#reminder that this isn't supposed to be taken seriousc“:

[bloogers-boogers]

Kyle Brofloski/ Eric Cartman (SP FIC) part 2

/playful project/

Garrison assigns Cartman and Kyle to become class partners for a 'inclusive project' by PC principal.

Slight warning ⚠️ this is Cartman and Kyle you could either expect the worse or the best from them. Okay, with that said, Chao chao:3

I also want to thank for the support I've received for the first chapter, and thank @myst1calx for your words it really cheer me up when I read you, I also have considered publishing in ao3 but I'm still stubborn on not making an account cause I'm too lazy, but maybe eventually who knows? But still, thank you c:°▪︎°♡°▪︎°

~~~~~~

Kyle walked in the hallways being greeted by girls and some other classmates as they commented his appearance, again remarking he looked particularly 'good' that day. Pretty much the same thing pointed out by his friends and family, to be entirely honest he felt the same as always and honestly his appearance looked pretty bad in his opinion, as for days prior he's been healing bruises and scratches from his previously fight from yesterday and a couple of more from the days that started his 'venture' with the fatass and Douglas boy.

Besides that, he feels exactly the same, either they felt pity for his bruised face or they're just bullshittin him for a laugh. Both options could be plausible.

He opened up his locker in search for the books he'll need for the day, packing them inside his backpack before continuing walking to class. He waved hello to some of his friends as he entered the classroom sitting in his desk.

The bell rang declaring it was now time to begin class, he sighed frustrated as he felt sticky rolled paper balls against his neck.

"Goddammit, Cartman! Quit it!," he exclaimed, before turning his way an earning a offended scowl from the other.

He looked to his left and found out it was Bebe being the one who had spit on him, he arched a brow confused, offended.

She gesture with her head towards Stan, with apologetic eyes, "whoops, that was for Stan."

"Me!?," Stan snapped offended, taken off guard by the comment and possible action towards his person.

"Okay, class, settle down now," Mr Garrison greeted as he entered his class, standing in front of the board, "I said to settle down now!," he asserted more loudly seeing how no one payed him attention.

Now with everyone kept quiet he continued, "today will be initiated a parental project," he wrote in the board 'partner a/ partner b' before continuing, "yes, Clyde?," he aked disinterested, seeing how Clyde had raised his hand.

"So that means are parents are getting involved somehow?."

"Fuck no, the last thing that this school needs is to also deal with the idiotic embodiments that we're willingly capable of conceiving you guys!," he cleared his throat, "now, the project would consist in you guys having to parent a baby, you and you're assigned partner will be given a doll specialized for the task, you write your shit down in a powerpoint essay and print it out, being neatly order in the respective day of what ever you did with the baby and how you managed to deal with the doll," he continued blabbering, as he leaned on his desk.

"Like the egg project?," Stan asked.

"Yes, Stan, just like the egg project but with some added adjustments," Garrison roll his eyes, as he took out a clipboard and placed a box full of dolls in his desk, "you see, children, PC principal wants this project to be as inclusive as it could possibly be, AND expects it to go well.

So you assholes better do a good job or you'll ALL will sink with me, you know how PC principal gets," he pointed out threatening.

"Yes, Bebe?."

"Can we pick are own partner?."

"No." He flip through some papers, "I already have it all assigned."

Everyone groaned annoyed. Not only did they have to deal with that stupid project again but they also have to deal with a partner Mr Garrison (probably to spite us) picked.

"Okay, we're gonna start with the trans couple," he took out a blonde white baby, "Annie and Kenny, you're now trans, congrats," he tossed the first baby carelessly to Kenny; who just looked at him weirdly.

"What!? But I'm not trans!," he heard Annie shout from behind them.

"It's just for the project, stop complaining and keep that mouth shut," he grunted annoyed, "lesbian couple one, Heidi and Nichole," he tossed a brown baby with black hair towards them, "lesbian couple number two, Red and Nancy," he threw them a very pale baby with a label that said 'diabetic' and specified instructions.

He scribble down his paper, as he picked up a brown baby with blonde hair, "Craig and Wendy you'd be the interracial couple," he tossed the baby to Craig.

"Tweek and Clyde, you're homos," he tossed a red head baby aggressively to Clyde hitting him in the face, "Eric, Kyle you're the second homos," he tossed a black, browned curly haired baby towards the red head.

"What!? My kid's black!?," Cartman screeched out loud; making Kyle shuddered infront by the agonizing noise. In disbelief as if that was his only concern.

"Sit down Eric, you two are the typical white gay couple that thinks they're ahead of time by adopting an African kid," he rolled his eyes, as he continued naming the couples in his list.

'My god,' Kyle heard Cartman say as he sat back in his chair defeated.

"Serves you right for being a complete racist piece of shit," he commented as he turned to look at him, "now your son is black." He gestured 'their' baby in a teasing manner.

Cartman frowned, "Shut up, Kyle! I don't even want to be married to you," he groaned angrily crossing his arms.

"Stan, Bebe, you two are a divorced co-parenting couple," he tossed them a white freckled, black haired baby, labeled 'paralyzed from it's legs' and other instructions, "Butters and Sofie; Butters you're the alcoholic father going to aa meetings trying to recover both yourself and the lost bond of your child,"

'oh geez' Butters commented nervously, rubbing together his knuckles.

"Sophie you'll be the unfaithful wife who's also secretly into women and currently in process of getting a divorce," 'Oh my!' Sophie exclaimed in shocked as she was then toss a black baby.

"Scott and Jenny, you two are a special case, you'll be raising your baby for a couple of days, then, you'll have to grieve the lost of your child by an accidental death, pin blaming one another becoming the grieving couple," he stated, swinging their white, brown curly haired baby before throwing it to Scott.

'My. God,' Scott commented baffled, as he hugged dramatically his baby.

"Timmy, Lola. Normal straight boring couple," he tossed them a white, black haired baby.

"Jimmy you're a single parent, raising your son with a very low income job struggling barely to buy your kid some food," he tossed a black malnourished looking baby towards him.

'j-j-esus ch-hrist,' he blurted out looking at his now baby.

"Tolkien, you're also a single father, but struggling to raise your baby that has a severe illness, not because of the money but because you don't know how to handle it's condition" he tossed him an albino baby, with a label full of instructions. Before clasping his hands as he now finally sat down in his desk, "Okay, children that's about it, any questions?."

Everyone raised their hands abruptly, but was immediately interrupted by the bell ringing.

"Well, see ya later losers," he blurted out smugly, before leaving to the other classroom his assigned with for next period.

°°°°

He carried the baby carelessly in his arms, going to his locker, Cartman following behind cause they had no choice but to discuss what they'll do with the baby.

"I think Joshua is a nice name," he commented, now looking for a old eraser he swear had.

He truly didn't care about the naming, but they had to discuss it for the upcoming essay they'll have to write.

"That's stupid and basic, Kahal," Cartman complain arrogantly, as he huffed crossing his arms enthusiastically indifferent of the suggestion, "if my son is gonna be black might aswell have a cool name."

"Okay, what better name do you have in mind, fat boy?," he asked annoyed as he slammed his locker, while gripping the half done eraser in his hand.

"Moisha," he responded eagerly, smiling lightly as he looked at the ground, internally contemplating his answer.

Kyle arched a brow skeptical, "Moisha?," he repeated not even fazed.

"It's a cool name, you asshole!," he defensively responded, huffing again, embarrassed.

He rolled his eyes, and saved himself discussing for probably over an hour about the name being jewish, definitely purposely intended to mock him indirectly. Fucking asshole.

"Okay, whatever," he shrugged as he looked around the other students walking by, and some of his classmates also discussing with their partner about their babies.

Before he could try gesturing Stan to come approach them, 'their' baby began to cry.

"Goddammit," Cartman groaned out, as they now both turned to look at the judgmental and teasingly stares from some of the students there.

"Here, try calming him down," he ordered, shoving the baby to Cartman, embarrassed trying not to be seen holding that thing.

"Aye! Why do I have to deal with it!," Cartman whined out, sounding more like a baby than the fake mimicking one.

"Just make it stop crying, fatass!," he whispered frustrated, as he kept glancing at some of his classmates.

Cartman huffed, as he reluctantly hold the baby in his arms unknowingly, struggling to actually make it look like a decent position for a baby. He rock it soothing as some mother would normally do to put to sleep their newborn.

Kyle had to take out some immense power in him to not laugh out loud. Wanting to crackled so badly, pinching his side to prevent himself by actually doing so.

