#pccp's kidney stone fics

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

fic prompt: Ed & Stede watch a bird raise hatchlings through their bedroom window (I hope you're feeling better soon!)

"Stede, Stede, babe, holy shit, c'mere!"

Stede held out the teacup he'd brought for Ed, taking a sip from his own as he joined him at the window. "What's - oh, wow!"

"Yeah." Ed took a sniff of his teacup to get a whiff of the cinnamon Stede added at this time of year before taking a drink. The baby birds in the tree by their upstairs bedroom window were some kind of swallow, Stede thought, and looked to be pretty fresh. "Look at them - all cute and naked and everything."

"Just like you were last night," Stede said, nudging an elbow playfully into Ed's side.

"Heh." Ed leaned against him, his smile growing fond. "Pretty cool, right?"

"Pretty cool."

The birds were nice to check in on as they went throughout their days, Stede thought. They watched as they started to get feathers, as their eyes opened, as they started to look more like birds and less like gross little raw meat cutlets. Ed liked when they could spot the birds' mama, and always called for Stede to come watch so he could see her feed the babies and hop around, too.

That was why it was a bit unusual when Stede returned to their bedroom with a stack of folded laundry to see Ed quietly sitting on the bed, watching by himself.

"Alright, sweet pea?" Stede put a hand on Ed's shoulder, depositing the laundry on the bed to be put away later.

"Mhm." Ed leaned his temple against Stede's hip, and when Stede followed his eyes outside, he was a bit surprised to see two adult birds hopping around the nest. "They've got a dad. Didn't know bird dads were, like, very good."

"Ah." Stede clicked his tongue. "Well, maybe bird dads are shit, we don't know -"

"Nah, man, he's an excellent dad!" Ed's lip wobbled, just slightly, as he looked up at him. "Did you know birds got to have that? A dad who - who loves them, and feeds them, and teaches them how to flap their little wings around?"

"Well..." Stede sat next to him on the bed, pulling him into his side. "Sometimes, some birds get excellent dads, and some birds get awful dads. And it's not the birds' fault which one they get."

"Maybe it is," Ed said bitterly, his eyes shining. "Maybe if they were just better at doing their little bird chores and had better bird personalities, their bird dads would like them more."

"Oh, honey, you know that's not true." Stede leaned their foreheads together, looking out at the soft blue sky outside and the birds in the tree. "Baby birds don't have anything to apologize for. They're just babies. They've never done anything wrong."

Ed was quiet, for a long moment, and when he spoke his voice was very small. "It's not fair."

"No," Stede agreed, thinking back to cruel words spoken in a low, unkind register, thinking back to feeling small and somehow wrong for it. "It's not fair at all."

They were both a bit sad when they went upstairs for bed one night and the birds were gone. They'd known it had been coming, they'd watched them flapping their little wings and venturing onto the branches, but it was still a bit sad.

"I hope they'll be okay," Ed said, looking out the window as he got changed into his pajamas. "It's a hard world to be a little baby bird in. I hope..."

He trailed off, his head tucking in the way he did when he thought he was being silly in a way Stede wouldn't like, which just wouldn't do.

"I hope," Stede said brightly, "that they make friends, and maybe even lovers...do birds have lovers? I hope they find out, I guess."

"And I hope they have a good life."

"The best," Stede agreed, joining Ed at the window, wrapping an arm around his waist. "And I hope they always have somewhere to go. Where they feel safe. And loved."

Ed brought Stede's hand up to his lips, kissing his palm. "I hope so, too."

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

tiny prompt for you: Ed and Stede have a “pamper yourself” kind of spa day

"You know," Ed said, pushing his sunglasses down his nose so he could actually look at Stede (the plastic sunglasses from Claire's were cute, but not great for actually seeing out of), "this is fun. This is really fun."

He'd thought Stede might be falling asleep at the other end of the bathtub, but at that he wrinkled his nose, reaching up to slowly remove the cucumber slices from his eyes. "This is fun," he agreed. "I think I heard a but coming on, though."

They'd just properly moved in together, and it had been a long fucking week. Ed had been living out of a drawer at Stede's place for a while, and when their leases were both up, they'd decided to go in together on a bigger apartment, one with room for an at-home painting studio for Ed and a big kitchen for Stede.

