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#should i make ''lost in translation'' a tag?? or should i make people just scavenge for those posts on my blog
vynegar · 9 months
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lost in translation (ch 10)
a (non-exhaustive) list of differences or cultural references i noted down for the translation of chapter 10 while watching the chn and eng versions side-by-side. previously i did the same thing for chapter 9.
disclaimer: i am not fluent in chinese, so keep in mind that there will be mistakes. feel free to let me know if you have questions, concerns, or comments.
overall: not too much stood out to me. after looking back on my comments on ch 9, i guess there was less awkwardness in this chapter's translation since i didn't really make a notice things like clunky grammar or sentences. i feel like most of these examples are more like fun facts or nitpicking rather than things i really feel like i need to correct.
rhinoceros horn
心有灵犀一点通, or just 心有灵犀, is a well-known idiom that uses the rhinoceros horn as a metaphor. the idiom definition from the pleco dictionary app:
(idiom) hearts which beat in unison are linked; hearts linked as one, just as the proverbial rhinoceros communicates emotion telepathically through his single horn (idiom); fig. two hearts beat as one
so it can be used to describe people who are connected or very in sync. and here's the description of the rhino horn, also from a pleco definition:
magic horn (i.e. rhinoceros horn with its threadlike white core, mentioned in old texts as having a high sensibility)—heartbeat in unison 身无彩凤双飞翼, 心有灵犀一点通。(李商隐《无题》) Shēn wú cǎi fèng shuāngfēi yì, xīn yǒu língxī yīdiǎn tōng. For bodies no fluttering side by side of splendid phoenix wings, | Between hearts the one minute thread from root to tip of the magic horn. (The second line is often quoted as meaning a meeting of minds.)
the white threadlike core connecting each end of the horn is why it's used as a metaphor for connection; considering this imagery, having the horn hold the wick of a candle also makes perfect sense.
i know the story focused on the role of the rhinoceros horn in 异苑 "Bizarre Gardens", but i'm not familiar with the work so i won't try to add beyond the game's explanation :') i'm just noting the reference that i was aware of
10-1
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no issues with the translation, but there's a bit of wordplay in the chinese version. translated more literally, it would be something like "and once the round was over, the pawn [棋子] simply became something to be discarded [弃子】." the bolded words are near-homophones, both pronounced "qizi" with just a difference in tone.
10-3
the number four is seen as unlucky in chinese culture (and other east asian cultures) since its pronunciation sounds like the word for "death". by extension, the number 14 is also unlucky, which is why prankster started the "ghost" appearances on the 14th floor of the building.
general note on translation; a lot of times in the narration, short descriptors are lost in the process of chn -> eng, probably since the full translation would make the sentence a bit unwieldy. usually it's not super important or the the meaning that it carries is made redundant through other context. for example, in 10-3, when they're discussing the culprit of the mischief in the office:
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this contains the phrase "artem, who [the culprit] hates". this could be considered redundant through context (because why else would someone be targeting artem in this way?) but in eng, they don't specify this as it does in the original text.
another example in 10-5 when they confront the fortuneteller:
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there were a few adverbs dropped from the translation in this section. i picked this one since it had the most change; in chn, she casually glances over it, but in eng, she "inspects" it which sounds much more thorough.
10-13
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陆景和一改刚才冷峻严肃的模样,直接不顾形象地斜坐在会议室的长桌上。 Marius changes from his cold demeanor from earlier, and he sits down at the long table in the conference room with no regard for his image.
i... feel like the meaning got flipped to its opposite meaning and it's so puzzling that i'm still wondering if i'm just interpreting it wrong?? hence my typing out the chn text too, so other people can check it as well. i even tried a few different machine translations but this is still my conclusion. anyway, if my analyses so far are correct, this would be the second time that marius's personality becomes a bit harsher after the eng translation (it happened before in ch 9).
10-21
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If it weren't for the fact that the copy [of the report] was still there and that it was something I had only mentioned to Artem, I would have thought that he had long since known what I was planning to do next.
also a sentence flipped to basically the opposite meaning, to the point that i doubt myself, but i think this time it's because the sentence is a bit long with a lot of confusing negatives
10-26
When visiting Brigid Gries:
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You: Yeah, gege's right! Don't worry, you'll be fine! // [Brigid's writing:] "Thank you, shushu and jiejie" // Without stopping to tease that "shushu", you and Artem exchange a glance.
this is another situation with ways of addressing people in chinese; please check my comments on the scene in chapter 9-14 if you want an explanation of the terms.
rip rosa. you tried xD but looks like artem can't escape the shushu/uncle allegations 😔 and Brigid even called rosa "older sister" right in front of them both... ice cold.
also this time, jerome is just himself shushu
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now switching scenes to vyn:
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on second thought this might be too trivial, but whatever, we're already here and i have the screenshot and i'm a vyn blog. basically in chinese, vyn "looks up at Matthew Richter with a smile that's not quite a smile." that's pretty much the most literal definition of the phrase, and since it's vyn we can probably already assume that the smile wouldn't be a simple happy one, but yeah. now the last one!
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I have decided that I want to become a hero. No, that's not right. It's not that I want to…
revised version leads more naturally into his next sentence as he explains himself. this is actually a nice transition since i'm going to mention this scene again in another post about ch 10, so stay tuned!! and thanks for reading, let me know what thoughts you had about this or the chapter ^^
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writersrealmbts · 6 years
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Sunlight off the Water
Description:   When you’re assigned to participate in some sort of vacation show that a foreign music group was doing, you meet some strange guys. Jackson is this vibrant being, strange and excited about new things and constantly paying attention to you. How he managed to make a camping trip in one of the least dangerous States in the United States into an adventure you’ve never experienced before you may never know.
Warnings: N/A
Posted: 8/18/2018
Tags: Jackson Wang, JacksonXReader
Fluff? Angst? Both?:  12,438 words
A/N: I’m sorrrrrryyyyyy. This is my first time writing for a different group and I’m sorry if I didn’t do them justice. Also, it’s based in Michigan because I know Michigan better than any of the other states, second best being a tie between Florida, and Ohio, followed by Tennessee and Texas. Also, there’s only one poisonous snake. You’re far more likely to get killed by a moose. I love Jackson, so I hope you guys like this. Apologies Mobile Users…I did use a Keep Reading thing but it doesn’t work on mobile!
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You flinched back in surprise at the antics of the man in front of you, surprised and trying to hide the smile and laughter from your coworker who was definitely not amused. But he noticed and sneered. “You think this is funny, y/n?” You debated whether to come clean or not, noticing that the man had stopped, a wary look on his face. “Does it matter if I do or don’t? It hardly seems relevant to the outcome of the situation.” You tried to ease around the question, turning to walk away since there was nothing more to be done. Your coworker caught your wrist in a grip that was way too tight. “Hey!”