"Nah, nah, nah—nah nah, nah nah nah— go to sleep baby, don't makemeforceyoutoactuallygotosleep, baby nah nah nah—," he singed in a very silent manner, as he discreetly looked to his side cautious if anyone was seeing him.

Kyle's humorous internal conflict immediately faded away, not expecting Cartman to actually try soothing that thing to sleep with a song.

And miraculously it worked.

Stan and Kenny approached them after, Kenny still with his baby in arms while Stan didn't.

"Joseph, these are your idiotic gay uncles," Kenny mimic an old man, as he gestured Cartman and Kyle to his fake baby with a smirk.

Stan snorted shortly, "damn, must be crazy for you guys having to end up together," he continued to add, mockingly, "have you guys decided it's name yet? Mine's name 'Rafael' I swear to God, Bebe has a poor taste in naming."

"Ours named Moisha," Kyle leaned against his locker, arms crossed, "courtesy of the fatass," gesturing with his head towards Cartman.

"It's a nice name, okay!?" He kept defending himself, in his whiney annoying voice.

"I've never thought it my life, I'd ever see you holding a black baby in your arms," Kenny mocked Cartman, wiping a fake tear from his eyes, "you make me proud, I can actually see the resemblance."

Cartman rolled his eyes, flipping him off with his free hand, "he's adopted, you stupid man whore." He tried 'correcting.'

"Careful with your wording, fatass, you don't want your kid to turn out like a fat psychotic racist entitled spoiled brat," the blonde snapped back, making both his friends laugh.

Later that day, during lunch time, it was damn obvious how PC principal managed to make everyone somehow get involved in the project making them take it just as seriously as he'd expect them to do. Which makes the whole thing nerve wrecking, their grades were on a line, so they have to deal with shit like this

"Hey, bigots, you like to take it up the ass so much? why don't get outta town first and take your ugly ass baby with you," some nineth grader mocked.

Kyle frowned, cause it was directly towards him, Cartman and their kid, before almost punching the dude in the mouth, Stan grabbed him by the shoulder moving him towards the cafeteria line.

"Dude, not worth it," he spoked, as he shake his head in disapproval.

Their baby began crying once more, and that added up to his anger.

"Shoo shoo shoo," cartman cradled into his arm, as he gently caressed his cheek; making the baby to whimper less and less, finally stopping.

"Dude, motherhood looks good on you" Kenny teased as he rested his chin in Cartman's shoulder before earning a glare from him.

"Kahal, give me his bottle," he ordered, as he extended his hand towards him expecting him to give him that same thing.

Kyle blink in confusion, "what bottle?."

He groaned out loud, rolling his eyes, not believing what he's hearing, "the baby's hungry, asshole, we need to feed it or he'll starve!."

"Oh," in all honesty Kyle had completely forgot about the baby's needs, but could you blame him? It's a fucking doll. But than again, his grades are at risk, so he has do deal with it.

And it's not like Garrison gave them any bottles, diapers and shit, trying to make it as real as possible, that, or he's just being a douchbag.

He contemplated a bit before being snapped by Cartman, "Dude, go get him a bottle of formula," he blurted out pissed.

Kyle frowned sharing the same sentiment, "why do I have to do it, fatass!?."

Cartman glared back not even bothering to comment anything, pretty much giving him a answer. Kyle sighed defeated, ceasing in, as he kept waiting in line.

"They're probably selling formula in the cafeteria, if this some cheap tactic for the school to earn some extra money," he shrugged, now hands in his pockets like some scolded husband.

Everyone nodded, as that was most likely to happen. And true enough, they were in fact a specific section that was labeled 'baby supplies', there was a pile of students picking up and purchasing up the stuff they needed, some kids from other classe stuck with the same project as them, others from their class, and ofcourse themselves.

Bebe headed towards Stan and pinched him in the arm, "the fuck, dude!?," Stan yelped in pain.

"Go buy the baby diapers and some baby formula," she ordered.

Stan huffed, "why do I have to buy it?," he asked still rubbing his arm.

"Because you're the man, and it's your duty to provide for us!," she yelled at him before joining her group of friends at their table.

Kyle and Kenny began laughing for his dismay, it was hilarious as Stan glared at them offended.

The red head turned to his side, and seemingly enough, Cartman was already listing the things they needed.

"Okay, Kahal, this is all we need for today," he said, as he extended his hand again.

"What?," he asked confused, looking at his chubby hand.

"Give me money!."

"Me!? Why the fuck do I have to give you money?!," he exclaimed, sharing the same tone in disbelief as his best friend had prior.

"Because I don't have jack shit!," he groaned out.

Now both his friends snorted behind them, earning a mocking smirk from his best friend.

Kyle grumble under his breath as he took out his wallet, "that's what you get for hooking up with a alleyway whore," Kenny teased as he protectively hold his baby shielding it, being nudged harshly by Cartman on to his side, earning some laughs.

Kyle glared at the blonde, giving the money to the lunch lady; who was already glaring suspiciously at them. He assumed she thought they'll steal their shit, even though the prices were a steal themselves, my god, everthing was expensive as shit.

A diaper (one single) for 10 bucks!?, he had to purchase three (30$), formula 23 bucks and one set of clothing for 35!?, Jesus christ. He did not bother to buy the clothing, saving himself 35 bucks, cause c'mon! That's all his damn lunch money for a week in one spending.

No lunch for him, if he wanted to save his thirty bucks he must act like he already has nothing on him, making Cartman scoffed as he noticed he didn't receive the clothing he had added to his list.

They sat on the table, Stan also seemingly had brought nothing for himself as he was also broke, Kenny had brought home made lunch so he didn't seem too fazed, while Cartman fed the baby but his tray was on his side.

"This sucks ass," Stan complained, resting his chin on both his hands.

"Tell me about it," he added.

PC principal entered the cafeteria in a extremely dramatic way, with a microphone in hand, standing in the middle of the crowd of students grabbing their attention.

"Okay, kids, as you may know. Some of the students here are now parents, I want you all to treat them with RESPECT, I want cero negative you hear that? I want this procedure to go as smoothly as possible. Which is why, the PC children will keep watch for any offensive behavior against the new couples, informing me for the misconduct.

Also for you, parents, if anything happens to your child, you'll be pressed charges and receive the punishment you ask for, like a realistic scenario. Ofcourse not exactly too realistic, but enough to cross a point to you of having to be a good responsible parent to your child," He threatened, "yes, that'll mean you'd be sent to jail for two weeks being monitored by official Barbready if you kill your infant, if you verbally abuse/ neglect your child you'll be sent to do community service for a week with added group therapy. And lastly be monitored with a ankle bracelet if you physically abuse your child or have addiction problems for two weeks, with added therapy.

Hopefully I got that out of our way, enjoy your lunch," he proceeded to leave out the cafeteria.

Every student their was in shock, some scared, others worried and the rest nervous.

He grunted annoyed, this will be the longest three weeks of his life.

And so it begins, Cartman tugged on his jacket aggressively.

"What!?," he spat, getting out of his grip.

"Give me your jacket," he ordered firmly.

"Excuse me? Fuck off, I'm not giving you my jacket, Cartman."

"Kyel, jesus christ, the baby needs to be wrapped with something," He pull out his phone, showing the following baby tracking status, "he's freezing, asshole, and being you, didn't buy him clothes leaving him butt fucking naked with just his diaper like the cheap mediocre bitch you are, might aswell give me your damn JACKET!," he huff out loud tired, like a whiney ass bitch.

Why is he acting like he has been caring for the kid for years!? It's not like he has done much besides feed him during the pass few hours. He's done more by paying for his needs than just cradling it in his arms and feeding him a bottle of formula HE bought. Technically he'd be screwed with out him.

He grunted before taking off his jacket unwillingly, tossing it back to Cartman, already tired of this bullshit fake marriage and stupid fake plastic doll. Kenny chuckled as he began rocking his baby to sleep, patting it gently.

The day went on, and it was literal hell, Cartman couldn't stop yapping here and there, about how the baby 'needed this' and the 'baby needed that' and so on, he couldn't stand it, he needed a fucking break from both Cartman and that kid.

The final bell rang, and he rushed outside the classroom wanting to run away from his responsibilities. But failed miserably, being stopped near the entrance of school, Cartman called him out before he had place foot outside.

"What do you want, fatass?," he stopped in tracks reluctantly.

"It's your turn to take the baby," he said casually, shoving the baby in his arms and passing some of the things he had bought for it.

He arched a brow, in disbelief, "are you serious right now?."

"Uh, yeah?," he said confused, gripping on to his backpack.

