#realistically speaking it's such a niche field that it'd be unlikely for me to get a job anyway but still
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starting tomorrow i have a one week course that will either be the best thing to ever happen to me during my academic career or the absolute worst and i don't know how to feel about that.
#lily talks#i've waited over one year to get a spot in this course#i have been preparing for this like crazy#borrowed every book on the topic from the library#like this is THE thing i've been wanting to do for work for over 10 years and now i finally get the chance to dip my toes into it#but what if i suck at this?#honestly i don't know if i could take that#like if either i'm bad at it or it just turns out to be meh#i'm more than a little terrified of having my dreams crushed lol#realistically speaking it's such a niche field that it'd be unlikely for me to get a job anyway but still#i think i'll cry if i mess this up#also i want to write my thesis on this and what if the professor says no#it's an optional course and the prof isn't part of my faculty so there's absolutely no way of telling if he'd be willing to do that#meaning i will have to ask but i'm so terrified of being awkward about it#aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#(panic)
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