECT THAT!” Steve yelled back. Y/N rolled her eyes, “I HAVE RESPECTED THAT SINCE YOU WERE PULLED OUT OF THE ICE! BUT I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND! OR AM I JUST A TOY, ON THE SIDE TILL YOU FIND A WAY BACK TO HER?”

“I-”

“I don’t wanna break up with you Stevie...” Y/N lowered her voice, “And I don’t think you wanna break up with me. This stuff with Bucky is important, and with you fighting Tony, we’re going to need each other more than ever. What’s happening now, with the Avengers, is the end. This is the end of the Avengers.”

Steve paled and pulled Y/N close, kissing her temple, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too...”

-

“It’s not your fault. It was never your fault. He was and always has been blinded. I wanted to slap him sometimes...”

Y/N turns her head and sees Tony and Natasha, staring back her. They look younger and happier. Natasha reaches out her hand and Y/N tries to take it, but her hand goes through Natasha’s. Tears spill down her cheeks, “I need you, Tasha. I need you, Tony... I can’t do this on my own.”

“You don’t really have a choice in the matter. We’re gone, dead, and soon... Capiscle will be too,” Tony responds with a sad smile, “But we’re here to tell you that we may be gone... but we’re in your heart. You are not alone.”

“I am so alone...”

“No. You were not alone on Titan, I was with you, and I was with you when you came back...” Tony took a step forward. Natasha scrunched up her eyes, “I’ve been with you since 2012. I have given you advice, gossiped with you and now I’m here, reminding you that I’m not gone...”

“Thank you, both of you... Tasha, for being the best friend any girl could ask for, and Tony for always looking out for me. I was so scared on Titan. Natasha, I wished we could have said goodbye to each other...”

“This is goodbye.”

“Tony... “

“I heard you... as I was dying... I heard your words. I died unafraid.”

Tony and Natasha take a step back, “Don’t forget us, Y/N. We love you...”

“I love you too. I love you so much...”

-

“Tony...? Tony, what’s happening?” Y/N stumbled into Tony’s arm as the man weeps for Peter. He caught her and she fell to the ground, her mouth whispering, “Tell Steve... Tell him I’m sorry... He’ll understand...”

“Where is he? Why weren’t you with him?” asked Tony desperately. Tears filled Y/N’s beautiful eyes, “We argued... We were on a break... I can’t tell you where he is because I don’t know. The last time I saw him... I tried to get away, so far away and ended up in New York... I’m scared Tony...”

“I know... I’m right here... don’t let go of my hand...”

“Why did you forgive me? For what happened in Germany?”

“Thanos is a too bigger threat for silly fights.”

“They were your parents...” Y/N’s eyes began to dull, her skin flaking away. Tony gulped, “They’re were my past, you are my future...”

“Not much future here... Tell... Tell Steve... Tell Steve I love him...” Y/N turned her head to the side, her skin disappearing, gone from Tony’s hands as he whispered, “He knows...”

(1 Month Later)

“Tony... I need you to focus...” Steve addressed Tony carefully. Tony snapped his head around to look at Steve, “And I needed you, as in past tense. That trumps what you need. It’s too late, buddy! You know what I need?”

Tony turned around to face everybody, “I need a shave and a burger, not a bowl of soup. And I believe I remember telling all of you, alive and otherwise, that we needed a suit of armour around the world, whether it impacted our precious freedoms or not-”

“But that didn’t work out, did it?!” snapped Steve angrily. Tony jabbed a finger in Steve’s chest, “I said we’d lose, you said we’d ‘do that together, too.’ Guess what, Cap, we lost, and you weren’t there. But that’s what we do, right? Our best work after the fact? We’re the ‘Avengers’, not the ‘Pre-vengers’-”

“Take it easy, Tony...” Rhodey muttered. Tony ignored him, “I’ve got nothing for ya, Cap. No coordinates, no clues, no strategies, no options. Zero, zip, nada. No trust,” Tony ripped the RT from his chest and pushed it into Steve’s hand, “Here. Take this. You find him, you put this on, and hide...”

Weakly, Tony dropped to his knees, “I’m fine! Cap... When I say I have nothing, I mean it... You haven’t even asked about her and you know I was with her. She was right about you. You don’t love her in the way she loves you. She was never enough for you.”

Steve’s hands slipped and he stared at Tony hard, “Don’t talk to me like you understand what was going on.”

“She told me everything. As she dusted away, she said you were taking a break. I know she always felt like she was living in Peggy’s shadow. And she was right. Wanna know her last words?”

Steve was walking away but stopped in his tracks. Tony smirked, “I thought so. Her last words were this, exactly, ‘Tell Steve I love him’. I said he knows. But I don’t think you do.”

Steve stormed out of the room, the distant sound of smashing floating into the room.

-

“Y/N? It’s time...” Bucky’s voice sounded in her ear and a wave of nausea swept over her.

The time machine had been set up and Steve was talking to Bruce. Sam approached Steve, “You look a little nervous going by yourself. Ask nicely, I’ll go with you.”

“You’re a good man, Sam. But this one’s on me.”

With a small nod, Bucky leaves Y/N’s side and smiles sadly at Steve. Steve doesn’t break eye contact with him, “Don’t do anything stupid ‘til I get back, okay?”

“How can I? You’re taking all the stupid with you...” mutters Bucky. Steve grins and Bucky pulls him into a long, sorrowful hug, “Gonna miss you, buddy...”

“It’s going to be okay, Bucky...” replies Steve, trying to sound confident. 

Y/N’s eyes hadn’t left the ground. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t think straight. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t-

“Y/N? Look at me, please. I don’t wanna leave like this.”

She didn’t look at him, “You should just go. Make it easier for both of us. I know your choice and I know what you’ve chosen.”

Steve shakes his head and places his finger under her chin, forcing her to look up, “You don’t know because I don’t know. I still haven’t made my mind up.”

“Yes, you have.”

“Last night-”

“Last night was the worst sex we’ve ever had. I’m telling you, Steve Rogers, you’ve made your mind up. And as much as I hate it, you deserve to be with someone who can make you happy. That person is not me.”

A hand cups her cheek, “You’ve made me so happy. You’ve spent 10 years thinking you weren’t enough, and you were. You were more than enough. You were too much for me. I didn’t deserve you.”

“Steve, please... Please... Just go...” begs Y/N, her eyes watering again. Steve leans forward, pressing a bittersweet kiss to her mouth. It’s hot and cold, black and white. It’s goodbye.

When she pulls away, Steve’s heart breaks a little more. It’s goodbye.

Sam turns to Bruce, “How long’s this gonna take?”

“For him, as long as he needs. For us, five seconds. Ready, Cap? You’re good to go. Meet you right back here, okay?”

You bet!” Steve calls back, glancing at Bucky, then at Y/N, who’s walking away. Steve’s heart breaks a little more and looks at Bucky again, mouthing, “Look after her...”

Bucky nods his head.

“Going Quantum in three, two, one.”

Steve disappears and Bruce’s voice rings out to where Y/N is now standing stock still, “Aaand, returning in five... four... three... two... one-”

Silence. Nothing happens.

Y/N pales as panic erupts.

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know! He blew past our timestamp. He should be here.”

“Get him back!”

“I’m trying!”

“GET HIM THE HELL BACK-”

“I’M TRYING!!”

Y/N’s knees buckle and she lands in the mud, crawling into a fetal position as the truth hits her. Bucky’s voice calls out, “Y/N!”

He’s with her seconds as she cries into the ground, his arms around her tightly as he picks her up bridal style. She wriggles into her chest as Sam’s hushed voice echoes around the lake, “What the hell?”

Both Bucky and Y/N look up to see Sam holding Steve’s shield, “It was just left here. With this note.”

“Read it!” cries Bucky. Sam gulps, “’ Sam. Right now, you’re probably feeling a little confused. I knew I had a choice when I went back. I could stay in the past with Peggy or come back. If I stayed with Peggy, there’d be no Captain America in the future. So this is for you. A brilliant man once told me that I must remain a good man and not a perfect soldier. You are a good man. I know you will always try your best, which is why it’s going to you. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there to give you it in person, but I still have important choices to make. I wish you, and Bucky, and Y/N the very best. And who knows, maybe one day, we will meet again. Because it’s been a long, long time.’“

Sam looks up in awe and Bucky smiles, “Good on you Birdbrain. Now I have to help Y/N clean up.”

Sam nods his head as Bucky walks away, Y/N in his arms. He knows the world is changing, and with Steve gone, it’s up to him, and Sam, and Y/N. The world still needs protecting. But first, they have to heal. They have to rest. 

-

I wanted to leave this ending open to specualtion as to what Steve does. However, I have written an ending for those who want some closure.

- Bonus Scene - 

He peers out from behind the trees and watches as Bucky carries Y/N away. He doesn’t know why he didn’t reveal himself but he knows he’s made the right decision with Sam. He thinks he made the right choice coming back. 

One look at Peggy and Steve realises he made a massive mistake. All those years making Y/N feel worthless because he was still in love with Peggy and now he doesn’t want her. He just wants Y/N.

He’d written the note before he left the 40s and then accidentally blew past the time stamp. To top things off, he missed the landing point. Fallen into some mud behind a tree and barely had time to dump the shield and note in a place where Sam would find it.

When he saw Y/N on the floor, seemingly having a panic attack, his heart had shattered. He’d almost ran out to her, but Bucky got there first. Then he felt rooted to the spot. What if Bucky could offer more than he could? What if Bucky was better than him? 

He’d spent years making Y/N feel like she was never enough and now fear crept in. What if she didn’t want him?

Steve realised he had to hide, and see if Y/N liked Bucky better. If she did... 

He’d leave. Not to the past, or the future. But somewhere desolate. Somewhere quiet and alone.

Alone. 

Y/N had always said she was born alone and she’d die alone. 

But she was never alone.

Steve had been born with someone and had always assumed he die with someone. 

For the first time ever, he was alone. He had nothing. Absolutely nothing.

For the first time ever, Steve was genuinely terrified.

He had nowhere to go.

Tony was right. They’d lost. He’d lost. And he’d had to lose it on his own.

[zutaralesbian]

eleanor guthrie and buffy summers!

Eleanor Guthrie:

My three favorite things about them:

Her ambition. I feel like ambition is one of the main traits that often gets female characters unfairly hated by fandoms and Eleanor (and Max tbh) are definitely not exempted from that 💀 But it's a trait I really like in characters, especially women!

Her bravery. She's so brave. Going into a crowd of dangerous men with only a stick as a weapon to defend Max. Rescuing Abgail from Vane whom she knew was violent and didn't take well to being "betrayed". And then of course (even though I don't like to think about it 😭) her dying while defending Madi.

The way she wears her heart on her sleeve. I've never understood why it's such a popular interpretation to see Eleanor as manipulative because imo I don't think she has the skill. If I'm remembering correctly, I think we see her openly crying onscreen more often than both Max and Anne. And she's VERY bad at hiding her anger lol. But I liked the fact that she's often very openly emotional.

My three least favorite things about them:

Her taste in men :( Her taste in women seemed great though I wish we had gotten to see more of it

Some of her moments did kind of veer into white feminism. Like as much as I loved her "too many goddamn men" speech, her including Mr Scott in the list of men who tried to get in her way was not it.

The fact that she went from wearing those hot pirate outfits to those boring dresses 😤

My three favorite dynamics with them in it (romantic or platonic):

Eleanor/Flint: My favorite chaotic duo :( They're so similiar as people and I loved when they worked as a team because I think they truly understood each other. (But I also loved that even when they were on opposite sides, they never trash talked each other on a personal level.) Her truest father figure :(

Eleanor/Max: Loved these two. They were so angsty but also so so interesting. As much as I love Maxanne Maxanor would have served as a lovers to enemies to friends back to lovers endgame 💔 (And tbh sometimes I really do wish they had been endgame just because I'm bitter about the ambiguous ending Max and Anne got. Unlike most of the other main characters who were based on Treasure Island characters or historical figures, Eleanor and Max were completely original to Black Sails. The writers could have done anything they wanted with them. *sighs*)

Eleanor/Madi: Wish we had seen more of them tbh! But I love their scene right before the event we do not speak of happens.

My three favorite moments of theirs

Pretty much the entirety of 2x06. Her shooting a gun to break up Flint and Vane's fighting. Her rescuing Abigail from Vane. Her interactions with both Abigail and Flint. When Vane almost caught her and she locked the gate in his face. Just queen shit all around in that episode.

Her team up with Anne to save Max and her blackmailing Silver into helping them.

Her apologizing to Max in S4 :(

Buffy Summers:

My three favorite things about them:

Her heroism. (And her selflessness, even though it often makes me sad). She is always so ready to do what's right, even when it's hard. Her sacrificing herself to save Dawn and sacrificing Angel in order to save the world are two scenarios that come to mind.

Her bravery. She always goes head first into situations, even when she is scared.

She's just very kind and isn't a judgemental character. (To an extent, of course). She befriends Willow and Xander at the beginning of the series, who were underdogs at the high school. She stuck up for Cordelia on occasions, even back when Cordelia was being portrayed as "the mean girl". I can't really recall a time where she was outright nasty to someone for no reason and I always like that trait in characters.

My three least favorite things about them:

Her selflessness made me sad at points, especially in the later seasons when her friends started becoming assholes. There were multiple occasions where I wanted her to tell Xander and Willow to fuck off lmao

What Sp*ffy did to her character at times. I think one of the only times I ever outright disagreed with Buffy was when she sided with Spike over Giles and had no sympathy for Woods who just wanted to avenge his mother's murder. Sp*ffy should not have been a thing again after the attempted rape.

????? I can't really think of anything else I don't like about Buffy.

My three favorite dynamics with them in it (romantic or platonic):

Buffy/Dawn is like, the most important relationship on the show I think. I loved that Buffy's love for her didn't waver at all when she learned the truth and she continued to see her as her sister.

Buffy/Giles: Once again, I HATED what they did to this relationship in S7 just so they could prop up Spike 💀

Buffy/Faith: Everyone knew this relationship would be on my list it's my brand lol. The enemies to lovers that should have happened instead of Sp*ffy.

Honorable mention to Buffy/Tara, an underrated friendship that I wish we had gotten to see more of :(

My three favorite moments of theirs:

"I'm the thing monsters have nightmares about." That line!!!!!