"You haven't done jack shit!, I'm tired, and I'm going home, fatass. I don't see why you're trying to pin all the responsibility on ME," he complained.

"excuse YOU, jew. But I've been changing his diapers, feeding him, keeping him warm and making him fall a sleep since second period! I fucking need a break!," he blurted out, hands extended in emphasis of his annoyance, "You think it's all sunshine and rainbows raising a child while you seat all day doing nothing but writing some notes and looking at some white board!."

"I was in class!," he defended in protest.

"Okay, now stay outta class and take him with you, see were it gets you, asswipe," he grumbled out spiteful, before walking out, leaving him standing there with a baby in arms.

"¡Goddammit!," he screamed frustrated, as he stomped his feet in place.

He got home, tossing his backpack agitated to his side, wanting to straight up go to his room. But again, was stopped. All the way over to get home people 'congratulated' him on his newborn, and his bravery to come out as a 'newlywed gay couple' with Cartman, it was the most ridiculous shit he's ever been put in. Some tossed him slurs and other bashed on their baby, which made him clenched his right fist, holding it together as the PC children passed by him checking he wasn't being a bad father and 'exposing' his child to a bad environment. Like it's not fucking South Park they lived in.

He groaned out loud, "what?."

"Kyle, please take a seat," his father gesture the couch.

Both his parents stood infront of him as he sat down, he watched them cautiously wanting an explanation.

"Bubbie, we just want you to know, that we support you no matter what. And we promise you the struggle won't be too overwhelming for you and your partner," Kyle was left mouth wide open, were they really talking about the damn plastic baby and his fake relationship with Cartman!?, "PC principal has already informed us about the project." His mother explained calmly.

"Yes, and we don't care if our grandson is black," His dad reluctantly added, looking at the ceiling then looking at the ground, "even though, it would've been best if he were white atleast you boys could act out that the boy is actually related to one of you," his mom nudged him with a glare.

"As long as he's jewish we don't care, Kyle," she beamed reassuring, as she went to the kitchen, coming out with a box and placing it next to him.

"What's all that?," he asked, still processing the whole surreal conversation.

"It's all the stuff you'll be needing for you son," she said, in a more firmly tone, "you see, Kyle, being a parent is more than just opening your legs and leading a man inside you," she continued, leaving Kyle speechless.

"Yes, Kyle, your mother is right. Though, it's clear as day you're the dominant one in the relationship," his dad then added, trying to assert more pressure on him for being 'the man' in the relationship, "it also about responsibility, raising a child is more then just buying the things it needs and feeding it."

"Exactly, love is also an important factor for a beautiful blossoming relationship with your son, also assuring he'll be raised a right man," now his mother spoke, "he is a.. boy, right?," she winced, tilting her head a she looked attentively to the baby he held.

He nodded reluctantly, still not saying a single word.

"Wonderful!," she beamed excited, as both his parents clapped their hands in victory before rushing out the door.

"You heard that, Donovan! My first grandkid is a boy!," he heard his dad smugly comment in a scream. 'Fuck you!' He heard from afar Mr. Donovan snap back.

°°°°

He grunted, as he confusingly looked at the big instruction manual he held in hand. His father insisted he had to fix up the crib for the baby to sleep in.

"Daaaad!," he groaned out loud, now hearing steps coming from down stairs.

His dad leaned against the frame of his door, with the, now, fully clothed baby in his arms; being dressed up with a green small vest and black pants, probably his mother put on him, while with a dolphin cap, probably his dad added. As he had a glass of wine in his free hand, being left with 'babysitting duty' as a responsible grandfather while he, Kyle, had to handle this shit.

"How the hell do I fix this!? I just can't figure it out," he pleaded in help. He's been in his room for two hours trying to piece things together, but it doesn't budge.

"Well, Kyle, part of being a man and the provider of the household is about figuring out things on your own for the sake of your spouse and children, not for yourself, never for yourself," he chuckled in disapproval of his progress, as he sipped on his wine. Before walking off, "C'mon, little Moisha, grandad is gonna show you the beauty of internet trolling i-i mean, scrolling the web!," he blurted out almost nervously, leaving him behind with all this mess.

He grumbled, as he forcefully tried gluing two pieces together that clearly didn't belong to one of another.

On the other side, Cartman also found himself struggling with his bitch of a mother now nagging about parenthood, as the responsibility he now held.

"You see, poopsikins, if you want to have everything held to you by your husband, you must be ready to provide him everything he needs. Like keeping him full all the time with amazing cooking, pamper him with affection and seductive comments, pretty much luring him with your pretty face and sexy body, love.

Men are difficult to keep around, because they easily get bored with the same thing, so you really have to make sure your man sticks and not try running off with some mistress and leaving you behind having to raise alone your kid," she took out some pans and pots.

"You sound like you're talking about yourself, ma." He commented worrisome.

"Ofcourse not, I was the mistress," she shamelessly added, "now let's start from the beginning."

She continued explaining about certain exquisite dishes, then showing him some manipulative 'harmless' moves he could use on Kyle to do things for him; even though he doubted that'll work on Kyle, he still kept listening, entertained by the whole madness of the situation.

Then they were the seduction strategies, and the boring chores he'd have to do to keep 'his' husband content and keep the little brat alive.

He sighed exhausted as he sat in his couch, his back hurt for no reason as he felt a bad headache.

She came in the living room, opening a bottle of champagne and setting two glases in the dinner table, "I knew some day you'll turned into a housewife like me, didn't think it'd be this soon or even married but—," she poured in some champagne on a glass, passing it to him, "but I'll make sure, sweetie, you DO have your happy ending," she promised assertive, as she now drink from her glass.

She held her glass high expectantly for he to 'clank' it together with his, he reluctantly did, also sipping silently the bubbling beverage; processing his mother's words.

Kyle layyed down his bed with a loud 'thump', exhausted but finally had fix the crib together, he heavily breathe out victorious. Closing his eyes shut, finally feeling his body relax against the comfort of his mattress.

"And what do you think you're doing?."

He snapped back up, now looking at his mother in the door frame, hands placed in her hip in a assertive way.

"I.. was resting? I just finished up fixing the crib," he explained.

"You think that's an excuse to leave both your father and I do YOUR responsibility?."

"Huh?."

"Poor, little Moisha has been missing his father all day, we said that we'd be okay caring for your son, Kyle, but you shouldn't take advantage of our generosity."

"It's been like three hour, ma?."

"¡Those three hours will become days, then years! Moisha would eventually feel your absence," she spat out, before slamming the door shut out of habit, "and you better make sure his crib is place right next to you, and don't forget about his nursery, Kyle!."

"¡Goddammit!," he cursed out, throwing his pillow to the wall unintentionally hitting the crib, now breaking it down once more.

After hours of fixing the baby's nursery, crib and shelf, it was already time to go to bed. He placed the baby in his crib, as he now layyed down on his own bed. Closing his eyes shut, with a small smile creeping in his face, not a minute in before the baby began whining out, as it sobbed, fading away the little joy he had felt that evening.

He stretch his arm out, rocking the crib tirelessly, but the baby kept crying out.

'Shut that damn baby!' He heard Ike scream out from his room.

He groaned, as he forcefully got out of bed, gripping hard the edges of the crib. Holding himself together, not wanting to strangle the fucking doll.

He glared at it, before reluctantly holding it in his arms, avoided shaking it cause it could activate 'shake baby syndrome', and that's some fuck up shit he isn't planning to get involved with.

He nested it in his arms as he sat down on his bed, eyes shut as he soothe both the baby and his uncontrollable anger. As he heard the baby silently lower his cries being now put asleep, he leaned against the headboard as he felt himself knock out.

The next morning, he yawned tirelessly as he didn't get all the sleep he needed, he stretch out his arms, somehow feeling a small weight off his body.

Wait.

"The fuck?," he exclaimed worrisome, as he no longer had the baby with him, he put his jacket on and ran downstairs.

Entering the kitchen, he noticed Ike was feeding the baby while his mother hummed washing the dishes, and his dad read the newspaper.

"Uh.. morning?," he hesitantly greeted before sitting down.

Now relieved that he didn't unintentionally lose the baby while he was asleep.

"Morning, bubbie," she greeted warmly, "sorry for taking out Moisha, but I was worried sick cause I didn't hear him cry much at night. But then I entered your room, saw you were holding him even while you were sleeping I thought it was cute, so I took him from your arms and left you rest, sweetie."

"Uh.. that's okay," he awkwardly said, noticing he was not placed breakfast.

