#so i have no aense of style

[mtnkat3]

[Tu.7.12.2022 4.59am]

As I have lain here, unable to sleep, my soul's pain too much to bear but for 1-2.30a sleep...

My thoughts are jumbled, so this missive to You...DPOne & maybe Alll tooo is probably gonna be disjointed.

Now that I've succumbed to staying awake it's hard to gather all the pieces to make any aense.

My eyes are swollen to slits, red nose, heart hasn't stopped hammering nor hurting.

My not being able to comprehend where I failed You DPOne... Alll?

Because...

~if~ I am Your mate...

That the past before was true...

That You are mine. & I Your's...

That You loved my nicknames, mine & Yours. That You cherished the sight of me, talking to me.

[That You/Alll have more info about me than even wh. You/Alll know more about me...]

Thrn where have I gone wrong???

How could suddenly beginning talking & reblogging to someone else... changing Your style, changing Your bio part to be almost verbatim...

How can that be that You are in love with me... as a soul mate...???

Because I thought I was plain spoken.

That yes I have a different view on our relationships than average.

That I believe in MfM...?[3?]

But in a different fashion the the average understand.

I mean soul mates, connections, closed, committed, even monogamous in the sense of marriage.

I mean my Kings, & me, Your Queen.

One woman.

Not a harem.

I guess in erotica it's described as 'menagé a quartto' [or however many] or 'reverse harem'.

What I do not agree with...

Not a harem. Gangbang, group play, swingers, or polyamorous in the sense of 'open relationships.'

That is not me.

I am possessive of my Mate/s.

Nor am I into homosexuality.

I am heterosexual.

[Just because I like the human form does not make me gay.]

I am also not a domme nor mistress.

Nor do I like 'femdom'.

Doesn't matter how many times I've blocked because I'm constantly being propositioned.

I am not into it.

Not out of hate but just not me.

It isn't what has ignited me since I was a teen.

And yes, DPOne,DOne, &Alll.

I have thought about this alll along. As I have said. I have felt You/Alll my entire life. I have eaited.

Yes. I have made mistakes.

As I have asked for You/Alll to forgive me.

So then DPOne... what is going on...???

Please...???

You/Alll have the capacity to reach & to know.

I really didn't want to have to be so vulgar as to be so detailed about my sexuality.

It is no one's business but that of my Mate/s, my Love/s, my Bears, my Kings.

But I am either a fool.

Or it is You/Alll. Of past, near, now.

Then I must ask You DPOne...

Why???

Please???

I mean I have publicly given You/Alll my trust, loyalty, faithfulness, fidelity, respect, adoratio, & devotion...

I have given my vulnerable self.

I have said things to You/Alll in this forum since March that I would rather have said in person & the rest of the world know nothing about me, or our relationships.

Yes, my mind is stuck on the nightmare, as I knew it would.

Because I just can't understand why a soul connection...bond...

Unless I've never been that to You DPOne.

So please...

Just tell me...

Am I Your mate.

Or mistaken.

Oh the pain & misery of my soul right now.

Queen Tijgeress & sub t...

Of one accord.

My soul is fractured.

Because when I have said that I believe that we were Created together by God.

I have meant it.

I tend to mean what I ssy.

But I cannot take free will nor choice from You Alll.

So DPOne... if that is what You want...

My shattered soul will be at Your feet with the key from its hole ,Your's, falling within the shards.

These aren't just words.

These are my soul's feelings & thoughts.

To You Alll.

And maybe I misunderstood. All of the bulls. The trees, castles, houses. Rivers & streams... I meant Alpha/s. But honestly I believe that the animal within shares the mind & as such in control of the base instincts.

Because I believe in magic.

That God Crrated everything.

Spoke us into being.

As I am a hybrid Tijgeress kat.

So too I feel You/Alll are unique & complex.

My soul...my Mate/s... I just cannot give up.

Unless You Alll want me to.

So I will stop noe.

Just...

Please tell me DPOne???

Whatever I did wrong.

Or if You just want me to fade away.

I love You DPOne.I love You DOne.I love You/Alll.

Your's/s'...

Whatever You Alll decide.

Bowed.

~t.

5.54am

Trepidation. Send. 6.01a