“Don’t walk away from me, y/n. You haven’t finished your job.” His grip seemed to tighten with each word. “You’re hurting me!” You glared at him, ready to kick him you-know-where. “Let go of her,” the man said in a voice you would classify as dangerous from the look on his face. “Before I call the police.” Your coworker sneered. “Oh so you can be serious! How interesting! What do you expect the police to do?” The man stepped between you and your coworker, his own hand gripping your coworkers wrist. “Let go of her.” You were a little surprised when your coworker let out a pained sound and dropped your wrist. You snatched it to yourself, cradling it in your other hand as you backed away from the two men. “Jackson,” another man approached from the elevators with a group. Jackson glanced at them for a second, then continued staring down your coworker, having let go the moment you were free. You stepped forward, gently touching Jackson’s shoulder. “He’ll leave now.” He slowly nodded, backing up but not tearing his gaze away from the red-faced coworker. The guys that were looking for him came over and seemed to understand what was going on, casually forming a protective circle around you. Your coworker huffed. “This isn’t over, y/n!” You tensed to prevent shivering at the chill that slid down your spine. Could this day get any weirder? It was odd enough that you were going to be doing some strange reality show with this guy, Jackson, and some other guys (probably the ones surrounding you). But to also have today be the day your coworker snaps? “You’re y/n, right?” Jackson asked, facing you. “Are you okay?” You blinked in surprise, then nodded. “I’ll talk to my boss about him.” “I’m Jackson.” You smiled awkwardly. “Nice to meet you. I understand that I’m taking you and a few others camping for some sort of show?” “It’s going to be me, Mark, and Jinyoung,” he replied, oddly calm and still compared to before. The boys seemed a little put off by it too. You nodded. “Right. Um. I look forward to working with you.” You bowed slightly, knowing it was a custom, before excusing yourself. “Where are you going?” He asked, falling in step with you. “I have to get my bag from my room and check out of the hotel.” You were a little bewildered by the fact that he kept up with you. He nodded and kept walking with you, stopping and standing like a bodyguard at the door while you went inside. You shook your head a bit, gathering the last of your things and making sure nothing was left behind before lugging your duffel bag and backpack out into the hall. He wordlessly took the duffel from you and held his hand out for the backpack. “Um, I’ve got it. Thank you, though.” He nodded and grabbed your hand leading the way back down to the lobby while you were still in a bit of shock. “So, do you go camping often, y/n?” “Um, yeah. I’ve spent half of my life out there. I mean, we’re using cabins which is a bit different for me. But it’ll be…different.” “You’re not afraid we’ll run into bears?” “Um, well, I didn’t say that. There’s always a possibility of bears, but raccoons, possums, and deer are far more likely.” “Raccoons and possums?” He repeated, looking concerned. “Scavengers, small mammals, same size or bigger than cats. Generally more scared of you than you are of them. Don’t worry. If we don’t leave food out we shouldn’t have any issues.” You shrugged, not really worried about running across any creatures. You were worried about the three men you would be spending the next two weeks with and the camera that would be filming you. He fell silent again as the elevator doors closed. You watched the numbers slowly go down. “Do you cook?” “Yes I do. That was actually one of the requirements specified when I applied for the project.” He nodded. Then turned back to you. “You have nice skin.” “Th-thank you?” Nice skin? What was that supposed to mean? Sure, you were having a pretty good day as far as acne and such went, a pretty good week actually, but nice skin? Wasn’t exactly the kind of compliment that you normally got. So why did it make you so happy? “So, you are not igot7?” “Uh, I’m not sure what that is.” “Oh, my group is Got7 so our friends are IGot7s.” “You mean your fans?” “They’re more like our friends.” “Okay, So you hang out with them and eat meals together, and talk about important things? Support each other?” “Yes…” “Really?” You gave him a disbelieving look. The doors opened before he could respond and your boss saw you. “Ah! Y/n! They told me that they’d met you! Are you all set?” “I just have to check out.” “Good, good, now,” he guided you away from Jackson and toward the desk. “You take good care of them, don’t make them uncomfortable. These are valuable customers. And don’t worry too much about having to share a cabin with them—“ “With them?!” You hissed, but then you were at the desk and your boss had scurried off like the rat that he was to the boys again. You couldn’t believe this. Not only would you be camping alone with three—technically more with the cameraman—men, but you also had to share the cabins with them? You stalked back over to them, knowing you had no choice. The three that were going with you were saying goodbye to the other members, with Jackson being very…dramatic. Why did you find that so cute? Oh God, did you just…giggle? Thankfully Jackson was being loud enough that no one seemed to hear. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad being around them. Awkward beyond belief, oh yes. But they seemed nice enough, maybe a little weird. Definitely handsome though, all of them, but there was just something a little…extra about Jackson that made him stand out. “Wait! Are there lots of snakes?” Jackson suddenly asked. “Um, there are some. But there’s only one poisonous snake here and it’s really rare. Your company chose Michigan because there aren’t as many threats. Worst bites you’ll probably get will be from mosquitoes. We don’t get massive earthquakes, we get tornadoes sporadically and they never get as bad as they do in the tornado belt. Our bugs aren’t huge. And you can swim without the fear of sharks, stingrays, jellyfish, alligators, or crocodiles. So, relatively safe.” Mark looked pretty amused and Jackson thoughtful while the others looked lost. “If it’s so great, why don’t more people live there?” One of the other boys asked. “Winter,” you answered simply. “We get cold in winter.” Mark nodded. “That’s a good reason not to live there.” You shrugged. “Some people are just sissies.” Jackson started howling with laughter. Mark looked a little surprised but he was smiling and laughing slightly too. The one who had asked about the population was translating for the others and they started laughing as well. One of them stepped forward and gave you a high-five. You watched Jackson come down from his laughter and shrugged at Mark. “So, where are you from?” “L.A.” “I’m sorry,” you apologized. He smirked a bit. “I’m sure you are. Not everyone is as lucky as me though.” Jackson was almost bouncing, he seemed exciting. “But what are we actually doing? Like, what can we do?” “Um, we can do a lot. We’re going kayaking, I’m taking you to sleeping bear dunes, if weather permits we’re going to try windsurfing…” You tried to remember the rest of the loose schedule that you had outlined for their agency. “Hiking, Iargo Springs, Pictured Rocks, Mackinac Island—which isn’t as exciting but it’s an experience I’m told is essential. Then you guys will fly out of Houghton down to Chicago and meet back up with your group.” “What will you do after we leave?” Jackson asked, looking concerned. “Um, go home?” “Where do you live?” “Um, small town. About an hour from here. Nothing special. We should get going, we still have to drive to the first stop and then to the campground and get groceries for dinner.” You deflected, thinking it wasn’t a good idea to get into that. The boys quickly bid farewell to the rest of their group farewell in Korean. You started walking toward the SUV with your suitcase and backpack. You were glad you only had to look after three of them. Seven would have been nearly impossible. “Are you driving?” Jackson asked, seeming surprised. “Um, yes. How else would we get there?” Their manager was waiting by the vehicle and talked to them, handing them each a camera and you a camera as well. “He asks that you get some footage of all three of us together,” Jackson translated. You nodded, having already agreed to do that. “The car cameras are already in place and I have the house cameras. One of the camera crew will meet us at each cabin we stay at, correct?” Jackson translated with Mark, then Mark nodded. “Yeah, But they cant be there all the time like you’re going to be. Also, one of them is meeting us in the…Christmas town?” Jackson nodded, confirming the translation. You nodded, understanding. “Frankenmuth. Right.” The man bowed slightly and retreated. “Can we listen to your music?” Jackson asked. “Um, wouldn’t you rather listen to your own?” You asked, worrying about sharing your music with strangers. It was always really awkward because unless people were close to you they usually didn’t dare skip songs that they didn’t like and you had some strange songs on your preferred playlist. “No,” he answered. You gestures to the other two. “I’m sure they have an opinion on the matter.” Mark was already putting in his own earbuds, but froze. “Uh…I don’t really care. I’m probably going to listen to my own music.” Jinyoung just looked a little lost. Jackson said something to him in Korean and you