It had been a long week, full of moving boxes and painting and assembling new furniture, but now it was the weekend, and Ed woke up with a sore knee and Stede had a sore back, so they just...hadn't done any of that stuff today. A spa day, Stede suggested, and they quickly discovered they'd neither of them ever really had something like that before.

It had been pretty amazing, honestly. They'd gotten dressed in fun, comfy clothes, Stede choosing to just wear his favorite golden robe and Ed deciding to try out a soft, fun rainbow pastel skirt he'd been a bit too nervous to take outside the house yet. They'd made DIY face scrubs, did each other's hair up with fun hair clips, painted each other's nails, and now they were finally getting to chill in the bathtub they'd picked specifically because it was big enough for the both of them.

"It's a very silly but," Ed hedged, scooping up a handful of bubbles from their bath and arranging them carefully along Stede's chin.

"I love all your buts," Stede said, far too earnestly for a guy with a bubble beard. "Well - maybe one butt more than others -"

"I knew it," Ed pretended to groan, tossing his head back in faux dispair. "I knew you were just in this relationship for my ass."

"I mean, your ass is great," Stede laughed, "but right now I'm waiting to hear about that but."

"Alright, alright." Ed pulled his knees up, rubbing his pruned thumbs over the soap-slippery skin, looking down at the iridescent water. "This is really fun. But. It kinda feels like...I dunno, that I'm not supposed to get this. Y'know what I mean?"

"Mm, yeah," Stede hummed thoughtfully. "Like...like someone's gonna come in here and start yelling at us."

"Yeah," Ed mumbled, resting his chin on his knees. "That's it, that's the feeling exactly."

"Well." Stede got himself a handful of bubbles, and he put his right on the tip of Ed's nose. "That's not gonna happen. Because - because fuck anyone who says we don't deserve this."

It still sounded like Stede was trying to convince himself, too.

"Yeah," Ed whispered, and then - "fuck you, dad!"

"Whoo!" Stede cheered, accidentally flinging bubbles when he tossed a hand in the air. "Fuck your dad, and my dad - fuck you, Nigel!"

"Yeah, fuck 'im!" Ed whooped. "Fuck you, Hornigold! We're taking a bubble bath and there's not a damn thing you can do about it!"

"We're not getting out of this tub until we please," Stede announced. "Just try and make us! We're relaxing!"

"We're unwinding!"

Stede rested his hand on the rim of the tub, smiling when Ed reached out to lace their fingers together. "And no one can tell us we don't get to do things like this. Ever again."

Still hard to believe that, maybe. But even once they got out of their bath, they'd trade shoulder massages, and feed each other pieces of cake, and Ed would pout until Stede carried him to bed. And, as it turned out, Stede was quite right - no one would ever get to tell them they didn't deserve soft, sweet days like this, ever again.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Fic prompt: character A falls asleep on character B, who needs to get up to get something but doesn’t want to disturb character A and therefore comes up with a maybe impractical solution to get the thing they need without waking up character A

There was kind of a lot going on when Ed was startled awake.

He registered the horrifying crash that had woken him up, the tail end of Stede's aww dammit, and, in pretty much the same moment, an awful gurgling noise caused by Ed reflexively jabbing his arm into Stede's throat in an attempt to curtail some imagined attacker.

"Stede!" Ed yelped, scrambling up from his formerly-comfortable spot curled in Stede's lap to straddle his hips, checking for damage. "Are you okay?"

"I was okay," Stede hissed, prodding at the tender red spot on his throat with his forefinger, "before you slammed your entire body weight into my throat, you nut!"

"Sorry." Ed grimaced, bending to press a kiss over the spot. Thankfully, the angle hadn't been very good, and his flailing had hit him mostly by accident. "What was that noise?"

Stede went quiet, starting to get a tinge of pink around the tips of his ears. "I needed to blow out the light," he said mildly.

"Blow out the...?" Ed shifted himself back into Stede's lap, flinging his legs over his thighs so he could see - oh, what the fuck.