"If you're wondering where's your breakfast is," His dad caught his eye, "you have a spouse, where is he? He plans on you to care for your son AND also feed yourself?."

'Oh brother' he rolled his eyes annoyed, not even bothering to comment back, picking up the baby, getting his backpack and then dashing out.

'Couple these days' he heard his father nag before closing the door.

"Damn dude, parenthood doesn't look well on you," Stan commented, as they were at the lockers.

He was taking out some of his books and placing the ones he no longer needed back inside.

"Yeah, dude, it's fucked up. This thing literally has a tracker for EVERYTHING. I couldn't bash an eye last night," he may had exaggerated a bit, but he didn't care, in all honesty, it's not comfortable holding on to something while you sit your ass down as you sleep, and he can still feel cramps on his leg and has a sore back, "and my stupid parents nagging all day about what it's like to be a parent and shit like that."

"Wow, sounds hard. I'd comment something, but Bebe's been hogging all the parental hours for herself I haven't spend time at all with my son," he commented as he glance at the blonde who smugly showed off their baby to her friends.

"Don't you have visiting hours?," he then added, as he closed his locker.

"I do, but that bitch doesn't give them to me, I may sue her in court or something," He said, as he glared at her, "she's like really pissed over what happened with Wendy the other day," he added.

Oh yeah, he had forgotten Stan had accidentally ditched her in their tenth date of the week to go play videos games with the guys.

"Sucks," he commented back, looking at his phone for the stats.

"Is that the status of your baby?," Stan commented as he took his phone away, "cool, might aswell see what I'll get into ONCE BEBE STOPS BEING A BITCH about it and hands me our kid," he spat out bitterly, loudly enough for the blonde to hear, earning from a far a flipped finger at him 'fuck you, Marsh!.'

"Mornin' fellas," Butters gritted tirelessly, with a bottle in hand.

"Uh.. hey?," he greeted confused.

"Dude, why you got a empty bottle of alcohol in hand?," Stan asked exactly what Kyle was wondering.

He gripped on to Stan's shoulders fanatically, startling both of them, "please, don't tell Sophie! I- I I'm trying okay?," he whimpered dramatically, as Stan eyed him bewildered, "just.. I need time, it's hard when you've been so use to something, and then.. having to let go, for the sake of your son.. I can't.. I really can't lose my baby, but this is hard on me too, Stan!," he slammed him against the locker, before letting go. He turned to look at Kyle then at his baby.

"Raise that baby right, now that you can. He deserves a great father that doesn't waste his time drowning in alcohol," and with that, he left.

"Dude, what the fuck?," both of them commented bewildered.

"Hey gaywads," Cartman greeted, as he approached them from behind, Kenny walking next to him.

Cartman extended his hands, in attempt of holding Moisha, Kyle dismissively moved back, "what?," he asked skeptical.

"Dude, I want to hold Moisha, you've already kept him all day yesterday."

"Why all of the sudden do you want to hold on to Moisha, fatass? When yesterday you were so eager to drop him off."

Cartman rolled his eyes, unfazed by his skepticism, "I wasn't 'eager' but I did watched him the entire morning, jew," he stated dry, as he snatched Moisha outta his arms, "Besides, I don't trust jews taking care of my baby," he spat bitter, side eyeing him, dusting off fake 'dust' from Moisha's clothing.

Kyle groaned annoyed, before clenching his fist, "then you shouldn't have give him to me!."

"Then who'd be the neglectful parent be, hmm?."

Kyle gritted his teeth, wanting to punch him so damn fucking bad.

"Ofcourse, I suppose you forgot to bring a baby bag did you?," Cartman glanced him judgmental.

Kyle shut his eyes defeated, as he in fact did forget it, and his mother had lecture him about how important it was to carry one. Ofcourse his parents pretty much helped him out a big portion by getting him all the things he needed and giving some parental advice for the subject, but what was the point if he kept forgetting to use them?

Cartman huffed getting the answer he needed, "good thing my mom had this old bag in the basement from when I was a toddler," he took out a small bag from his backpack.

Kyle frowned, as that was not only just small but it was old and dirty.

"Before you say anything, Kyel, I washed it yesterday it's just stained like that," Cartman explained indifferent, not spitting out the details that his mother had forcefully made him wash his old baby clothes, bottle and binky, as 'practice.'

She also taught him about how to properly bathed a baby, just as to check it's fingers for any loose hair and also burp the baby, all that extra shit. What he did wonder was why she was insistent on teaching him about washing stains off from sheets, floor, underwear, clothing; he figured it could be because a baby can be messy and spill shit, but then again, it was a plastic fake baby. And how to lure a man on top of a running washing machine that was also one of her priorities for he to learn, that he did not grasp on why. He supposed that it was in the category on 'pleasing' your husband, but he just doesn't get why Kyle could be pleased by being on top of a washing machine.

Kyle huffed unpleased by his answer, his mother was right, men can really be difficult to please when it comes to not getting their way, goddamn. Cartman pouted, as he looked at Moisha 'you're cute for a black baby,' he thought before dashing to class leaving Kyle and the others behind.

"So where's your baby, Ken?," Stan eyed Kenny who kicked nothing but air in boredom.

"Annie's day," he explained with a shrug.

They all headed to class as the bell rang.

First and second period went oddly normal, too normal for Kyle to just shrug it off. Cartman has not once ask him for anything, he was starting to wonder if Cartman was already scheming something. He also had the baby with him, and in the morning he was all sparkles wanting to hold on to him, yeah, suspicious as fuck.

He tapped his fingers looking at the class clock, he discreetly glance at Cartman who was making weird faces to the baby as he heard the fake baby giggle in response. He forgot those things actually make other noises apart from whining, crying and shitting.

Cartman on the other side, was following his mom's advice, 'to make a man get you what you want, don't ask them make them guess by ignoring them and acting indifferent by their presence, but ofcourse dont make it obvious, act natural and don't make it seem like you're mad.

He'll eventually notice something's just off with you and will try to figure it out. It also keeps a man entertained with you,' he was skeptical at first, but he gave it a try and not long after his been getting a positive response, as he felt Kyle glancing at him throughout first and second period. She also had added, 'it'll work best if you refuse on giving your hooha if things just don't go your way,' but he didn't have a hooha so he didn't worry much about that.

The bell rang and both boys dashed off, Kyle actually wanting to chase after Cartman but lost him as they separated between the crowd of students.

Cartman being indifferent twoards him? Cartman running off not even sparring a single glance at him? just like he hasn't teased him in class or when he got out of class like he'd normally do?, yeah, suspicious for sure.

Kyle frowned annoyed, not being able to take Cartman off his mind, 'what is that fat fuck planning now?.'

"Is it me, or is Cartman acting weird?," he asked his friends. Now headed to the cafeteria as the fourth bell had rang.

"Maybe he's cheating on you already," Kenny teased, taking out his wallet then taking out a ten dollar bill, passing it to Annie as she passed by.

Kyle huffed, "Yeah, sure, he's lucky I'm even tied to him," he tried joking back, but it did not came out as well as he thought it would.

Kenny and Stan chuckled lightly before entering the cafeteria.

And sure enough, his eyes landed on to Cartman who was talking with some other dude from another class, who also seems to have assigned the same project as them. He frowned, 'who the fuck is this dude?, Cartman's been ignoring him all day, the FATHER of his child, but his chatting all happily with some random ass dad?.'

"Uff, I heard that dude was assigned as a single father that was divorced for being an homosexual, I'd be careful Kyle, that guy could be a flirt," Kenny warned teasingly before heading in line followed by Stan.

Kyle headed towards Cartman with no hesitation, he was not gonna be seen as a husband who got cheated on their second day of marriage.

"You know, you look ravishing when you smile like that," The boy pampered him with compliments, giving him googly eyes, unintentionally making Kyle's blood boiled.

"Excuse me, but he's already taken," he spat dryly gripping Cartman from his arm and dragging him away, earning a scowl from the boy.

He heard the boy scoffed behind him but he didn't care.

"So now you're a slut?," he complained as he let go of Cartman.

"Don't call me a slut for having a decent conversation, Kahal!," Cartman spat annoyed, as he glared at him.

"Yeah, well being pampered for 'hAvIng a cUte sMile' isn't a decent conversation, fatass. Thats called 'making a move' which you were clearly leading him on," he pointed out his bullshit.

"Maybe I like being pampered, Kahaaal? When was the last time you ever pampered me huh?," he complained, as he placed his free hand on his hip, "ever since we got our child, you've changed, you barely even look at me the way you use to, now, it feels so robotic. The passion, the flame, I can't feel it anymore. You haven't even snapped at me for being a 'racist piece of shit'."

