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emhawkily · 2 months ago

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can you still do read more page breaks?

oh perfect, now I can rant about health stuff FAIR WARNING THIS IS A RANT ABOUT PERSONAL THINGS. literally don't even know how you found this I have no idea if anyone is even reading this I highly doubt it but THIS HAS BEEN YOUR WARNING.

literally having that ovarian cyst has been the absolute WORST. I know I've been having a "good recovery" and it's all going well and I'm apparently bouncing back quickly but I HATE THIS SO MUCH. like I had a fucking basketball in my abdomen and no one (including me) noticed for MONTHS. IT WAS THERE FOR OVER A YEAR LIKE WTF. and there's truly no way to know how much it was truly affecting me, like looking back on all of 2024 I'm finding moments and wondering if it was something that was cyst related after all.

honestly the worst non-physical health thing is the fact it's made me feel so fucking lonely. so many people are being supportive and coming over to help when I ask but like after the first two weeks people basically stopped checking in? like I'm still in recovery guys. I'm still struggling. I still hate everything that's happened to me. and god forbid I just want to rant about how much the whole situation has sucked, because so many people are trying to find the silver lining for me. I DON'T WANT A SILVER LINING THIS FUCKING SUCKED.

also I haven't been able to talk to anyone about how actually frightening it was during the day i was waiting on results on if it was cancer or not. like thank god it wasn't but for a day I HAD NO IDEA. AND NO ONE CAME OVER NO ONE CHECKED IN.

it sucks that my best friend is in Denver. like she couldn't do shit. she sent me kpop boys for distraction but like what else could she do. meanwhile my best friend here at home didn't call me once before the surgery. and only texted if I texted her first. WHY DO I NEED TO EXPLICITLY TELL PEOPLE I NEED THEM. WHY IS IT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND I NEEDED FUCKING HELP AND SUPPORT AND I DIDNT WANT OR NEED TO ASK FOR IT MYSELF.

honestly my parents carried this whole thing. the support the recovery, everything, shout out to them. but also I'm fucking 31. why is it that my parents are the only people doing this. I'm supposed to have a whole self formed community and it didn't fucking work. and then by 3 weeks post recovery everyone went back to acting like everything is normal, meanwhile I still can't lift more than a gallon of milk.

the worst part of all of this is I still feel guilty being mad about all of this. like god forbid I need anything, the minute I do my guilt goes into overdrive.

maybe this is a sign. I'm just not a person who's going to ever be anyone's first priority in the long term. I know I'm probably catastophizing but like. I had major surgery and a massive medical issue and I just have come out of that whole situation feeling more and more lonely. like no one really cares anymore if I'm able to be at events or not. again, I know that's probably not true but someone explain that to the years of literally being no one's first priority. YEARS.

I wish I could drink. I can't drink till April but I just want to be drunk and not think about these things for a while. I want my abdomen muscles to work normally again. I want a hug.

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jovnie · 4 years ago

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The devil's desire | Yoongi

Summary;

You fell in love with a man of many pasts, however he desired more than a relationship. He wanted your soul for eternity.

Words: 13k

Devil yoongi! Demon au! Human reader

Very Dark themes

Warnings: religious concepts, gore, porn without plot, death, big dick yoongi, clubbing, kidnapping, non-con touching, blood, cnc, prey ( y/n ), stalker yoongi, drugged, drugs, chains, cutting, rough sex,

"She's almost ready sir!" a winged creature announced. Nodding in his throne, he took the mirror and looked through it. There you were getting ready to meet a mysterious guy at a club or well hoping to once again. He smirked devilishly knowing you remembered to come back to this particular club.

He previously brought you to this nightclub in Korea, hidden through an alleyway in the darkest part of Busan. There was danger and a constant fear of being robbed, kidnapped. Even if Korea was a safe place, things like kidnapping and murder still happen and even more so at night.

He remembered that you kept a knife and a taser with you, he liked the vulnerability you had going to a place not meant for angels let alone humans at night. He found it charming how oblivious you are to your surroundings as well. He was a man of darkness and hell for sure, but one thing was for sure. He only craved humans who were pure and light energetically. 'Suppose you did know that the Club was own by the devil himself, would that really stop you' he thought.

He watched her put on clothes and noticed how delicate she was in his eyes. No, this wasn't the first time he'd watch her. Not the last either, it seemed like a generational curse in his eyes. He wasn't mad he placed it on the females to feel tempted by his actions, however, each one passed the test. you however failed it the first two times, making it the third time.

Sighing, he put the mirror down and stood up. Stretching, he allowed his black feather wings to elongate and move around before putting them away. Looking at his watch it was a quarter past 11 pm, he'd knew you want to be early and try and catch a good table. However the little worry of what if someone wanted to take you before him, hurt you before him. The thoughts riled him up, making him grab his keys and wait by the portal. Besides the gate doesn't open until 11:59, so his intrusiveness can calm for now.

While waiting, he took out the cute little human hand mirror you'd gifted him a while back. He looked at himself and the scar over his left eye, "maybe this is what attracts them" he chuckled softly.

As time fastened, he waited for the lock in the air to appear. He waited long and hard for that little red lock and once it appeared, he opened all the portals from his underworld to the human world and the other one which lead stright to his club.

Formally known as 666 plaza to hadians, the chosen humans only knew it as void 218. To you it was just another club on the holy day of Sunday. Although you were never brought up with Christianity, you had the basics that everyone knew, loved, and hated.

Waiting by the gates or humanly known as "doors" you pulled out your phone to realize there was no battery or charge. Confused as you could've sworn it was full when you left, you herd the doors open and the mini line began moving. Your eyes wandered the room to find the stairs that led to the upper level where you would meet and see Yoongi. You knew it was stupid to keep doing this, but with yours and his schedule it wasn't at all.

Passing by the few people, you found upstairs and walked up seeing there were already people inside which confused you, but you paid little attention to it. Waiting by the usual black velvet seats and area, you head a familiar voice.

"Is this your regular peach vodka with light ice?" yoongi asked loudly over the now loud music playing. Nodding, you sat up and greeted him before getting your drink. Little did u know about his plans with you or what tonight was gonna be.

Smiling softly, yoongi was gentle eyes admired your beauty as he get down with his own drink. He took a sip of his own drink that was laced with a sleeping drug, one that'd do nothing to him and more to you.