The class protector scene at her high school graduation. You all know what I'm talking about.

“You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me.” 😭

Thank you! :)

[penroseparticle]

Would it be appropriate for me to be That Dumb Bitch™ and ask for all of the music asks? Because I know I'm gonna ask them all on Anon anyway and I really love your opinions,thoughts, and suggestions on music

Thank you so much💜 ily(platonically)

And I hope you're drinking water

ILY too anon

We both know I’m drinking Diet Cokes rather than water. But I appreciate it! And of course you can be That Dumb Bitch. I approve of all Dumb Bitches as I am one too. all 30 questions coming right up!

your favorite album opener I know it’s pretty basic to answer Arctic Monkeys is a good band, but I am pretty basic so here we are. AM is a near perfect album, which is not news to anyone, but few people know that Do I Wanna Know? is the first track on the album. Masterful. 

a song starting w/ the same first letter of your first name Cheat, by Emily Burns. It’s just a quiet, competent, earworm. And it’s a pretty nice message too- if it were me I wouldn’t have cheated, end of. I like it.

a song outside of your usual genre I’m not super into Metal. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy it, my brother pretty much exclusively listens to hard rock and metal and such, so I have some stuff I like. But it’s just one of those genres someone has to introduce me to songs in. That said, I really like Cold Water by Protest The Hero. Good stuff!

a song that reminds you of your favorite season Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy is SUCH a Fall song, I swear.

a song from a lifelong favorite artist I think my lifelong favorite artist is Ms. Lauryn Hill, if we’re going by the artists I’ve loved longest- that’s obviously influenced by my mother, who LOVES Jill Scott, Lauryn Hill, etc. I’m going with a Fugees song, not an independent, but it’s still fantastic- the classic “Killing Me Softly With His Song”.

your current “on repeat” song Montero by Lil Nas X is still on repeat and I’m not ashamed.

a song your friend introduced you to that you ended up loving Shout out Anna for introducing me ti Leikeli47! Girl Blunt was the song and now I just love her in general but Girl Blunt is good. I think my fave is Wash and Set though, so have a freebie on me.

a song that speaks the words you couldn’t say I have a hard time asking for things for myself so Rose’s Turn has always been a song I think but don’t say out loud. Starting now it’s gonna be my turn? Too unrealistic tbh.

a song that captures your aesthetic (can be ideal!) Bambi by Hippo Campus

a song about the place where you live I have played Welcome to DC so many fucking times (By Mambo Sauce because this city is a fucking joke) and I am thoroughly sick of it. When youth hockey teams use a song as their warmup song it gets old REAL fast.

a song from an international artist I LOOOOVE Maluma, sorry not sorry, and El Perdedor is one of my favorite songs of all time tbh.

a song you can scream all the words to Love In The Morning by Chris Jobe. I just really enjoy the song idk why. Also it’s a very simple song and it’s easy to sing.

a reboot of a song/songs you already loved (remix, mashup, acoustic, etc.) I love Passionfruit, but Drake is a... problematic artist to enjoy nowadays. Yaeji did a very slow, lilting, quiet cover of it that I quite like. So now for my Passionfruit fix I support a small artist and not, you know, Drake

a song with the name of a place in the title Oh god. Vienna is literally the name of like 4 songs that I love (The Fray, Billy Joel, Lambert, and Ultravox, so I’ve gotta go with that one tbh. Lambert is instrumental and Ultravox is some chill ass 80′s stuff, and everyone knows the Billy Joel one.

a song that reminds you of traveling Feel It Still by Portugal the Man reminds me of a trip I took to NYC because someone I went with loved the band.

your favorite childhood song My favorite childhood song is What Kind of Pokemon Are You? From the 2.B.A. Master album for pokemon. It is my fave because that cd is the first piece of music I ever bought for myself.

a song that reminds you of a good time Midnight by Caravan Palace. I have seen Caravan Palace three times live, more than anyone but Betty Who, and I ALWAYS have a fantastic time at their concerts. Just. So good.

a song that reminds you of a bad time Season 2 Episode 3 by Glass Animals is how I describe depression to people- it’s not just that I’m like, blank or sad or bland. It’s that I go through the motions and it doesn’t feel like anything. I do things I love and it feels like nothing. You kind of just can’t do anything to get out of it, your stuff just stops working.

a song from an artist whose old music you enjoy more than their new music So it turns out that my favorite album by FAR for OkGo is Of The Blue Color Of The Sky, a fairly old album of theirs. I like most of thier stuff and obviously all of their videos are great, but my favorite song of theirs is from this album- Needing/Getting.

a song that empowers you I like other Lady Gaga songs more but Donatella makes me feel like I can punch through Concrete idk why

a song from a local artist DID YOU KNOW GINUWINE IS FROM DC. ANYWAYS STREAM PONY

a song you related to in the past and present, but for different reasons Let’s Dance To Joy Division by The Wombats is a song I’ve always related to. Back in the day it was just loud and fun and very good, and now I really think the message of “Everything sucks but we’re gonna celebrate what we can” is something I try to absorb as much as possible now.

your favorite cheesy pop song Classic by MKTO is an objectively bad song that I constantly have in my Spotify Wrapped. I legit can’t explain it. Is it good? no. Is it original? Also no. Is it interesting? No! I don’t get it but I’m under the spell

a song from a soundtrack (musical, movie, video game, etc.) A PROMISE FROM FIRE EMBLEM: THREE HOUSES WAS MY NUMBER THREE SONG ON MY SPOTIFY WRAPPED LAST YEAR SORRY MOM SORRY GOD

the song currently stuck in your head OR the song you are listening to right now My music is on shuffle but it just hit Hot Girl Bummer by Blackbear

a song that taught you a lesson Which to Bury, Us Or The Hatchet by Reliant K is one of my favorite songs and really is an object lesson in letting things go. What’s more important? The person or the problem? And sometimes it’s the person, so you bury the hatchet, and sometimes it’s the problem, and you bury us (the relationship). It’s a good song imo.

an instrumental song Teleblister by Clever Girl

a song you always skipped, but ended up loving once you listened to it My favorite song from The Blessed Unrest by Sara Bareilles is Cassiopeia and I straight up skipped it every time I listened for the first like, 6 months I listened to the album.

your favorite album closer good kid, m.A.A.d city is a perfect album as well, and Compton is the last song on the album. Perfection.

your all-time favorite song Such a hard question, and not always easy to answer to be honest. It fluctuates. But for me I think my all time favorite song is currently  

[malepresentingleg]

is it 2013 again? cause i have a rant about teen wolf coming and i feel 16 y/o.

so due to dome heavy procrastination I've consumed a lot of teen wolf content, i skipped a bunch of episodes and a lot of scenes in the ones i haven't but i still have some Thoughts TM

it's good??? i had a Good Time watching, it was funny but intense and dark and i felt Feelings watching, some of the plotlines were meh (or maybe i just skipped them heh) but a lot were interesting and i loved the characters and their interaction

scott. my sweetheart. my baby. such a cutiepie, such a great protagonist 10/10 i love him and would die for him. he's so pure and cute and his little smile melts my heart. i love how he's fundamentally Human no matter how non human he is. he's a great character all around and i kinda wish they didn't do that shit to him at the end (imma get there) or treated him like he ISN'T the protagonist for such big parts of the shows

people KNOW. Stiles knows from day one, allison finds out soon, his mom finds out in season 2! the sheriff in 3, and they just become part of the gang and can help them with stuff bc they UNDERSTAND. shows like that get really tiring when the teens constantly lie to everyone around them and it was very refreshing. the running gag with the coach ruining things tho was funny and I'm ok with it.

Ok this is mellisa appreciation time. she's SUCH a great, complex and unusual mom-of-hero character. i absolutely love her and her attitude, i love how she's not simply being used as a tool to cause scott pain (just.. sometimes) and their relationship is parenting goals.

also isn't it fucking hilarious how she's a nurse but she just knows everything medical. she's also a surgeon and a mortician and a doctor. ik it's for plot reasons but it funny af.

in general women on the show.. had a lot of potential, i love them, but i hate how they were treated.

allison was all around great imo, her and scott's relationship was built very well and was two sided from the start (unlike... yeah), she has emotions, she's smart and brave, but also human and scared, she kicks ass and, again, exists outside of Scott's GF status (mostly). andddd they killed her. idk if the actress had to/wanted to leave or it was a pure writers decision bc they needed to keep just her father or something, but that would have been ok if not for all the other things

we have 3 main kickass ladies with powers- lydia, kira and malia. lydia spent close to FIVE whole seasons not knowing anything about her abilities/not knowing how to control them. cmon, it gets old. scott masters his powers after a season or two (and had control a lot sooner), parrish finds out what he is like half a season after it becomes relevant etc.

malia- do i need to explain? she was CONSTANTLY struggling controlling her abilities, no matter how badass she supposedly was. and kira oh boy, they did her dirty, didn't they?

kira was such a cute adorable character. i loved her and her little crush on scott and wanting to make friends and being freaked out about relationships, i love her discovering her past and heritage and learning to fight and gaining control and becoming a badass. but. what? they just undid all this? oh no the fox is taking over she has no control no agency of her own she needs to disappear for years now bye :( again, idk if the actress needed to leave but it was so unsatisfying and was insulting to the character. she wasn't even mentioned later a bunch like allison was, just they needed her mom for a plot tool and didn't even acknowledge it was her sword they were breaking. uhm rude?

LET WOMEN HAVE POWERS AND BE AWESOME WITH THEM. and not just minor/bad characters thanks.

i love the concept of a pack on the show and how you don't have to be a werewolf to be a part of it, how scott becomes a true alpha and how he cares about his friends. i kinda feel like in later seasons him being an alpha was more talk than show which like /: meh. like i said, he stopped BEING the main character, just talked about as if he was.

i love how friendship is valued, but i think it could be more.. i mean the scene in the motel, all season 3b, scott and lydia, all the girls with each other.. i love it. too many times tho it "wasn't enough" and only romantic love worked which SUCKS. in 6a i was so happy scott went in to try and remember stiles and the memories hit me right in the heart. then when it "wasn't enough" i was SO pissed and frustrated goddammit. i guess that leads me to the next point-

ships, should i talk about ships? i don't want hate in my asks but oh well it's been a few years maybe there's no fandom to care. I'll start with the end

malia and scott. what. the. fuck. when, out of fucking no where, they had like a lingering look or something i was just "nope. no thanks". and then every scene they had together i had to cover my eyes bc it felt so wrong and bad and awkward. jesus. no build up at ALL, they're like family, i just. ew. no. it felt way too much like "oh we gotta pair off the leftovers" or "the main character can't end up single" well guess what, he fucking can. it was. god. i can't even explain the disgust. when he needed to heal and all she had to do was kiss him ugh. it felt so fake and empty of meaning. i would 100% prefer for it to be stiles (I'll get there) or his mom who snapped him out of it.

melissa and chris, i could get aboard with that. def cute, def weird af since his dead daughter was dating her son but, well.

stiles and lydia is a ship i have conflicting feelings about. i absolutely hate the concept of "the nerd" is in love with the popular girl since freshman year and he's borderline being a creep ("oh but it's stiles! he's a dork and he's harmless" no.), completely obsessed with her and she ignores him but then they end up getting together.. i mean, it sends a bad msg to obsessed boys about how it's worth it in the end, and it makes the whole relationship feel unbalanced from the start, makes her reciprocation feel unatural. BUT, i have to admit the show did kinda make me warm up to this ship by the end, curse them. it was kinda cute. i wish there was more mutualness before it became such an important part in 6a tho.

just gonna put it out there: malia/kira and lydia/allison. i wish we saw more girl on girl interactions in general but the ones we had were very good, great dynamics.

i won't get too much into it but i.. i don't ship st*rek. i understand why they're the biggest ship (two white hot boys that interact with each other, i mean.), and i see the couple of fan service-y moments the show throws at us but just. they don't have my heart, i don't really care about them. not the characters, the characters i absolutely love! (tho this watch i skipped most of season 1 and 2 and 3a and i think that's where derek is the most asshole.. didn't he do really bad things? idr) idk if you want a bad character on the way to redemption with someone you should ship liam and theo who had way better shippy chemistry imo, even tho their ship probably wouldn't be healthy given their dynamic history, huh.

the ship that does owns my heart? scilies. I'm a softy when it comes to best friends to lovers, and their bond and relationship is just. so. pure. don't get me wrong, i love me a good platonic relationship, but there was just one to many homoerotic interactions between them for me not to ship it, hard. (not to be that person but my guess is that if Scott was white it would have been a way bigger ship, but who knows?) i love their love, i love they would do anything for each other, and i feel like there were a bunch of very missed opportunities for them in later seasons :(

so representation. this feels like a show that is trying to be Woke TM but it's not going so well. the main character is supposedly latino but it's never ever addressed. idc about "oh we want a world without prejudice" you can still fucking address it. i mean they went to Mexico a couple of times, stiles keeps saying "Mexican cousin" i mean. god. give us something. did i mention scott was told he'd make a great "nazi youth" ..

and you don't need to be a genius to see the most characters are very white or at least very white passing. and when you don't address their non whiteness they might as well be..

i already mentioned how poorly i feel kira was treated, but also mason, who is a wonderful character, gets no depth? we know nothing about him other than being gay and smart pretty much.

i also spoke about the women already but, they were really really great women characters, but not enough of them, not enough that lasted.

there's not much to talk about disability bc it just wasn't on the show. the only blind character was healed which. /: same with epilepsy and asthma..

i think the show is probably very proud (ha) with their LGBTQ+ rep bc they're like "oh let's make this insignificant couple gay bc hey nbg". examples are lydia's grandma, La Bete and marcel, i think nolan and jiang were exes and then nolan and gabe were a thing? idr if it was explicit. the couple of girls in the tent.. probably a couple more. it's nice, def better than all random couples being straight but that's not satisfying as rep.