"Oh please! You're the one who's been ignoring me!."

"Well who's that to blame, huh? I'm a human being with needs, Kahal! I need to be provoked and contradicted or I won't feel wanted!."

Kyle groaned annoyed as he crossed his arms, giving him an eye roll.

"See? That's all you do nowadays! Groan and backaway like the pussy you are, not caring about what I feel!."

On the other side of the cafeteria, both Stan and Kenny waited for their turn to pick up their tray.

"You think Kyle and Cartman are doing okay?," Stan asked concerned.

"Yeah, they'll be fine couple problems," Kenny shrugged, before placing a hand on his shoulder, "look, I know you're upset cause you haven't gotten a chance to spend time with your son, but trust me buddy it'll be okay," he reassured soothing.

Stan sighed, "you're right, I'll just try to figure out another way to force Bebe to lend me my rights on Rafael."

"Hey dudes," Tolkien greeted as he stood behind them.

"Dude, you look bummed, what's the matter?," Stan asked.

"I had to leave Tonny at the hospital again, his sick and I'm really starting to feel tired and stressed about the whole thing," he broke down infront of them in ugly sobs, "and I just- i-.. it's too much pressure on me, I think I want to place him for adoption," he admitted ashamed.

"C'mon dude, don't place your kid for adoption," Stan commented pitiful, maybe even envious and spiteful that Tolkien being atleast able to spend time with his son consider bailing on him.

It wasn't fair, there was parents out there who wanted nothing to do with their kids wanting to drop them off in a orphanage, while there he was, desperately trying to get ahold of his.

An unfair, cold sad world it was.

"I'm still gonna have it in consideration," He said nonchalant before leaving.

Now with him gone, they bashed on him behind his back, "what and asshole," Stan spoke.

"I know right?," Kenny agreed.

"Like, why have a kid if you're gonna just drop him off?."

"Totally," Kenny nodded, as they both looked his way like judgmental mothers.

"We should definitely stop hanging out with him, atleast until the project is over."

"Agreed."

They head to a table, and sat with a grumpy Kyle, who rested his chin in his hands not looking at them.

"So what happened?," Stan asked as he sat down, with a very sad looking tray; that had only a apple and fries. He was sucked out broke from Bebe that morning.

"Fatass wants a divorce, I told him it wasn't possible cause we were assigned to be a married couple not a divorced one and he dashed off with the baby," he grumbled out, as he tapped his finger against the table.

"Damn, filing for divorce on your second day of marriage?," Kenny asked, as he shake his head in disapproval, "you should try to win him back."

Kyle looked up, "and how'd I do that?."

"It's fatass, it can't be that hard to please," Stan commented unfazed, as he ate some fries.

"Maybe buy him a gift or some flowers?, chicks like that sorta shit," Kenny suggested as he bit his chicken sandwich.

Kyle arched a brow, "but he isn't a chick though."

"He kinda acts like one," Stan starkly remarks.

They all laugh by that, as it was indeed true, atleast Kyle believed it was. Cartman's had been acting like a complete bitch this entire time, it was starting to get him.

Not that he doesn't get under his skin all the damn time but damn, this time he's really feeling it. But he really doubted a gift or some flowers would make him win Cartman back.

He must recall the ways things were before Moisha came in the picture, it was all punches, schemes and shitty arguments between the two.

Maybe he should punch Cartman for old memories sake? He hasn't been able to do that since the PC children have been vigilantly walking the hallways.

He sighed as he rested his head on his arms covering his face.

Panic surge in his body, as Cartman had not entered sixth and seventh period. He was worried for the baby, what if something happens to it and his grade will flunk because the fat asshole couldn't keep his shit together.

The bell rang finalizing school hours, he grabbed his things and dashed out looking for Cartman and Moisha. He looked everywhere and couldn't spot them, 'what if Cartman had left school already?'

He cursed himself inside for not being careful enough, he already had a feeling Cartman had something planned on but not to this degree on putting the baby's sake at risk.

He halted, as he spot in some bench inside the gym a familiar red jacket.

He jolted as he jogged inside, sending daggers at Cartman who didn't bother looking his way.

"Why did you skipped class, fatass?," he asked, as he tried snatching Moisha away, "an why are you here?."

"First, I didn't want to see you, Kahal. Second, one of the perks of having a black son means he could be a future basketball star," he gesture the boys that now entered the gymnasium with basketball uniforms, "and ofcourse, my son will be raised to be famous, it's best to teach them at a young age."

"I think that's for our son to decide, fatass."

"Think about it, kahal, if you couldn't manage to be in the big leagues maybe this is a sign for you to pore your knowledge on to Moisha and see him triumph as the basketball star you always dreamt to be."

Kyle crossed his arms in thought, actually reconsidering the obvious manipulation tactic Cartman was using on him.

Moisha did have all the looks of becoming a star, maybe Cartman wasn't too far off.

Cartman smirked as he watched Kyle consider it, 'time to use tactic 3' he gestured Kyle to sit next to him. Kyle arched a brow confused as he reluctantly did exactly that. His mom was right, using the 'I'll break up with you' method really makes a man chase you.

He flattered his eyes innocently making Kyle look at him weird, he rested his head on his shoulders sighing lightly, "Maybe this is it, kahal.."

"What is?." Kyle questioned dumbfounded, oblivious of his manipulative flirtation. He was too focus on how close they were.

"To reconstruct our relationship," he placed his hand on to his, now looking up at him, "Maybe we can find the flame again," he 'boop' his nose, as he giggle like a high-school girl.

Kyle was baffled by the gesture and tone Cartman used, it was new, but he found himself actually liking it.

"Okay," he blurted out in seconds.

'Bingo,' Cartman thought, amazed that his mother's advice actually worked so well on Kyle.

They sat there for an entire hour, watching the boys play as Kyle would sometimes bring up some strategies to Moisha, actually expecting the baby to listen.

°°°°

Day three

Kyle was wakened up by distraught parents, who found themselves in distress cause they haven't been able to see their grandson for an entire day, as it was Cartman's turned to take Moisha home yesterday.

He doesn't get them sometimes, the other day they were complaining about him leaving his kid for hours with them and now they wanted him back?

"Guys, calm down, didn't you guys wanted a break from Moisha?,"

"No, Kyle, we wanted a break from your irresponsibility never from our grandson," his dad spat in an arrogant tone, sipping his coffee with very displeasure.

"It's true, and even if we did, children don't actually listen to their parents when they refuse to babysit their grandkids; you normally act like you understand then later on manipulate us with emotional manipulation using are grandson to get us to babysit him." His mother explained, now dropping her fork in the salad she was eating.

"Exactly," his dad added, as he groaned annoyed, rolling his eyes disappointed, "Dammit, and I told Randy I'll take my grandkid to the grandparents/grandchildren rally this evening, goddammit Kyle! Thanks for nothing!," his dad jolted up angry, now leaving the kitchen.

His mother also followed behind not before she scowled him with a 'you should know better, Kyle.'

Kyle rested his hand on to his chest, as he groaned heavily.

At class things seemed to go normal, except for Butters; who was called by Mr. Mackay claiming he needed to talk with him, and Butters cursing himself under his breath with a 'crap, he caught me' before storming off the classroom, Sofie glaring at him from her seat with a loud 'huff,' with an added '¡Shut up you stupid whore! I saw you messing around with Nichole the other day!' As he slammed the door, the couple of girls gasped. He was a wrecked of a drunk, he only assumed that's why Mr. Mackay call him in today. That boy needs some serious help.

He and Cartman on the other side talked things out and agreed on trying to make it work again, so he forces himself to snap back at him with any annoying comment he'd say in class, even though he felt too tired to keep it up. But he promised himself he'll win that flame back, even if he had already got tired of it before first period ended.

Maybe Cartman's was right? As hard for it was to admit it, the flame wasn't there, he was too exhausted to keep up with Cartman's shit anymore he can't even recall when was the last time he enjoyed fucking up the fatass schemes or arguing back when he was wrong, or teasing him for being a bigoted fat racist asshole.

He sighed, things weren't this complicated before Moisha arrived.

A week in and the school was absolute chaos.

"So how's things with Bebe?," he commented as he eyed Clyde and Tweek arguing in the hallway of who's fault was it to leave 'Evy' (their daughter) in the window.

And at the end of the hall way Craig and Wendy were protesting for equality, being against racism and shit like that, their baby hanged in a bouncy pouch they had added there to keep him busy.