"So what are you doing here?" He asked knowingly.

"Well, it's a Sunday and I have nothing planned so I thought I come by" you lied, hoping the white lie would slip. Nodding, yoongi put his hand on your thighs and moved closer to talk to you about life and each other week. You mentioned something about the campus or school you were studying and he lied about his "forensics" job and how hard it was to see how people died. Continuing, he bought the two of you more drinks and when the timing was right offered one of his. Thanking him for the kind jester, you took a sip. He smiled and also took a sip after you, then placed it back down.

"Good isn't it?" he said, reaching over to his phone and at the time. Noticing he did so you hummed and snuck another sip. Then another. Whatever was in had you almost drinking his entire cup down.

"Omg what is this, what's making it so good. I can't put my finger on it" she said as her words slowed down and her eyes blinked slowly. He watched her body start to feel tired, then at the right moment whispered in her ear "apple, cherry, lime, it's a light alchcolic drink and right, drugs."

Soon as her eyes closed and body dropped, he mustered enough strength to pick her up and sling you over his shoulder. "Another one taken by the devils favorite drink, poison apple," he whispered knowing nobody cared to stop him not could. Well not if they wanted hells punishment if not worse death, even if they were immortal. Walking up the last set of stairs he opened the portal and handed the keys to his servant and told him to look after.

Noting the girl, the servant nodded and knew the king was gonna take his time and would be in a long "meeting." Taking charge of the place, yoongi walked up to his Castle surrounded by blue flames in the middle of nowhere and walked in. He demanded for total privacy, meaning nobody in or even near the castle or be banished for eternity and with that everyone wondered what that soul did to get his undivided attention. From there gossip spread about you from one to another creature and it traveled fast.

Meanwhile, he laid you on the bed and looked at his watch. The drug last about 30 minutes and about 20minuets have gone. From there he requested one trusted worker with a list. The list was :

The devils list

Body Chains and rope

Salt and a black cross

2 Robes

Wipes

Black paint

Sheep's blood

Lube any flavor

Nodding the worker flew off and yoongi allowed his wings to expand out his back and eyes to turn a dark blue color as his hair contained white strips. He watched your sleeping body, before checking the time and seeing he has 5 minutes left before you wake up. Taking that in he stretched his neck and before activating his speed and undressing you, cleaning the area around the bed, making sure the chain locks are stable and if not changing them, turning off lights and lighting candals all around the room and the whole castle and finally sitting down at the edge. Checking the time once again, he had 3 minutes left and so did the worker before he'd get pissed and with that thought the worker came to drop everything off before yoongi told him to get lost.

With the activation of speed he quickly undressed, sat the cup near the bed and filled it with sheeps blood, put salt near the edge without touching it as it stung him, put the cross around his neck and began drawing a ritual circle around the bed then finnaly the walls. To end everything he placed the chains on your hands and feet then connected to each end of the bed. The rest of the stuff he just put next to the bed and laid naked above you waiting for you to wake up.

He knew the drug was strong, but he didnt think it was that strong so he checked the time again and 10 minutes had passed by. Sighing, he began taking the knife and cut a slit on his wrist and placed the wound to your mouth. After a few blinks, you began to wake up and within a second you panked and a minute later realised you were chained.

Weak, scared, targeted, blood covered lips, chained and his favorite vulnerability he finally felt aroused at the sight. With lust in his eyes and an aura darker than night himself, he slowly kissed your cheek.

"Welcome to hell baby" he greeted, confused you closed your eyes and for once prayed you'd be able to wake up in where you left to only get the image of him drugging you and making you pass out. To then opne them and see the same sight.

"Wouldn't that make you?" She paused trying to yank the chains.

"Hades, satan the devil or whatever you humans call me for ruling the underworld. Then yes that's me and as you see, you're caged like a bug trapped in a spider's web. How cute. How naive to trust anyone you've properly met either. " he whispered the last bit in your ear as his lips traveled around your chest and neck leaving hickeys as he moved.

Groaning, you tried yanking the chains hearing a noise and hoping it ment it broke to realise no he fooled you with the sound of his nails knocking on the wood.

"Got you" he chuckled as you began scared, moving his lips towards your breast he sucked softly getting slight moans from your mouth. "Mm good girl continue with it an d maybe I'll spare your soul" he joked, sucking and groaning your other breast with his hands. Ignoring him and forcing your mouth to close. He raised an eyebrow and sat up, he then looked at your mouth and then his length.

"That wasn't smart now was it dsrling?" He asked, as his crouch hovered your mouth and his length being rubbed on your face as the other hand rested on the wall. "Noe open wide and if not, I can allways just shove it. Dont think about biting as i can manually remove teeth of needed" he mentioned as tears rolled down your eyes as he slowly entered his length.

"Good girl, suck it like that" he groaned, slowly moving his hips all the way in and out. With doing so he admired the trlaclesnt salty wetness driping from her eyes that he took a finger and wiped it. Caressing her face as he continued thrusting and groaning till he felt hard enough and then pulled out. Wiping her eyes again he grabbed the lube and posed the non negotiable question of

"May I pretty angel, take this as mine?" He whispered softly as he leaned down to her ear. Nodding yes a tear ran and he licked it clean, causing a slight shiver down her body. "Good" he replied, putting lube around his own length and stoking it on.

"If you cum on me will I get pregnant?" You asked shyly.

"Mm, well yes and that's my goal princes or should I say queen. Your body is mine after all." he tells, taking his fingers and tracing a cross between your chest as he watches a dark mark appear in a mini cross between your chest.

Crying harder knowing you've not only been kidnapping, but there was an even little chnace of seeing your family friends and well your little pet. "I love when you cry my love" he said softly as his fingers softly rubbed against you clit and his lips attach to yours. Knowingly you kissed back and surprisingly it felt like comfort but tasted like sin and poison. One your body will soon adapt to. As your mouths moved in unison, his fingers rubbed softly around your bud and you were finally able to relax and enjoy the feeling. He had an undeniable hold on your body, one your soul started to grow a liking too the longer her rubbed and kissed your lips. Soon you became hungry for more and grinded against his hand and with the hint he rubbed quicker as you moaned down his throat and his free hand now snaking behind your back. Moaning more you called his name, in which he loved begging you to say again.