Ed blinked at the pile of debris scattered around the side table next to their couch. Crumpled up paper balls, pillows, and a couple heavy books (what must have woken Ed up, he guessed) lay in a haphazard pile around the table, the oil lamp still burning merrily amidst the wreckage.

Ed immediately started laughing his head off, and, to his relief, Stede started laughing, too, his head falling to Ed's shoulder, pressing a kiss to the bare skin there between his laughs. "You're lucky you didn't start a fire, babe! Why did you think that would work?"

"I mean, it really doesn't need you to blow that hard," Stede shrugged, a hand landing easily, possessively, over Ed's hip in a way that just made him purr. "So I thought, you know, maybe the gust from something flying overhead..."

"Did you try -"

"Yes," Stede said, "I tried blowing from here."

He tried again, just blowing ineffectually into space, and Ed joined in to no avail. Stupid oil lamp just kept burning.

"Damn," Ed wheezed, breathless from his heroic attempt to blow out the light from across the room. "Why didn't you just get up?"

Stede brushed a strand of hair behind Ed's ear, his eyes crinkling with the softest smile in the world, the one he reserved just for Ed. "You were sleeping so well."

Fuck, but if it was possible for love to kill, Ed would've died ages ago.

"Alright," he said, straddling Stede's lap again and wrapping his arms around his neck. "I'll show you how it's done, watch. Just take me with you."

Stede laughed, pressing a kiss to his cheek before hoisting him up. Ed buried his giggles into the side of Stede's neck, wrapping his legs tight around his waist as Stede hobbled them over to the lamp. He held it up for Ed to blow out, and Ed loved him so much that the room stayed golden even when it was out.

"See?" Ed wrapped his arms tighter around Stede's neck, cuddling into his chest. "Wasn't so hard, was it?"

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

"I'm never gonna let go, okay?"

The nightmares always came just far enough apart that it scared the life out of Stede when he woke up to the sound of Ed screaming.

A short yell, always, dissolving off into a terrified whimper, and when Stede opened his eyes, halfway to sitting already with his heart in his throat, he was reaching for Ed before he could even process what had happened. Ed's eyes were clenched shut tight, his chest rising and falling rapidly, his hands fisting the blankets so hard his knuckles were white, breathing in harsh panting breaths.

The first thing Stede did was light the lamp on their bedside table - Ed always had a harder time with realizing the nightmares weren't real in the dark - and then he was reaching out a hand, rubbing soothingly over Ed's arm.

Ed sucked in a shaky breath, let it out. "I'm okay," he mumbled.

"No, you're not," Stede said, gently, non-judgmental. "Bad dream?"

Ed nodded, daring to peek one eye open, and a tear trickled down his cheek. "It was the one about drowning again."

"Alright." Ed letting him know which one it had been let Stede know exactly what to do. "Can I touch you?"

Ed breathed out a trembly please, and Stede's hands pushed the blankets back, feeling along Ed's waist, proving for him that there was no rope dragging him down. He thumbed along Ed's cheeks next, pressed a kiss to his temple, then his lips, trying to ground him in the present. "Can you feel me?"

"Yeah," Ed whispered, his breaths starting to come a bit slower, his eyes closed more peacefully instead of clenched tightly shut. "You feel warm."

When Stede pulled his hands away, just far enough to pull the blankets properly up over Ed again, Ed's eyes shot open, wide with fear, his hand shooting out to catch Stede's wrist. "Don't -"

"Not going anywhere," Stede promised, shifting to hold Ed's hand as he positioned them to get them more comfortable. He held tight as he got Ed tucked in warm and safe, as he laid back and pulled Ed into his side for a cuddle. "I'm never gonna let go, okay? Not now, not ever."

Ed rested his head on Stede's chest, letting his breath out slow. "Thank you," he whispered. "Can you talk to me?"

Stede hummed, and he held Ed close, telling him about how he was safe, and precious, and so, so loved, until Ed's smile was small but genuine, his cheek smooshed against Stede's chest. The worst was over, would always be over, and tonight all Stede had to do was hold Ed tight and wait for the storm to pass.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Ed and Stede visit a penguin exhibit at the zoo 🐧 im sorry about your kidney stones im sending healing vibes !!