sighed silently wishing you hadn’t wasted so much time on French when your job had you working with people (tourists) who spoke Chinese, Japanese, and now Korean. Jinyoung had a pretty blank look as he replied. “They don’t care,” Jackson said, turning back to you. “Fine, but if you guys cringe I’m turning it off.” You spun around and to put the luggage in the trunk. “That bag is pretty heavy, let me get it.” He hurried to help you. It was seriously throwing you off how considerate he was. Either he was being kind or he actually thought you couldn’t handle it. He looked concerned when you gave him a perplexed look. “Did I say something wrong?” “I can handle it, you know,” you said carefully, not wanting to offend him. He nodded. “But you shouldn’t have to do all the work. You’re already going to be doing so much.” You nodded slowly, accepting his reasoning. “Then thank you.” The resulting smile he gave you made your chest tighten and a strange desire rose inside you to try and keep him smiling, prompting you to take some extra time before you got into the vehicle to put a couple of his group’s songs onto The playlist you were going to use. It already had everything from country, to pop, to whatever Fall Out Boy was. There was even a little bit of k-pop on there from songs you had found when you were researching for your job that fit the sort of vibe that the playlist was geared toward—summer and beaches. You just hoped these new songs were good so that you would have to feel bad. Jackson had taken the shotgun seat, the other two in the back seat talking softly and fully prepared to listen to their own music. You flashed them a smile as you checked to make sure they were buckled up, then started the car and turned on the music—quieter than it would be if it was just you. Jackson remedied that, turning it up and bopping along with the song. Mark got a little excited. “Oh! From Shrek!” You nodded, deciding to focus on driving and not on the eclectic nature of your playlist. “So, where are we going first? The Christmas town?” Jackson asked. “Frankenmuth. Um, it’s home to the worlds largest Christmas store, Bronner’s. Frankenmuth is a town of German heritage, specifically Bavaria, and keeps a German theme to its buildings. German is still a common language spoken there and it attracts a lot of tourists because of that and because of how they go all-out for Christmas. It’s going to be crazy with the re-enactment happening this weekend, but it should still be interesting.” “You mean fun? What’s a re-enactment?” “There are these groups that act the way people, specifically soldiers, did back during times of war. Sometimes the Revolutionary war and sometimes the civil war. And they do demonstrations and usually sell things as well. But I think we’re just exploring Bronners, then the the stores on Main Street after we get lunch.” You were talking a lot, trying to calm your nerves. “You act out your wars?” “No, well, yes, but not really. It’s an educational experience, I guess. Help people appreciate what we have and how we got it.” “I didn’t know there were events like that, I knew people acted them out from some shows but I didn’t think there were actually events,” Mark said, gesturing for Jackson to turn the music down a bit. “Yeah, they’re really dedicated. They set up camps and cook over fires, there are shops with old-time foods and beverages, clothes, and other things. There’s usually at least one blacksmith present, and at least one trader with furs and stuff. And people just walk around and ask questions and buy things and learn.” “And we aren’t going?” Jinyoung asked hesitantly. You shrugged and shook your head. “Too crowded. Your managers didn’t want to risk you guys being recognized and having to maneuver the camera.” “You’d take us in, though?” Jackson asked, looking like trouble. You hesitated. “I don’t know.” “Please? I want to see it. You guys want to see it, right? We don’t have to stay for long,” he pleaded. “I’ve never heard of them before. Can’t we at least see? Maybe get food?” You pursed your lips, considering it. “I do like kettle corn.” Jackson screamed excitedly, causing you to jump a bit. You gripped the steering wheel tightly. “I didn’t say yes!” “This is my song!” You blinked a couple times, listening to Dawn of Us and trying to equate the chill vibes of the song with the hyper man in the seat next to you. “This song?” “Yes! You don’t believe me?” You shrugged. “No, I believe you I’m just…surprised.” You’d found the song by accident and liked it. “It’s one of my favorite songs currently.” From the glances you managed to get at him, he was ecstatic, grinning at you but also jamming to his own song. The three boys fell into Korean, talking to each other about whatever. You tapped out the beat on the steering wheel, trying to soothe your nerves since he screamed and got your adrenaline going. If you didn’t calm down you’d have a serious case of suppressed road rage by the time you reached your destination. “So, have you lived here your whole life?” “Michigan?” He nodded. You nodded, sighing. “I’ve gotten to do a little traveling, but yeah. Born, raised,” You replied, leaving off the ‘stuck’. You didn’t have any specific place you wanted to go, you just felt like you were never going to grow past what you already were. Like you needed to take a step and do something more, but all you had in front of you was darkness and empty space. It was one of the reasons you had jumped at the unusual project of filming a vacation show with these boys. It was quiet, them listening to the new song—which was a country song (Compass by Lady Antebellum)—while you navigated the highway. “This is country music, right?” Mark asked. “Yeah, you can skip it if you don’t like it. I don’t care.” “It’s fine,” He replied, looking out the windshield. “So, how far is the town?” “Another twenty minutes,” You answered, glancing at the clock. “Give or take a couple minutes for traffic.” “Give or take…” Jinyoung said in a quizzical voice. Mark explained in Korean. You sighed, a little frustrated that you were limited in your ability to communicate with them. It was your job to look out for them, make sure they were fed, and show them different things. Take them on adventures that won’t risk their health. “Hey, what’s your favorite spot?” Jackson asked. “Like, in Michigan?” He nodded, smiling at you curiously. He was turned toward you, his attention focused entirely on you and your answer. “There’s a beach on lake Huron, with a clearing underneath a willow tree. My family went camping there when I was young. I would walk the beach for hours, then sit under that tree and draw. It wasn’t summer unless we went to that beach.” You sighed, thinking about the many summers you spent staring at the horizon, searching for inner peace. “Do you still go there?” “I haven’t been there in a couple years. Too busy.” You shrugged, taking the exit. “That’s sad.” You knew he meant it was sad that you weren’t able to get to a place you obviously loved, but it kind of sounded like he was saying it was a sad excuse not to go, or that it was a pathetic sentiment. You kept your mouth shut firmly. “Could we go there?” He asked suddenly. You glanced at him, a little surprised. “It…wouldn’t really fit in the schedule. From here we’re taking a two hour drive to the cabin at Tawas Point. We’ll reach there about…six, eight at the latest.” Six was already factoring in delays that were inevitable, like traffic and these guys getting wildly off-track.” “I thought there wasn’t a rigid schedule. There isn’t, but there’s enough of one that going all the way to Harrisville would be largely out of the way.” “How far out of the way?” Mark asked. “A little over an hour. Tawas is already out of the way, but it was the best option for staying overnight that was relatively close to our next stop.” You had been planning on camping out in a tent while they were in the cabin, but I guess the reservations that your boss made were a little different. You would have to stay in the cabin with the boys. At all of the stops on the trip. “Y/n,” Jackson said. “Yes?” Another question? How many did this guy have? “Jinyoung wants to know if we’re eating before or after going to the Christmas place.” “After. Why? Is he hungry? I have snacks in the cooler in the back seat.” Jackson relayed the information, sounding a little awed. “Wow, you’re really well prepared,” Mark said, sounding amused. “Done this before?” “Only a couple dozen times,” You replied, smiling. “With family and for myself.” “And with boyfriend?” Jinyoung asked. You scrunched your face. “No. I tried once, after we had been together for a few months. We broke up before night even fell.” “What happened?” “I told him we weren’t sharing a tent. Apparently that went against his plans.” You gripped the steering wheel. “Oh?” Jackson said. He sounded curious. You turned onto the road. “We’re here. Welcome to Christmas Wonderland.” ——————— You were seriously glad that they had been okay eating hot-dogs the night before. You all had arrived at the campground at about four, and after hastily dropping luggage, you all had hurried to the beach. The staff staying close to the boys while you enjoyed swimming away from the rowdy boys and relaxing in the water after the stress of the crowds in Frankenmuth. The staff had to leave around nine-thirty, and leaving you with the boys. Alone. Thankfully you had had the foresight to pack games that were easy to understand and explain. Like dice. Six dice, basic math, and a little