"Well I finally spoke to PC principal the other day and he forced Bebe to give me my rights on Rafael," Stan answered dodging a couple who fought for who'd go to their child's school play they seemed like a divorced couple.

"Oh, that's great dude," he commented genuinely excited for his best friend.

"Yeah, but.."

"But what?," he arched a brow in confusion, before turning to look at Jimmy who was in floor sobbing with flyers that said '5 bucks for an hour of fun.'

"Well I got my rights, but ever since, I take him home and my parents just bash in and take him away from me. Well my dad mostly, teaching him about the weed industry and all about the farm." He pinched his nose annoyed, "fuck, the other day he called my dad 'dada' and you know what my dad did? He dance victorious while I sat there defeated!."

"Damn, dude, he already said his first word?," Kyle commented in disbelief, "and your dad outta all people."

"I know! It's fucking unbelievable," he spat angrily, as they denied a cupcakes from a hardworking couple who wanted to sustain there baby by creating a baking business together.

Kyle looked at his left and saw Heidi and Nichole yanking their hair off Heidi cussing her out calling her a 'no good whore' while Nichole defended herself while blaming Heidi for her own shit 'you're a bitch! What did you expect!?.'

He then looked at his right where Scott and Jenny were being comforted by the PC children, bawling out about their grief and then blaming each other for who did it, 'if it weren't for you, bitch, he would've still be here,' 'you were the one who left him outside!' She defended before getting into a physical fight as the PC children tried to restrained them from provoking further damage.

He walked pass them leaving Stan behind who'd had stopped to talk with Butters, he was headed to class but immediately stopped his tracks as he saw Cartman being all flirtatious with that same dude that was pampering him not long ago. He had his arm rested in his shoulders as Cartman twirled a strain of his hair as he holds on to Moisha.

That slut.

He stomped twoards them and shove that asshole away from Cartman.

"Excuse me!?," he exclaimed now looking at the fatass.

"Oh, hey Kyle.." he murmured avoiding his glare with indifference.

"Oh? So now I'm just 'KYLE'," he barked back.

The boy long gone not before he snorted smugly and winked at the fat fuck.

"That is your name isn't?," he responded bored, unfazed by his anger, looking at his fingertips.

He slammed Cartman against some lockers making Moisha cry from the harsh gesture.

"Owe, Kyle, the fuck!?," Cartman screeched, as he held protectively over Moisha.

"You're pushing it, Cartman!," he screamed, now long caring for his grade and the stupid act they were doing.

He would rather be sent to jail than to ever see Cartman snuggled against some dude's arms.

"You weren't doing anything what did you expect me to do? Wait for you until you finally decide you want to take me over!?,' he blurted out, red puffed cheeks in anger.

"I THOUGHT we were already in good terms!."

"You thought wrong!," he screeched out loud before letting loose from his grip, "I'm an independent man, Kyle, I can raise our son all alone. I don't need you, when was the last time you payed for Moisha's food hmm?."

"Yesterday morning!."

Cartman huffed, "Bradley said he could do that for a daily," he soothe Moisha down.

"I thought you were a 'independent' man, fatass!?," he pointed out his bullshit once more.

"Yes, I am, which is why I can pick and choose between being one; to get you away and also becoming a house husband if I want it the easy way, making men fall down to my feet and give me money," Cartman smirked smugly making Kyle's anger finally getting to its limit.

Kyle slowly stood infront of Cartman, gently taking out Moisha from his arms and placing him to the ground, before punching Cartman to his face making him fall. He jumped on top of him giving the second punch now starting a fight between the two as they roll over each other one trying to dodge bullets and the other being the one to shoot them.

Cartman slapped him but Kyle punched back even harder, both stumbled as they stood up. Kyle slammed Cartman against the wall now being able to do it more harshly.

"T-that's more like it," he heard Cartman pant out, as their breathing became irregularly irritable.

Kyle gripped on to his collar brushing their nose together, now feeling Cartman's breath against him unintentionally licking his lips by the immense tension between them.

Cartman phone buzzed as he took it out from his pocket still not letting his gaze away from Kyle, then glancing at it.

'Baby stutus: kidnapped'

They both snapped turning to the spot were they had left Moisha, and jesus christ, fuck.

They looked everywhere, running fanatically around the school, also trying to avoid being seen from PC principal and the PC children.

"This is your fault," Cartman panted tirelessly, as he scowled him.

"I- I swear, if I get an F, fatass, I'll kill you," Kyle threatened as he tried recovering his breathing.

"Eric Cartman, Kyle Brofloski," they heard the PC principal called them out, as the were in the the playground.

"Fuck," Cartman grunted.

°°°°

"You must be wondering why a call you in to my office," PC principal said sternly, as he had his arm's crossed.

"We're, so—rry PC principal we didn't mean it," Both said in a rehearsed tone, looking elsewhere avoiding the man's stare.

"For what?," he asked, snapping their attention, "I'm here to congratulate you for the splendid work you've done," he continued speaking, getting up from his seat and grabbing the control remote; turning on the tv.

"No. Way," Kyle murmured in disbelief.

"As you can see, Moisha grew up to be a talented basketball star, one of the most popular players in the big leagues. He was taken away from one of the founders there as he had recognized Moisha's talent in the game."

A montage played in background, showing a old wrinkling man watching Moisha from afar when he was just practicing with Kyle; as he passed him a ball hitting him in the head knocking the baby down, and Cartman cheering from a far in one of the benches, then Moisha being kidnapped by the same man, then later being put in the group of players, then chosen and finally playing in the big leagues."

"My baby's a star!," Cartman whined out in a 'awe,' hand on his cheeks, baffled by the revelation.

Seeing a baby on the screen playing among other players, with a basketball in hand. The screen read 'Moisha Brofloski-Cartman, player 9 (one week old)'

"It's astonishing the capability of you two, but he's now moved on to become big, which grants you two an early ending for you project and earning yourself a A, congrats," He beamed proud before shoving them outside.

"Holy crap," Kyle finally blurted out.

"I know!?," Cartman said excitedly, "we should try contacting him an see if he gives us some money."

"Cartman!," Kyle screeched angrily as they both now walked to class.

Kyle got home, smiling proudly as he got an A, extra spare time and his kid's a famous basketball player. He beamed walking up stairs and tossing his backpack to the bed.

He heard some crying down stairs, probably his parents being all emotional by Moisha moving out. He rolled his eyes as he took out his phone texting his friends.

'Dudes, wanna hang out today?'

'Sorry, dude, I'm trying to prevent my dad from taking Rafael to a death weed battle'

'Whats a death weed battle?'

'It consists on a group of men shoving weed up their nose and shoving a anchor up their ass'

'Oh'

'I think I saw my dad do that shit once'

'God'

'Ik ik. Hey, Kyle, is it me, or did I see your baby playing in the big leagues this evening on tv?'

'Oh yeah, he's famous now'

'Oh shit, cool'

'So no one's available tonight?'

'Srry, man'

'I have work duty, I need to maintain my family and now kid, see yah later'

'Me too, I have to go, ttl'

'I'm available, jew'

Kyle sat on his desk chair, contemplating on actually inviting Cartman over.

Why not? It's not like either had anything better to do, besides everyone was still with the on going project in hand. Though, he must admit, he's actually starting to miss that piece of plastic.

'Did you know our kid ditched us?' Cartman continued texting back.

'I called him, and he told me to fuck off, that he's all big and stuff, and didn't want to feel bothered by us 'gaywad losers', then he had the audacity to ask if I could help him change his diaper in LA'

'Sounds like a Cartman' Kenny chimed in quickly, now logging off.

'Did you go get him changed?'

'Ofcourse I did, he's my baby. Those from the league dont care for him at all, he had his little bum with a big red rash.'

'How the hell are you available then, if you're in LA?'

'I'm about to get on my flight, It'll probably take like four hours before I arrive, maybe like at eleven I'd be there?, just wait for me.'

'K'

In all honestly, he's not surprised their kid ditched them, after all, he did had for a father Eric Cartman. But he kinda feels betrayed, cause he did everything he can to raise that motherfucker, oh well.

This must be what parenting feels like, raising your kids, sacrificing you youth probably even risking your marriage, taking your happiness away then being toss to the side once they grow older and become dependable enough to move out and start their own life, eventually shoving them to a retirement home as they grown older and wrinkled, practically being a burden to them.

He tossed himself in his bed, aiming for a quick nap.