"YOONGi!"you moaned louder as his stomach and cock felt it making it twitch slightly. stoping his finger he guided his tip and put his chin on your neck and slid in slowly, taking his time as you adjusted before moving faster. You pulled the chains trying to hold onto him but he shook his head no and softly held your body up with the help of the chains and began pounding into you.

No it was not a speed nor length you were used to, but the feeling you could by a heartbeat. You legs became weak, your back arched hard, your mouth could only stay open and your head was in a daze as he fucked you without mercy. His length was big enough to make you scream from the top of your lungs and beg for more. He loved that and too started moaning which soon started to sound like deep breathes and heavy grunts. He loved the warm, pulsing feeling of your pussy on him as it dripped with cum around him.

"Ah, fuck, That's hot!" he moaned loudly. Moving his hips closer, he pushed his length in deeper and the sounds of his hips crashing into yours echoed the room. You were now at a point of no return, all you could do was moan and take him, which only increased his horniness and overall arousal.

"I'm close!" yoongi groaned and panted as his hips movements slowed down, but the deepness was still there. Shopping, yoongi's body out of tiredness fell on top of yours and he kissed your neck softly. Without enough energy to pull out, he came deep, groaning in your neck and laying still. Both overly fucked out and deep breathing, laid there until yoongi got enough energy to unchain your hands and drink from the cup of blood that started to reek and fill the room. The room that once smelt like lavender and vanilla now smelled like sex and sheep's blood. Leaning down to kiss you, you kissed back with your body begging to ache like hell and body starting to contort you screamed in pain. Whispering something into your neck, he held you close to his chest as you grabbed and scratched his back till the blood came from it.

"Submit and it'll go quickly." he whispered tired as can be. Taking his advice, you closed your body and let it take over. Suddenly your eyes and hair became white as a dove and the pain stopped. Not only did he claim you as his, the kiss of blood crowned you queen of the underworld.

They laid naked as each could no longer have the strength to get up, but hold each other in a soft hug. Comferting and relaxing, considering what had to happen. They slept wedded that night, perfectly times as the full moon was now full and the ritual circle could light up red as the two came into harmony.

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charrfie · 5 years ago

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Alright now that its officially Forzen Friday let's try this post again since it didn't show up in the tags last time-

I'M FINALLY MAKING A FORZEN HC DUMP (kinda AU-ish territory but not really idk exactly) AND NONE OF YOU CAN STOP ME

There are also a few other hcs sprinkled in here related to other characters (like Darnold and Sunkist for example) but Forzen is the main focus!! Despite him being a minor character I latched onto him and fleshed him out sm yall have no idea

Everything under the cut bc this shit is gonna be LONG (and there's also some more doodles that take up a bit of space!)

Also uhh if people like this I might take one for another hlvrai character later bc I have a lot to say about everyone!!

Forzen moved from France to the US with his parents when he was around 12 or 13 (yes, I'm aware that Scorpy and Holly are French Canadian and not France French but that doesn't mean Forzen can't be, I'm just being sure to say this now before someone says something to me about it)

He wanted to go to college and eventually become a game dev, but he didn't have the funds or the support for it (his family thought anything to do with games would amount to a career that would go nowhere).

Because of this, he instead was recruited in the US military. He originally had no intent to join, but after constantly being harrassed recommended to join and being entertained with the concept of being able to afford and pay for college, he caved (hence him telling the science team that his only goal is "to graduate").

He doesn't like his job very much if that wasn't clear.

And neither do most others that have the same job like him.

He was put on a "team" of his own, Team Nice, which was likely arranged as a guaranteed way to get Forzen in the way of danger, and with no one else fighting beside him, he would be easily dealt with- no one would have to worry about him bothering them again. However, he somehow manages to survive all of this, of course. Somehow. He likely knows the real reason he was assigned his own team (if you can even call it that), but refuses to fully acknowledge it for his own sanity, and instead pretends that he's some big, important person on a team that ranks so highly, he's the only one qualified to be in it. (I apologize ahead of time for giving one of the most shitposty and throwaway characters in hlvrai this much depth and angst, there was just potential there leave me alone)

Fast forward to the actual events of hlvrai though. This hc is a little outlandish but I really like the concept!!! So, at one point, Forzen is killed, presumably by some kind of creature that was out and about due to the RenCas. The science team + Benrey stumble across him (act 2 part 2 at around 13 min in for anyone curious), and Benrey decides to use the healing beam Sweet Voice on him. While Benrey and Forzen may not be on good terms anymore, Benrey still very begrudgingly cares about him and didn't want to see him get injured or die. Forzen wakes up a minute or so after the science team exits the room, assuming that he just passed out, nothing more, and goes along with things as normal.

He meets Darnold a while after his first (concious) run in with the science team. Darnold has recently dealt with the science team and helped them out, but is pretty bummed that he couldn't travel with them, as everything was far too scary and dangerous for him. Forzen, wanting to escape Black Mesa and the military altogether, ends up making a deal with him that he'll handle all the dangerous stuff if Darnold can show him a way out.

Now, meeting Darnold is a very new experience for him, since Darnold actually enjoys his company, and actually wants to befriend him! At first, Forzen openly tries to act as if Darnold is a huge deal to put up with- he goes along with with the whole "if you're escaping outta this hellhole with me, you better keep up" kinda deal (despite the fact that he kinda NEEDS Darnold to escape and show him the way out). His walls are still very much so raised, and he doesn't let his guard down as he's not used to others caring about him and his safety. But as time passes, he begins to realize that maybe Darnold DOES want to be his friend, and the tough guy act becomes less apparent.

To preface this next one- Sunkist sensed that something was up (he has a next-level sense of danger when it comes to Tommy's safety) and got to BM as fast as he could, searching every hallway for his boy. This is when Forzen finds him!! He figures that taking Sunkist as a hostage would be enough to get extra info out of the team that's been practically plaguing him lately.

Darnold doesn't know about Forzen's plans to take Sunkist hostage, so is completely fine with traveling alongside him. At one point though, Forzen and Darnold get separated (Forzen occupies him, makes sure hes safe and then runs off to deal with Sunkist). Darnold immediately uses his surroundings to model a quick little teleporter device to get Forzen back, because, you know, the man's a genius. Idc if its logical or not just go with it shhh I've gotta fill in the plotholes with something. That's why Forzen disappears all of a sudden after he's cornered by the science team. He just pops back in front of Darnold suddenly, all confused and loopy from the whole teleportation thing.