friendly competition. But around the time you all got ready for bed, it got a little awkward. They automatically gave you the other bedroom, so that you could have some privacy. Jinyoung somehow managed to reign Jackson in and convince him that sleeping was a good idea and not another game. You retreated to your room after planning out what to make for breakfast, and managed to sleep until about five minutes before your alarm went off. You got dressed and sneaked out to the beach for a walk in the early morning sunlight. It was a beautiful morning. You quietly went back into the cabin. The boys were awake. And shirtless. It shouldn’t have mattered. It really shouldn’t have. Shirtless guys were sort of a dime a dozen when you were near a beach. You looked away, feeling embarrassed as they acted both surprised and embarrassed. “We thought you were still asleep,” Jackson said, holding a shirt but not putting it on yet. He sounded surprised. You gestured to the camera. “I went to the beach. Caught the early morning light.” He picked the camera up and watched the clips of the morning. You felt like your face was about to burst into flames. You didn’t expect him to watch what you had filmed and you hadn’t deleted the one video you got while you were walking back through the campground and stopped to pet the dog. “Wow, meotj shineyo,” He said, eyes fixed on the small screen. He was calm right now, still waking up, but when his gaze came up to meet yours, he smiled and looked at you so kindly. So, of course, you quickly looked away, back to the food that didn’t actually need your attention at the moment. You got the eggs ready to scramble, not wanting to go for something fancy when easy was just as good and less likely to get ruined. “Bacon?” Mark asked, coming over and looking. “Hope you like it crisp because…” You quickly pulled the pieces out, clenching your teeth as some of the grease popped and splattered on your hands. You were used to it, honestly. Besides that, you needed to make tomorrow’s breakfast as well since you didn’t fancy trying to cook breakfast on a grill or over a campfire. You were going to make breakfast burritos and wrap them in foil so that in the morning you could just heat them up and go. Which meant that after you finished making their breakfast for this morning, you would have to start on breakfast for tomorrow, and probably send them to walk around or to one of the playgrounds. Jinyoung started doing the dishes for you after they finished eating, though, defying your expectations. “Not that one, I’m going to make tomorrow’s breakfast.” You took the pan back and started preparing to cook eggs, bacon, sausage, onions, peppers, and potatoes for breakfast burritos. “Tomorrow’s?” Jackson questioned you, coming over and drying the dishes for Jinyoung. “But you just finished today’s.” “I wanted to make tomorrow easier. You guys can go to the beach or something while I cook. We have two hours before we need to hit the road.” You got out the packages of tortillas and then looked at them. They were all fixated on the ingredients you had out. “What are you making?” Jinyoung dried his hands and checked the peppers, looking mildly relieved for some reason. “Breakfast burritos. I know it’s nothing fancy but…” You trailed off, worried that you had wildly miscalculated when it came to feeding them. “Will they be spicy?” Jackson asked. “I can leave the peppers off,” You replied, glad you hadn’t cut into them yet. “You know, if you want I can just cook up the ingredients and you guys can tell me what you want in yours…” “We can help!” Jackson smiled at you. Mark had the camera and had been filming this whole time apparently, but he agreed with the other two boys. After the ingredients were all cooked (aside from the cheese, of course) and in seperate dishes you made your own burritos to show them how to roll them and wrap them in foil. You also did Mark’s burritos since he was filming the making of the burritos. Jinyoung managed to successfully fold his into burrito form and then wrap them in foil. Jackson tore the first attempt, which you ended up wrapping differently for him, but got it on the second try. Then they went down to the bathrooms to clean up and officially get ready for the day while you used up the rest of the ingredients in extra burritos, then put them in the cooler and finish packing up the rest of the supplies. Their staff came and picked up the major luggage and then left to get to the next campground ahead of you all. They would spend tomorrow with you all, since you had told them that rain was in the forecast and you had that cabin for two nights in the first place to allow them to recover from today’s activities. The first of which was the stop at Iargo Springs. Jackson looked down as the stairs continued. “How many steps are there again?” “Three hundred,” You answered, continuing down the wooden stairs. “And if we’re quiet, we might spots some wildlife, particularly birds.” He nodded then took your hand. You had noticed that he would take your hand, and walk between you and other groups of people. He was actively trying to take care of you, and protect you, treating you better than anyone ever had. It made you feel incredibly guilty, because it seemed like you weren’t taking as good of care of them. “What kind of trees are these?” “Hemlocks, mostly, though farther down I think there’s some white cedar and birch,” You answered, having learned about the trees from your many adventures. In all honesty, you had chosen this place because you liked it and because it might burn some excess energy from the boys. You hadn’t known what to expect for the trip. It was beautiful and peaceful and you could pretty much recite the significance of the area that was written out in signs at the Lumbermen’s Monument down the road further. The one crawling with kids and families where all you really saw at the bottom of the steps was a historical replica of a raft with wax food in glass cases explaining the life of lumbermen. Iargo springs, in comparison, had some wildlife and the springs themselves created waterfalls that gave the whole area a sort of tranquility that you sincerely needed after the awkward night and morning in the cabin with the boys. “So, this place…” Jinyoung asked, looking back at you. “Several springs come out of this hillside and feed the lake, which was used largely for transport of timber. It’s really…” You felt stupid for planning this stop. “There isn’t that much to see, but it’s…” “It’s seems really peaceful,” Mark said, giving you a smile. You attempted to smile back, but failed to smile convincingly enough for Jackson. “I want to know everything,” He said, gently pulling alongside him and down the rest of the steps. “Where’s the water?” You stopped him and pointed. “There’s where some of it is coming from right there.” He looked and then looked at you. “It’s coming out of the ground?” “Yeah, there’s a sign explain—” “I want you to tell me.” You stopped yourself from finishing the sentence and slowly nodded. “Groundwater. It flows deep in the soil until it reaches a point where it breaks the ground surface such as on a hill. This water will be…almost completely uncontaminated at the mouth of the spring. At least, what I know of it.” He nodded slowly, processing what you said. “Then what?” “The water flows down the hillside together in a stream or creek or whatever you want to call it, meeting up with other bodies of water. This is a place where you can see many stages of streams because there are a few springs that come out of this hillside and all of them go into the lake.” You pointed to the larger stream. “Why is there a dam?” Mark asked. “I have no clue. I’ve been trying to figure it out for years. Maybe they were trying to create more wildlife habitat or maybe they didn’t want to damage the hillside or anything by trying to tear it apart.” You shrugged. Mark nodded, then he and Jinyoung wandered off down one of the sections of boardwalk. Jackson was studying the water. He was quiet, which was unusual. He seemed to talk almost constantly, seeming unable to abide silence. Part of you was relieved because you often didn’t know how to fill the silence, and because your life had had so much silence lately. The other part of you was bracing for the onslaught of questions that would follow his silence. You took a deep breath, and leaned against the rail. “Sorry you’re stuck with us.” You looked over at him, surprised. “What?” “I’m sure you’d rather be hanging out with friends than taking us around.” “Oh, no, this is probably the most exciting thing I’ve done in months.” He didn’t say anything else, just took your hand again and started walking down a boardwalk toward the lake. “What do you do in your spare time?” “Sleep, watch TV, volunteer at the animal shelter,” You replied, shrugging slightly. Jackson tilted his head. “You…” He seemed to be struggling, mouth opening and then closing with no words coming out. “You’re okay with the trip? I know you weren’t expecting to stay with us. I saw the tent in the trunk.” “It was a surprise. Um, we should both probably be using the cameras.” Although, Jinyoung had been using the main camera. Jackson nodded and took out the camera. He started talking to it in Korean and filming the scenery. You let him film alone, walking back up to the stream, taking off your shoes and dangling your feet in the freezing water. It was so cold it almost hurt, but you knew your feet would go numb soon and match the rest of your body. Jinyoung