Later that day, Cartman actually showed up at his door, they watched movies eating snacks while bashing on their son like a bitter couple. As they laughed and banter, it was a nice night.

°°°°

Week two

They were standing in the bus stop, Stan finally had a hold on Rafael having blackmailed his dad on exposing something to his mom, he didn't exactly explained them what it was cause he seemingly looked embarrassed himself, but they didn't further question it.

Kenny also had his baby in arms, though, he looked tired as fuck, excessively working for a living. Causing him problems with Annie for being a 'workaholic.'

And both Kyle and Cartman just chilling there with no worries of the world, besides the common bickering between the two.

A limousine stopped infront of them, seemingly not caring they watched as some men tossed Moisha out of the vehicle 'and you better not try on getting in the leagues again' they threatened, before leaving.

The boys still in place looked at the baby simultaneously, unfazed by the whole ordeal.

The now walking baby, slumped in shamed in front of his 'uncles' and 'dads.'

"I'm sorry—," he apologized with his face looking at the ground, "you guys were right, fame and money really gets you in the head and makes you forget of what's really important...," he continued blabbering his apology.

"Hmhm," Cartman said, arms crossed, with airs of superiority. Knowing well the built up apology was made before hand and not really meant from the heart, trust him, he knows when to tell if it's fake.

Kyle share the same gesture but looked at Cartman, sharing the same sentiment 'his words are full of bullshit' before reluctantly accepting his apology.

Both boys had developed a new sense of skepticism when it came to their son, they don't know how it developed but they didn't question it either.

"Awe I love you guys!," he beamed happily as he hugged them by the legs, both boys still unfazed.

Another car stopped infront of them, a successfully looking man looked out from the car window taking off his glasses, "you're Moisha Brofloski?," he asked the boy, earning a nod from him.

'Cartman' Cartman added, bitterly.

"Great, what're your thoughts on joining the Denvers basketball team? I assure you, you'll be rewarded with cash and fame."

The baby's face lit up, shoving his parents aside and running inside the car, "see ya motherfuckers! I'm off to be someone worth millions, screw you guys!," he exclaimed, flipping them off before pulling up the window as the car left their sight.

"Your kid's an asshole," Stan commented unfazed.

Week three, a day before (deadline)

Cartman scribbled in his notebook, not paying attention in class. Things had mellow out by now when it came to the project, some parents had managed to go through it, still with a decent looking baby. Others failed miserably some in jail, others walked in shame with a ankle bracelet, while there were parents who recently recovered from addiction; Butters was one in the crowd, beaming happily with his son in his arms, eagerly ready to be graded.

The chaotic ordeal from last week was now long gone, the actual parents in the town now focused on other more entertaining things no longer caring for their so called 'grandkids', fucking up something else. Everything just began going back to it's normal pace.

He sighed exhausted, he hasn't been feeling himself lately, kinda out of character. He felt his friends acting that way aswell, Kyle definitely stood out from the crowd. And he had feeling Kyle felt the same way.

He looked behind him feeling Kyle glance at him knowingly, then looking away. He scratched the back of his neck, annoyingly sighing once more.

The classroom door open abruptly as the chief and two policemen walked behind them.

"Those two right there, comrades," The chief gesture the two boys, "Kyle Brofloski and Eric Cartman, you're under arrest for negligence and second-degree murder, take them away boys."

"W-what?," Kyle asked bewildered, as he was handcuffed and shoved outside.

"The fuck!?," Cartman screeched loudly before being tased, cuffed and then dragged out.

Their classmates and teacher didn't even bat an eye besides his friends that watched worrisome.

"Goddammit, Cartman. This is all your fault," Kyle pointed a finger accusing, now sitting inside the police car.

"My fault!? How is this my fault? If I don't even know why we're cuffed!," he defended his innocence.

The police men dragged them to a cell, shoving them inside with some other prisoners, unintentionally putting them inside with some buff scaring looking men instead of the cell full of classmates their same age that was place literally next to them.

"What're you two in for," an asian man; buff with big arms that could squash a watermelon, a scar half spread in his mouth, asked.

Cartman acted it out, as if everthing was cool and chill not him pissing himself inside cause he knew his bitch of a mom will ground him by taking the little spending rights he had, "Oh you know, the typical, manslaughter and stuff.."

The men there blinked now avoiding their gazes at them, believing that crap not wanting to get involved.

Kyle roll his eyes annoyed by Cartman's stupidity, both now sitting in the cold cemented bench looking bed.

It's not like they haven't been in jail before, Kyle rested his cheek on his hand, bored. Time went on and they notice how some policemen dragged another couple of children to the cell next door, still not giving them the explanation they needed.

Eventually leading them to play rock paper scissors as they waited.

"Kyle!," he heard his dad speak from behind the cell.

"Dad!," Kyle eyes lighten, as both boys stood up walking towards the cell door.

"Eric!," Liane screamed behind Gerald, as she approached the pair behind bars.

"Mom!," Cartman beamed relieved, holding tight on some bars.

"Your mother and I were worried sick, PC principal called and told us what happened," the man explained now looking at the boys, who demanded an explanation.

"Dad, we really didn't do anything," Kyle spoke, eager to get out.

"I'm afraid it's gonna be hard to say this to you boys but.." Liane began crying as Gerald hold on to her shoulder for comfort.

"What?, what happened!?," Kyle asked, now more eager and desperate.

"You two got an F on your project, and you're grounded young man," Gerald firmly stated, now hands place on his hip scolding the redhead.

"WHAT," they both exclaimed.

Kyle angry as hell and Cartman, well he found it unfair but at the same time he wasn't too faze from it.

"That's not possible, PC principal told us we passed with an A," Kyle declared, gritted teeth, as he gripped harshly the bars and started shaking it pinning his unbearable anger on to it, "our kid is literal a basketball player what else did he expected us to do!?."

"Damn, Kahal, chill," Cartman placed his hand on his shoulder,

"Don't. TOUCH. Me," he spat venomous, still glaring at his father, cursing internally the principal for wasting his damn time.

Cartman slowly moved his hand away, looking at both the adults there in pleading help, cause he knew, if they were left alone Kyle will snap at him.

"Yeah, about that. They found Moisha in an alleyway, he was dead by overdosing with heroine."

"Jesus christ," Cartman blurt out.

"That's exactly why you're charged for negligence and second degree murder. And considering this all happened before the deadline you're grading flunked aswell."

"We didn't know he'd overdose with heroine, we thought he'd be living the dream life as some rich douche," Cartman explained.

"Yeah, but considering Moisha was a minor and a public figure, and you two, as his parents were irresponsible enough to leave your son go alone to who knows where, it's you're responsibility to take the charge," Gerald explained finalized.

"How long are we gonna be in here?," Kyle asked, now more calmed.

"Three weeks of juvenile prison, with the extra charges of negligence; two weeks of community service and force volunteering at the elderly hospital for a week."

Both boy's leaned their faces against the cell bars in disbelief and horror, "Jesus christ," They cursed out loud.

°°°°

Hour in and they were now moved in to a actual prison, luckily for them they were separated to a cell that was empty far from the actual prisoners cause, y'know, they were actually sent in because of some project not some actual crime. Well they did consider it with Eric, as he had a lot of crimes he was never charge for but they shrugged it off because they did not want to grasp on to that big file of paperwork they had to do.

It was pretty much meaningless as they still shared lunch break, patio hours, chore duties and visiting hour with them. But atleast they had the comfort of sleeping with out worrying some prisoner will cut their throat out.

"Homos," some prisoner call them out as they were passed to the lunch room, and the guy was pushed harshly from the guard.

They were targeted for being in there for no actual good reason but some dead doll, and because they were a so called 'couple' during the project for.

The red head sighed defeated, atleast he was grateful for not being put in the same building as Trent Boyett. Dragging himself twoards the table alongside Cartman.

"How long has it been?," Cartman asked with half lidded eyes, poking his tray with a plastic spoon.

"Three days," He responded nonchalant, as he also played with his food, far from hungry.

This was not exactly what they had warned them for, it was way worse. Barbready was probably just in town asking the other students who saved themselves from this type of punishment just by picking up some axes and chopping up some wood, tied up with a rope from their feet, singing along some stupid song as the cop carelessly drank beer.

They were literally in prison, among actual criminals.

Cartman was shoved by some big brunette dude.

"Owe!," he blurted out, rubbing his arm.

"Owe~ the poor fat baby is gonna cry cause the big scarwy bully gave him a wee wee?," he mocked taunting, as some other prisoners joined in with laughter.