As things begin to wind down, Darnold and Forzen make it out of BM and start making a break for it, no idea how they'll get away from BM and to safety somewhere- they didnt really think things through.

Fortunately (or unfortunately for Forzen really), however, G-man picks both of them up. He means to drop Darnold off at Tommy's party, as he observed that Darnold helped his son to safety and is grateful for it. Forzen, though, he intends to "deal with" for messing things up so badly with Tommy, Sunkist, and all of Tommy's friends. This is where Darnold finds out about everything Forzen did and frankly gets really pissed with him since he thought he only had good intentions??? Luckily though, Darnold convinces G-man to give him a second chance, let him go to Tommy's party and apologize, and try things again. G-man, for some reasons agrees- probably bc hes in a good mood, as it IS his son's birthday.

The party is pretty uncomfortable to say the least. Tommy's extremely hesitant to talk to Forzen, but he does, and they end up on neutral terms by the end of it. Uneasy, but neutral. Tommy and Darnold hit it off though, and Tommy opens the invitation to Darnold that he can visit his place anytime now that everything at BM is over with.

As everyone's getting ready to leave, Forzen mentions to Darnold that he doesn't have a place to stay, seeing as the entire military was kinda. Yknow. Wiped out. Obviously wouldn't wanna go back to check anyways. And he has no interest in going home to his parents. So Darnold agrees to let him stay with him since they've become good pals over the course of everything.

Over time, Darnold visits Tommy more and more often. He starts bringing Forzen along, which Tommy is iffy of at first, but their dynamic starts to change and become more comfortable once Tommy sees that Forzen isnt interested in being enemies anymore.

Sunkist and Forzen still don't get along for a very long time. Or, well- it's moreso that Sunkist is very wary about Forzen, despite him not doing anything to harm either Sunkist or Tommy.

Oh yeah and almost forgot to mention one of my favorite hcs (that I PROMISE you started out as a joke but then I got attached) is Sunkist can talk!! So his first spoken interaction with Forzen after Forzen comes over to visit for the first time is literally just him being all threatening and laying down the ground rules bc he doesn't want Forzen to hurt Tommy at all in any way. And of course Forzen about has a heart attack bc "HUH??????? THERE'S A DOG THAT IS SPEAKING HUMAN WORDS TO ME"

UHH I HAVE MORE (I've written out so much shit about dynamics and what I'd think would happen even after all of this) BUT I DON'T WANT THIS TO BE TOO LONG like it already is SO I SUPPOSE I'LL LEAVE IT AT THAT FOR NOW!!!! I hope this isn't too ooc either, I just have Emotions about this series and write too much so why not share it yknow

#forzen #hlvrai forzen #hlvrai #hc time #PLEASE let this show up in the tags this time i will actually cry if not i spent so long on this

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fanficsandmoregalore · 5 years ago

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Dog Days - Chapter 2

Summary: You take the stray dogs home and clean them up. Then you search around, hoping to find the rightful owners. But what happens the next day changes EVERYTHING.

You opened the door to your apartment. Ben walked in, tail wagging happily, as if he owned the place, Matt was more anxious and cautiously walked in. You looked down and Kylo was staring into your apartment, he didnt go in though. You kneeled down beside him and he looked at you.

"What's wrong, Kylo?"

He looked at you from the corner of his eye and huffed. Then he turned around and sat in front of your doorway. You assumed he meant he was going to stay and guard your apartment, the thought of it made you giggle so you pat his head and stood up.

"You can guard the fortress from inside, goofball." You joked. Kylo growled a little bit and got up, walked into your apartment and sat by the doorway. You followed him in and closed the door behind you, making sure he saw you lock it. You walked pass Ben who sat on the couch while Matt was walking around your apartment, trying to make a mental map.

"You boys stay out here for a sec. I'll be right back." You said as you walked into your bedroom. After the door closed, Ben rolled onto his back on your couch, getting snug.

"I could get used to this."

Matt stood by the couch, looking around once more.

"Don't. We wont be dogs forever. Someday, somehow, we will figure out how to change back."

"I hope it's soon."

Matt and Ben looked over to Kylo, who had been quiet up until now.

"Oh really? Because the way i see it, you're her favorite so far."

Ben was trying to make Kylo blush but being a dog, he couldn't tell if it worked. But kylo did feel a bit embarrassed by it.

You came out of your room in some comfy pajamas and smiled at the dogs as you walked into the kitchen.

"How about some dinner? You guys look like you're starving." Ben and Matt walked into the kitchen excitedly, kylo of course staying by the door. Ben and Matt pulled chairs out from your dining table and jumped up and sat in them. You didn't think much of it, assuming it was a trick their previous owner had taught them, either way you thought it was both cute and amazing. You made a big dinner, you didn't eat much but made sure you had plenty for the dogs to eat. Kylo eventually got hungry and came over to eat, luckily you thought ahead and made him a plate. After eating, you gave each dog a bath. Ben tried pulling you into the water with him but other than that they were all well-behaved. Matt seemed to appreciate it the most and surprisingly, Kylo didn't fight it.

You were drying off Kylo when you had a sudden realization.

"Oh, you guys probably have an owner, or owners. Tomorrow I'll take you guys into work and see if you have chips or if anyone has reported missing dogs. But until we find your owners, you can stay with me." Kylo listened attentively and seemed to nod in agreement with your plan.

It wasn't too late at night so you and the 3 dogs congregated in your living room to watch movies. Halfway through one, there was a knock at your door. Kylo stood quickly and rushed over to the door but didnt bark, the other 2 couldn't care less.

"Wonder who that could be. Nobody ever visits me this late...or ever." You got up and walked over to the door, patting Kylo's head when you reached him. You unlocked it and opened it slowly, peering out into the hall.

"Did you fill out the proper paperwork to have dogs?"

It was your neighbor, Armitage Hux. He was a ginger haired, obnoxious, by the book kind of guy but seemed like decent enough person that you didn't see him as any sort of threat. You rolled your eyes and chuckled as you opened the door more.

