readyforthegarden · 2 years ago
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Step into Christmas - S.F.K.
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AN: I didn’t mean to make this as angsty as it did, but I promise there’s a happy sappy holiday ending!! I was going through it when I wrote this and Sam is my comfort gvf guy so... ya know.
Warnings: angst, mentions of loss of loved ones, and dealing with the emotions of the holidays
WC: 2991
Danny’s Holiday Fic // Josh’s Holiday Fic // Jake’s Holiday Fic
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"Oh! Look at these little trees! They'd look so cute on your mantle!" you squealed, grabbing the small box set of three flocked and glittered mini pine trees from the shelf in front of you. You looked them over and turned to Sam, who was leaning against the handle bar of the shopping cart, looking less than enthused. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, babe," he assured with a sigh, flicking the shimmery tinsel in front of him with a bored expression on his face. "I'm ready to be home, all the different, bright colors are starting to hurt my eyes."
"Oh, yeah, we have been out for a while, huh?" you smiled at him tenderly, placing the trees in the cart and moving to stand next to him as he pushed the cart towards the checkouts. "Do you want to stop and get something to eat on the way home?"
"Sure." Sam shrugged noncommittally. You popped up onto your tiptoes, pressing a quick, chaste kiss to his cheek as you waited in line to checkout with all your new decorations. You spoke with the cashier as they rang up your items, gushing over the cute outdoor light ups you'd picked out. Once you had paid, Sam helped you load your car up with and he drove it back to his house, letting you be the passenger princess and play Christmas music on the radio.
You could feel the air shifting more and more, a feeling of anxiety bubbling up in you as Sam stayed quiet on the ride home. You chalked it up to the fact the two of you not having eaten much that day, but even after stopping for a quick bite at a vegetarian restaurant, the feeling persisted. You took a few silent, deep breaths, calming your own nerves. Sometimes Sam was just quiet, and you knew he loved you more than the breath in his lungs, as he would profess in your mirror as you brushed your teeth or did your hair nearly every morning.
"Okay, I'm going to start putting stuff up and away." you told him softly once things were brought inside. Sam nodded, giving you a soft smile.
"Do you want any help?" he offered. You could see in his eyes he was only offering to be nice. You shook your head, wrapping your arms around his waist and looking up at him.
“Go do your thing, I’m gonna make the North Pole look like the dollar store.” Sam pressed a kiss to your forehead with a slight roll of his eyes. He patted your bottom gently as you moved away to the living room, picking up a bag that had some new ornaments in it and skipping to the tree, cooing happily at Rosie as she followed you, tail wagging.
Sam tried to ignore the soft beat to your cheerful music downstairs, but he'd already had enough of the holiday. You had been so adamant since Thanksgiving about decorating, always detouring to the decorations aisles at the stores and showing him every glittery bauble. It was bad enough the holiday was so commercialized, but now it felt like it was being shoved down his throat before he was ready to admit the year was almost over. He sighed, closing the book he was trying to read and decided to go grab a snack, chalking his irritableness up to being hungry again.
As he made his way down the stairs, he became more irritated at the boxes that were strewn about, and as he ruminated over the mess you'd made in his home, he tripped over one of the small light up reindeer you had taken out, stepping on the prongs and inhaling sharply. His hand slammed against the wall with a thwacking noise as he reached out to balance himself, startling you and Rosie.
"Sam?" you came around the corner, eyes wide in fear at what you might find. "Are you okay?!" Sam sighed and nodded silently as he waited for the pain in his foot to subside.
"We're done decorating for christmas, okay? We're done." he shook his head now, sending you a look."
"Oh. Okay, I'm sorry, I was going to move those in a few minutes. I didn't think you'd come back downstairs so soon."
"It's whatever. Just clean this stupid stuff up. I didn't even want any of it." you felt a small pang in your chest.
"Oh, I thought you liked my decorating for Christmas. You were fine going to the stores to get it with me."
"I just don't understand why all of this stupid crap means so much to you! All we need is a tree, and some lights, not all of this shit!" Sam snapped and waved his arms around his living room exasperatedly. Your heart cracked, all of the work you'd put into the decorating felt wasted within an instant. Tears welled in your eyes and you tried to blink them away, as regret and shame crossed Sam's face as he realized how he snapped. You set down the small, plushie gnome you had been placing on the top of his piano to keep it out of Rosie's strong jaw, moving away from it and him and picking up your keys. "Baby, please, I'm sorry."
"I'm just gonna go home, okay? I think we need some space. I'll come get all of this crap out later." you moved around his arms as he tried to stop you from leaving. You got into your car and didn't bother adjusting the seat, stretching your legs slightly to reach the pedals and backing out of his driveway, and going to your own apartment.
You had already set up a little light up tree in your living room, leaving it on while you were gone and felt a little bit better once you saw it's glow in the winter mid-afternoon dusk.