Danny was great. i think he and ethan were.. cute? i think he was awesome, i loved danny so much and was very excited to learn he KNOWS at the end of season 3 and was waiting to see him join the pack. instead he fucking disappeared?! wtf. #WhereDidDannyGo

brett was cute rep, especially being bi but i feel like it could go into the insignificant pool which, again, is better than nothing.

mason and corey i just don't have strong feelings about. they were definitely cute and I'm glad they were together, i love mason A Lot. i think this relationship could be explored more, or at least the characters could be explored more to give this relationship more depth.

very interesting how there's no wlw canon couple, not even hinted. just fan servicey hot malia kira dance which /:

not to mention transgenderness. god can you imagine the interesting plotline of transitioning while being a werewolf 0:

i think the rep i was most happy about was ethan and Jackson. even tho i don't think there was build up or clues in the first couple of seasons, I'm happy for the actor who i know was struggling with coming out publicly, and it was very fun and refreshing for the ending. even if we got very few scenes with them the dynamic was 10/10

the biggest problem is obviously stiles. i just don't understand why, if they're so supposedly progressive, they went to that length to queerbait without following through. the whole gag of wanting to be attractive to danny and to gay guys, the whole "aww danny want to have sex with me that's so nice", the whole "do you like guys too?". it's a gag. his alleged bisexuality is the butt of a joke, and it pisses me the fuck off. they don't have to make it a big deal or have him get a bf for it to be official. it wasn't subtle subtext. it was a CHOICE. to put a spotlight on his sexuality but not deliver. -100/10 would not recommend.

also they could talk about his mental health more.

and about Scott's, please and thank you.

and everyone's.

i had some more feelings, like villains changing sides without getting a proper redemption and having no consequences, the wholesomeness of the sherriff and mellisa being each other's kids second parent eichen house (wtf??), and more, but i think i wrote enough for now.

tl;dr- good show with A Lot of problems, will always have a place in my heart bc I'm a nostalgic gal.

[scribhneoir-sidhe]

so i recognize that this is. a lot. but,,,, 6, 8, 14, 22, 25, 28, 33, 35, 37, 50, 55, 60, 63, 66, 69, 77, 86, 91, 104, and 122? :)

0_0

Oh thank you, this is a gift

Okay, here we go!

6 (a book with a pink cover) : I'm gonna cheat a bit because only part of the cover is pink but Wild Beauty by Anna Marie McLemore is one of my FAVORITE books, so I don't mind bending the rules. Five bisexual latina cousins all crushing on the same girl, magical realism, and a very good application of social messaging to the themes. I won't say more than that, but really go give it a look!! also my copy is signed Viva México by the author so that makes me love it more

8 (a book you finished in one sitting) : Okay, a couple years ago when Tiamat's Wrath by James S. A. Corey (book 8 of the Expanse series) came out, I started reading it at breakfast in the dining hall, continued during basically all of my classes, and then finished it sometime around 10 or 11 that night (I think). For reference, a quick google tells me that book is about 166,500 words. And I loved EVERY minute of it!

14 (a book that made you trip on literary acid) : Okay, that has definitely got to be Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir. Just. All Of It. God, she does some really fantastic things with narrative mechanics in that book, plus just the sheer brilliance of the plot and the mountain of questions and theories I had once I finished it. Also the memes. The memes made me trip literary acid.

22 (your favorite thriller) : Okay, I think I've literally only read one thriller (if it counts, I'm not sure), but The Ninth House by Leigh Bardugo. I'm cheating since it's still fantasy, but I had a limited pool of options.

25 (a book by your favorite author) : Okay, so I tend to like books or series more than author's specifically easier to like a work of fiction than a person but I'm gonna go with The Hobbit by J.R.R Tolkien. I grew up reading his books and I've definitely taken a lot from his writing for my own style, and I still love the Hobbit.

28 (a book you wish you could read as a beginner again) : Oooh this is a really interesting one. I think I'd say Museum of Thieves by Lian Tanner. I can’t remember when I first read it but it’s a middle grade story all about defying authority and escaping corrupt systems. I really need to reread it at some point.

33 (a book with a white cover) : The Weight of Feathers by Anna Marie McLemore! (can you tell I like their writing?). Star crossed lovers of two performing families with magical realism threaded through the narrative! Really fun read and I always appreciate latine characters. There's also Roma representation as well!

35 (a book featuring the found family trope) : I'm gonna attempt to not read any well beaten paths, so I'll say Caliban's War by James S. A. Corey, the second book of the Expanse series (okay that's technically a well beaten path, sue me). A lot of the book is the main characters figuring out their group dynamic and challenging each other to be better and it's just so goooooood!

37 (your favorite heist book) : I mean, what else could I put here? Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo, hands down. Narrowly beats out Six of Crows, only because it has more cons, more emotions, and also Nikolai Lantsov. I'll never get tired of that book.

50 (a book that made you cry a lot) : oh boy, I could say Crooked Kingdom again, that’d be true. But instead I’ll say Persepolis Rising by James S.A. Corey (I read a lot of series, sue me. Also that series is gonna be 9 books long by the end, there’s a lot of material). Anyway I won’t say why I cried, it’s a spoiler, but oh man. I weeped.

55 (a book with a satisfying ending) : The Empire of Gold by S.A. Chakraborty! I really liked how it ended, it placed a lot of focus on the platonic relationships, it left a lot of plot open ended so it felt like the world was still alive, and it showed the main character as being in a position of power while still retaining the subversive and roguish qualities from the start of the series that I loved.

60 (a book that you think about at 3am) : The Empire of Bones by N.D. Wilson. This is the 3rd book in my favorite series, the Ashtown burials and just….. wow there is so much. It has so much depth to it while still being about a 13 year old standing up to a cadre of ancient death and pain gods. It has one of the most beautiful monologues I’ve ever read and that shaped my understanding of compassion and heroism. It has an orange mohakwed Irish monk.

63 (a book that actually made you laugh out loud) : I knew it would make it on the list somewhere but GIDEON THE NINTH BY TAMSYN MUIR. God this book was funny! I won’t spoil any of the jokes, but Gideon is a sarcastic little shit and I love all of her banter with Harrow and the rest of the characters get plenty of cracks in as well.

66 (a book that fucked you up) : oh boy The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch. This book had some visceral shit in it. Like, not exactly in a bad way, its not a game of thrones situation, but stuff that made my fucking skin crawl. Very good book, I heartily recommend.

69 (your favorite mythological retelling) : I’m gonna go with Odd and the Frost Giants by Neil Gaiman. I first listened to it in audiobook form while on a road trip through the southwest and I really like coming back to it. Sort of reworks the original myth it borrows from, but in a really delightful and fun way.

77 (a book so useless you could use it as a coaster) : ATLAS SHRUGGED BY AYN RAND. Alright, I’ll be honest, I have not yet read this book. I probably will someday just to see how bad it really is. But from what I know about it I would rather get drop kicked off a roof than read that pile of self important, self centered ego circle jerking. In conclusion, I don’t like it.

86 (a book with an insane plot twist) : Okay a bunch of the really insane plot twisty ones I’ve already mentioned and I don’t want to do repeats, so I’m gonna bend the rules and say The Silent Bells by N.D. Wilson, fourth book of the Ashtown Burials series, a book that is not technically finished yet, it is being released serially in this really cool faux newspaper format. The plot twist is that this story ever got off the ground, because due to legal and publisher shenanigans the author wasn’t able to publish the book until 7 or 8 years after the last book came out. But he did! And I’m very happy!

91 (the shortest book you've read) : That would probably be Signs Preceding the End of the World by Yuri Herrera, translated by Lisa Dillman. It’s a really good book I read for an English class about a girl who crosses the US/Mexico border in search of her brother. It’s got a really interesting narrative style that I wasn’t used to and a really cool thematic structure related to the nahuatl journey to the underworld.

104 (a fluffy sweet read) : oh man, that’s tough, I don’t read a lot of fluffy things, even tho it’s what I prefer in my romances. Yeah, the closest I can get is Wild Beauty by Anna Marie McLemore again. (See the first question answered)

122 (your favorite winter read) : Hmmm I don’t necessarily have seasonal reads, but I’ll go with an old family classic The Christmas Mystery, which is about a boy who finds an advent calendar with little scraps of paper behind each door, telling the story of a little girl who in the process of chasing a lamb runs away to Bethlehem (and back in time) to the birth of Jesus, meeting angels and Shepards and other biblical figures. It’s a really sweet story and my family used to read each chapter every day of advent until Christmas Eve.

[dragonofyang]

On Love and Lions Part 1: An Analysis on Love in VLD

“I have always believed that unity is where true power comes from, and true unity can only be born of love.” --Gyrgan, Paladin of the Yellow Lion

Voltron: Legendary Defender is a cartoon on Netflix that–with the final season available to watch on Netflix–has extremely regressive and harmful messages. The S8 on Netflix carries lessons about how war is good, that men shouldn’t respect the wishes and desires of women, that violence and abuse mean even victims aren’t deserving of forgiveness. Everything about that is 100% antithetical to what VLD was about throughout the prior seasons and each harmful message is another nail in the coffin of the original narratives of peace, respect, and fundamentally how everyone is deserving of love and forgiveness, regardless of the circumstances of their birth.

In fact, the theme of love in VLD is something we at Team Purple Lion wish to discuss. It’s arguably the most absolutely fundamental theme of the show. Love destroys the universe, and love saves it over and over again. And love would have rebuilt the universe, but thanks to the edits ordered by the trademark holder, the universe that should have been born from love was instead born from one girl sacrificing her life because she saw no better option. She didn’t even get to tell her only remaining father figure goodbye. What kind of message is that? In the original final season, prior to the executive meddling, we should have seen how love was such a powerful force in the universe that it could not just repair this reality, but all realities. And it’s not just romantic love, but six types of love.

Now, for those of you more familiar with our work, we’ve discussed some pretty big concepts in VLD and how they’re addressed, and there will be even more in future episodes of our reconstruction Rise and Atone. VLD engages not just with its own predecessors in the Voltron franchise, but Beast King GoLion, Labyrinth, Frankenstein, and Maureen Murdock’s The Heroine’s Journey is all but the story bible for Allura’s arc. The concepts we are about to discuss date back to Ancient Greece, and while love can be more than these concepts, it’s important that we have a framework through which we can discuss and analyze love as it appears in VLD without getting lost in all the examples.

In American culture, “love” is not very well-differentiated between kinds because we only use one word: “love”. While we use it across all sorts of contexts, we have to add modifiers when we don’t mean romantic love or familial love, which are the most commonly-acknowledged forms of love. VLD, being written and edited by primarily Americans living in America, also encounters this issue, but it does not focus solely on romantic love, which can complicate how to interpret love in the show. We, however, would like to argue that not only is it all love, but it doesn’t all have to be good love, familial love, or romantic love. At the end of the day the plot is driven by love in its many forms. Love is so baked into the story that it’s quite difficult to extricate, dare I even say impossible, and that ultimately is part of why we were able to reconstruct so much of what was lost in S8.

The Ancient Greeks had many words for love, but we feel it’s important to discuss the dialogue that VLD engages in with various forms of love, using the Ancient Greeks’ framework as a guide. The model gives us concrete definitions of different kinds of love, and can help us as an audience understand the various forms of love that are present in VLD. It’s important that we define the different ways we can observe love being portrayed because much of VLD relies on the writing adage of “show, don’t tell”.

So without any further ado, let’s dig into what, precisely, is love.

As stated earlier, we’ll be using terminology coined by the Ancient Greeks, specifically six categories of love that we feel are most prevalent in the show. We’ve also deduced our own examples of these forms of love when they’re taken too far or flat-out discarded, which will be discussed in a companion article.

The six forms of love are as follows:

Eros: the most famous kind of love, an intense (and often sexual) passion for another being and seeing the beauty within them. This is the love that most closely aligns with romantic love as we understand it in a modern American context.

Philia: an affection and loyalty between friends, notable for its platonic nature, it is the love that arises between friends, and can be found among family, but the modern equivalent would be the found family trope.

Storge: this is the intrinsic empathy between individuals, primarily the attachment of parents to children. This form of love was primarily used to describe familial relationships, and the patience one sometimes needs when around blood relatives.

Philautia: put simply, this is self-love in its purest form. It is acknowledging your needs, wants, and happiness without apology. The Ancient Greeks considered Philautia to be a basic human need.

Xenia: while many might not consider this to be a form of love, it is hospitality, or as we define it, love between a host and their guests. Specifically, this would be the care a host gives to their guests in both physical (food, gifts, etc.) and non-physical (respecting rights, protection, etc.). Hospitality is massively important because if you are good to someone while they are in your home, they will be equally good to you if you visit theirs.

Agape: this is a Greco-Christian term, ultimately, and is a little more difficult to understand because it can be confused with other forms of love. At its core, though, it is a pure and unconditional love such as that between spouses, families, or God and man. It shouldn’t be confused for other forms of love such as Philia because unlike the other forms of love, which only focus on one aspect of humanity, Agape is the unconditional and universal love for everyone. It’s sexless, unlike Eros. At its core, it’s the love born of goodwill to all people, regardless of circumstance.

While these are only six categories, there are many ways of interpreting love, especially since there are so many avenues to see love–in good and bad forms–in VLD. These categories are also not inherently hierarchical, and are not presented in any particular order. Agape is the main exception, being more convoluted in its nature, and thus is discussed at the end. It also narratively serves as part of the culmination to the plot, so it carries a greater weight in relation to the alpha plot of the whole story.

Now, let’s examine how they present in VLD. As an official reminder, please remember that all analysis of VLD is done from a ship-neutral stance and we are not proposing any endgame romances. The sole purpose of this article is to discuss observable portrayals of love in its various forms, and to analyze both the text and the metatextual messages resulting from them.

Eros: Passionate Love

Eros… arguably this is the most contentious form of love presented in VLD, if only because of all the ship wars that occurred in the fandom. Eros drives the shipping communities of fandoms across the world, because it often stems from on-screen chemistry or the potential of the fleeting seconds where a spark flies but does not catch in canon. The beauty of Eros is that it ripples quietly through fiction, or it can be a tsunami ready to devour the story. It’s the quiet whisper of two women sharing a private moment, to the shouted declarations in the heat of battle. Eros thrums through fandoms in a desperate tempo for seeing a love as passionate as you can feel in characters who may never share more than a glance.

