#or i'm just blank because the aggression faded when i was 14-15 and i get stuck there sometimes
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I can feel myself slowly being dragged into the Pup Zone like "nOOOOOO!! But also yeah I want hug from vampire dad and I want to colour and play games and–"
#anomaly.txt#bird of hermes#pup time#genuinely have no idea what is setting this off aaaaaaAAAAAAAKH#for anyone who is not aware or has not guessed#that is uh. what i refer to my a.ge re.gression as#i prefer to dance around it being that because it makes me feel incredibly awkward because don't fit in#people expect it to be all playful and smiling but it's not for me#was a very scared child and it made me aggressive towards people and never got to be a 'normal' child#carries over to the re.gression because usually caused by flashbacks or other trauma things#ends up with me feeling scared and small and trying to adult but my feelings are too big and i'm too small#or i'm just blank because the aggression faded when i was 14-15 and i get stuck there sometimes#this feels embarrassing to talk about but it won't get less embarrassing if i hide it completely#need space to talk about it since trying to ignore it makes it harder to cope and more unpleasant but working with it can make it go nicer#involuntary thing but now i can choose unconditional love for myself when i didn't get that before#(disclaimer that i'm not really aggressive now. just 'bark' sometimes rather than bite and am scared of conflict actually)
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