You laid on your couch, fighting back the tears. All you wanted to do was have a perfect first Christmas with Sam, and now it felt like it was all ruined. You finally let all the feelings you'd been keeping at bay flood in, missing your family and wishing that they were still there with you. You turned your face into the couch pillow and let the tears flow.
🎄🎄🎄
“Hey I need your help.” Sam sighed as soon as his older brother picked up the phone. Jake raised an eyebrow. “I fucked up with Y/N.” Jake sighed, running a hand over his face.
“What happened?” Sam explained all of the things that had happened the past few days, the decorating, the music, the movies and shows. Jake listened patiently, and when Sam was done, he took a deep breath. “Sam, you realize this is her first Christmas, he favorite holiday, without her family, right? Her parents are gone, she doesn’t have any siblings. She’s probably trying to fill a void and not make you worry at the same time.”
“Shit.” Sam swallowed, a pit in his stomach. “I didn’t even realize…I’m awful. I fucked up, big time.”
“Yeah, you really did.” Jake’s jaw was sent, disappointment in his brother evident. You’d been close to Jake, since you had trouble sleeping too, and had many late night heart to hearts with him over the past few years. So to say Sam hurting you upset him was an understatement. “You said she left, did she go to her apartment?”
“I think so.” Sam nodded. “She won’t answer my texts or calls.”
“Deservedly so.” Jake huffed. “I can try calling her.” Sam’s eyes were scanning the decorations around the living room, the lawn ones still in their boxes.
“No, go get her.” Sam said. “Bring her back home. I’m gonna make this up to her.”
“How?” Jake asked skeptically, seeing a slightly crazy look in his baby brothers eye.
“You remember Bronner’s, back home?”
“Yeah?”
“My house is gonna put it to shame.” Sam hung up, immediately dialing his best friend Danny, and texting his other brother Josh, explaining to them what happened and, after being scolded by both, got them to agree to his plan. Within an hour, Danny and Josh were at Sam’s, lugging boxes from their cars in.
Across the town, Jake was knocking on the door of your apartment. You dragged yourself from your position in the couch, peeking through the peephole and undoing the lock before opening the door slightly.
“Hey love.” Jake gave you a soft smile, and you swallowed down your sadness to give him one back.
“Hi Jake.” You opened the door more and gestured for him to come inside. He thanked you quietly and you shut the door behind him, smoothing your palms on your jeans. “Sam sent you?”
“Technically.” Jake admitted. “I would’ve come after he told me what happened anyway.” you bit the inside of your cheek, crossing your arms over your chest. “I’m not here for him, though. I want to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’ll be fine.” you sniffled. Jake shook his head. “Really, it was just a little lovers spat.” Jake nodded, conceding.
“Well, I’m starving, and I’d love some company for dinner.” he smirked good-naturedly. “Wanna join me?” you thought it over, knowing if you didn’t go with your friend, he’d order in and stay with you anyway. “Come on, don’t make me eat soup alone at a diner.”
“Sure. Let me get my coat.”
🎄🎄🎄
“Hey! Watch out Rosie!” Danny gently tugged the dog out of the way of the light up inflatable snowman Josh was plugging in. “Go on, get back inside.”
“I think we need more green lights.” Sam called, standing towards the road and looking over his front yard.
“We cleaned out the store of all their lights, so I don’t know where you’re gonna get ‘em.” Josh called back. Sam frowned at his brother and sighed. “I think we’ve done everything.” Josh stepped next to Sam, glancing over the home. “If we do anything else you’re gonna blow a fuse.”
“A fuse is a small price to pay to make her happy.” Josh set his mouth in a straight line.
“You know this is just a bandaid, right?” Josh asked quietly. “You’re going to have to have a real talk about what’s going on.”
“I know.” Sam nodded. “But I need to make her know I do appreciate everything she’s done, and why she's done it.” Josh clapped Sam’s shoulder.
“Well, every twinkle light in the tri-county area should be a good start.”
“Jake’s on his way!” Danny announced, jogging over from where he had hung lights on one of the small oak trees in the yard. “He took her to dinner and said he’d help her grab some things from here, so they should be here soon.”
“Shit okay.” Sam began to scramble, checking lights and making sure everything looked good, and the inflatables were facing properly. He ran inside, ripping off the button down shirt he had sported all day and pulled on his white cable knit sweater, your favorite of his. You always snuggled and hugged him more when he wore it.
When Jake’s car pulled in the driveway, Sam practically leapt out the door, hearing Josh and Danny greet you and Jake.
“What happened here?” he heard you ask, a slight tone of awe in your voice as you took in the lights. You were stunned, looking up at everything that had happened since you left earlier in the afternoon.
“The Grinch’s heart grew three sizes today.” Josh smirked, nodding to the small walkway from the driveway to the front door. Your smile fell a bit, knowing Sam was waiting up there for you. “Go on, take in the splendor of your winter wonderland.”