crouched next to you, startling you for a moment and giving you the camera, then went off down another branch of the boardwalk. You sighed and carefully started filming the area. You did your best to capture the area, and the boys in the area. All three boys were chatting on one of the decks that was out in the lake, goofing off and laughing—mostly because of Jackson. You caught them laughing on camera, doing your best to capture each of them as they were. Jackson noticed you and laughed again, grabbing Mark, and looking embarrassed. You smiled a little and then gestured for them to continue whatever it was that they were doing. They started talking to the camera, every once in a while asking you questions about the history of the place or clarifying different things. They were definitely used to being in front of a camera. You pointed out into the water. “Ducks.” Jackson looked and got excited. “Hi ducks!” You sidestepped carefully so that they wouldn’t catch you on their cameras. Finally, they started heading back to the stairs. You followed, keeping up with them as they talked, not understanding a single word they said. It was strange and lonely, being with people and yet not being a part of the group. Once you were all back in the car, the boys were in the back, still talking about the trip and everything while you drove. You were bummed. You were second guessing everything you had planned for the trip. You hadn’t wanted to do anything too cliche, but maybe you should have. More activities. “Y/n,” Jackson touched your shoulder. You flinched. “Yes?” “You said we were going to go hiking?” You chewed your lip. “Um, possibly.” They had liked the beach. The beach was a good idea. Hiking? It didn’t seem likely that they would enjoy that, especially since this stop had been such a dud. “There isn’t time?” Jinyoung asked. “No, there’s time…” You answered, but you weren’t sure how to explain that you didn’t want to bore them. “Are we hiking today or another day?” Mark asked. Jackson pointed out the window. “Ice cream! Can we get ice cream?” You automatically pulled into the ice cream shop. Things like this were one of the reasons that you had scheduled extra time between stops and extra down time. For ice cream. The boys piled out and you pulled out the money for their food. “So, we normally have to play some sort of game to get money for food,” Jackson told you. “Um…” You looked at the three boys. “Like what?” “Uh…” The other two boys conferred with him, but they seemed to be stumped. “Like…Simon Says?” You asked, scratching at your arm where you got a mosquito bite. “Yeah, like that,” Mark answered, then said something to the other two that seemed explanatory. They nodded and got excited. Mark nodded to you. “Go ahead.” It was probably the weirdest thing you had ever done, playing Simon Says with three full-grown men, in the parking lot of an Ice Cream shop with the few guests there watching. You also had to figure out the criteria for getting money for food because at the moment they were just playing. Jackson was the first one out and he sort of shrieked and ran to the van to hit his head against it. Jinyoung got a pass one of the times because he hadn’t understood what you had said and the other two were okay with it, but then he did something when you didn’t say ‘Simon Says’ and left Mark as the winner. You made your way over to the menu to check out prices, having overheard what each of the boys was really wanting, you finally came up with a plan and handed each of the boys their share according to who won and such, but made sure they each still had enough for what they wanted. Jackson got excited, hugging you and and then growing still as he waited almost impatiently for his turn to order. He looked back at you and pulled you up next to him. “You have to get ice cream too.” “I’m the driver,” You answered, but you couldn’t help but smile. “That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get ice cream. I’d feel bad if you didn’t get any.” You shook your head. “I’ll get a milkshake then.” You dug into your purse and checked your wallet for cash. A small milkshake it would seem. You must have left your cash in your backpack, which was underneath the boys’ backpacks in the trunk. Jackson kept you close. “Are you having fun?” You nodded, only partially lying. Watching the boys play Simon Says was funny, and the time in Frankenmuth the day before, as well as the time on the beach both last night and this morning had been great. But constantly being an outsider, in charge of their entertainment, feeding and general welfare and safety was…hard. You hadn’t realized how lonely you would still feel, even distracted as you were. Jackson gently pulled you forward again as the line moved. “You are?” “Yes,” You replied, making sure to smile. He looked at you, looked in your eyes, and somehow you knew that he didn’t believe you. That he was worried. He got a little solemn, his gaze darkening. “We really did like that place. We don’t get to go somewhere that peaceful very often. It was beautiful.” “Beautiful, yeah,” You looked away, still smiling. Jackson took your hand. “Where are we going hiking?” “You guys don’t want to go hiking, it’s not exciting enough for you guys. You’ve seen everything,” Your said, then your eyes widened as you realized you were complaining out loud to him. “I’m sorry, ignore me, I’m just rethinking my plan for the trip.” “What? But why?” Jackson asked, squeezing your hand. “The plan looked great.” “It doesn’t take a mind reader to know that you three are city boys. There’s only so much of being one with nature that you can take. I don’t know what I was thinking with all of this. I should have planned more city stops.” He said something in Korean, then put his arm around your shoulder. “We’re doing everything you planned. If you don’t think the boys will like it, then you and I will go. That way if I get hurt, you can go for help and if you get hurt I can carry you.” Mark turned. “We could always cook dinner while you two are gone and make it a sort of competition. Whoever cooks you the best dinner gets the most spending money for the day.” Jinyoung, the only one following the instructions of filming everything since you had put the camera away after filming them playing Simon Says (because it was too good to miss), slipped up next to Mark so that all four of you were on the camera. You turned away, shielding your face. “They’ll blur your face out later,” Mark reassured you as Jackson pulled your hand from your face. “Stop it, you’re beautiful, they should see you.” Jackson finally trapped your hands away from your face and turned you toward the camera. “We’re getting ice cream! Then we’re going to go hiking and it’s going to be great!” You felt your phone vibrate from a text, and checking it let you know that their staff already checked you all into the next cabin, had dropped off their luggage, and were checked into their hotel rooms. “Oh, it’s your turn, Jinyoung,” Mark said, pushing the other boy to the window to order. You got closer to the prices and realized, after checking your wallet for change, that you didn’t actually have enough for even the small milkshake. You had really messed up. Jackson gave you a confused look as you pulled out of line and went back to the van, pretending you had gotten a call. You went into the van after ‘ending your call’ and waited in the driver’s seat, feeling like an idiot. You texted your mom, letting her know that you were alive and that everything was going ‘great’—because if you had used ‘fine’ your mom would be calling you and you weren’t about to deal with that. A little while later, all the boys piled in, Jackson getting in the front seat. He set a chocolate milkshake cup in your cup holder. You looked up, surprised. He was looking at his ice cream as he ate it. “We should get going if we’re going to hike, right?” You glanced back at Jinyoung and Mark, but they were also carefully avoiding looking at you. “Yeah,” You murmured, facing the road and turning on the van. Mark had his headphones on about five minutes into the trip, and Jinyoung was following suit. Jackson was seemingly absorbed in his ice cream, but the minute the boys were listening to their own music he cleared his throat. “You didn’t have enough cash. All three of us had some left after getting our own.” “Thank you,” You murmured. The rest of the hour-long drive was spent talking to him. Nothing major or personal, just talking. You guys talked about dogs, friends, cats, television, food, and books. Once you reached the campground, he woke the boys while you got out and went to unlock the cabin and check out the bedding situation. Three bunk beds, one with a full-size bed on the bottom. All one room. Fire pit and grill outside for cooking. Propane heat if it got cold. “I got your backpack for…” Jackson trailed off as they came in. “One room?” “Yup.” You took a deep breath. “It’s fine. I’ll figure it out.” “She gets the big bed,” Jinyoung said, putting his backpack on one of the top bunks of the twins. “Oh, no, that’s okay…” They were already moving around to make sure it was that way. Mark and Jinyoung checked out the cooler to figure out what they could try and make for dinner in a few hours and you went over the campground maps. “We’re not far from two of the lakes, so you two could go down to them as well while we’re hiking.” Mark nodded, coming over to look at the map. “Where will you two be going?” “Probably the Au Sable trail.” You traced the path, considering