#so i dug deep into myself and saw that yeah okay it's platonic and i'ce been trying this whole time to talk more and idk
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#nura rambles#remember i said squish is a good word i stand by it cause if i didn't have it rn i'd be spiraling again for sure#today we came back to studies and i stg the whole time i was just itching to touch this guy in our group and idk hug him or smth and if not#squish i'd be spiraling wondering wtf is it cause i definitely don't feel anything romantic for him i just want to be friends so badly and#i'm kinda repressed lmao and i struggle w showing affection and being social soooo#wtw it's my blog so i get to ramble lmao so he was late so he came when the teacher was in the room and we had no break today so we just#left early and idk i couldn't find a moment to what have a hug? why does it sound like i have a crush aaaaa#last year i thought it was a crush and i thought so much and came to conclusion that idek wtf is romantic and platonic and the difference#so i dug deep into myself and saw that yeah okay it's platonic and i'ce been trying this whole time to talk more and idk#i'm struggling with becoming friends aspect cause imposter syndrome is strong and i'm sure i'll be a burden not a good friend lmao#idk i think it all comes back to me not knowing wtf do i want#well what a productive rant!! also!!!#he backed me up when the topic of detransition came up and i said that it's 1 fucking percent and it's their business and he supported me#this is turning into a journal entry gosh wtv yeah i want queer friends and i'm too socially awkward to get closer to them cool cool cool
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