Plato actually had quite the influence on the word “Eros”, because “Eros” or erotic love, was largely regarded as a type of madness brought upon a person by seeing someone whose beauty strikes your heart with an arrow (Cupid’s arrows, anyone?). Eros is the love that drives you to despair if the object of your affections is cruel or uninterested, and it burns like a fire. “Falling in love at first sight” is the key concept here, and you can see it reproduced in fandoms across the world, though many cultures have their own names and terms for it. Henry George Liddell and Robert Scott define “Eros” in A Greek-English Lexicon as “love, mostly of the sexual passion”. Plato, however, redefined the word to include a nonphysical aspect. He discusses it in Symposium and says that while (physical) Eros can be felt for a person initially, with contemplation you can and will fall in love with a person’s inner beauty, which for Plato was the ideal, since he specifically emphasized the lack of importance of physical attraction. In fact, Jung–who coined the Anima and Animus–has a similar approach, with an emphasis on unity within the self by accepting your internal Eros which manifests as your feminine Anima/masculine Animus.

In the text of VLD, Eros is remarkably subdued. This is partially due to its rating. Being a Y7-FV show, VLD can’t really have explicitly sexual content. Sure the implication can exist, but a lot of times sex has to be carried through metaphor if a story is to address it at all. Take the juniberry as an example. It’s a three-petal flower of a deep rose and softer pink, delicately topping a green stem, with a yellow pistil. In much of literary history, flowers represent female sexuality and beauty, and they are common representations of youth across genders.

Now, in strictly biological terms, flowers as a sexual symbol is a 1:1 accuracy in analysis, because the flower is the reproductive organ of a plant. I’d like to analyze the juniberry from a biological perspective, because understanding the anatomy of a flower can help us understand its role in literature as a metaphor for sex. The whole point of the flower is to be able to spread pollen across individual plants, whether by wind or by pollinators such as bats or bees, and breed to produce more plants. The actual reproductive organs of flowers are called the stamen and pistil, respectively. The stamen produces pollen, while the pistil collects pollen in its ovule to fertilize and create seeds. A stamen is a very slender filament, topped with what’s called an “anther”, which is where the pollen is actually released. The pistil, meanwhile, has a thicker base with a long body, usually topped with a few tendril-like structures called “stigma”.

Diagram by the Association of Societies for Growing Australian Plants [ID: A simple cross-section diagram of a flower. Three petals are visible on the far side, with reproductive organs drawn in the center. There is also a stalk and sepals at the bottom. Along the sides of the cross-section there are labels. On the left, a category called “Stamen” is labeled, with “Anther” and “Filament” pointing to two parts of the thinner reproductive organ. “Receptacle” marks the base of the flower, and “Peduncle (flower stalk)” marks out the stem. On the right, we have the label “Petal” and three labels under the category “Pistil”: “Stigma”, pointing to the top portion, “Style” pointing to the stem-like feature, and “Ovary” pointing to the rounded bottom. The label “Sepal” marks the leaf-like structure just under the petals. End ID.]

Now, when we look at the juniberries we see in canon, we can see that at no point are any drawn with stamens. They all have a single pistil growing from the center, and they’re topped with three stigma, meaning that all juniberries drawn on-screen are female juniberries.

Juniberries are a quintessential symbol of Altea, and they represent home to Allura, as well as what she’s lost. However, they also represent how Allura’s relationship to her own femininity is not some mystical thing determined by forces beyond her. Colleen gifts Allura a juniberry that was selectively bred from flowers she had available, and it’s identical in every way (that we can see) to the juniberries native to Altea. The message, though it’s subtle, is quite clear: Allura is in control of her femininity and can define herself however she pleases (“highlands poppy” versus “juniberry”). After the sexual undertones that threaded her relationship with Lotor, this is a very important message to convey, especially since a patriarchal story would punish Allura for the metaphorical sex in physical ways, such as how the season 8 on Netflix does.

Allura isn’t simply a vessel for male desire, nor is she a strong female character who doesn’t need a man. Her story is about finding agency separate from male expectations, without forsaking her own femininity in the process. Like the juniberry, she is feminine, but she is able to define herself, and the dark entity masquerading as Lotor reminds her of that with their conversation about calling the juniberry a “highlands poppy”. That’s what makes Lotor so dangerous to a traditional patriarchal values system: he reminds Allura that she has a choice.

It’s important to note that during their interactions Lotor never gives Allura a choice in the sense that he, a man, is allowing her one; he simply steps back and encourages her to make the choices to which she is entitled and to act on her emotions and desires. She is an agent of her own free will, and Lotor, being first her Shadow, challenges her to be smarter, quicker on the battlefield, and then as her Animus he challenges her to look inward and become in-tune to her own inner wants and needs. The other Paladins can offer some aid in that, but none of them strike her anxieties or hopes the way that Lotor can, being the crown prince and heir to her sworn enemy, and being half-Altean and half-Galra. He is, in a fundamentally physical way, the union of two races that were at war before Altea’s destruction, and to a survivor of that war, that forces Allura to question the beliefs she held in the beginning of the story. The stakes of success and failure are much higher with Lotor in the picture, and it’s easier to focus literary tension on two characters than five or six, so as a result of that persistent tension, we as the audience are given plenty of chemistry between two characters to spur Eros.

As we discussed last year in “Legendarily Defensive: Editing the Gay Away”, Keith was meant to have a gay relationship with another Paladin. We refuse to write conjecture on what his endgame romance was meant to be, however it is important to discuss Keith’s Eros in a metatextual sense. For example, let’s look at Keith and Shiro. Keith is a legacy character that dates all the way back to 1984 Defender of the Universe. His romantic subplot was relegated to excised footage and extremely subtextual if it managed to squeak past the axe. Shiro was able to be queer, however, due to the fact that he’s a DreamWorks-owned character who is new to the franchise, meaning that there isn’t a legacy that needed to be upheld.

Keith’s queerness, however, still acts as a spur to fuel the potential for Eros, and helps build tension between him and his fellow male Paladins. And I specify male Paladins because during season 2, Keith and Allura go off in a pod by themselves to see if Zarkon is tracking either of them. During the scenes with Keith and Allura together, it’s important to note the background music is remarkably flat and lacking in romantic cues. In prior iterations of Voltron, Keith and Allura are implied as endgame (DOTU), have the beginnings of an on-screen romance (VForce), or straight up just fuck on the page (such as in the comics). It stands to reason that this scene should at least imply some form of passionate chemistry here, but largely it’s two friends confiding in one another and trying to find reassurance as they confess their fears. Keith doesn’t have a moment to admire Allura’s beauty the way we see Lance and Matt do, and Allura doesn’t blush like how she does with Lotor or Lance. Without markers for any kind of Eros, the scene is a quiet moment of contemplation away from the stress, only to be broken by Shiro telling them to get back because the Galra Empire found the Castleship again.

So then where do we see passionate chemistry for Keith? At the risk of starting the ship-war again, his chemistry largely exists with Shiro and Lance. Shiro, narratively, functions as his Mentor, someone to guide and believe in him, who then gives up his position of leadership (sort of) so that Keith can grow. Bringing Shiro back prematurely makes it harder to see, but in a traditional Hero’s Journey, the Mentor figure teaches not-quite-enough to the Hero before disappearing, and the Hero grows on their own and becomes their own person. Naturally, this makes Keith and Shiro have tension, especially since Shiro was brought back prematurely due to marketing, so their relationship dynamic had to change to accommodate Shiro’s return. Lance, however, constantly baits and teases Keith, and Keith frequently rises to it and they argue. They butt heads and don’t have that sense of camaraderie that Keith and Shiro do, so right off the bat there is more obvious tension between the two of them. Eventually, Lance and Keith learn to trust each other, and in season 8 we finally see them settle their rivalry as they prepare to face Honerva. So while Keith’s dynamic with Shiro is more focused on camaraderie and growth, Keith’s dynamic with Lance is more focused on pushing each other to be better warriors and teammates.

Philia: Friendly Love

In VLD, we’re shown that friends can be found anywhere if you’re willing to put down the blasters and try to make them. We’re also shown that just because you’re on the same side of the battlefield, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re best buddies. Commander Lahn pledges his loyalty to Lotor after his base is saved by Voltron, and Keith and Lance butt heads so often you’d think one would sooner drop the other into a black hole. However, we should never discount the power of friendship, or rather, we should never discount the value of platonic relationships. This includes everything from friendship, to the found family trope, to the mystical bond the Paladins have with their Lions. Philia is the companion’s love, firmly rooted in platonic–and often intellectual–admiration.

Philia, as defined in A Greek-English Lexicon by Liddell and Scott, is “an affectionate regard or friendship, usually between equals”. Where Eros is the fiery passion between sexually-attracted adults, Philia is the platonic love between people who respect and trust each other. This is the love that flows like water, endlessly filling and refilling your emotional needs with good company, good advice, and generally just a good presence. Friendships are the ports we anchor ourselves at when the seas become too rough, and in VLD, where space is the most dangerous frontier and most of the universe is your enemy, friends are more important than ever for our Heroes and Heroines.

[ID: A screenshot of S4E1 “Code of Honor” with Allura, Lance, Coran, Shiro, Pidge, and Hunk sharing a group hug with Keith. Coran, Hunk, Pidge, and Allura are all crying, while Keith, Shiro, and Lance are smiling. End ID.]

Everywhere you look in VLD, you’re sure to find some kind of camaraderie between friends. Lance, Pidge, and Hunk make the Garrison Trio (or as I like to call them, The Planck Constant), and they get into shenanigans together. In fact, it’s entirely likely that had Lance and Hunk not decided to follow Pidge up to the roof, they never would’ve found Shiro, and subsequently Blue Lion. Later, when Voltron has allied with Lotor as the new Galra Emperor, they reprogram a sentry to become the eternally-fantastic Funbot. If you want a prime example of the fun that could be had between friends, those three are quintessential to the definition of Philia. They’re the first Youths you meet in the story, and it’s through their eyes we watch as a far-off intergalactic war comes to Earth at last. The show has us follow them as the audience, and we watch as they meet up with Keith, save Shiro, and then find themselves going from Earth to Kerberos in less than five minutes, and then by the end of their day, they’ve awoken Allura and Coran and are on Arus, thousands of lightyears away from their home.

We see the Paladins go from a rowdy group of teenagers with Shiro as the head to a group of five Heroes and Heroines capable of saving the universe. Lance helps Pidge get all the GAC coins she needs for a video game, and he’s always got the team’s back with his sniper rifle. Hunk always is ready to lend a hand, even when he’s scared of flying Yellow, but when the Taujeerans are in danger of falling into the acid as their planet breaks apart, he’s right there holding them up while the team gets the arc ship ready for takeoff. Our Paladins are the embodiment of the power of friendship, trust, and perseverance, and it’s that tenacity and dedication that should have carried our six Paladins to victory and brought the Purple Paladin back into the light he thought had forsaken him. Black, Red, Green, Blue, Yellow, Purple, and White, together in a bond of pure platonic love. There’s an old phrase I’m sure you’re all familiar with: “blood is thicker than water”. The power of Philia and found family in VLD challenges that notion in the original S8 when Lotor is offered his vindication. “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

Pick any two of our main protagonists and you’re sure to find a thread of Philia connecting them, because when you fight together as one, you inevitably become closer as the trust builds between you. In fanfic terminology, this is the root of the found family trope: strangers and friends finding themselves in a gripping adventure together, and discovering that they’re stronger together than they could be apart, and coming to see these people as more than colleagues or acquaintances. They become your family and people to defend, and the people you trust to have your back when it’s time to face down an enemy together.

That’s part of why Keith leaving for the Blade of Marmora is so fractious. He’s growing into a leadership role and obviously accustomed to it, but with Shiro’s premature return, there’s some growing pains as the incumbent leader and the former leader unintentionally butt heads. Keith needs to be in Black Lion without Shiro to complete his growth, but without a way to easily integrate him back into the team without messing with the legacy, Keith has to go. And like with any good friend, when you have to say goodbye, it’s a bittersweet affair. The team doesn’t want him to go, but in-canon he feels he can do more good with the Blade, but the meta reason is that his Hero’s Journey has been arrested. But, like with any good friend, the team is able to reunite with him at a later date and he integrates back into the group. They are wiser to the world, harder, but they are together again. And they need that unity when it’s time to face Honerva and go into battle for not just their universe, but all realities.

Storge: Familial Love

In English, we have many concepts of love, but generally we only treat the single word of “love” as a word for “love”. As a result, we tend to use other words to modify the type of love we mean, which can get things kind of sticky if you talk about X type of love but don’t specify that it’s X type and not Y type. With familial love, it can be relatively understood without being specified, but as you can see by my explication here, I still have to modify the word “love” with an adjective to describe the next kind of love I will be discussing. Storge, the familial love.

A Greek-English Lexicon defines Storge as “love, affection, especially of parents and children”. Storge, unlike Philia, is not a platonic admiration for a companion in the family, however it does denote respect. Storge is also not the idealized unconditional love of Agape (which we will discuss toward the end of this essay). Storge is the instinctive love for those in your family, especially between parents and children. I also argue the key aspect of Storge is that your family–for all the times you want to tear out your hair–will love you for the rest of their lives. And you’ll love them, because they’re people who have your best interests at heart, even if they don’t always express that well.

Coran, Coran, the gorgeous man himself is Allura’s second father figure (after Alfor), but he’s the only father figure for Allura in the show that’s alive. Coran’s protectiveness of Allura is well-documented. He was furious when she got captured saving Shiro, he warns her to be careful healing the Balmera, he worries for her in Blue, but at no point does he actually prevent her from making her choices. He wants her to have a full life, a happy life, or at least as happy as one can be when you’re one of the only survivors of a war. He’s a father through and through, and even if Allura is Alfor’s daughter by blood, Coran is the one who supports her during the most difficult stage of not just her life but the universe’s life. He loves her, he consistently reminds people to respect her and to think of what’s best for her. Not just as a princess of Altea or the heart of Voltron, but as a daughter. Alfor was her father, but he died before he saw her face the trials in the plot. Coran, however, he gets to see her grow into a woman even greater than what Alfor could have ever imagined. The audience might find him a little frustrating (such as in S8E1 “Launch Date”), and Allura takes his protectiveness in stride, but at the end of the day Coran is a gorgeous man with his heart in the right place, even if his execution is a little off the mark on occasion.

The Holt parents are also good examples of Storge. We see Colleen and Sam fight to tell Earth about what’s been going on, as well as finding their children. Colleen herself is a solid mama bear that anyone would want to have fighting for them in their corner, and we can see she gives no fucks about protocol when she’s told she can’t stay on Garrison grounds with her husband.