your options. Jackson was changing into better shoes for walking, talking with Jinyoung. You grabbed a couple extra granola bars, and water bottles, shoving them into your backpack with the first aid kit. “We’ll drive down to the parking lot here, near the trail head. That way if your staff planned on the museum it won’t be a repeat for you.” Mark nodded. “How long will it take?” You shrugged a little. “Two hours, maybe? It’s hard to say.” He nodded. “We’ll aim for dinner being ready at seven.” “Sounds good. Ready Jackson?” Jackson handed you the camera and case, and grabbed his camera. “Ready.” ————— Jackson’s arm wrapped quickly around your waist and pulled you back, insistent on taking a picture with you. You groaned in mock frustration, giving in to his goofiness. He switched the camera to his other hand cupping your cheek and jaw as he turned it toward the camera. Except he turned your head so that you were facing him, looking at his face, his smile. At first you were surprised, then you sort of lost your train of thought as you just admired the man that was completely off limits. Then you regained your senses and ducked out of his grasp. “Were you smiling?” “I don’t know, you were squishing my face,” You replied jokingly, flashing him a grin. He started protesting, saying that you had to take another, but gave up when he realized you were getting farther ahead of him and he didn’t want to be alone. He caught your hand as he caught up, noticing that you had filmed the whole thing. “Oh, come on…” “It was cute, your fans will like it,” You teased, surprised at how easily the two of you were interacting after talking in the car. He was quiet. “Cute?” You looked over at him, worried he had taken your sentence the wrong way, but he was looking at you, a bit of a smile on his face. Actually, the look on his face just made your cheeks burn with the amount of teasing you expected from him. He kept a firm hold on your hand as you hurried to keep moving. You had to remind yourself that as long as one of the cameras was on there was an audience. You weren’t about to keep flirting (oh God, you didn’t even know you knew how to flirt) with him when someone else would see this. But you wanted to. You wanted to keep teasing him and flirting, and see how far past the limits you could push yourself before remembering that you only had a few days with him. He seemed more natural alone with you. He talked about his parents and the other members, his brother and his music. Maybe it was because he knew they would probably just have the hike on fast-forward or something. “So…you’re thinking of quitting your job?” He switched the topic almost seamlessly, but left you stumbling. “Um…” You huffed slightly to calm yourself. “I don’t know. I’ll probably try and get a different job before I quit this one. Maybe try a different town. It just…it feels like it’s time for a change, but I don’t know what that change is. It’s just something in the air…” He squeezed your hand, which somehow said so much. It made you think of how he had acted like a body guard at the hotel, standing outside your door while you packed up your things, and then took your suitcase as if it was his job. It was like you two were in this little dance of who was taking care of whom, and both of you wanted to win, but also wanted the other to win. “Oh, watch the branch,” He said, hand covering your head and guiding you under it as you tried not to laugh. “Be careful.” “Yes, Jackson,” You responded in a teasingly patronizing voice. He immediately went into a sort of hyena laugh. “Sorry, sorry.” You started laughing, then impulsively kissed his cheek. Then you panicked and ripped your hand away, running down the path. You watched your steps so that you wouldn’t trip and fall, but you were scolding yourself. You couldn’t just kiss his cheek! “Y/n!” You ran around a bend, and down to a huge white pine, ducking behind the trunk to catch your breath and possibly your sanity. Forget quitting, you could get fired for this. “Y/n!” Jackson called again, sounding worried. Finally he reached a point in the path where he could see you. You gave him a shrug and a smile. “Let’s keep moving.” He caught your arm, stopping you. “Hey…” You didn’t look at him. He leaned in close and softly kissed your cheek. “Those guys that you dated were idiots if they lost you.” You looked at him, eyes wide with surprise. You didn’t know what to say. His gaze was intense, serious. “You’re so caring. Loving.” You almost wanted to run away again, but you were glued to the spot. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your lips. “Maybe you felt a change in the air because you were about to meet me.” He then took your hand and gently pulled you down the trail. The two of you didn’t speak the rest of the hike, but kept glancing at each other with soft smiles and secrets. He would squeeze your hand gently, then pull you closer to him, almost like he felt you start to drift back to reality. Drifting back to the knowledge of the fate of any relationship the two of you could form, only to be drawn back to his side. Every once in a while, he would stop to admire the scenery, then steal a kiss. And with every stolen kiss, you felt this bond between you grow stronger. You didn’t know what would happen if you were torn apart. Jackson sighed when the trail-head came into view. “Can’t we…I just wish…” “We should stop now, before we hurt each other.” He frowned. “I don’t want to stop now. We have time together. We’ll figure out what will happen later. Let’s just…enjoy each other’s presence right now. Can’t we just…” “Don’t you have a contract?” He froze, his gaze shifting away from you. “Yeah…I do…” “So technically, you’ve already broken it just by kissing me. Don’t risk your career on me, Jackson.” “You researched me,” He murmured. “You already checked to see if I could have a girlfriend. You like me. You like me enough to check and see if I could even have a girlfriend. When did you look that up?” “I was in the car for a while pretending I was taking a phone call.” You hugged yourself, pulling your hand free of his. “Besides, it was just to try and knock me back to the ground. I mean, while there’s something romantic in the idea that a guy would give something up for a girl he likes…but I would feel guilty for the rest of my life if anyone ever did that.” “What if…what if we just talked? What if we just got to know each other? If we’re still interested in each other when my contract is renewed…” He stepped in close, gently pulling your arms from around you so he could take both of your hands in his own. “I may not seem like it, but I’m patient. And I come to America for tours. It could be fun to sneak around and see each other.” You shook your head. “You already miss seeing your family. You deserve to find love and happiness at the right time, with the right person. That isn’t me.” He just held onto your hands more tightly. “But…” “Don’t, Jackson. We both know how this ends. We part ways and never come back together because this is one of those things where we’re just thrown together and once we part there is nothing to bring us together again.” “I’ll bring us together again,” He argued, his arm going firmly around your waist. “Don’t you want to at least try and fight for us?” You looked at his face, so serious and determined. You did. You wanted to forget all the things that would prevent you from being together and just enjoy being with the sweetest, most considerate man you had ever met. But after fighting yourself, fighting work to just get through the day… “You do,” He answered, reading your face. He licked his lips, the pressed his forehead to yours. “You’re tired, but you want to fight.” You closed your eyes. “You’re the first man I’ve ever been drawn to so strongly. The first person I’ve ever spent so little time around and yet felt so attached to.” “This feels right,” He finished your thoughts in a low tone, his voice deepening attractively. He gently pressed a kiss to your lips. “But you’re tired. You’ve been fighting since before you met me. Stop fighting, rest, then fight for us.” You instinctively curled into his chest, resting his head on his shoulder. “Okay.” “Really?” You nodded, then peeked up at him. “I’ll fight for us.” He grinned. “So, we can worry about the dating ban later?” You nodded again. He kissed you again. “Good. Because I like you a lot. The guys will help us sneak around, not that we need to since we’re basically doing all the filming ourselves. They already thought that…well…they knew that I liked you. They only backed out of the hike because they knew.” You groaned. “Ugh, the schedule. I have to work on it, refine it. We should—” “Whoa, hey, the schedule looks great to us. We thought it looked good. We especially liked the extra time on the beaches.” He grinned and wrapped his arms around your waist. “Now, why don’t we take that other trail?” “Why do I feel like you don’t want to hike?” You teased. He kissed you again. “I do. I just want to do it with you. I want to hold your hand. I want you to show me your favorite things about the trails. I want to be alone with you while I can.” You smiled at him. “Or we could go back to the cabin to make sure our dinner is edible.” “They can cook!” “How well?” You asked, folding your arms. He looked away blankly. “Yeah, we should go make sure our food is edible.” You kissed his cheek. “We’ll have plenty of time together.” He smiled again and nodded. “I hope we don’t accidentally poison you and ourselves.” “That’s what