"Holy shit, Stede, look at these guys!"

Stede couldn't help his beaming smile as Ed pulled his hand out of Stede's in his haste to run right up to the glass, laughing in pure joy at the sight of a few fat penguins waddling behind the water-speckled glass.

They'd only been dating for a few weeks, but Ed had already changed the entire world, as far as Stede was concerned. Take this place - he'd been to this zoo more times than he could count, taking his kids here until he was almost bored with it, but Ed's simple joy was infectious. It had already been the best zoo trip of his life, just from how happy Ed was to trade facts from the placards next to the exhibits back and forth with each other and how he carefully repeated the Latin names of each species he saw. How soon was too soon to know when you loved someone?

Ed looked back from the penguin exhibit just to make sure Stede was watching, his smile so big it made his nose wrinkle. "Are you seeing this?"

"They're pretty cool," Stede laughed, hurrying to join his boyfriend next to the glass, his heart swelling at the way Ed leaned right up next to it, his mouth falling open as they watched the penguins dive and swim under the water. He needed a selfie while Ed was still smiling like that.

"Babe, holy shit, look at that guy!" Ed grabbed Stede's arm in excitement, pointing up to where they could just see a macaroni penguin waddling around on the dry land portion of their exhibit, and he giggled as he held his hands to his forehead, spreading his fingers to imitate its feathers.

Oh, shit, Stede was in love. It was undeniable.

He must've been quiet for a bit too long, trying to figure out how to breathe while his heart felt like it was fixing to beat out of his chest, because Ed's smile dipped.

Ed hunched over, a bit, tucking his hands hastily back into his pockets, looking at the ground as if he had any need to be embarrassed Stede had seen him being absolutely adorable. "Sorry," he mumbled. "Acting like a -"

Stede didn't want to hear what Ed thought he'd been acting like, so he gently cupped his hands around Ed's cheeks and pulled him in for a kiss.

"I love you," Stede whispered against Ed's lips when they finally pulled apart.

And then Ed was laughing, happy and ringing and perfect, wrapping his arms tight around Stede's middle. "Love you, too."

Maybe later, Stede would tell Ed that he'd never think he was too much, or berate him for acting childish, or anything like that. Later, he'd tell Ed that his silly, sweet goofiness was what made him realize he loved him.

For now, watching in helpless adoration as Ed excitedly read him back the pengiun info on the placards and pointed in delight at their swimming and snapped his legs together to imitate a cute little pengiun waddle...

For now, Stede was too caught up in planning for a fall wedding.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

How about...i love when in your fics you have Ed realizing that his trans body is hot and awesome and he doesn't need to apologize for his body. More of that please

Stede was almost too sweet, sometimes.

See, Ed had been in the gay dating scene as a trans man for long enough to know how to temper his expectations. He'd warned Stede upfront, told him that he knew his body wasn't what a lot of guys were looking for, and Stede had been nothing but wonderful about it. He told Ed he was beautiful.

And, sometimes, it just felt like he was laying it on a bit thick.

Ed liked a lot of his body. His face was great. He'd really lucked out in the jawline department. Nice arms. But there were...look, he'd been on T for decades, he knew he looked like a man. He looked in the mirror and he saw himself. But there was still a limit, alright?

And now, laying his head on Stede's shoulder as they basked together in the afterglow, the way Stede's thumb kept petting worshipfully over Ed's hip as he told him how handsome he was became too much.

"Dude," Ed whispered, gently taking Stede's wrist to move his hand away, mourning the loving touch even as he resigned himself to the loss of it, "you don't have to touch me like that."

Stede frowned, easing up on one elbow to look at him properly. "What's the matter? Did you not like it? Shit, Ed, I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, you didn't hurt me." Ed shifted onto his side, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're alright. You're fine. You just...y'know, you don't have to pretend. It's alright."

He must've said something wrong, because Stede's mouth opened in absolute horror.

"Ed," Stede gasped, "do you think I'm just pretending to appreciate your body?"

Ed shrugged. "It's alright. I get it."

"Oh, no, this will not do," Stede declared, sitting up properly, and Ed blinked up at him. "Sweet man, your body is perfect."

"It's actually not," Ed started.

