#shouldn't there be a disciplinary course of action to take against this???????

[thomas-mvller]

@ bayern

[notes-from-sarah]

Damaged Mirrors

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Rating: G/K

Summary: While making his report about what happened on Umbara to Anakin, Rex has questions about his identity as a clone, his role as a soldier and his place in the galaxy. Set during Star Wars: The Clone Wars. One-shot. Canon compliant.

A/N: Set after Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Season 4, Episode 10 “The Carnage of Krell”

*****

Rex stood silently after making a full report of the events on Umbara to Anakin Skywalker. He knew the general pretty well and he could see that the Jedi was furious. Soldiers weren't supposed to be angry, but in all honesty, he felt the same way. So did all his men. He waited for his general to speak.

"That," Anakin struggled to find the right words, "that," his voice shook almost uncontrollably, "that monster intentionally tried to get clones killed on the battlefield?"

Rex tried to keep his voice at the even tone of any good soldier as he answered. "Yes sir, he confessed to it while many of us were present." Rex could hardly forget those words, they'd haunted him in the following days. The feeling of betrayal mixed with the absolute condescension from Krell sickened him. He focused on Anakin, he couldn't let himself dwell on what happened. A good soldier had to take the horrors of war in stride.

"And you had to execute him because you were afraid he would escape and join the Separatists?" Anakin clenched his fist, his eyes hard.

"We did, sir." Rex dropped his voice a little, it was only the two of them in this briefing room on Resolute and Rex wasn't sure how much longer he could talk about what happened in a crisp military manner.

"Good." Anakin's brow was furrowed, fury in every line of his face. Rex knew he meant it. Of all the people Rex had ever encountered in his short life, Anakin Skywalker was one of the most honest.

"Sir," Rex was anxious about what would happen next, everything he'd done, everything he'd ordered, was unprecedented. He couldn't shake the feeling that he'd committed treason on Umbara. Nothing they'd ever learnt in training had prepared him for this. "If I may ask, what will become of us, specifically Dogma? He may have pulled the trigger, but executing Krell was my order."

Anakin crossed his arms over his chest, his hands still clenched into fists. "I won't let Dogma face punishment for saving his fellow troopers from the enemy. And I won't let you or any of the 501st face disciplinary action because of Krell. He was a traitor and the Jedi council will understand that. If I would have been there I would have killed him myself."

Rex didn't doubt it. Unfortunately, Anakin hadn't been there. It was just the clones versus the Jedi. The whole ordeal had left him shaken in a way he couldn't have anticipated. The Jedi didn't seem as safe as they once did. The Jedi were supposed to fight side by side with the clones, not against them. He couldn't fathom how someone who was supernaturally connected to all life could so callously throw it away. Did the clones really mean that little to the Jedi? To others? He tried not to think about it.

Anakin came over to Rex and looked him square in the eye. "Tell me truthfully, Rex, are you okay?"

Rex looked up at Anakin. A good soldier was only ever supposed to have one answer. "I wasn't injured during the conflict, sir."

"That's not what I asked." Anakin's eyes narrowed. "Krell betrayed the Republic, betrayed the Jedi and most of all betrayed you clones. I should have been there, I should have stopped him. Now you've had to suffer because I wasn't there."

Rex swallowed. He didn't feel okay. He heard in Anakin's words the same refrain of self blame that had come to mark this particular Jedi's musings on the war. The general hadn't been built for war, it was hard on him and he seemed to think that he should be able to single-handedly change the tides of battle just by being present. Whenever he failed he buried himself with guilt over the matter.

Rex, on the other hand, had been built for war, it was all he'd known his entire life. He knew better than to let emotions come into play. It clouded your judgment and primed you to make big mistakes. He knew better than to feel guilty about doing his duty or for others doing theirs. Rex felt guilty now. He'd sent his men into certain danger because he unwittingly followed orders he knew were bad. He had turned against a Jedi, the command structure of the whole army, and had ordered that the besalisk be executed. He had failed to be a good soldier.

Rex tried to steel himself. He didn't want to show the general that he was weak. "I'll be fine, sir. You don't have to worry about me."

Anakin stared into his eyes with an almost frightening intensity. "Yes, I do."

A chill raced down Rex's spine. The general wasn't going to let him get away with evasive answers. "Honestly, sir," Rex paused for a long moment, "this whole ordeal has been," Rex's eyes darted away from Anakin's, he was ashamed to even admit it, good soldiers weren't weak. "It's been upsetting." Upsetting was just the tip of the iceberg, but he didn't know how to be more open.

"Rex, you did everything you could. You did everything right." Anakin's voice was hard as he tried to reassure his captain.