"Aye!," Kyle threatened, letting his pin up anger loose, "you better quit it before I actually fuck the shit out of you," he warned.

The boy chuckled, "oweee? Upset that I hurt your butt buddy? Look how scared I am," the boy continued taunting.

Cartman eyes widen, bewildered, looking at the boy then at Kyle; knowingly.

Cartman wince as Kyle launched himself twoards the boy beating him up and starting a whole fight in the cafeteria, many prisoners joining in as they fought against each other. Cartman kept on eating as he glance at his redheaded friend beating the shit out some other two prisoners there, lashing all his anger out on them.

Considering it was an all out fight, they were all punished equally, two weeks with no visiting hours, goddammit Kyle.

Atleast the teasing and slurs lessen after that, seemingly everyone was scared of Kyle. Earning the nickname; 'red beast', Cartman unwillingly had to accept being called 'red's bitch'.

He knitted a lace bracelet as Kyle was sent to mop the bathroom floors, so he was practically alone in their cell.

"Hey red's bitch!."

He heard a prisoner call out, he stopped knitting his bracelet and looked from behind his cell.

It was a black haired dude with tanned skin.

"What." He spat angrily, not caring to offend anyone there, no one dared messing with him anymore.

"How long will it'll take for your call?."

"Why?," he asked suspiciously.

"Do me a favor and call my mom for me," He asked.

"And whats in it for me?," there were no so called 'favors' in prisons, that's what he had learned the first time he was sent to juvie.

"I'll give you two strings a red and green, they're new my mom just sent them not long ago. I need to know if my sisters are doing alright," He pleaded.

Cartman hesitated, "hmm.. alright, those strings do sound tempting. Alright give me the number, your name and the strings, and tomorrow I'll call her."

"Sweet," He heard the prisoner blurt out as he went further in his cell searching for just that.

As that day ceased, Cartman now found himself making a small keychain, he's developed a little bit of insomnia since he's got there but that was okay he distracted himself just knitting bracelets, he figured it could be the change of place, maybe even a little bit homesick. He turned to look at Kyle who was already fast a sleep, then he looked at the strings that were traded to him, he had placed in the ground with not much intention to use them so soon. But he contemplated the colors; red and green.. it reminded him so much about them, maybe because his favorite color is red; and green just reminded him of Kyle, that he did not know, or maybe he refused to acknowledge it.

And in less then seconds, he left half done his keychain to the side, picking up the strings and began knitting a string bracelet. He's always liked doing these type of crafts, they were entertaining and somewhat stress relieving. He also like the variety of colors he could use, and the diffrent techniques and things he could make. Ofcourse he'll never admit it to anyone, cause of how gay it sounds.

"Cartman?," he heard Kyle spoke, half awake.

He looked at him for brief seconds before continuing knitting, "Hmm?."

"You're still awake? you should try to atleast get some sleep, it's almost four of the morning, you know after that you can't drag your ass to bed," Kyle reminded him, he's been tracking his sleeping schedule like some bitchy mother.

"I know, asswipe, but I'm not tired," He groaned, as he now messed up a pattern and have to backtrack.

"Dude, stop doing that and get some sleep," he stated annoyed, more like an order than a suggestion.

Cartman continued to ignore him as he finished his bracelet. Kyle sat down now no longer tired, as he walked towards Cartman's and sat next to him, contemplated the bracelet in hand.

"Okay, fatass what's with all this shit?."

"What you mean?," Cartman act out like he didn't know what he meant, tying the final knot on his bracelet.

With a flat expression, Kyle gesture the pile of bracelets, keychains, little hats, little crocheted animals and flowers.

"I mean, I'm not gonna deny you're actually really good at it..," Kyle admitted, as Cartman looked at him surprised, "but, don't you think it's a little excessive? It seems like you're using it as some sorta copping mechanism."

Cartman gulped nervously, now looking at the bracelet in hand.

They sat there in silence as Cartman didn't find a answer to that, he bit his lip, as he reached out for Kyle's hand, startling him.

Kyle reluctantly let him grab him, as he cautiously looked at Cartman tying the bracelet on to his wrist, his heart pounded uncontrollably as he felt his breathing become heavy.

Cartman slowly moved back, now staring at him, "i- I just think it's a fun way to distract yourself while being bored in the big house y'know," he said casually, avoiding his gaze.

"Right..," Kyle answered back, as he kept looking at the bracelet tied on his wrist. He liked the pick of colors, they complemented well together.

"Y'know what? I think I'm going to sleep," Cartman blurted out nervously as he layyed down and turned around facing away from Kyle.

Kyle took this a signal to move, he went to his bed, smiling lightly as he kept looking at the bracelet.

'Wake up everybody' a police officer pass by with coffee in hand, banging their cells.

"Goddammit," Kyle heard Cartman cursed out, he snorted because he did warned him.

Two weeks in and finally they were allowed to get visits, sadly in this prison they didn't allowed friends to visit them but family was a okay thing to go.

For Kyle's dismay he was also visited by his cousin Kyle, they were the most painful hours of his life, and worse, he couldn't leaving until visiting hours were done.

He'd looked at Cartman, seemingly chatting with his mom, and his cousin Elvin that decided to pay a visit to Liane as she was in distress by Cartman's absence, also joining her for family visits.

Atleast Cartman's cousin wasn't as annoying than his.

He frowned as he listened to his cousin rant about his allergies then about the risk of disease that he could get being in a prison, and being butt raped. He rolled his eyes, as the only things he's done here was just craft shitty string jewelry and play in the yard. Nothing too extreme besides the fight from two weeks ago and some contraband that happened in another cell.

He wished Stan and Kenny could visit them, atleast they could crack some jokes and have a couple of laughs before entering the cells. The only worries he had right now, was just being able to get back home.

As days go on, now ended the last week, they were finally released from prison. But then shoved straight to community service, so they were sent to some dorms near by the prison still not allowed in south park until they finish their time.

They were forced to sweep the front of the prison, behind it, then pick up the trash and littering there, also feed the dogs; he remembered how one in particular bit Cartman's ass and he was howling in laughter by that. It was torturous sometimes cause the sun was beaming hot, and they felt sweat up in their ass. Sometimes they were even assigned to organize some papers there, picking up the supplies for the inmates and discarding some boxes just as taking them out from a truck.

Technically becoming their free janitors/staff.

But atleast they weren't in prison.

My god, he would've preferred prison over wiping a old man's butt crack and dick. Anything but serving for a hospital for elderly, he scrubbed so many wieners he had lost count.

You'd be surprised how many times some old grandpas had tried to force their way on him, grasping on his hair and trying to pin him down twoards their wrinkling hairy damn wiener while he was trying to bathe them. It's not like the nurses didn't warned them before hand, but who knew there was alot of groping, sexual harassment and excessive use of racist slurs in the elderly home?

He'd screamed for the aid of other nurses almost every three hours. Though Cartman seemed to had it harder than him, as some old folks liked to tease him for his big ass, some daring enough to smack it and grab it. He remembered how some of the nurses hold on to Cartman preventing him from starting a fight with a man who had alzheimer.

After finally, a month and a half, they were finally free.

They literally sobbed with joy holding on to each other grasping their freedom, as if they still couldn't believe it.

°°°°

"KYLE!," Stan screamed excitedly as they came out from the bus.

Kyle hugged Stan as Kenny chimed in. Kenny then let go heading twoards Cartman who was just silently watching the whole thing unfold. He hugged him tight making Cartman complained by the immense pressure 'hey, fatboy how was prison' not really expecting a answer.

"Eric!," they heard another voice chimed in, as Butters ran twoards them, wrapping his arms on to Cartman, who unintentionally walked backwards by the sudden weight and force.

"Dude, these past weeks have been so boring with out you guys," Kenny admitted, "like, I never thought I'd be missing Cartman with just a week in."

"Aye!," Cartman blurted out, as Stan hugged him from the side resting his head in his shoulder for brief seconds before letting go.

Butters pat Kyle's back, "miss you too buddy."

Kyle responded with a warm smile and a slight nod.

Cartman yawned heavily as he stretched his back dramatically, "well, see yah losers, I'm going home," he stated before walking off.

"So soon?, you just got here!," Kenny annoyingly commented as he chased after him with Butters tagging along besides him.

"Well, I guess there is something I can agree on with fatass, I'm exhausted and I just wanna head straight back home," The redhead admitted also stretching his back before walking his way.

Stan chuckled as he joined him, understanding his lack of energy, walking him home. As he kept him up to date of what's been going on and what they missed in their absence.

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