"I don't want to minimize how you feel," Stede said, holding out a hand and smiling softly when Ed immediately nuzzled his cheek into his palm, "but your body is beautiful. I swear, Ed, if I hadn't known I was attracted to men before, I think you would've shocked me into the realization."

Ed's mouth worked uselessly for a moment. "You can't mean that."

"I can, and I do," Stede said, nodding, obviously pleased with himself when Ed couldn't help his tiny smile. "Can I...?"

"Touch me, please," Ed whispered.

Stede gently worked him over onto his back, and he kissed him, his hands running adoringly down Ed's body.

"I love your chest," Stede whispered into his mouth, a thumb brushing over Ed's nipple just hard enough to make him whine before his fingers traced over the long, swooping scar under his chest. "And Ed? Honestly, precious, I lose time thinking about licking you here."

He did just that, then, glancing up to wink at him, and Ed's eyes fluttered shut in bliss.

"Your tummy," Stede said next, gently brushing his fingertips through Ed's happy trail, "is perfect. Soft and warm and perfect."

His hands rested on Ed's hips next. "I love holding you here!"

When Ed spread his thighs eagerly on Stede's way down, Stede just let his palms rest on his inner thighs, looking down at him like he really was something precious. "You're so soft here."

Ed wasn't sure if he truly believed in all that love yet. But he wasn't about to call his boyfriend a liar, and he had the feeling Stede would keep telling him until it felt like the truth.

For the first time, as Ed stood next to Stede in the bathroom that night, watching his own smile as he and Stede brushed their teeth side-by-side, he was able to look at his hips, his chest, his tummy, and see something desirable. For the first time, it was easy to see himself with compassion.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

I have a prompt for you, hopefully it will be a nice distraction! Since you're so good at getting inside Ed's head for these sorts of things - Ed and Stede holding hands for the first time post-Calypso's Birthday, and Ed realizing that it wasn't just a placeholder until he was ready for sex but a casual intimacy that Stede still (and always) wants with him ❤️

Ed was walking on air.

He'd known sex with Stede would be good, right? But knowing hadn't prepared him for knowing. Stede had been a bit concerned, when he'd started crying before they even made it to the main event, just from the feeling of Stede's hands on him and the worshipful way he touched him, and Ed hadn't known how to explain it.

And the best part? Honestly, there'd been so many reasons Ed had wanted to take it slow, and one of them was that usually, once his relationships turned physical, that was all they were. He'd gotten used to realizing that guys were only nice to him because they wanted in his pants. And Stede...

Stede had cuddled him all night. Stede had eaten breakfast with him, and kept telling him what a good job he'd done, how beautiful he was, how much he loved spending time with him (I love you, said without those words). Stede had been enthusiastic about a little lunch date, and after they dropped the crew off at the Republic, they were headed a little ways uphill to Ed's favorite seafood shack, and it was comfortable, and perfect, and -

Ed jumped a mile when Stede's fingers wrapped around his.

He jolted, looked around, a bit confused - Stede might have been trying to warn him about something nearby, maybe? - but Stede just grinned back at him. "Holding hands alright?"

Ed blinked, looked down at their joined hands. Stede's fingers were wrapped almost tentatively around Ed's hand, and he shifted his grip, let their fingers fit together like their bodies were just made to intertwine (which, after last night, he was pretty sure they were).

Felt nice. Felt good. But...

It was a step back, wasn't it? Was this Stede's way of saying that he hadn't liked having sex with Ed? Holding hands had just been a way for them to touch before Ed was ready to have sex, so why -

"Ed?" He must've been a bit too quiet for too long, just staring down at their hands with wide eyes, because Stede was frowning, now. "Alright? We don't have to if you don't want to! I just like holding your hand."

Oh.

Ed tilted his head, tightening his grip on Stede's hand. "Why?"

"Why," Stede snorted, as if that was the silliest question in the world, and when they started walking again, he happily swung their joined hands between them. "Because I like touching you. And being close to you. It's nice! Feels good."

"Hm," Ed said. It was nice. He'd never had little intimacies like this before. He thought he could get used to it. "Feels good for me, too."