I hope to prevent. Mostly I just want to make sure that they figured out how to use the grill. Charcoal can be tricky.” He nodded and led you back to the car, arm around you protectively. A perfect gentleman. —————— Sneaking kisses, holding hands, getting hugs, and sharing conversations with Jackson had become your favorite part of the trip. No matter where the two of you went, even with the other two guys and you making sure you did your job, it was like a whole new adventure. Beaches were the best. You all would goof off for hours at a time, and you felt like you hadn’t smiled and laughed so much in ages. The sunlight reflecting off of the water dazzled your eyes, making it seem so much brighter and more beautiful than ever. Which was the same thing that Jackson had done for your life. You had always guarded yourself from defining your life by who you were dating. You didn’t need a boyfriend to have a place in the world. But Jackson definitely brought out the best in you. He knew exactly how to make you smile, or when you just needed a hug, and he listened when you talked about things that you loved. He helped you be happier, just by existing, and even just listening to him talk gave you this sense of peace that you had been missing. There had been times over the trip when you definitely snapped at him, or he got upset with you. There are always those times, with anyone. Like today. You had been worrying about the schedule because if you fell behind today, then you might be late the next day. For their departing flight to Chicago. You were tired, worried, and dreading their departure because you knew you would have to say goodbye to Jackson and you just snapped at him. So he got upset and you two ended up arguing because you were ‘worrying too much’ and he was ‘being inconsiderate and delaying things’. Mark and Jinyoung separated you two for the ‘mission’ of finding souvenirs and eating once you reached Houghton, after arguing for the las half hour of the car ride from Pictured Rocks. You sighed, already feeling guilty. “I’m sorry,” You murmured to Mark, scanning the stores for content. Jinyoung and Jackson were eating and then shopping while the two of you did the opposite. “You’re tired. Arguments happen.” He shrugged, stopping and looking in a window. “But I hope you two work it out. I’ve never seen him so happy and peaceful.” “I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy as I have since I met him. I know it can’t last. You guys are leaving tomorrow,” You said, silently cursing the way your voice sounded. “And I have to make sure you do leave. It’s my job. It’s my job and I hate it. Besides…there’s also the whole contract issue.” Mark opened the door to a store. “Yeah…contract…” You stopped and stared at him. “What was that tone?” He shook his head. “I just forgot about it.” You didn’t quite believe him, but you let it go for now and followed him into the store. “You know, they’re really impressed with you. And this trip was really great. I mean, we ate good food and got to have fun and go to the beach. We learned a lot too. I mean, I’m from California. This is a lot different from what I’m used to, but it was also cool to learn about another state. You cooked for us, and you made sure that even though we had a lot of activities we also had time to just chill and do our own thing. They might consider hiring you.” He gave you a smile. You managed a tired smile in return, then turned to the owner and made sure it was okay to have the camera filming Mark, then nodded your thanks. “Maybe.” The two of you went around the store, then several others, finally finding a souvenir that he was happy with. Then the two of you went to a restaurant. You sat across from him, trying to figure out how to apologize to Jackson. “We’ll try and get you two some time away from the cameras after this,” He said, pretending you weren’t still filming him. There wasn’t enough time left in the day to talk to Jackson much more than to say that you needed to talk to him in the morning and to share a look that showed how sorry you both were. You cried late into the night, and your alarm woke you up far too early in the morning. You felt shaky and tired. You just wanted to lay back down and go to sleep, but no. You had to get up and make sure the boys would have something to eat before they got on the plane. You made a quick trip to the store and got some donuts, muffins, mixed fruit, and croissants. Since you had no way of heating any food up or keeping any food cold, you made the executive decision that they could spare the calories and that fruit was healthy enough. Then you cleaned up all of your stuff and set the food up on the desk in your room, getting out the plates and plastic utensils, and then hiding your luggage in the closet. You went to their room and knocked. Mark opened the door and smiled at you, but it was strained. The staff were already in their room. Before he could even say the good morning his half-asleep brain was still working up to, you flashed a smile. “I have food for you guys. Want me to bring it here?” “Oh, no, it’s—” One of the staff nodded. “Bring it here.” You nodded, still forcing a smile as you went back to your room, packed everything back into the bags and took it to the boys’ room to do  what you had already done, again. You set it up, still forcing the smile. Jinyoung helped you pull things out of the bag and sort them on the table. “Did you sleep, y/n?” “Yes. How did you sleep?” “It was an early morning,” He answered, then put a hand lightly on your shoulder. “We didn’t know it was starting this early.” You just nodded, your heart heavy. Then Jinyoung knocked over the jug of orange juice, all over the food. “Ah! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry!” He rushed to grab the paper towels to try and clean it up. You looked at it blankly, stunned at how he had managed to accidentally knock it over and get all of the food, effectively ruining all but the fruit. The staff started making a big fuss. Jackson said something in korean, then repeated it a couple times before grabbing your wrist. “Come on. Let’s go.” You let him pull you out of the room and down the hall, then out to the vehicle. He opened the driver’s side door and basically picked you up and set you on the seat facing him. He kissed you, then rested his head on your shoulder. “I’m so sorry.” “It was my fault. I was tired and stressed and…I…” He looked up at you. “I lied to you.” You froze, choking up and ready to cry at those simple words. He lied? About what? Did he not…love you? He gave a shaky smile. “I don’t have a dating ban anymore. I just…wanted to make sure you really actually liked me. I had to see…you have to understand…I wanted someone who liked me for me.” You stared back at him. He wiped your tears away, looking upset. “I wish I didn’t have to leave you, but…can’t you…can’t we keep going?” He looked like he might start crying as he held a water bottle to your lips. “Drink.” You swallowed some water, then sniffled. “You can date?” “I can date. And I can love you better than anyone else. I should have told you sooner. It was stupid of me to hurt you like that. I’m so sorry for hurting you,” He murmured, closing his eyes and looking at the ground, holding both of your hands. “I’m sorry I snapped at you,” You whispered. “I’m sorry you’re always having to comfort me.” He kissed your forehead. “You’re always taking care of me. You shouldn’t be apologizing to me. I’m the one who lied. I’m the one who hurt you. I’m the one…” His voice cracked. “I’m the one who’s not going with you,” You said, taking the blame for the inevitable separation. “I’m the one who is letting go of us, and pushing you back toward your career.” He shook his head, breath hitching. “I fell in love with you the moment I saw you, you know.” “I’m the one saying goodbye.” “I couldn’t stand how that man treated you. He should be in jail.” You closed your eyes. “I’m the one driving you to the airport, and making sure you leave.” “You knew my song even though you didn’t know me, and you know all this history but you spout it out like you’re embarrassed you know it. You always seem to know when one of us is hungry.” You really had to fight that sob before you said, “I’m the one saying it won’t work out between us.” He was crying. “The way you look in the sunlight…” “I’m the one forcing you to let go of me.” “You’re sunlight off the water,” He said, and it stopped all the words in your throat. “If I look too long, I could go blind from how beautiful you are. You are the happiest place I’ve known in a long time. You’re someone I would have to show to my mom and dad so that they could try and share some of the happiness that you bring me.” You looked over to see Mark and Jinyoung and the staff all watching you two now. “Jackson…” “Please,” He pleaded, looking up into your eyes. There was so much pain and regret. “I know I should have told you. I know I’m asking a lot from you. But please? I’ll work everything out, just…come. I know you can’t come right now, but maybe later? Quit that job that hurts you and come with me and we’ll find you something better, together. The last ten days have been the best days of my life, and I don’t want to stop seeing you. Or we could meet in a couple weeks, when we’re in New York, so you can go and see your family. Just don’t tell me it’s the end. Don’t you dare tell me you don’t love me because I know you do. You wouldn’t be acting like this if you didn’t love me. You wouldn’t be pushing me away if