#shouldn't have mocked the hockey gods

[lonewolflink]

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[ana-benn]

Inspired by this interview:

If Only You Knew

Jamie Benn friends to lovers story featuring: angst, fluff, and a whole lot of miscommunication.

When you'd first accepted a job as the Stars PR assistant you figured you'd stay a few months, boost your resume, and move on. Quickly though you found yourself falling in love with the guys, and the job. It was fun to just be able to interact with them on a human level, and the fact that you knew the sport helped. They trusted you, so when your boss couldn't handle something you were called in. Especially if it was something pitiful. A guy wanted to do dinner and talk about getting his face out there more, or dealing with a girlfriend fall out. It usually fell on you.

The best part about the job was the friends you'd made, and for the first time in your life you had a beat friend. You and Jamie had instantly bonded, both being the ones who preferred sitting off by yourselves during events and parties. Of course the addition of Boston's resident playboy had originally put a damper on things, but they'd found a balance. Each bringing out the best in the other. It was endearing really, and you found yourself enjoying a different side of your best friend.

Gone was the shy behavior replaced by a new confidence and a desire to just be as good as he could. You found this new side of Jamie more and more attractive. At the same time it seemed all of a sudden the guy who'd schedule meetings when Tom, your boss, was busy so you'd have a built in excuse to have a mid-week hang out day was gone and all of a sudden he started dating like crazy. You'd spent so long taking for granted that Jamie was just as much of a workoholic as you, it was a shock to the system when he started bailing on your biweekly movies and junk food sessions. He wasn't able to eat crap that often, and you tried to eat right typically so it was a fun night, and one you both looked forward to.

Now here you stood in his dining room for the first time in months, after a decent but ultimately disappointing season, setting out a spread. Wings, pizza, beer, every kind of chip Jamie had in his pantry, with ice cream in the freezer for later. Your own growing interest in him romantically was under control at the idea of just spending quality time with your best friend.

"Hey!" Jamie greeted walking downstairs. "That smells amazing, but I've got to bail tonight. Jordie is on his way with crappy movies though so you and him can definitely hang out."

"Oh," was all you could think to say, trying to hide the disappointment on your face. "That's okay I'll just head home then."

"Come on, don't be like that. Jordie loves your company," Jamie tried.

"I like his too, but I kinda thought it would be nice to spend time with you," you tried to cover. "Don't worry about it. Another time."

"Come on, just hang out with Jordie. It's not like you have other plans," Jamie said walking to the living room.

You followed him, anger bubbling up, "I'm sorry?"

"Look you're here, right? So you didn't make plans, so hang out with Jordie, so you aren't alone," Jamie shrugged.

"I didn't make plans, because I thought you were making time for me for once." You muttered.

"What was that?" Jamie asked, you could sense his frustration mounting too.

"Jamie," you started, pausing to control your anger. "If you don't want to spend time with me that's fine. But don't pretend okay? I'm a big girl. I can find someone else to spend time with, you don't need to pawn me off on your brother."

"I'm not pawning you off," Jamie tried to placate you. "I just forgot Segs set up a double date, and I promised I'd come."

"Jamie, you don't have to do this," you sighed rubbing your fingers over your face.

"Obviously I do," he retorted.

"Jamie, just be honest!" You said exasperated.

"Honest about what, exactly?"

"You make time for the things you care about," you felt the break in your voice. "Don't pretend to care about me if you can't be damned to show it."

"Can we try irrational for $1000," Jamie snarked.

"I just can't do this anymore!" You yelled, furious. His mocking was the end of your rope.

"Really?" Jamie shouted back, sarcastically, "I thought you were being a bitch for no reason."

"You know what Jamie," you fumed. "Fuck you. I'm leaving." You went to grab your purse off the dining room table, where dinner sat getting cold.

"Fine," came his cold reply. "Lose my fucking number while you're at it."

"Bye Jamie," you said shutting his front door behind you.

You felt yourself fighting tears wondering how it came to this. Two hours ago you were excited, looking forward to a nice relaxing evening. Now it seemed everything was falling apart.

You made it into your car, and halfway to your apartment before the tears fell. You sucked it up long enough to get home, and before you'd even made it to you room your heart shattered. You laid in the hallway for an undeterminable amount of time, before the tears stopped. Your eyes hurt from crying so hard, and it felt like your heart had been removed from your body. You felt like you should call someone, anyone really, but the only voice you wanted to hear was the one who left you this sobbing waif.

It wasn't fair to expect Jamie to act any different really. You were the idiot who caught feelings, not him. He was free to date or spend his time however he wanted to. You just wanted the courtesy of him saying it, instead you lashed out and watched the friendship you'd built crumble.

That caused a new round of sobs as you thought you heard something in your hallway. You wrote it off as you focused on trying to calm your breathing. As you finally started to feel calm you heard a distinctive thump against your door. You slowly got up, wiping your face as best you could, thinking that there was a chance your elderly, Mr. Barnes, had fallen. You looked out your peephole and saw nothing. So you opened the door and before you could react you had a very drunk 6'2, 207 pound hockey player at your feet.

"It's you!" He exclaimed.

"Jamie?" You questioned. He nodded excitedly, "What are you doing here."

"I was drunk," he explained.

"I know that," you replied. "Why are you at my apartment instead of your house?"

"You've been crying," he announced finally getting up. You closed the door as he wandered to your couch, throwing himself on it. You hated how at home he looked here.

"Jamie, it's late I don't want to fight anymore. I'm going to get you a blanket," you said walking to your linen closet.

When you returned he looked at you with sad eyes, "I never want to fight with you."

"Jamie, I'm sorry about what I said okay. My feelings were hurt," you tried to soothe. He wasn't in a place to have a real conversation, but you knew he wouldn't sleep without something.

"You hurt mine first," he mumbled. His voice sounding much more sober suddenly.

"What?"

"You went out with Ben what's-his-face. I wanted to punch his face, but noooo. Tyler said I had to just let you realize we were perfect together, but you never did," he sounded so sad and broken.

"Jamie," you sighed out. But before you could say anything he was asleep.

You eventually made your own way to bed, determined to talk to Jamie tomorrow.

------------------------

The next morning you greeted Jamie with a bottle of water and Tylenol, "Here." You felt suddenly very shy with him, not knowing how today would go.

"Thanks," he mumbled downing all of it in one go. "How'd I get here?"

"I was hoping you knew."

"All I know is we fought, I went to my stupid dinner and I think I drank the place," he said rubbing his head. "Oh God, what did I say to you?" He suddenly jerked his head up.

"A lot actually. Apparently I hurt your feelings?" You said, not wanting to have this conversation, and also desperately wanting to have it.

"Look, I had feelings for you, but your my best friend. I shouldn't lash out like that, I'm sorry," Jamie apologized.

"What if I have feelings for you?" You asked, shyly meeting his brown eyes.

"Then, we have a new conversation to have," he said gulping slightly.

"I don't think so," you said, sliding your leg over his seating yourself on his leg. His hands immediately wrapping around your waist. "I think it's best if we just start right here." You kissed him softly.

"Now," you said, getting off him and taking his hand. "Neither of us got any sleep, so come with me." You pulled him back to your bed room onto your bed. As you both got situated his arms wrapped around you and your head rested on his shoulder. "We can't figure everything else out after we sleep," you whispered as you felt his lips against your head.

@captainbenn sorry it took so long. I already started a part two!