"Well hello to you too, Armitage."

"(Y/n), you know I'm deathly allergic to dogs, right?"

You laughed a bit and Hux blushed as he folded his arms. You looked at him and shook your head.

"No you're not, you just don't like them."

"Same thing. And three of them? Are you that lonely?"

You stopped laughing and kind of glared at his comment which he of course noticed, he tensed under your gaze.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Why have 3 dogs when you can have 1 boyfriend? Come on, (Y/n). It's one date. Some dinner, a movie, you name it."

He kind of whined when he said it and you huffed.

"Hux, i told you, I'm not the type to have a boyfriend. Anyway, i gotta head to bed soon. Goodnight."

You closed the door and heard Hux sigh as he walked away. You looked at the three dogs who were all staring at you, looking as if they were waiting for an explanation.

"That's my neighbor. He's been trying to get me to go out with him since the day i moved in."

You walked over and sat on the couch. Kylo stayed by the door just in case, Ben was quick to jump to your side and Matt sat in the recliner that you had. You smiled at all the dogs.

"Who needs human boys when i have the cutest doggy boys?" You gently grabbed Ben's cheeks and mushed them and rubbed noses with him.

Ben got into your lap and licked your face, making you laugh. Eventually, you had to go to bed. And of course, Ben came to sleep in bed with you. Matt was hesitant but followed as well and laid at the foot of your bed. However, Kylo stayed awake, patrolling around your living room but eventually fell asleep on the couch.

The next morning came and you put all 3 of the dogs on the leashes you kept at home for situations like this. You walked all 3 down the sidewalk and they were calm and made walking to the clinic a breeze . You reached the vet clinic and you walked in. The boys looked around the lobby and you felt comfortable letting them off their leashes. Matt stayed with you while Ben sniffed around and Kylo followed behind you.

"Hello? Anybody home?" You joked.

"(Y/n)? Is that you?!"

Poe poked his head out from the back and saw you. He rushed out to greet you and but halted when he saw the dogs.

"Um...(Y/n), what's going on?"

You blushed and awkwardly scratched your hand, still in bandages.

"You remember the dogs i was telling you about?"

Poe became tense and looked at the 3 dogs before his eyes landed on Kylo.

"And i'm gonna guess that's the one that bit you."

You kneeled down by Kylo, who didn't care for Poe's unapproving look.

"Yes, but he also protected me from some guy who was gonna rob me .... and possibly rape me. So you really should be thanking him."

Poe rolled his eyes and pulled you away a bit.

"(Y/n), what are they doing here? And what are YOU doing here. You know the boss said you aren't supposed to come back until you for sure dont have rabies!"

You chuckled and Poe gave you a confused look.

"I'm actually here as a client."

"Uuuhhhh, what?"

"Can you check them for chips and see if anyone has reported 3 missing dogs?"

Poe rolled his eyes and took your hand in his gently.

"I'll do it for you, sweetheart. No charge. But promise me you will take care of yourself and this hand."

You nodded and looked to the 3 dogs, who had all grouped in front of you and Poe.

"Okay, boys. Go with Poe and he'll take good care of you."

"You talk to them like they're people? Geez, (Y/n), you are something else." Poe teased. You laughed and sat down. The boys followed Poe obediently and after about and hour and a half, they all came out with treats in their mouths. You looked at Poe, hoping he'd have addresses to their homes.

"Nothing. No owners, no shot records, nothing. These dogs only have names on their tags, (Y/n). That's a little strange, don't you think?"

You did find it strange but you questioned Poe further.

"What about missing dog reports?"

Poe shook his head. You found that really strange.

"Maybe someone was trying to get rid of them."

"Why would anyone want to get rid of these sweet boys."

Poe looked at Kylo who glared in response.

"I can think of a few reasons."

You stood, a bit peeved by Poe's comment.

"I'm taking them home. Thanks for everything, Poe."

You sincerely meant thanks but were a bit mad that Poe only seemed to recall Kylo biting you.

Poe told you to be careful and you leashed up the dogs and walked out of the clinic.

You looked around and it was a pretty decent day and you decided to take the boys out for some fun on the town. You smiled at the dogs and they all looked at you with confused looks.

"Let's go to the park."

You had arrived at the nearest dog park and let the 3 off of their leashes, but to your surprise, they didn't seem interested at all. You kneeled down by them.

"What's wrong, guys? It's a dog park. Don't you wanna go play with the other doggies?"

The 3 dogs all looked at each other and then you before they split up and walked around the park. You chuckled and got up to go sit on a bench. Kylo saw you go sit down and went over to join you, jumping onto the bench to sit next to you. You pet him and watched as Matt was frightened by everything around him and Ben was playing tug of war with some boxer dog. You looked at Kylo, he had also been looking out at the other dogs.

"Kylo, don't you wanna go make some friends?"

He only huffed and you laughed at him. He did a sort of bark grumble and it made you think, what was he saying? You looked back to the other 2 dogs.

"I wish i understood you, Kylo."

Kylo's ears perked up and he looked at you. You noticed and smiled at him, petting his head just behind ear.

"You guys always seem to know what I'm saying. It's so cute. I just want to be able to understand what all of you are saying, too."

You laughed at the thought of the dogs talking when suddenly Matt rushed up, whimpering, which brought you from your thoughts and you saw him being followed by a few other dogs. When Matt reached you and hid behind your legs under the bench, and Kylo jumped off the bench in front of you. The dogs following Matt stopped dead in their tracks when they made eye contact with Kylo, and ran off with their legs between their tails. You sat on the grass in front of the bench and coaxed Matt out of hiding. He lunged into your arms and you hugged him tightly. You looked over to Kylo and smiled, reaching out to pet him.

"Youre such a good boy, Kylo."

Kylo leaned into your touch more, wanting more affection, which you happily gave. You decided it was time to take the boys home.

When you reached your apartment, you heard some meowing from the other side of the hall. You looked over your shoulder to see Hux's cat, Millicent. You smiled and unlocked the door to your apartment, opening it to let the dogs in, Millicent took the opportunity to follow them in. This was a common occurrence when Hux was in a rush to get to work, and is actually how you met your neighbor in the first place.

---

"Millicent? Millicent?"