[ID: Colleen Holt glaring, her husband Sam behind her looking equally annoyed. She glares at Admiral Sanda (off-screen) as they argue. The subtitle reads, “You’ll get me the clearance.” End ID.]

While Colleen doesn’t hesitate to ground Pidge for running away to space, the fact of the matter is that she and Sam fought like absolute hell to protect their kids in the ways they had available to them. Storge is the love parents have for their children and these two human characters are the perfect examples of it, even if Pidge chafes a bit under being grounded. Sam and Colleen’s love for Pidge and Matt and Coran’s love for Allura are the perfect avenues to explore how Storge is love, even if it’s frustrating, but they also serve as an excellent foil for how that love can be horribly twisted.

Philautia: Self-Love

In S1E1 of VLD, when our human protagonists meet Allura, Sendak is barreling through open space to their location and hellbent on capturing the Blue Lion. Allura is able to talk to Alfor–or rather, his hologram–to seek guidance in the upcoming battle, and he says, “You must be willing to sacrifice everything to assemble the lions and correct my error.”

With VLD, there’s this idea of sacrifice, of giving your life for the greater good, but when discussing acts of love, we also need to talk about acts of love for yourself. We see many instances of characters sacrificing themselves for the greater good, the belief that their death will bring an eventual victory to the Paladins of Voltron and free the universe. Allura throws Shiro into an escape pod so he doesn’t have to suffer the abuse again, but in the process becomes a prisoner herself. Ulaz gives up his life to save the Paladins and keep the Blade of Marmora base secret. Thace sacrifices himself so that Galra Central Command can go offline and the plan can move forward. Keith nearly kills himself trying to break through Haggar’s barrier at the battle of Naxzella before Lotor intervenes and destroys the ship with a blast from his Sincline ship. Sacrifice is a massive part of the show, and needless sacrifices are always undone, but what message do continuous sacrifices leave us with as the audience? It leaves us with Alfor’s lesson: you must sacrifice everything to correct my mistake.

When you’re writing, one of the most basic things you must do to drive a plot forward is change something significant. In the beginning of a story, Character A might think Character B is wrong and has no idea of what it takes to do something, but then Character B later on needs to surprise Character A by proving they can do that thing or that they don’t need to. It forces Character A and the audience to rethink their initial assumptions, and it encourages tension and dialogue between characters that otherwise might not exist. It’s an internal motivation, and one that audiences will pretty much always find more gripping and compelling than a simple monster-of-the-week scenario. VLD is no different. “All Galra are bad/Altea is good” leads to meeting the Blade of Marmora and Alteans who took over their universe. The challenge to a character’s worldview is what makes turning these initial ideas on their head so satisfying.

So what could challenge the idea that you have to sacrifice everything? Especially to correct the mistakes of someone else?

Love. Not for others, not for family, not even for the greater good.

But for yourself.

To quote Audre Lorde, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Philautia is the love in which you put yourself first, not because it’s selfish, but because it’s self-care. Self-love is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as “an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue” and Philautia has been recognized for millennia as a basic human need by the likes of Maslow and the Ancient Greeks. Recognizing your own needs and worth is a fundamentally radical decision, especially if you are in a position where you’re expected to prioritize the needs of others before your own.

S1E1 of VLD offers us pretty much every worldview that gets challenged later on in the series, except for Alfor’s. We see Alteans can be equally cruel, that Galra are not all evil. Voltron is a great protector, but it is also a great weapon, and Keith even calls it an alien warship in the very beginning, highlighting the danger Blue–and consequently Voltron itself–poses by merely existing. Philautia is not the exertion or prioritization of your desires, but the assertion of your needs. It can easily swing too far into selfishness and vanity, but making yourself heard is never a bad decision, and for those who are marginalized, women, trans people, disabled people, neurodivergent people, nonwhite people, it is an act of defiance. The sins of people in positions of power are not the burden for their victims to bear. If protesting is too much or too burdensome, simply taking the time to care for oneself is enough, because you can’t pour water out of an empty cup. Alfor’s plea to Allura was always meant to be overturned with the finale, especially since she’s facing down the antithesis of everything she believed in season 1. Honerva is selfish, manipulative, abusive, and an Altean woman. Alfor would ask Allura to give up everything she has left to destroy Honerva, but in the original and unedited season 8 Allura would have taken that plea and turned it on its head.

VLD’s Princess Allura is the first and only iteration to be a nonwhite girl and voiced by a black woman. Having her sacrifice herself is an extremely harmful message to little girls of color everywhere because it’s not the burden of girls of color to save the world. Their duty is to love themselves and know they’re able to be as brave and kind and intelligent as they’d like. Princess Allura’s arc is about a girl learning to not shoulder the burden of violence, but instead choosing to relieve herself and choose healing and creation, and in turn, her reward would be the literal universe at her fingertips.

And Allura isn’t the only character to learn to love themselves. Lance, as well, learns to become comfortable with himself. At first he’s comfortable and cocky and immature in Blue Lion, but then as the seasons progress and he finds Red to be more of a challenge, he learns he has to follow through with his actions and decisions. He learns that to fly Red, he can’t hesitate and just has to roll with the punches. He dubs himself “the sharpshooter” of the group, and at first he gets laughed at, but then he saves Slav from being trapped in prison once more by firing and making a near-impossible shot. He doesn’t have to forge ahead and fight recklessly, he simply has to see an opportunity and take it.

All our other Paladins learn to become more comfortable with themselves, as well. Hunk becomes more confident in being the voice of reason, and becomes an A+ diplomat in the process. Pidge is able to open up and be honest with her team about her secrets and fears, and in return is blessed not just with that weight off her shoulders, but the knowledge that her team is her family just as much as Sam and Matt are. Keith, too, learns that he doesn’t have to go it alone all the time. He’s able to relax and trust his team, and rather than burdening himself with doing everything, he’s able to rely on the skillsets of the other Paladins and make them a stronger team by focusing his attention on directing them, as opposed to commanding them.

Another interesting example of Philautia is Lotor himself, who at no point is uncomfortable with his mixed heritage, even when he’s called a “half-breed” or when one of his parents blames half of his heritage for his failings. The main reason that it’s not as blatant is because by the time the story begins, he’s been at peace with his heritage and his place in the Galra Empire for a long time, and thus does not play a significant role until he has his breakdown at the end of season 6.

This form of love is quite possibly the most frustrating, if only because so much of its payoff was in season 8. We should see Allura not give up her life in the name of sacrifice, but rather choose to become a goddess in the name of love. We should see Lance become unshakably confident in his abilities when it’s time to face the biggest bad guy of the series. The final season was meant to be a season won through love, and self-love is quintessential to that victory, because it gives viewers the message that your acceptance of yourself is vital to the world. It’s an important lesson for little girls everywhere to know that their worth doesn’t lie in how much of themselves they can give away, but how much of themselves they cultivate and grow, because if you trust in yourself and choose love, then you’ll be as powerful and strong as Princess Allura. It’s possible to be the brave and chivalrous Paladin while also being the princess who likes the occasional sparkly thing.

The lesson of Philautia in VLD is one of embracing your limits of what you can give, and reminding the world that you matter, because loving yourself is the greatest act of defiance when you’re faced with an enemy who wants nothing more than for you to make yourself smaller, weaker, more amicable if it would please them. It’s the reminder to be gentle with yourself, no matter what battles you face, because caring for yourself is just as–if not more–important.

Xenia: Love for the Stranger

Hospitality is a massive part of many cultures, I personally had a relative (who has since passed) who would always have an open door for the poor families in their neighborhood and the stove would always have something cooking. My own mother will cook especially for you if you need her to. There’s a reason “Southern hospitality” is famous. Good food, good company, and ultimately safety are what sets Xenia among the categories of love as defined by the Ancient Greeks. In VLD, this form of love is very sparse in comparison to love such as Philia, however it’s extremely important that our heroes engage in it. To quote Coran, “70 percent of diplomacy is appearance. Then 29 percent is manners, decorum, formalities and chit-chat” (“Changing of the Guard”). The remaining one percent, which Allura notes, is actual diplomacy and fighting for freedom. That’s essentially what hosting, good and proper hosting, is. It’s taking someone into your home and providing them with material comforts and necessities such as food, as well as non-physical ones like safety or protection, or extending and respecting their rights.

A good host will anticipate their guests’ needs because they have a love for their fellow strangers, and they show that love by providing for them. Xenia is the love of the stranger who has taken up space in your home and respecting their need to do so, but it’s also a reciprocal love. By extending your hospitality to a person, they will be more inclined to do the same for you and yours in the future. In Greece it was a complicated dance of gift-giving and receiving, spurred by the belief that one would incur the wrath of a god in disguise. While offending the gods was a big fear, it’s important to remember that good hosting and good guesting will create a deep bond between both parties because you’re respecting one another. Respect your wayward traveler and welcome them into your home, and they will entertain you with tales from far away lands, and in the future you will find a place at their table. Respect your host and the space they provide you, and you’ll receive gifts and care fit for a god. This giving and receiving encourages goodwill between strangers, and providing care to someone you don’t know is an act of love in its own right.

There’s a rule in American food language: “never return an empty dish”. This rule is especially prevalent in the US South and Midwest regions, but the general idea is that when you meet someone new (i.e. a new neighbor) you bring them a dish of something to welcome them and introduce yourself. You make small-talk, help them get acquainted with the area, wish them well, and then go on your merry way. Then, once your new neighbor has settled, eaten the food you gave them, and had time to make something new, they come knocking on your door and return that dish to you with a new food in it.

That’s a facet of what Xenia can encompass, and we see Xenia acted out in three key ways in VLD: Allura recruiting people for the Voltron Coalition, Lotor hosting the Paladins during their alliance, and Hunk showing his care for others through cooking.

Allura, for all her charms, isn’t that great of a diplomat, especially in the beginning of the story. When she meets the Arusians, she accidentally informs them that their dance of apology isn’t enough, which then makes them think they need to sacrifice themselves on a pyre. She thankfully recovers and lets them continue the dance, and then invites them into the Castle of Lions later. With the leaders of the rebel planets, she has a good presence and is rather suave with her guests, however when attention moves off her and onto the Paladins, and when the question of Voltron comes up, it’s extremely difficult for her to take control of the situation again. The loss of Shiro was fresh, and she really didn’t have a good answer that would reveal they couldn’t form Voltron, so she struggled with taking control back. This isn’t an indictment on Allura, but it is meant to point out how Xenia is not easy to learn. As we follow the Paladins, however, Allura gains confidence in her ability to speak publicly, and as they gather more allies it becomes easier for her to encourage alliances. She goes from panicking and trying to keep Arusians from dying to being able to communicate with allies and command a room. Xenia doesn’t come as naturally to Allura as it does to Hunk, and Lotor has had millennia of practice, but the important thing about Xenia is that you extend your hand and make the effort, even if it’s a little clumsy, because in the end you’re caring about strangers and welcoming them into your home and telling them they have a place at your table.

However, where Allura falls short in Xenia, we see both Hunk and Lotor shine. Let’s examine Lotor’s expertise, first.

Lotor is ten thousand years old, and it’s implied he’s spent much of that time playing the political game of the Galra Empire, as well as learning about other planets. It’s canon that he has a thirst for knowledge, and so couple his curiosity with his need to survive a very blood-driven political environment and you have a golden host forged in fire. It’s difficult to surprise Lotor, since he’s pretty much always two steps ahead of everyone. When he forges an alliance with the Voltron Coalition after his victory at the Kral Zera, Lotor has banners hung that bear the same symbol that Zarkon and Alfor fought under, which also adorns the shield on Green’s back. He specifically sought to recall the good times between the Galra and Alteans, and personally greeted the Paladins on his flagship. He encourages the Paladins to explore and use whatever resources they need, because as their host, Lotor–and by extension the entire Galra Empire–is now at their disposal. He’s the ever-perfect host, inviting his lower-ranked guests to make themselves comfortable, and acknowledging Allura’s rank as princess and personally escorting her along. In a lot of other high fantasy or sci-fi stories, showing the heroes around would get palmed off to a servant of some sort, especially if the host is duplicitous. However, Lotor affords our Heroes and Heroines quite a bit of respect compared to what other characters in his place might do, even going so far as to offer his own personal time to the princess when he has an empire to claim still. Given the canon politics, Lotor logically should have been in constant communication with various officers and securing their loyalty to him, but instead he takes time to approach his new allies and make them feel welcome in the headquarters of their former-enemy.

So while Lotor is arguably the best example of good hosting I’ve ever seen in a show (without it turning out to be some sort of ploy), Hunk’s style of Xenia is equally good if in a different way. While Lotor is shown to essentially be a master of decorum, Hunk is a master in the kitchen and the art of making room for everyone at the table. Hunk has only been in space for a few months to a few years (depending on when in the series we’re talking), he hasn’t had the millennia to research planets and learn all their customs, or train in diplomacy to make up for any lack of education. He’s just a guy from Earth who likes to cook and who especially likes to cook for others. In all prior iterations of Voltron, Hunk has always been “the food guy” or “the slightly dumb, but lovable one”. It’s not particularly flattering, and VLD even pokes fun at how flat his character is historically in “The Voltron Show!” by adding fart gag noises. In VLD, however, we see that Hunk is intelligent and brave, if anxious, and he’s more at home in a home than he is in a Lion. Hunk is a good Paladin, but he is quite possibly the best diplomat in the whole show.

A large part of Hunk’s diplomacy lies in listening. When he’s out in the field, he’s quite possibly the best listener out of the entire team. When there are guests on the Castleship, or when the Alteans are on the IGF-Atlas, he doesn’t just listen, he welcomes them. In scenes from season 8, we really get to see this shine, because as Hunk says in “Day Forty-Seven”, “food has a way of reminding people of moments in time.” Bringing good memories with food can go a long way to putting stress and anger behind people.

Every person has a dish that, when prepared, makes them relax and think of happy memories. In Hunk’s kitchen, everyone eats, and nobody is unwelcome. Whether you’re Commander Lahn and working with Hunk to save your planet from devastating radiation, or you’re an Altean who just wants what’s best for your people, Hunk will meet you halfway and try to see things from your perspective, and offer you a cookie because he feels like it. Hunk’s Xenia is not wrapped up in protocol or etiquette. His Xenia is found just across the kitchen table, with a plate of warm food and a friendly conversation, ready to listen to your troubles and offer a hug, if not a solution.

