#plus we. ''barely'' experienced it in school. which made it seem inconsequential?
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mkay maybe our social anxiety is a big deal
#this post is okay to make for some unknown reason. but we have *many* posts sitting in drafts that we Cannot Post#they aren't all that different. they just. can't be perceived by other people#and i can't count the number of times in the past few days alone that we've scrapped messages to our partners for not being Sendable#and ofc there's the paralyzing fear around discord servers#and that's just online!!#masks were a fucking godsend bc i didn't have to worry about people seeing what my face does#we were turned away from the walk-in when we were 17 for being an 'immature minor' or smth bc we were alone and couldn't stop stuttering#it's easy to forget how bad it is. how bad it's gotten. because it can be overridden!!! if we become frustrated#it goes away. if other people aren't doing something 'right' we can speak up and do it. but that's something we CAN'T do voluntarily#plus we. ''barely'' experienced it in school. which made it seem inconsequential?#but uh. yeah idk. i think this is severely impacting our mental health. we have 3 friends all of whom we are dating#2 of em are ldr. and we are still scared of em#our girlfriend is exempt from it entirely. she's the only person we ever feel '''safe''' (bc the regular anxiety never leaves. ever.) around#it's probably attributable to ~six years together. how am i gonna be scared of someone who in many ways knows me better than i know myself?#and vice versa#anyway. yeah#i think a point towards this is that essentially the entire post is in the tags?#bc tags feel quiter. less severe. idk#i do think anxiety. just in general. has probably already taken years away from me. or will. it's so destructive
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