"Sir, if did everything right, why did so many end up dead?" Rex glanced back at Anakin. He was standing firmly on his emotions but he couldn't fully prevent them from leaking though all the same.

Anakin dropped his gaze. "I don't know. I don't know why it is that sometimes even when you do everything right it still all goes wrong."

Rex could clearly hear the emotion in the Jedi's voice. Emotion that he wished he could show himself. Good soldiers didn't break down in front of their generals. Good soldiers stayed strong. The Jedi had the luxury of being men and women first, then Jedi, and finally generals. The clones? They were first and foremost soldiers, tools, war machines. Sometimes Rex wondered if anyone realized they were flesh and blood.

Anakin turned away from Rex and looked out of the transparisteel window at the hyperspace sky. Hands behind his back he assumed the position he took when he was thinking deeply on some matter. "Rex," he said at last, "what do you think about what happened?"

"I gave you my report, sir." Rex wasn't sure what else the general wanted from him.

Anakin glanced over his shoulder at Rex. "And I heard the facts of the mission as you reported them. What do you think about what happened?"

Rex tightened his grip on the helmet that was tucked under his arm. He wasn't accustomed to giving out his unfiltered thoughts to non-clones. "I think that I should have broken protocol earlier." If he'd done what his gut told him a lot of lives could have been saved. "If I'd been more decisive I could have spared a lot of good men death and injury from a being," he put as much venom into the word being as he dared, "who saw us as disposable tools, no better than some flesh covered clankers."

Anakin closed his eyes at the comment. "Don't blame yourself, Rex, that's an order."

Rex guessed he must have been a bit too self-pitying in this conversation so far. He'd be mindful not to show such partiality again. Good soldiers were neutral.

Anakin opened his eyes again. "Blame Krell." Anakin's voice was hard as iron. "Krell is the only one at fault here. He tricked and manipulated you. He betrayed you. Don't hate yourself, hate him."

"Sir, my men are my responsibility. I didn't stop him." Rex knew he probably shouldn't be arguing with the general, but all the same he felt his failed duty very keenly.

"You and the 501st are good men, all of you brave and true. Krell tried to corrupt you, to poison you but he failed." Anakin gripped his hands behind his back. "I am lucky to fight by your side, Rex, you are one of the best men I've ever known. Don't let Krell win, don't blame yourself for what he did."

Rex ran his thumb over his helmet feeling the familiar ridges. "Do you really think that, sir?" It had been bugging him since Krell had gone on his tirade about the clones. "Do you really think of me, of us, as men?"

Anakin turned to face Rex fully, an expression of slight surprise on his face. "Of course I do. You're one of the bravest, smartest people I know. How could I think of you as anything else?"

Rex looked down at the floor. "Me and the others, we feel like we're men, feel like that means something. That we're more than just androids programmed for destruction. That's what we were taught on Kamino and that's how we live our lives every day, but out here," Rex gestured broadly to the room at large and metaphorically to the galaxy at large, "it seems that most beings don't think of us that way. I always thought the Jedi were different. It always seemed like they were until, well," Rex didn't finish his thought, he didn't have to. In the silence that followed he rubbed his other hand over his helmet feeling the various pits and dings.

Anakin stepped closer to Rex putting a firm hand on his shoulder. "The Jedi see your humanity, Rex. They see how the clones get up every day and fight this war with no relief. They see how you lay down your lives in pursuit of peace in the galaxy with no thought of your own reward. Out of all the people in the galaxy I think the clones and the Jedi are the most alike. Krell fooled us all, I should have seen his treachery before things ever got this far." Anakin shook his head. "But know this: Krell was not a Jedi. A real Jedi would never have done what he did. A real Jedi would never have betrayed the Council and the Republic and most of all his clones." Anakin gripped Rex's shoulder tighter and gave him a small, emphatic, shake. "We couldn't win this without you, Rex."

Rex couldn't help but feel moved by Anakin's words. Even after all the betrayal he'd faced at the hands of Krell, Anakin had his trust full and complete. He'd follow the general to hell and back if that's what he ordered. Maybe the Jedi and the clones did have a special sort of connection, maybe that's what made them such a good team on the battlefield. But what about off the battlefield? What about all those people in the galaxy who weren't Jedi? Would they ever be able to see beyond the face of a clone and realize it was the face of a man? When the war was over, what would happen to him?

"Sir," Rex hesitated, a good soldier shouldn't be asking questions like this, "do you think there's a future for us after the war?"

A long moment of silence stretched between them, Anakin seemingly lost in his thoughts. At last he shook himself slightly and seemed to come back to the present. His voice was low and uncertain as he said, "I hope so."