You put down the box that you were unpacking, and went to your door. It was open and you peered out into the hall. A sharp dressed, red-haired man was frantically searching the halls. You watched for a moment but suddenly felt something brush against your leg, you looked down to see an orange cat looking up at you as it leaned against your leg.

"Millicent. Milli-"

"Is this who you're looking for?"

The man turned around and when he made eye contact with you, he felt his face become heated as his breath was being taken away. He swears he had just seen an angel, and in this angel's arms was his beloved cat. He calmly rushed over to you and you handed Millicent over.

"Thank you so much. I was in such a rush to leave for work, she must've snuck out while i wasnt looking. Um, i take it you're the new tennant."

You nodded and pet Millicent as your new neighbor held her.

"Yup, as of today. I work at the clinic and this was the closest place with available apartments."

The man offered you a hand while holding his furbaby with the other.

"My name is Armitage Hux. I live across the hall."

"I'm (Y/n). Nice to meet you."

---

You picked Millicent up in your arms and pulled out your phone. It went to voicemail.

"Hey Armitage, it's (Y/n). Millicent got out again so I'm gonna hold onto her until you get back. Bye."

You put your phone back in your pocket and shut the door with your foot after entering, kissing and petting the purring cat.

You set her down and walked into the kitchen. Millicent followed you and the 3 dogs all watched and inspected the cat.

You smiled at them and pet Millicent again, showing them that she was friendly. You glanced at the dogs again, they still didn't know how to react to the cat. Maybe their previous owners didn't have cats. You thought more about the dogs' previous owners and how cruel it was that someone might want to get rid of these 3 sweethearts, but you also thought that maybe there was someone out there who was worried about them. You took a few pictures of each dog and made a post on your social media pages, showing the dogs and stating that you had found them and would hold onto them until the rightful owners came to get them. You hoped they would be able to return home soon and be with their families.

You spent the rest of the day at home, cleaning up and waiting for someone to call and ask about the dogs but nobody did. The afternoon seemed to sneak up on you and Hux came to retrieve his pet. You locked up for the night and went to bed, the dogs doing just as they did the night before.

It was 3 A.M. and the phone rang. You jolted awake, waking and scaring the dogs. You grabbed your phone and checked it, but the number was unfamiliar, and you answered anyway.

"Hello?"

"The brothers must learn their lessons before they can return to their true forms."

The voice was that of an old woman. You looked at the dogs, confused, and they returned the looks.

"I think you have the wrong number, m'am."

Just as you were about to hang up, the voice spoke again.

"(Y/n)! You must listen. You are the only one who can help them!"

This made you more anxious but you listened.

"The brothers are beast, in the mind and in appearance. You must help them fix the mistakes they have made."

"Lady, i don't know the brothers you are talking about." You tried to explain.

"They will know. They will tell you."

Then then phone hung up.

"What the hell? I must be dreaming."

You pet the dogs and told them it was nothing and you all went back to bed. But that night, you had a strange dream.

3 tall boys were laughing and talking with you but you had never seen them before. 2 of them had long, shaggy, black hair and one had blonde hair and glasses, but they all had similar faces. You felt so safe being with these boys you didn't recognize. It was sunny and warm where you all were. You smiled, enjoying the company of such sweet boys.

You woke up suddenly. You felt your eyes flutter open and slowly all your senses woke up too.

"I'm just saying, if we lived in a town like this, we'd all be getting laid. There are so many hot women in more populated areas."

"You're so gross, Ben!"

You sat up quickly, panic already setting in. You looked around your room. The dogs were missing and there were strangers in your home. You quietly got out of bed and snuck to the door, peering out into the living room.

"I wonder when she's gonna be up. I'm getting kinda hungry."

You looked out but didn't see anyone, this was starting to really freak you out. Where were the dogs? Suddenly you saw Matt jump onto the recliner.

"Be patient. She was nice enough to let us stay here and cook for us out of the kindness of her heart, she's not our nanny."

Your jaw dropped. It WAS the dogs.

"Holy shit."

You covered your mouth immediately. The dogs looked at you and you quickly backed into your room, slamming the door shut and locking it.

"HOLY SHIT!!!"

#kylo ren x reader #kylo ren #matt solo x reader #matt the technician #ben solo x reader #ben solo #star wars #dog days

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storyofmyownlife · 5 years ago

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End of The Decade

I started this about 9 years ago for a very simple reason-I was hooked on the tv show called Akward. Jenna, the main protagonist of the show, likes to write blogs about her life as a way to cope and express how she feels. Awe inspired, I decided to create my own anonymous blog with the hopes that cathartic venting and documenting the past can help me navigate the present. For the last couple if years, l had been given many opportunities to taste the bittersweet feelings of life. Truth to be told, I have never thought I would be here writing this blog to end the decade. The earlier entries can attest to this. Ten years a go my life was in shambles. I had a broken family, broken English, and the broken will to live.

My father, two siblings and I arrived in Canada on April of 2009 to finally live with my mom. With little regards of the past, I cherished the brand new start to live a life without prejudice. I felt very little emotion when I left the Philippines because I knew deep down I could finally escape the invalidation of others of how I suppose to love. Of course, then, I was naive to think that I wouldn't felt that way ever again- I was completely wrong. It did not take long before everything start to turn sour. Us siblings did not get a long. We did not group together and we did not know how to live with one another. My mom and dad started to fight a lot. Almost every night. My dad started drinking a lot for many reasons that I know now and understood, but not completely forgiven. He misses his old life back in his home country- the life of the party and his other family. My mom push him to work and help with bills. Just like my sister and my brother and I, My mom and dad did live apart for many years. The feeling of living with my whole family was foreign to me. A month after arrival, the incident happened. The police came and for many months the social worker came and visit us. The resentment between us siblings began to build up. For many months, my brother and I blamed my sister for telling the truth. Knowing what I knew now she did the right thing. Nevertheless, my brother and I alienated her.

I also had broken English. I did not make a lot of friends in Grade 8. I was that loner kid who would spend every day during lunch alone and would walk on the school ground by himself. My sister and my brother got their own friends. I wanted to make my own but couldnt. On the bright side, my brother became friends with the guy name Denver. He is one of the only few people in our lives who never left for the past decade. He is still with us.