Agape: Unconditional Love

Now that we have discussed the five prior categories of love as defined by the Ancient Greeks, let’s examine Agape, which can be difficult to conceptualize. “Agape” originates a Greek term, however it wasn’t used very often until Christianity came into the picture, and thus it encompasses far more than even xenia does, because while Xenia is love in the form of courtesy to travelers, Agape’s prevalent definition stems purely from the idea that God loves everyone unconditionally. In fact, “agape” is the term used in the Bible to describe the unconditional love of God, but when you translate it to English, the word simply becomes “love”, losing the weight that it carries in Greek.

The idea of unconditional and divine love is not unique to Christianity or the Ancient Greeks. Throw a rock in any direction and I’m sure you’ll find a culture with a similar concept to Agape. The key aspects of unconditional love is that it is sexless–meaning attraction is unnecessary to feel Agape–and that it is founded in goodwill for others. It feels cheap to throw the quote “love thine enemy” around in this section, because that discounts the importance of Philautia as we discussed it earlier in this essay, but at the end of the day that’s what Agape means. The Bible–which influences much of the definition of this kind of love–would have people forgive the ones who do them wrong, but forgiveness does not mean forgetting, and loving someone doesn’t require forgiving them either.

In VLD, a man loved a woman so much he tricked his closest friends and allies into opening a rift in an effort to save her life. In the process, they both died and revived, cursed with immortality and a thirst for destruction. Zarkon was a man who loved Honerva so much that he doomed the known universe to 10,000 years of his tyranny. Honerva, when she regained her memories, sought vengeance against Voltron for not just losing her son, but also because she blames everyone around her for being the reason why her own son rejected her time and time again. Honerva is the antithesis to Allura in pretty much every way, and in the edited season 8, Lotor is condemned to a cycle of abuse because he’s never offered an opportunity to speak, just like how he was violently silenced by his mother when he disobeyed his father on the colony planet in “Shadows”. Honerva, however, is not.

[ID: A screenshot of S8, featuring from left to right: Lance, Keith, Allura, “Shiro”, Pidge, and Hunk. They face Honerva, who is facing away from the audience so we see the back of her head and suit. Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

[ID: A shot of “Allura”’s hand grasping Honerva’s wrist and vice versa. Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

Allura being a paragon of growing into Philautia gives other characters the ability to do the same, but as @leakinghate notes in “Seek Truth in Darkness”, that is not Allura’s hand, just as that is not Shiro next to Allura in the prior screenshot. Allura is not the one who was most wronged by Honerva. She was asleep and hidden from the universe. Lotor, however, was subjected to centuries of abuse by the hands of his parents.

Agape is a complicated love, one that requires a person to be able to love everyone unconditionally, but love does not necessarily mean “forgive and forget”. It’s important that Allura impart the enlightenment she gained on her Heroine’s Journey, because this is the point where she can be at peace and claim her cosmic reward, but she cannot do so without the person who was most wronged being able to face his oppressor: Lotor.

[ID: A close-up shot of Lotor glaring at the audience, with the subtitle text reading, “maybe I will take pity on you when the time comes.” Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

As @leakinghate​ pointed out, Allura is the one to use her abilities to restore Honerva’s sense of self, but Lotor being present makes this confrontation all the more poignant and intense. This is the opportunity for us to see Agape in its full glory, but with the edits to the final season it’s a pale shadow of what could have been. The universe is about to be reborn because Allura and Lotor stay behind to repair the rift in all realities. We need that Philautia that Allura is able to embody, but we also need Agape. We’re shown countless times throughout the show that good and evil are not so clearly delineated, and that there are shades of gray everywhere. Lotor has been hurt so much by the one person alive who should have loved him unconditionally.

And rather than continue the cycle of abuse and take vengeance, he chooses to let go. We should have seen him take his power back, not in a godly or violent sense, but his power over his fate. He is not his father. And he is not his mother. He is more. By confronting her in this rift of all realities, we see the foreshadowing of season 6 come into full swing and while we are missing much of that original sequence between him and his mother, it’s important to realize that regardless of the content that was removed post-production, he takes pity on his mother in a sense. She’s a flawed person who made bad decisions. He does not owe her forgiveness, and he does not owe her love, but in her finally letting go of not just him but all the spirits of the original Paladins, Lotor himself is able to be free to love in the way he was denied: unconditionally.

The universe needs people who love themselves enough to choose a path of peace, and it needs to be made with the unconditional love of a parent, a friend, a lover, a god. It needs the eternal goodwill of its new creators because the people of the new universe will fuck up. They’ll make mistakes and hurt each other and Weblums will eat planets and the circle of life will continue. But being able to look at the fucked-up universe and say “I love you” is a power that not many have. It takes courage to look at the universe that has wronged you, wronged billions, hurt the found family that’s accepted you, and still find a way to love it.

The new universe is made of love just as the old one was. It’s made with passion, for friends, for family, for strangers, and for yourself. It’s made by people with love and hope and the intent to make the world they live in a little better every day. And that, ultimately, is the true love that spurs the story of VLD forward.

Stay tuned for a companion meta soon, in which we will discuss these forms of love and how they can be twisted and taken to unhealthy extremes.

Works Cited

Dos Santos, Joaquim and Montgomery, Lauren. Voltron: Legendary Defender. Netflix.

LeakingHate, et. al. “Legendarily Defensive: Editing the Gay Away in VLD”. Team Purple Lion. 12 Mar 2019. Web. https://www.teampurplelion.com/gay-romance-cut-voltron/

LeakingHate, et. al. “Seek Truth in Darkness”. Team Purple Lion. 2 Mar 2019. Web. https://www.teampurplelion.com/seek-truth-in-darkness/ Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Eros”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3De%29%2Frws

Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Philia”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3Dfili%2Fa

Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Storge”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3Dstorgh%2F

“Self-love”. Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-love

Payne, Will. “Botany for the Beginner”. Australian Plants Online. 2006. http://anpsa.org.au/APOL2006/aug06-s1.html

Potter, Ben. “The Odyssey: Be Our Guest With Xenia”. Classical Wisdom Weekly. 19 April 2013. Web. https://classicalwisdom.com/culture/literature/the-odyssey-be-our-guest-with-xenia/

@leakinghate​ @crystal-rebellion​ @felixazrael​ @voltronisruiningmylife​

[shieldedsouls]

rules

    This is going to be a long post, and I apologise for that. However I do not apologise for putting my boundaries as clear as possible, and will not apologise for doing so. All of the rules below exist for a reason, and I have them for my own comfort. 

It is okay if you don’t agree with them but it’s not okay to ignore them. If you think you cannot follow the posted rules, then do not follow this blog. Thank you !!

General

  These are the basics, a re-hash of rules that almost everyone has but that I like to cover anyway just in case!

Read ALL important pages: rules, disclaimer, muse list & info for the muse(s) you want to interact with

Use proper punctuation and spellings to the best of your abilities

Mark clearly whether an ask is IC or OOC

No godmodding

No maiming, killing, etc. of my muses without my permission

No choosing of thoughts or big actions of my muses without my permission

Hate, anon or otherwise, will be reported and deleted. Users will be blocked. 

There may be an occasional mention that I do this if there’s some kind of repeat, but I will not place the content itself on the dash.

Asks and IMs are always welcome!!

More in the < Asks & Memes & Messaging > section

tracked tag is SHIELDEDSOULS and is the best chance of getting me to see a post. @’ing me will also work, but please be sure to use my url tag on top that! please also put somewhere which of my muse(s) the post is for.

Specifics

These are some of the rules that have been established over time for my own sake, and to make everyone’s time on here a lot easier!

Your age must be listed somewhere I can easily find it! I’m not comfortable writing some content with muns or muses who are under 18

If I cannot find that information I am unlikely to follow, and I will not write that content with you, as it’s safer to err on the side of caution.

If you are not comfortable with discussion and usage of DID ( dissociative identity disorder ) please do not follow as it ties heavily into my portrayal of Bucky Barnes and James ( the Winter Soldier ).  

It takes time for me to check through all my followers, so please don’t ask if I haven’t followed back right away or unfollow, unless I post very specifically about dumblr fucking things up.

There’s any number of reasons I may do either, but the more we happily interact and talk the more likely I am to follow or re-follow.

With rare exception, I will not interact with any blogs that contain digits in them.

Please, please, use regularly accepted punctuation within threads.

Please.

Do not spam-reblog from me, which is reblogging 3+ posts in rapid succession. It messes up my notifications and I lose other things.

Mark clearly between IC/OOC, and which muse or npc a message is for.

ALL PERSONALS WILL BE BLOCKED

unless I can tell with a glance that there are RP sideblogs attached to them

I love my ships and will not stop writing them for someone else’s sake. I tag all visual content, but if there’s a short tag or something to be added, give me a quick little heads-up and I’ll happily tack it on. Everyone wins!

If I cannot easily navigate a blog for information, I will not follow back

easy navigation includes:

rules page

disclaimer/ooc page of some kind

tagging system

cut posts

Formatting

this little section is for what to expect from me and my writing preferences, but it is a flexible section!

I do both regular capitalization and zero capitalization for threads, depending on partner and length of the thread

memes and asks will be done in whichever I’m feeling

I do small text ONCE for aesthetic, but will leave text regular size if asked

Headlines will be done in subtext size, again mostly for aesthetic

Parentheses and brackets will be bolded and italicized, on the whole

I will @ the url of the person who sent the ask or is part of the thread

thread partner urls will also have their muse’s name listed after a slash for further clarity

I occasionally use icons, but mostly for asks, dash commentary, or silly things

all icons are 100x100

I enjoy using bold, italics, and strikethrough, but that’s about the extent of my text formatting and I try not to overdo them too much

Asks & Memes & Messaging

Asks are open to everyone!

IMs are ooc and mutuals only.

If a meme is shippy or nsfw, it is mutuals only and will require previous interaction. 

All others are freebies!!

due to asks being fucked for formatting: i will tag the url of the sender on a new post, have a header to show which muse is answering, and tag the user within the post. i will also link it and privately answer the original ask where possible, to help ensure responses are seen.

for the time being I’m putting a graphic in the direct reply to an ask, adding a blockquote for tagging the sender, additional commentary, and the source meme if there is one

Any reply to an ask must be in a new post. Reblogged asks will be ignored.

Any messages saying ‘wanna rp?’ or asking for an IM will be deleted. I’m far more receptive to being approached with ideas to work with

Any messages that do no specify a muse will be deleted.

While not explicitly reblog karma, I am not a meme source and will talk to you if you always take memes from me but never send anything in or talk to me. Sometimes a meme doesn’t work and that’s fine, but there’s no excuse to never interact with me.

I often have a mix of platonic, general, and nsfw/shippy memes at my disposal, but feel free to improv something from the gist or edit sentences to suit our muses better!! Creative fun is why we’re here <3

OCS & Sideblogs & MuMus & Second-Gens

Information must be easy to navigate and read, same as for canons/single muse blogs!

Sideblogs, please list somewhere OBVIOUS what the main blog is called so I know what to look out for.

Mumus, I love you and your dedication, but I am most selective with you. Yes, even as a mumu myself.

The more fandoms covered and more muses included, the less likely I am to hop on board mostly because I prefer a clean dash.

If we’re close friends ooc I’ll likely be far more lenient

OCs with an mcu-canon faceclaim will not be accepted unless the muse has been around longer than the canon being cast or if they look markedly different than the canon ( Karen Gillan with all her hair vs as Nebula, for example ).

more in the < canons & fcs > section

Unless plotted otherwise, they will not know my muses, but they can know of my muses

Second-Gens ( kids of the original set(s) of main canons ) make me uncomfortable for a number of reasons, and so will be interacted with on a case-by-case basis.

I am unlikely to follow unless we know each other very well ooc

Canons & FCs

Again, OCs with mcu-canon faceclaims will not be interacted with unless they meet at least one of the two criteria listed above.

However, if I pick a FC for someone related to this blog that isn’t canon, it’ll likely be shrugged off as uncanny lookalike, or we can otherwise plot around it. 

Animated FCs are welcome, but I’ll admit that specifically anime blogs are unlikely to be interacted with. Sorry

If a canon has an alternate faceclaim: cool! Just have it listed somewhere obvious, please

FCs I will not interact with: Mark Sheppard, Selena Gomez, Mads Mikkelsen, Miley Cyrus, Justin Beiber, Sara Bareilles, Andrew Scott, Zooey Deschanel, Natalie Dormer. The list may be periodically updated; yes, it is okay to ask me about specific names and why these ones are listed.

Shipping

There will be a good deal of F/F, F/M, and M/M on this blog both in visual and text. 

May ( read: probably will ) include three+somes. 

Implication and mention to graphically clear are likely, and will be tagged.

By default, ALL my muses are single, with the noted exceptions of Frigga ( until Odin chooses to pass ) Dugan and Peggy if it’s circa 1952-after, and Sam who is widowed and single post-2012, unless plotted otherwise.

Please don’t assume there will be a ship between your muse and mine without plotting first, positively or negatively !!

Specific to Peggys: don’t be alarmed by my above warning, Dugan/Peg is my muses only and not something I expect to be followed. I will also not expect a ship with Steve.

specific to Steves: I will not expect a ship with Peggy, Bucky, or Sharon

However, Bucky loves Steve, bordering on obsessively. Whether it’s platonic, romantic, or completely one-sided pining is up to plotting and muse chemistry.

if we are writing stucky, Bucky is the one who will be in it first.

James is incredibly anxious about dealing with Steve for many reasons, and more anxious about the possibility of infringing on Bucky’s territory.

It is one of few ships that will require Bucky’s active participation if you want James involved, because James will refuse Steve otherwise.

if we are writing steggy, it will not be eg-canon compliant

Specific to Peppers: Tony cares ( depending on point in time, deeply ) for her, but I will not expect a ship and it must be plotted out. 

They could be exes, almosts, currently dating, platonically attached, whatever we would like! But it must be plotted.

specifically for Janes: I do not automatically lead with fosterson! My default is somewhere between slow burn infatuation or mutual, friendly separation. Thor adores her in any type of relationship though, and supports her endeavors and enthusiasms

For Bucky and James, dating one of them does not mean you have to be dating the other.