A few birds flew overhead, and Stede pointed with his free hand, and Ed grinned as the motion tugged at his hand. He loved listening to Stede talk, honest, but as Stede told him all about storm petrels and their Latin names and their literary symbolism, his mind was a bit occupied.

Stede liked holding hands. Ed wondered what other little affections they could have, and his brain was whirring with all the ways he might be able to find out. He could ask Stede to help him wash his hair, give Stede a back massage after a long day, adjust each other's clothing...

They could have sex. That was a big, important degree of intimacy for the both of them, Ed thought. But they could have the little ones, too. And maybe this kind of casual intimacy was something he would just get to keep.

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

short prompt of smth around the love language of sharing food! either comfort thru good food or noticing each other's fave food or sharing a food from their culture etc etc

"Babe. Babe. Babe."

Stede sighed, looking up from picking at his mushroom stroganoff to glare at his beautiful, perfect boyfriend. "What."

Ed's smile was sympathetic as he laid down his fork, his own mushroom wellington mostly-eaten on his plate. "You know you don't have to eat it, right?"

"Well -"

"Stede, love, sweet, my perfect light of sunshine," Ed interrupted, grinning when that got him a small smile, "I just have a question for you. A tiny question."

"Mhm. Shoot."

Ed reached a hand across the table, smiling when Stede's fingers immediately laced easily with his. "Why did you tell me you like mushrooms when you very, very obviously don't?"

Stede chewed on his bottom lip, looking back down at what really did look like a perfectly-executed mushroom stroganoff. "You tried so hard," he said, quietly, after a moment.

"I could've made you something else -"

"But I need to be supportive," Stede practically wailed, and Ed's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Alright, hug time," Ed declared, standing up and unceremoniously pulling Stede to his feet for a proper hug.

Stede sighed deeply, hands coming up to lightly circle Ed's back, sighing into his shoulder. He'd been the one to encourage Ed to quit the modeling job he hated and go to culinary school, and the last thing he wanted was to fuck up Ed's confidence by not liking a dish!

"Hey, Ed?" Stede said softly. "I don't really like mushrooms."

"I could tell, yeah." Ed pressed a kiss to Stede's forehead, rocking him gently from side to side.

"It's the texture," Stede said, leaning back so he could stick his tongue out to make Ed laugh. "They're just so chewy and slimy and - ugh!"

"Alright, point taken," Ed said, with a good-natured laugh.

"I mean," Stede hastily corrected, "yours were on...the better end of that spectrum."

"I'm sure they were, babe." Ed gave Stede a cheeky pat on the ass, then pulled back to take his hand to lead him into the kitchen. "Wanna know the best thing about making stroganoff? You always end up with so many extra noodles."

Stede still felt a bit guilty, as Ed got the leftover egg noodles from the stroganoff back onto the stove, tossing them with some butter and adding melty cheese, not even having to ask to know what Stede would like best.

"See, there we go," Ed laughed when he got Stede seated at the table again and he promptly started shoveling noodles into his face. "That's how I know I've succeeded."

Oh, fuck, the guilt was back.

"Ed," Stede said, forcing down a huge swallow of noodle, "I'm really so, so sorry -"

"Nothing to apologize for," Ed said, giving Stede's arm a gentle squeeze. "You're not gonna like everything I cook -"

"Well, I should!"

"Oh, Stede," Ed sighed. "What's your favorite food in the world?"

"Shrimp," Stede said immediately. "Fried shrimp. Can't resist -"

"Can't resist your shrimpies, yeah," Ed said. "And we can't even keep them in our house."

"Well, you keep Kosher, we can't contaminate all the cookware," Stede winced. "It's not the same, you've got a reason, I'm just being picky -"

"Not the point, babe," Ed said gently. "The point is...we make allowances for each other, I guess. And you're not just being picky, you've got a reason, too. Not liking them counts as a reason. It's fine, but I wish you'd have just told me you wouldn't like the mushrooms."

And before Stede could even apologize -

"No apologies necessary," Ed said firmly, squeezing his hand. "We take care of each other."

And wasn't that a delight? There, in their kitchen, with his belly full of warm food and Ed smiling next to him...Stede had never felt more at home.