I started high school. I made more friends who are Filipino. We all kind of form this group. Denver is also part of it. Within that inner group, we had more inner clique called cajibo. I'm not going to disclose who they are because I no longer associate myself with them and it does not matter. There were also four girls who called themselves kimfejeny and they became part of the inner group. Regardless of what happened in the end, they taught me a lot of things about life. For the first time, they made me feel what is like to find a family in a group of random strangers. I must admit they helped us work throughout with some of the traumas. We had crazy dreams together, we spent so many adventures together, and they taught me the life is not as simple as black and white. It all ended because I cared too much and told the truth when it was not my place to do so. Inspite of if all, there were some silver linings to it.

I worked hard to improve my english and move in advance english. My ESL teacher helped me a lot. I improved my academic performance in no time. I also began to developed new relationships. My brother and I became more close to Daniel, Alen, Kith, and Alden. I also began to listen to Taylor Swift's music. She did help me cope with unreciprocated love, broken hearts, and the unpredictability of life. I swear I had crush on couple of people at my high school. I'm just gonna name them here for memories sake- adam, alden, aiah, and andrew.

As time went by, I started thinking about my future. After taking few courses, I knew that I have a passion for literature and history. During my junior and senior years, I took classes in philosophy, history, and law. I was no good in math. Science was okay. I actually got the biology award college level and made it to the honor roll in grade 11 and 12.

In my senior year, this girl name Chelsea asked me out to go to the prom with her. I tagged a long with her friends. They were also friends kimfejeny and some members of cajibo. It was an okay time. I didnt really have an ecstatic time. Suffice to say, I got to go so it was a check for one of my bucket list. Since I'm on the subject, I also went to Red tour concert instead of going to my own school prom. Ed Sheeran performed with Taylor swift! They were both great. Another item checked off!

On my last year, I was also determined to move out. My mom was very supportive of it. We started to look for school. I got in to all of the ones that I applied to. I was torn between u of t and Mac. To be honest, I would not have considered or let alone knew about mcmaster if it wasn't for Andrew. I visited both schools. I thought that u of t provide more classes and opportunities for what I wanted to do. But, I wanted to have an experience like those in movies. Also, deep down I wanted to run away in hope that I could find myself and be. I decided to go to mac

My brother and I graduated. I said goodbye to my favorite high school teach who gave my brother and I a gift. But she did not need to because she has already given me so much and more. The summer was filled with excitement and anticipation. I held a get together before I leave for college. I said goodbye to my friends and left a note for my brother to read. There were crying involve because I felt that I did not deserve them at all. They were so good to me and I was not in return. That summer was bittersweet.

I started my university experience. I would not go in a lot of details because I pretty much documented my first year here well enough. Grace, Shane, nicole and devone made a difference in life, especially Grace. She saved me from myself.

In second year, it was interesting because it started off as bad. I was seeing this guy and wanted to be with him but couldnt. I also was very insecure about myself and my sexuality. Everyone went on dates, make out with someone at the party, etc. I risked my life a couple of times in pursuit of getting the same experience. With the help of my friend and after going to group support, I got through it all. I started joining clubs: board games society, humanities,etc.

Devon came back. Turns out he is bi. I've always liked and wanted him. I had wanted his approval but It was an impossible task. He was drunk and toxic. He liked one of my roommate to who kind of like him too, but did know it was right. She was also the only person who knew about my feelings towards him. Suffice to say my relationship with Devon was severed after the end of that year. Shane was also a drunk and feel like he would not approve of my sexuality so I cut my relationship with him slowly.

I also started dating someone name T. It was an okay relationship. He was a really good guy but I don't think we were meant for each other. I loved how he held me, but I knew I was not the one for him. I was not a good boyfriend to him. I think I tried to look for things in him that I want from my partner. Older, and hopefully wiser, know now that it was wrong. I ended it.

I had great times with my friends and old roommates. Spontaneous drives, adventures, and they gave me opportunities to experience things I never experienced before. Like going to demetris, hiking to trails and falls, random trips to McDonalds etc. Alicia also became my support on my last year at mac. I also became hers as well.

When graduated, I did not find a job immediately and was kind of down. I started to work out to motivate myself. I lost about 75 pound in a couple of months. With the help of family friends, I got hired at a law firm. I learned a lot of things from there. What it's like to practice law, experience to use office equipments, how to network, etc. The perks were great. But the coworkers and the work are not as great. Couple of coworkers come and go. 2 years and a half I still work with them. I also met Ashley, Selena, clarice, bryce, mike. Fun fact: Ashley's wedding was the first wedding that I attended that was not affiliated with my family.

A year ago, I woke up one day and decided to apply to post grad HR program. I was supposed to apply right after I graduated university but I knew I needed to take some time off. But, that day, I was determined to start a new. I got in to the program but was not able to start until last january. The program taught me so much about myself and others. I worked like I've never work in my life. In the end, I got 3.64 GPA. I've made friends and enemies.

My friends from high school that I mentioned before are still with me to this very day. We've gone through so many late night adventures together! I finished my internship last week and I now work as a full time employee at COC. I've traveled couple of times outside Canada for the past 2 years.My family and I recently went to punta Cana. I'm hoping to go to either Mexico or California next year!. I know in my last post I may have mentioned my struggle with the changing times. I know everyone in my life is starting to build their own life without me and that's okay. It is part of growing up. I'm also having short term memory lost lately but hopefully I get better. I'm hoping that my friendship with mike and Bryce would last longer. I wish my family the best in this new decade.

They say, life gets tougher as you grow older. My hope is I became tougher and more resilient still. I will ride the every changing tides of time while always looking up to the daylight.

I'll tell you the truth but never goodbye.

December 31st, 2019

Ps: pic 1 shows the books that I accumulated and read over the years. Pic 2 my favorite things the I received and owned this year.

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tvdamonelena4ever · 7 years ago

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It Had To Be Her.

A Jessica Jones Season 2 Ending Analogy

SPOILER ALERT, PLEASE JUST SKIP OVER THIS IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS.

"It didn't have to be you" but that was a lie.

The best twist of that iconic line, “it didn’t have to be you”, is that it had to be Trish, there was no other option. A quick summary, TLDR, Jessica was pretty much brainwashed by her 'mom’ and could not understand all the damage she was doing to not just her life but to everyone's lives by keeping her alive. That woman stopped being her mom the very moment Karl experimented on her and gave her so many defects that she VERY CLEARLY could not handle.