It would be marginally easier depending on time and verse tho

Specifically for Natashas: I include the generality of James being at the Red Room, but we must plot about including the affair or not. It is not my default canon.

if we are defaulting to winterwidow, James is the one most familiar with her, not Bucky. James was the fronting personality when they originally met, and Bucky’s recollection of events will be hazy if present at all.

If you want to ship Nat with Bucky, it must be plotted and must account for the prior/continuing relationship with James

For Sharon, she has no romantic interest in men ( yes including Steve ).

if she ends up with a comics-inclined verse this may change but will still require heavy plotting.

I will not be ship-exclusive with any blogs

I will have mains but it’s on unofficial terms

For all my writing partners: I will happily plot ships, and details! But I won’t have an assumed prior romantic/sexual history between our muses.

Again, I know this bit is particularly long !! But it’s very necessary for my comfort and yours as a baseline of whether we might get along or not. Thank you again for pulling through all the reading; if you’re staying, awesome !! If you’re not, I’m sorry to see you go but I hope you find the writing happiness you want <3

[mcdannoconfessions]

I just want to write how much I love McDanno and just incredible Alex/Scott dynamics, chemistry. But since I'm quite a newbie in this fandom I wanna ask... Am I late to the party? B/c it's season 10 already, McDanno is not canon (pls tell me there is even slightest possibility that they will eventually go for it) and Scott is about to have even fewer eps in the next season as far as I read... Is it really so hopeless and sad? :(

Hi there! First off, welcome!  With how fandoms are now a day, I can understand the feeling of being overwhelmed or even kind of shy or scared to enter a fandom that people have lived through. We are getting a season ten so Hawaii 5-0 has been/will be a decade long thing. My suggestion to you if to give it the fandom content a try. Ignoring the fanbase itself and decide if the show and its characters are something that interests you. If the answer is yes, then it doesn’t matter if the show has years in it and you’ve only just started. Keep watching it and enjoying it until the end or until there’s a point you personally reach where it no longer interests you. That’s my advice for any show or fandom in general. 

Now for Hawaii 5-0 specifically. Alex/Scott have an AMAZING chemistry and it’s what gave the McDanno ship life. It’s more profound in earlier seasons. As you do go into further seasons they introduce new characters, new dynamics and they’re always testing waters to see what works and what doesn’t. And you also have to take into consideration that as much as we adore these actors and the characters they play, they are human beings who make choices and have family to think about outside of the show. 

Other than that, a view has to keep somewhat in mind about the network, producers, writers...if it were just up to the actors themselves, McDanno would have been canon a long time ago. It’s well known within the fandom that Scott’s kinda the McDanno Captain. 

Will it ever be canon? I can’t say. Do I hope that as their last ballsy move in a series finally when it does end, it ends with Steve and Danny finally making it clear that they want an actual romantic/sexual relationship...to actually be boyfriends...that would be one hell of a power move. And maybe it’s just wishful thinking, but I’m hoping for it. But I”m also a realist. I do think Hawaii 5-0 and McDanno is important and helping pave the way for future shows and having the main characters, who are the same sex, realize that after a decade of going to extremes for each other, being there when it’s just the mundane, who have created this level of trust that goes beyond words...that it is a love that while it’s amazing platonically, these are also two healthy, sexually active attractive people who would bone....and have it be accepted and canon and it doesn’t have to take away much from whatever the story of the show is trying to take away. 

I can’t speak for everyone but personally keep watching 5-0, yes for the McDanno, but along the way, these characters were so complex but funny and brilliant and fierce, and I felt like they became family. A show is sometimes as strong as it’s ‘side characters’ and Hawaii 5-0 has some of the best side characters ever who are there more than just once for mere convenience and fitted into the lives of the task force. 

I’m not too sure what season ten brings. Rumors are best taken with a grain of salt. The McDanno community here is great. I follow a lot of amazing McDanno blogs that even though McDanno isn’t technically canon, the way some of these blogs create content, it’s hard to not think it is. 

So, all in all, McDanno is stronger in earlier seasons. That’s more of the ‘dating’ stage. In later seasons, it’s more like they’re basically more than married and are comfortable in their relationship that they don’t need to be at each other’s side 24/7(even though we love it when they are). There will be moments when you ask wtf the writers are doing but my advice is to find the McDanno shippers on here, and let them hold your hand and show you what could be. Hawaii 5-0 is a really good show, it has action, and a lot of heart underneath it all. With characters you will love individually and together. It’s not hopeless just more unlikely and not sad as much as somber. McDanno Shippers are those beautiful people who can see the beauty of what could be but are grounded enough to see the world for what it is.  

Any show is a case to case thing. Everyone is different. If it’s for you and you like it, don’t let anyone stop you from watching it or liking it. If you try it and you just don’t want to, same way don’t let anyone force you to keep watching it. It’s all about you, darling. Because sometimes I think in fandom we forget that it’s entertainment. It’s for fun...not fan wars, or loyalties to a character/ship/some other third thing.  I feel like I”m rambling now but that’s my take on it and I hope it helps. I’ll personally keep watching because Hawaii 5-0 for me has the perfect balance of being funny, clever, action pact...there are feels but they’re extremely heavy each episode. It’s something I can watch that’ll make me feel lighter, more loved, more understood, and gives me hope thinking there are people like 5-0 actually out there. 

I hope this helped in any way. 

[toomucherin]

okay so I do have on quick question because I love to get people's views and thoughts on this.. do you think VM are together, and by "together" exclusively committed to themselves, wether there's a label or not? I swear 90% of the time I am on board saying yes they are and then the other 10% always hits... I guess I just want to knew your views on it because I love what you have to say!

This is a complicated question, but one I’ve also spent a lot of time thinking about, because I’ve spent a lot of time trying to answer the question “why are so many people (myself included) so invested in wanting them to be a couple?” and I have several thoughts.

First, in regards to what actual is or isn’t… I have no clue. What I do have great confidence in is that whatever they are to each other, they have reached the place there are now with a lot of thought and maturity, they have fought hard for it, worked through their issues in counseling, and likely out of it, and are in a good place. I have great confidence that given all they’ve gone through, and all the professional assistance they’ve had to help them on that journey, that they are very self-aware and in an emotionally stable and intentional place with their relationship, whatever that looks like and means for them. 

If they aren’t together, I trust it’s what’s best for them. If they are together, but choosing not to reveal it publicly, I trust that’s best for them. And ultimately, I just want whatever is best for them, for them to both be fulfilled and happy. 

–

HOWEVER, that leads me to the question of… why are we all so invested? why DO we all care so much if these two virtual strangers are in fact In Love? 

I’ve thought about this a lot. I really started getting invested in them coming out of a breakup, and I loved, as they often say, the stories they tell on the ice. I love to watch those stories, and they tell them well.

But I think we all know it extends beyond what’s on the ice. The fact is, they are remarkable people with a remarkable relationship. I think we are all drawn to it, because they embody the sort of relationship we all long for- romantic or otherwise. 

I wrote a long letter to them this fall that I never gave them and never really intended to- it was more for me to just sort out a lot of my own thoughts and feelings, because that’s how I process things. I’ll quote some of it here, because writing it really helped me get my finger on the pulse of what it is that draws me to them and their story so much.

It’s not just that your skating is remarkable, though it is, and I’ve spent months watching and rewatching and delighting in soaking in all your programs over the years, or sometimes just deciding to rewatch all of your 16-17 season because I NEED IT TONIGHT.

It’s more than that.

And it’s not about projections, idealizations, or visions of a potential romantic relationship between the two of you (though clearly that exists in abundance, as I’m sure you are painfully aware) (sorry).

Because I agree, trying to narrow the relationship you have with one another to something simply romantic cheapens it. It’s so much more than that. And romantic relationships are not the only relationships that matter.

And that’s where I go back to the Olympics entering my life this year just when I needed it most. Because I was so crushed from a person walking away from me instead of choosing to press in through the conflict and respecting and loving the other person enough to want to work through it. And that’s the commitment I saw in the two of you, as I watched you skate together, as I watched interviews, and as I learned of your history over the past 20+ years.

And how rare is that? It’s an epidemic in our culture these days to simply walk away from relationships (romantic and platonic alike) when it gets difficult. It felt like the theme of my life until I hit my 20s was friends choosing to walk away when things got tough, to the point I was actually shocked in college when I had my first fight with a friend that we actually worked through and grew stronger because of it. 

But it’s so necessary. It’s so valuable. It’s so so important. And seeing the commitment the two of your have to each other and your partnership has been such an encouragement to me and a reminder that I’m not wrong to long for that same commitment in my own relationships, and that I want to be that type of person.

And in doing so, I’ve been reminded to dive deep into my friendships I do have in my life. To press in when it gets hard, to honor the commitment I’ve made to be there for someone and to be invested in them and their lives and their wellbeing. And I’ve grown closer to many of my good friends because of that reminder, and I’ve even made some new friendships that have been such a blessing in my life.

We were made for deep, close, meaningful relationships. And Tessa and Scott have that sort of relationship. The sort of one where you’ve seen each other at their worst, where you’ve truly hurt one another… and you’ve worked through it, you’ve owned up to your failings, and you’ve forgiven them theirs. And you’ve pressed forward. Onward and upward. It’s a beautiful thing, and it’s a rare thing, and that’s what is so attractive about them, about their interviews, about their history, about the way they look at each other. 

Now, obviously, to me, if you’ve worked that hard, and you love that person, and you could be together, why NOT just be together? But if they aren’t, it’s for good reason, whatever it may be. I respect that. 

I try to keep my private hopes to myself (and my group chat, and fic) and I wish them both the very best, and hope that as they move forward, they continue to find happiness and fulfillment. 

[twentyonepilotsficlibrary]

Miscellaneous Fandoms Fic Rec Masterlist

This is something new we’re trying out. In our admin group chat we all started talking about our other fandoms/pairings we read and thought it might be fun to share some of our favorite fics. 

I know not everyone will be into this idea but i think it’s easily ignored if it’s not your cup of tea. Otherwise we hope you enjoy this mess of fics, maybe you’ll find yourself a new pairing, or maybe you’ll get inspired to write Joshler. 

we hope you enjoy! 

**this will be a long post**

Madi’s recs

Teen Wolf - Sterek (Stiles Stilinski & Derek Hale)

Cornerstone by Vendelin (6/6 | 83738 | Explicit)

Suffering from PTSD, ex-Marine Derek Hale moves back to Beacon Hills to open a bookshop and find a calmer life. That’s where he meets Stiles, completely by accident. Stiles is talkative, charming and curious. Somehow, despite the fact that he’s blind, he’s able to read Derek like no one else.

//PTSD //anxiety attacks 

No Homo by orphan_account (12/12 | 84092 | Explicit)

Stiles' sophomore year starts something like this: 3 FourLokos + 1 peer-pressuring cat - 1 best bro to end all best bros = 1 Craigslist ad headline that reads "str8 dude - m4m - strictly platonic". Derek is the fool who replies.

//internalized homophobia 

We Got Claws by Onlymystory (15/15 | 34914 | Mature)

Peter, Isaac, and Scott get de-aged. Stiles and Derek take care of them.

Harry Potter - Drarry (Harry Potter & Draco Malfoy)

Open For Repairs by FeelsForBreakfast (1/1 | 34901 | Mature)

After the war, Draco works at a tv repair shop and Harry breaks things.

feat. sad boys in jumpers and more ABBA than is probably necessary

There's a Pure-Blood Custom For That byLomonaaeren (36/36 | 105549 | Mature) 

The day that Harry stops Draco Malfoy and his son from being bothered in the middle of Diagon Alley starts a strange series of interactions between him and Malfoy. Who knew there was a pure-blood custom for every situation?

Transfigurations by Resonant (1/1 | 71284 | Explicit)

Five years after Voldemort's defeat, Harry returns to England to help re-open Hogwarts.

//major character death 

IT - Reddie (Richie Tozier & Eddie Kaspbrak)

Yours Truly by Buttercup12 (14/14 | 51414 | Mature)

Eddie Kaspbrak has it bad. He’s bullied for being a tiny, delicate, hypochondriac boy. He’s also bullied for being very, very, very gay. Long story short, his life isn’t the easiest.

However, that’s all a piece of cake when compared to his gigantic, pathetic crush on Derry High’s most popular and oh so very straight Trashmouth, Richie Tozier.

Richie has no idea he even exists.

Right?

Wrong.

ugly moon by weepies (27/27 | 79482 | Teen and Up)

Richie Tozier hasn’t spoken a word to anybody since he came to Derry in the middle of the school year. Until he talks to Eddie Kaspbrak.

//abuse mention

----------------------

Christie’s recs

Harry Potter - Drarry (Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter)

Turn by Saras_Girl (14/14 | 306,708 | Explicit)

One good turn always deserves another. Apparently.

All Our Secrets Laid Bare by firethesound (16/16 | 149,549 | Explicit)

Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his newest partner to investigate just what is going on.

South Park - Creek (Craig Tucker/Tweek Tweak)

Do Not Try This At Home by Marasa (6/? | 32,100 | Mature)

A post is made that night detailing the rules of their arrangement:

• Video must be taken of the event.

• Video must be uploaded.

• Turns will be taken; after one group uploads, the other must upload as answer to the original post. This ensures equal stunts and higher expectations with each stunt.

• Don’t half-ass it; this is a fucking competition!

//depression //anxiety //past abuse //drug use

The Roommate by DoAsYouWill (27/? | 277,882 | Mature)

Craig is off to college, where he is introduced to the weirdest person he's ever met. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, (Craig can't decide), that weirdest person is his roommate.

Just your typical cliche 'meet as roommates' story, but with a lot of nostalgic undertones.

Deadpool - Cablepool (Wade Wilson/Nathan Summers)

Incognito by CQHD (Comet_Kohoutek) (2/2 | 5,810 | Explicit)

Deadpool introduces Cable to porn.

The video, Deadpool realises belatedly, is way too quiet. There's no cheesy bass line that gets stuck in his head and makes him feel each pulse in his dick. There's just the soft rustling of clothes against skin as the man strips. It's got an aesthetic to it, but it doesn't stop Deadpool from hearing the catch in Cable's breath once the man steps out of his underwear and crawls on to the desk. 