You gave him a soft smile as he ushered you forward, and you took a few hesitant steps towards the pathway. You glanced back quickly, catching Jake’s eyes. He gave you a supportive nod, and you took a deep breath and moved forward again. Sam had completely covered his entire home and yard with lights, and you felt your eyes prickle with tears. You laughed at the Santa peeking out from an outhouse, and aww’d at the light up golden retriever wearing a Santa hat and holding a present by the bow in its mouth. The bushes were covered with multicolored net lighting and bright blue icicle lights dangled from the edge of the roof. You looked up, seeing Sam standing in front of the front door, wringing his hands anxiously. He gave you a beaming smile, albeit one tinged with guilt and a little shame. You made it all the way to the bottom step before you stopped, looking up at him with tears welling in your eyes.
“I’m sorry.” “I’m so sorry!” You both apologized at the same time. Sam’s brow furrowed as he stepped down to greet you.
“What are you sorry for?” Sam shook his head. “I was a complete and utter asshole, I didn’t even realize what this holiday meant to you, especially now.” you went to wipe a spilled tear away but Sam beat you to it.
“I should’ve just told you what I was feeling.” you admitted. “To be honest, I didn’t realize how over the top I was going until you pointed it out.”
“You’re not the only one who can go over the top.” Sam smirked, gesturing out to the yard.
“You did all of this for me?” you whispered, afraid your voice would crack if you spoke above that. Sam grinned.
“I had some helpers.” Sam nodded to the driveway, where three heads quickly ducked out of view behind the corner of the garage. “I did the inside myself though. It’s more cozy.”
“Sam, this is crazy and wonderful.” Sam reached out, cupping your face with one of his large hands and you leaned into it, his strong palm cradling your cheek delicately. “You didn’t have to do all of this. I just…after my mom passed, I kept thinking, this is it, this is the last Christmas I’ll have with my dad. And last years really was. I thought all the awfulizing and worrying and anxiety had prepared me to be without them. But it didn’t. And I just tried to do my best to not feel their absence, I guess. But instead it pushed you away.”
“You shouldn’t have to carry that alone, love.” Sam’s plush lips fell to a slight frown. “And I’m sorry I’ve been shit at helping you carry it. But from here on out, I’m going to do my part completely. For as long as you’ll have me, I’ll carry whatever you need me to.” Tears were spilling down your cheeks, dripping onto your shirt and pooling into his palm as he held your face still, his free arm wrapping around your waist and holding you close. “If that means turning my house into a landing strip every Christmas, I’ll be up there hanging lights on the roof all day and night until they’re perfect for you.” you chuckled and shook your head.
“That’s a lot.” you smiled up at him with a sniffle. Sam smiled back. “We don’t have to do this every year…but I do want to keep the outhouse Santa.”
“It’s yours, baby.” Sam laughed. He was about to say something else, but was cut off by Danny’s disembodied voice.
“Look up!” it called from around the garage. You and Sam both looked up at the same time, seeing a ball of mistletoe hanging by a bright red satin ribbon above your heads.
“Now this is a Christmas tradition I like.” Sam smirked down at you endearingly. He adjusted his hand that was on your face, letting his fingers slide back into you hair a bit as you leaned your face up to his. He asked softly if he could kiss you, and you answered with a resounding yes. As soon as his soft lips touched your own, you felt your heart strum and a warm feeling spread through your body. The only word in your mind was “home”. After a few moments enjoying the mistletoe kiss, you parted, both of you smiling at each other sappily. “Let’s get you inside before we freeze into ice statues together.”
“Wait,” you paused. “I know we have some talking to do, but they worked so hard with you. We should invite them in for a hot cocoa and some cookies, don’t you think?” Sam gave you a soft smile and nod. You turned away, hopping down the stairs and jogging down the walkway. The three brothers that had been hiding behind the garage quickly made themselves look busy, like they weren’t watching you and Sam kiss and makeup. “Very inconspicuous. Incredibly nonchalant. Now get your asses in the house so we can make some cocoa.”
“Oh, we couldn’t impose.” Josh feigned politeness before booking it for the front door, shouting to Sam that he’d better have stocked up on oatmilk. Danny followed him and Jake gave your shoulder a squeeze as he passed you, a happy smile tugging at his lips.
“I’m rooting for you two.” he said quietly as you walked with him up the walkway. “But if you ever need help kicking his ass, I’ll be there.” you chuckled and patted him on the back.
“I’ll be taking you up on that one day, I know it.” You stopped next to Sam as he let Jake inside ahead of him, and nodded for you to go through. You stood under the mistletoe again and crooked your finger, beckoning him over with a sly smirk on your face. Sam grinned and in two large steps he was in front of you, arms wrapping around your torso and lips crashing onto yours.
“Merry Christmas, lovely.” Sam whispered against your lips. You smiled into his kisses, squeezing his body to yours.
“Merry Christmas, Sam.”
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