#smthn nice every 6 seconds or I die' or 'ohhh I'm being so dramatic wahh' you know how it is | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hamartia-grander · 3 months

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so my general paranoia has always been pretty bad (hi ocd) but I thought it was more manageable the past few years as I've matured and gotten better at catching myself before I spiral, but recently (as in the past three weeks or so) it's been so bad that I do things impulsively as I'm spiralling without even realising it and it's been negatively affecting the way I perceive how friends think of me which I do NOT want to start happening again because that sucked. Idk why it's happening but I'd be grateful for any advice idrk what else to say about it.

#But anyways if you catch me acting really strange (more than usual)#or saying/doing things that seem overly docile or apologetic it's just another spiral don't worry about it #I genuinely don't know why it's gotten so much worse like I didn't change my meds I didn't change my diet I didn't change my habits #nothing crazy happened #I just have no idea #forcing myself to be vulnerable to my friends because I need help and it's about time I let people know that #affirmations certainly help but I feel so so bad asking for them like 'ohh I'm just fishing for compliments' or 'ohh I need someone to say #smthn nice every 6 seconds or I die' or 'ohhh I'm being so dramatic wahh' you know how it is #I at first thought it was just one or two occasions but no it's happened repeatedly consistently with ALL of my friends #and even coworkers and professors #I need to get out of my head I apologise to everyone who's ever had to deal with me spiralling #I promise I don't say the shit I do because I want you to feel bad for me I just genuinely in the moment am thinking that way #I know it's bad and after it's over I feel awful about it but idk what to do

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