Toaster by edy (1/1 | 3,339 | Mature)

If someone were to strap you in and measure your heart rate, it wouldn't be a surprise to anyone to find it'd be beating in time with his own heart. The notion is meant to be romantic, as is customary in romances, and you think it might be romantic if an uneven heart rate wasn't a sign of a serious health condition.

//suicidal thoughts 

----------------------

Sydney’s Recs

South Park 

Do Not Try This At Home by Marasa (6/? || 32,100 || Mature)

A post is made that night detailing the rules of their arrangement:

• Video must be taken of the event.

• Video must be uploaded.

• Turns will be taken; after one group uploads, the other must upload as answer to the original post. This ensures equal stunts and higher expectations with each stunt.

• Don’t half-ass it; this is a fucking competition!

// depression, anxiety, past abuse, drug use

A Perfect Love Like Craig and Tweek by ugandadistrict9 (1/1 || 3,783 || Teen and Up Audiences)

Tweek and Craig have been close for a few years, and everyone says that they’re dating, but Craig has neither confirmed or denied it. Tweek has developed strong feelings for Craig over the time, but is worried that Craig doesn’t feel the same way he does.

Homicidal Maniac by Maroonedpunk (3/3 || 17,654 || Teen and Up Audiences)

They called him a homicidal maniac for years.

Then came the allegations against the coffee shop.

Tweek can’t do this by himself.

// depression, anxiety, drug use, mental illness

Spirit Animals by hollycomb (1/1 || 22,191 || Not Rated)

Cartman wants to film his amateur ghost hunting show at the site of the grisly McCormick massacre. Stan hates the idea but he can’t stay away, because Kyle will be there.

✓✓ Read by Boyue (16/16 || 65,196 || Teem and Up Audiences)

WENDY Nice picture but you have the wrong number.

AKA how Stan Marsh met Kyle Broflovski through a dick pic mishap.

// depression, alcoholism, derogatory language

Detriot: Become Human (Gavid Reed/RK900)

Chrysopoeian Heart by feistymuffin (6/? || 22,826 || Explicit)

Chrysopoeia - the act of transmuting a substance into gold

Gavin doesn’t like androids… but then again, nothing’s written in stone.

// graphic depictions of violence

Still by Terminallydepraved (1/1 || 4,277 || Explicit)

Sometimes it takes someone else nearly dying to make you realize the important things.

Life sucks, but in a beautiful kind of way by ConsultingStag (5/6 || 7701 || Mature)

Gavin stares at RK900 and regrets it immediately as its gray gaze bores into him. LED spinning yellow. Dissecting what happened. Analyzing the clues in front of it. And then a perfectly fake eyebrow lifts and equally fake lips twitch into a tiny smirk and Gavin knows that he is fucked. 

----------------------

Cade’s Recs 

Its Always Sunny In Philadelphia - Macdennis (Mac/Dennis Reynolds)

a beachfront of bad blood by castielanderson (1/1 | 28,366 | Mature)

or alternatively “Dennis Tries to Kill Himself: MacDennis Remix” Originally for the 2017 MacDennis Big Bang, but alas

.

They don’t have a falling out so much as a slowly drifting apart.  Being a dad makes Dennis tired, so tired sometimes he feels like he might never have energy again, and that means that he stops checking in with Mac as often.  Eventually, they stop talking.  Mac gets a boyfriend.  Dennis stops taking his medication.

After Dennis attempts suicide, Mandy insists he return to Philadelphia with the gang, and she will follow with Brian Jr. when she can.  Faced with an unwanted recovery, a failed family, and feelings he would rather ignore, Dennis is forced to navigate uncharted waters within himself and within his relationship with Mac.

//rape/non-con //suicide attempt //self-harm //eating disorders //depression

Fullmetal Alchemist - Royed (Edward Elric/Roy Mustang)

Reverti Ad Praeteritum by Batsutousai (30/30 | 288,908 | Mature)

Unwillingly forced to serve as a human trial for a crazy alchemist experimenting with time travel, Edward Elric finds himself standing across from Truth in the moment it takes his leg from him. Armed with the knowledge of what's to come and burdened with guilt for the choices he'd made as an adult, Ed sets out to fix every mistake he ever made and save every life they ever lost, no matter what it takes.

//underage //implied/referenced dubious consent //violence 

Know the Difference by ShanaStoryteller (1/1 | 9,083 | Teen)

“You’ve heard the rumors,” Mustang says, looking at Ed over the top of his latest report, “about the angels.”

Ed scoffs and rolls his eyes, “Angels don’t exist, don’t be ridiculous.”

“Of course, of course,” he murmurs, gaze sliding back down, “There have been multiple eye witness accounts, however.”

Ed slouches into the chair and doesn’t bother to keep the contempt to from his voice when he says, “Don’t depend on anything with wings to save you. Things that were made to leave always end up doing so, in the end.”

“Yes, well,” he says, “sometimes they come back.”

a terrifying clamour of trumpets by ShanaStoryteller (1/1 | 12,194 | Teen)

Edward grabs Marcoh’s arm and says, “That stone – what can it heal, exactly?”

The old man’s eyebrows rise to his forehead, and he looks like he already knows the answer when he goes, “Why do you ask, Edward?”

There's no metallic footsteps so there’s no way Al’s close enough to hear them. “I’m sick,” he admits after another moment of deliberation.

The Codeine Scene by Xyriath (31/31 | 111,257 | Explicit)

After finding himself entangled with King Bradley's gang of criminals and no way out, Roy Mustang must struggle between balancing his morals and the need to keep himself alive. He walks a thin rope, and a chance meeting of a young man, addicted to drugs and forced into prostitution, complicates matters further. By all rights, he should consider Edward to be collateral damage, an unfortunate bystander in his already difficult situation, but this is one person Roy soon finds he can't leave behind.

//rape/non-con //forced prostitution //drug addiction //mentions of suicide //mentions of depression 

Fullmetal Alchemist - Edling (Edward Elric/Ling Yao)

Nothing Gold by Rydia (ungarmax) (1/1 | 22,219 | Teen)

Ling has gained immortality. Ed has not.

//major character death

----------------------

Bard’s Recs

Bastille - Dyle (Dan Smith/Kyle Simmons)

and in the morning you'll be stranded in love (it goes around and around)by brujay (1/1 | 15,717 | Teen)

“Have you seen Groundhog Day?”

Kyle took a moment before replying. “I have… what exactly are you trying to say, here?”

Dan sighed again. “I think I’m living it.” Dan gets trapped in a time loop, and he is not having a good time.

//panic attacks

argonautica orpheus by trailsofpaper (Sanwall) (note: it is private, you can only read if you have an account but it’s too good to not share) (6/6 | 17,478 | M)

Kyle, like Jason on the Argos, sets out on a journey to retrieve something important but, more importantly, he finds love along the way. Dan, unlike Orpheus, doesn’t look back.

(Dan and Kyle are flatmates in Leeds, but when Kyle wrecks his keyboard a week before he and Dan are about to enter a competition, they need to go to London to get another keyboard. Complications and even shenanigans ensue.)

Harry Potter - Drarry (Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter)

He Who Must Not Be Normal by lettered (1/1 | 40,913 | Explicit)

Potter has fame and fortune and posh clothes and all he wants is a simple life. Draco has a flat and a cat and a steady job and all he wants is a complicated life. Which makes you think this story has something exciting like body-swapping, but it doesn’t. Instead it has Indian takeaway and a blue jumper and people wanting a whole lot of what they can’t have, discovering themselves as they discover each other.

All Life is Yours to Miss by Saras_Girl (4/4 | 114,741 | M)

Professor Malfoy's world is contained, controlled, and as solitary as he can make it, but when an act of petty revenge goes horribly awry, he and his trusty six-legged friend are thrown into Hogwarts life at the deep end and must learn to live, love and let go.

Buzzfeed Unsolved - Shyan (Shane Madej/Ryan Bergara)

i think i'm still turning out by the_tenerife_sea (1/1 | 6,325 | General)

Shane is starting to think Ryan is using him for his baby, considering how much he’s already talked her up to all of their coworkers and friends. ____

Or the one where Shane is a new parent, and Ryan is always there for him (and his daughter, of course).

[arolou]

fic writing meme

the always wonderful and beeeeyooootiful eva @nothanksweregood tagged me :’)

What is your total posted word count on AO3? (Go to your Works, then click Statistics.) 110,954!!! yay meeee

How often do you write? i try to write every weekend because it’s the only time i have enough energy to use my brain and i don’t want to waste it...i usually succeed but not always lol

Do you have a routine for writing? usually a lot of UGH-ing and rereading which i know you’re not supposed to do, but sometimes the only thing that helps me put words on a page is the reminder that somehow i managed to string a sentence together twenty minutes ago so i can do it again

What are your favorite kinks/tropes/pairing? platonic kissing is probs the biggest one....and those relationships that are like “are you guys dating or just friends?” “...yes.” also i’m not entirely sure i’ve ever written a fic where two or more characters didn’t have an important conversation while lying in bed together so that must be a Thing. bed-sharing kink??? Sure. and then my fav pairings for teen wolf (since that’s the fandom i’m writing for right now) are scott/stiles, stiles/malia, and scott/stiles/malia

Do you have a favorite fic of yours? my qpp nouis with aro!louis (’the best people in life are free’) will always hold a special place in my heart because i wrote it when i was just figuring out that i was aro and it helped me put words to things i’d been feeling for a long time, plus i feel like that fic more than any of them turned out exactly the way i wanted it. buuuut also i love my scott/stiles/malia fighter au (’say a prayer for the broken bones’) because it’s Different for me and i’m shocked at how well i executed it if i’m allowed to say that lol

Your fic with the most kudos? it’s ‘words will be just words (’til you bring them to life)’ which makes me happy because it’s mostly about nerf gun fights and louis screaming at people (also i just checked and my top 3 kudos-ed fics are my tomlinshaw fics so yayyyy shout out to the tshaw fandom)

Anything you don’t like about your writing? mostly how long it takes me haha. and i always get so caught up in word choice even though i know people read fic for characterization and cuteness more than anything. but i guess i’m usually p okay with my work once it’s actually done

Now something you do like? i know i’m good at creating friendships and Softness which is nice

okay i’ll taaaaaaaaag @sleepymouses !!!! no pressure, love :)

[kncrowder88]

What’s your opinion of Hap x Prairie?

First off,sorry for the slow response, was sleeping and then had to go to work. Startedmy response though so I could edit and post once I was off work. Having saidthat ….

I’ve thoughta lot about this subject. Especially as I have a sort of personal rule that isbasically to not ship (that being “this is who I want them to be with for therest of their life” ship) anyone that is underage (which is 18 for me, and forsome characters their personal story can impact how I view them as well). I cando a “they’d be nice together” ship but … yeah. Basically, this means the onlypeople available for me to think of “who can they end up with for the rest oftheir life” ship wise is Hap, Prairie, Homer, Abel, Betty, Nancy, Scott,Renata, and so on. The adults who either are Prairie’s parents, barely seen,not given time with other adults (i.e. Broderick-Allen interaction with otheradults is primarily Prairie, the rest tend to be her students), or just …. Not inthe right situation to even consider shipping them.

So, this isa bit complicated for me. Having only seen it once and plan to binge againbefore watching the second season (which will hopefully be put out soon). It’sall still rather fresh in my mind. It’s not even been a week. And one thing Iremember from the first episode is a strong feeling of Stockholm Syndrome as I watchedPrairie.

It intriguedme and was part of what pulled me in during that episode. I was going to turnit off, but this idea had me intrigued. Not because of the ship or anythinglike that but the recovery. When I write I tend to write dark stories and tryto look at human response and human recovery. I think it’s important for peoplewho struggle to see that, not always but sometimes it’s needed and for some-like me- it is almost always needed.

I went sofar as to tell myself Homer was the one who took her. Only to discover itwasn’t and finding massive disappointment in it. But there is even somethingabout those two that make me think it’s not real. He is mean to her at firstand isn’t receptive at all until she brings down his ring. She had to do whathe wanted from her for him to even acknowledge her. Maybe I’m off on that but…I don’t see it as a relationship that would last.

And this iswhere it gets complicated because I think Hap and Prairie would. Not in thissetting, it be Stockholm Syndrome in the situation we saw. But in another. Ifhe never imprisoned her and she found out about how his research was conductedanother way, I can see her being open to it. Hap was right that Prairie needsmore than what Homer would give her, she’d grow bored and move on.

But evenmore importantly: She and Homer only know how to exist together in captivity.Captivity and freedom is two different things. They would have to go throughtheir own individual recoveries which could bring up a lot of anger and hatredtowards each other. Or even for themselves. It’s hard for me to see them, inthe situation we are shown them, managing to settle after this. After all,Homer’s only desire when we first see him is getting a message to his kid andhas a girlfriend (or at least I’m pretty sure he said she was “his” indicatingthey were together). Yet, once that ring is brought up … it’s never evenmentioned again. Not once. Not a single moment do we see Homer just dwelling onthe idea of “My kid be” or “wonder if my kid likes football”.

Prairie andHap though, they have such an interesting reaction to each other. When theyfirst met, and he shows her his invention, she is so enthralled by it. Enjoyingevery moment. And when he turns it to her, she just listens before turning it andlistening to his. You can just see his face, the impact this has on him. Inthat singular moment she became different. She wasn’t like those he usuallyapproached, and it wasn’t just because he didn’t locate her deliberately. Shewas different.

Hap is sogentle with her, guiding her and showing her things. His interactions with hercontrast so much with locking her up. It becomes clear that he feels somethingtowards her. And in some scenes, it almost comes off like her interactions withHomer are a direct and deliberate response to his interactions with her. Likeshe wants to hurt him. The situation is far to complex and, honestly, I wouldnot want to ship Hap and Prairie within the situation we get. If we get anotherreality, somewhere that neither of them experienced (so to speak) what happened– or at least remembers it – then sure it be interesting to see.

I think withevery potential ship we have to many variables that can tear them apart of makethen really problematic for the setting/situation we have. When it comes downto it though … Hap and Prairie are the ones that intrigue me more and who Iwould be more into exploring. Be it romantic, platonic, or adversarial. Theyare fascinating and the two roles are played off each other so well that Iwatched the entire season for them alone.