you didn’t truly want what was best for me.” You let your forehead rest on his. “Of course I love you.” “I love you. So don’t tell me this is over.” “There’s so much in the way. Your fans won’t like—” “I don’t care. I’m not going to let anybody get in the way of being with someone that makes me so happy.” “Jackson—” “No. I love you. That’s it. If I could, I would give it all up for you. I would live wherever you wanted. But I can’t. I have a commitment, and…” “They’re your family. I know. I would never dream of taking you away from your job or your friends. I just…I don’t know Jackson. I don’t like not having a plan, or some sort of security…” He kissed you. It was weird since you were both crying and your noses were stuffed and honestly it was just awkward, but it was still nice because it was with him. “I will be your security.” “No. It’s too soon for that—” “Look, we don’t have time for more arguments. You have my phone number. Just tell me where you’ll come visit me when you decide. If you don’t text me or call me, then I’m going to assume you’re in the hospital. Got it?” You looked into his eyes and saw that he was as serious as the day was long. You kissed him again and nodded. “Got it.” He pulled you into a tight embrace. “I’ve got you.” ——————— You had to be out of your mind, and yet your parents—ever the voices of reason even in the craziest of times—were the ones helping you dive further into the insanity. They supported you when you quit your job, helped you move out of your crappy apartment and into their basement, and were now attending the Got7 concert with you. And it was great. You had delved into the world of K-pop to know some of their songs at least, and so that you could understand what it was he did and they were honestly one of your favorite groups. Their concert was amazing so far and even your father—the most closed-minded to music—was getting into the music and bopping along. You watched Jackson performing, loving him even more for it (it was hard not to). He had a sort of charisma on the stage, focused yet spontaneous. Present and yet so far away. Goofy and serious. He performed diligently, doing all the choreography with what appeared as practiced ease. He seemed more confident than ever. “You all having a good time?!” He asked enthusiastically as they all took a break from performing. The place erupted in cheers, and your mother’s was almost louder than some of the teenage girls around the three of you. Jinyoung was staring in your general direction, looking somewhat confused, then he was smiling and waving and you figured you might have just imagined he was looking your way when he was actually reading one of the signs. Your mother whooped in delight at something BamBam said to the crowd and suddenly you had a feeling that you just threw your parents down a bottomless pit. “Honey, any of these boys will be just fine with me!” Your mom yelled over the crowd to you. “I need one of those flashlights!” You handed her yours (the boys had given it to you at the airport for their little vacation show), turning it on for her. She grinned in delight and you were seriously concerned as she showed your father. “Sweetheart, that one there is Jackson, right?” Your father was leaning over to you behind your mother. You following his hand to where he was pointing and nodded. “Yeah. That’s him.” Since you hadn’t been paying attention, you weren’t quite sure what they were doing, but now that you were looking that them again you realized that Jinyoung and Mark were talking to Jackson. Jackson’s face turned to one of astonishment, then he looked in your direction until his gaze fixed on you. He brought the Mic up to his mouth, then let it drop, before bringing it up again. “We had fun recently, doing a split vacation. Jinyoung, Mark, and I were all in the same group and we went to a bunch of beautiful places and met a bunch of amazing people. Like my dawn.” The breath you didn’t know you had been holding left your throat, and you drew in another, holding it and wondering what he was thinking. “Every day was more beautiful than the one before. Except the last day. That was the worst. We didn’t want to leave, but we knew that our lovely igot7 were waiting for us!” He hyped it up, but you could tell he was still fixated on you. The other boys were smiling and laughing a bit. “Can I trust our lovely igot7 with a secret?” Jackson asked, looking around the place. Son of motherless goat…what was he doing? “Alright, I need all cameras off. I need your help.” He walked across the stage. The other boys seemed to know that this was going to happen. “I’m trusting you,” He said sincerely to the crowds. “Mom, we need to leave.” You grabbed her arm. “What?! But—!” “Alright, everyone, are you ready?” “Yes!” Your mom screamed with everyone else. Traitor. “You all will still love me, even if my love is shared with someone special, right?” He asked, looking out over the crowd. “Aw! You love whoever you want!” Your mom gushed. Your father busted a gut, dropping back into his seat since he knew that Jackson was talking about you—a fact that had apparently slipped your mother’s mind. “There’s this woman, I’m going to call her Dawn. Ever since I saw her, I started imagining my life with her. I want you guys to help me get my dawn up here. My sunlight. She’s here tonight, and I need you guys to help me because I can’t let her get away. I can’t let her be taken away.” He dropped his gaze to the stage. “I need you to love her as much as you love me. She’s scared of dating an idol. I’m scared of losing her.” He had the audience wrapped around his finger, and you had to admit that the way he was approaching this did seem to be the right way. That’s when you noticed that Mark was making his way towards you with the security guards. You had to make a run for it. Just, get out of the isle and run. You weren’t an idiot. You knew someone was still filming even though he asked them not to. Even though he said he trusted them. You certainly didn’t trust them. But you did trust him. Your thoughts delayed you from making your escape. Mark held out his hand for you, grinning. Your mom pushed you. “Go! We’ll see you back at the hotel whenever you decide to return.” You blushed at the implication, as if you weren’t already embarrassed enough, but took Mark’s offered hand and followed him and the security team back to the stage. Thank God you’d had the sense to dress well, and do your hair and makeup. Jackson’s smile as you came up on stage soothed any embarrassment you had though. He looked so excited that you were there. Damn you had missed his smile. Before you knew it, you were in his arms, your face hidden in his shoulder as he thanked the crowd for cheering. There. Right there is where you belonged. Not on the stage—there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell you belonged there—but beside him. You felt more whole than you had since he had left. You couldn’t get comfortable at home, or anywhere. You hadn’t been satisfied with anything and had felt restless. Thoughts drifting to him all the time and now you were here. Sure, he smelled a little since he had been dancing and it wasn’t exactly cool in there. His arms went around you while the other boys hyped the crowd up for their next song in a couple minutes. “Come to Korea with me.” You just nodded, not wanting to try and talk about the crowd from there. Or leave your hiding place. He took you backstage and kissed you. “I love you. Don’t go anywhere.” You nodded again. He grinned and ran back out. You leaned in an out of the way place and watched him shine on the world. Yeah, you could get used to this. It seemed like forever and only the blink of an eye before the boys were done with the concert and getting ready to go back to the hotel. You stayed in your spot, afraid of getting in the way. Jackson found you there and kissed you again. “Follow me.” You followed him out to a vehicle where the other members were, and greeted you with teasing smiles thrown at Jackson. “What about your parents?” Mark asked. “I’m meeting them back at the hotel.” “Those were your parents? I want to meet them.” You nodded. “Okay. They really loved the concert by the way. Mom is officially a fan and even Dad seemed to be into it.” Jackson grinned and the other boys seemed pleased at least. The rest of the ride was polite conversation. Then Jackson led you up to his room. “Are they expecting you tonight?” “Not exactly…” You murmured, feeling a little guilty. He smiled. “Let me take a shower, okay? Then we can talk.” He handed you one of his shirts. “Make yourself comfortable.” You met his eyes and smiled a little, but you were almost certain you were blushing again. After he was in the shower, you changed into his shirt and crawled into the bed, burying your face in the comforting scent of him on his pillow. A couple minutes later he crawled into the bed as well, arms wrapping around you and lips pressing kisses to your neck. “Comfy?” “I missed you,” You murmured. He seemed to relax. “I missed you too.” “I quit my job.” “Good.” “I love you.” He grinned and kissed you. “I love you too. Maybe it was fate that you had already liked one of my songs.” “Mmm, sing me to sleep again?” You rolled over so the two of you were spooning. He got comfortable and started softly singing some Chinese song. You could hear the happiness in his voice. In Jackson Wang, you had a permanent happy place. “Marry me,” He whispered. “Okay.”
Masterlist.
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