So lets talk Alisa, people can and will claim that she was still Jess' mom because of all the memories but I just can’t agree with that because there's a lot of evidence that goes against that. Even with all those memories and her apparent 'Love’ for Jessica (which btw if you look back it wasn’t really there much at all. It was always Karl over her own daughter) it did not matter, she could only barely and in some instances control her monstrous nature that Karl created and that was only when Jess was with her and even that took time to try and control, so Jess was really supposed to be shackled 24/7 to something that used to be her mom, to try and keep her, a very dangerous mass murderer, in check!??? The terribly sad truth was that her mom did die in that car crash and what was brought back was just a shell with the memories of a previous life, her trying to be that woman and using the voice of who used to be Jess’ mom.

Let's go in depth with that voice, that is where all of Jessica’s control and rationality starts to kind of rapidly disappear, that voice is what got into Jessica’s head, she said in 2x08 she doesn’t see her mom when she looks at her but she hears her through her voice, that is what pretty much brainwashed Jess and made her lose all sense of rationality, choice, control etc, in my opinion, the second half of this season was Jessica being controlled by another Killgrave, another monster but this one wore her mother’s face and had her mother's voice and that was all too powerful of an emotional connection to her past for Jess to break free from. Jess wanted so badly to believe her mom was still there but she just wasn’t, Jess literally wanted to drop the case and forget everything that her 'mom’ did, all the murders etc. that we saw in the first 7 episodes and even continued to see afterwards because she really wanted that to be her mom, she wanted to believe that she got a second chance with her mom.

Now let’s talk about Trish a bit, while I can’t entirely defend Trish with a lot of the choices she made I can see why she made some of them. The inhaler drug was a split between Trish just giving into the high kind of feeling that she had fallen into before but it was also abour her wanting to be able to help Jessica more, she wanted to be Jess' sidekick and she believed who she was wasn't enough. Next, when Jess first told Malcolm and Trish about 'her mom’ Trish could immediately tell that Jess wasn’t herself, she knew that Jess was probably not going to be able to see clearly and break through this hold her 'mom’ had gotten on her, even with how strong Jess is in all aspects. I can see that was part of, definitely not the only reason, but partly why Trish wanted powers and kidnapped Karl to achieve them. Yes Trish did have some selfish intentions there, I know that but part of her intent was to stop Jess’ mom, in 2x12 Trish admits Jessica is the only one who can put her down, that was really the only option despite the illusion of choice the writers showed us. So what happens when Jess tries to finally do what had to be done? Jess still couldn’t do it because she still wanted that to be her mom, it really wasn’t but she still wanted to believe it was.

So 2x13, the episode that really ties this all together nicely, this was such a crazy episode and I want to dive into this a little bit because once I watched it I was able to see what I believe the writers were establishing all season. Again this is my opinion, I think they were trying to make us believe that Alisa(?) could be redeemed, showing that illusion of choice time and time again but whenever they did that it was always by showing it through Jess’ perspective. From any other angle you wouldn’t feel a thing for her, look at how rational and how right Pryce was, i hated the guy but he had no connection to her and he told Jess what she needed to do. Now look back the first 7 episodes and how much different Jess and us, the audience, reacted to this mass murderer but in the back half of this season you mostly only see Alisa through her daughter (a daughter who lost her whole family far too young and truly just wanted a second chance with any of them) they try to make you feel sorry for Alisa, try to make you feel for Jess and the loss of her family and the apparent finding of her 'mom', and they want to make you think Alisa could somehow be redeemed but that was never the case and that was never there intention. So 2x13, this was the best this beast got, but not even saving that family could redeem her, she was doing that for selfish reasons like wanting Jess to stay with her, shackled to her in hopes that she could remain in check but that just isnt possible and then near the end of 2x13, we actually do see Alisa, the real Alisa, truly come back to life and be Jess' mom one last time, because she does such a selfless act and it’s the one thing Jessica couldn’t do, accept that who Alisa is now can’t stay alive, not as this monster that Karl created, she finally shows a bit of love for Jess by not wanting to ruin her entire life just for her to have to try and keep a beast in check. I will come back to the very end but first I want to explore the episodes that led up to this a bit more to show some crucial things.

First, let’s look at when she surrended and was in jail, that seemed to be selfless and a honest move to try and reconnect with Jess right? Wrong because she would still continue to protect the person that made her a monster, that was her selfish intent and bargaining chip for Jess to have visitation rights. Yes she got abused by a guard, and that was a bit wrong but with everything she had done it wasnt unwarranted. Anyways she doesnt just let it go and made sure Jess saw what happened, she should have been selfless here and kept this to herself but she doesn’t. Jessica Jones, who started the season saying “I’m not a murderer”, then went to this dude’s house to investigate, got caught off guard and ends the next episode by killing him, the third life she took. I'd like to also mention the extremely amazing gaurd that replaced him, what happened to her? You all saw it and you know she didnt deserve that. So back to Jessica and who shows up in 2x11, Killgrave, there to haunt her mind but it’s not him that makes those scenes important, it’s the real meaning behind them, Jessica not in control, Jessica not being able to see clear, Jessica doing things she knows she shouldn’t be doing. This whole episode I believe was the clearest evidence to show that Jess was really struggling to have control of her actions, her emotions, her rationality, her reality etc. At the end of this episode you think she’s okay and you believe that she has gotten her control again by getting rid of the Killgrave like control that was in her head but that wasn’t the case, it was a trick. Her 'mom’ had such control over Jess that even when she repeatedly threatened Trish, Jessica could not break that hold, her 'mom’ even comes to kill Trish and her 'mom’ almost makes Jessica herself kill Trish by blocking her throat. After that you would think Jess would finally understand that there was no ther way this could end but she refuses to believe that even when Trish tells her she is the only one who can put her down, even when she has a gun pointed at her 'mom’. And that episode ends with her 'mom’ knocking her out and kidnapping her.

That just isn’t love but even with all of that Jess was still willing to become a criminal for her 'mom’, an accomplice to a mass murderer trying to escape, yes she was a mass murderer you can’t even debate that.

Let’s touch on 2x07, Her 'mom’ even murdered one of Jess’ boyfriends, one that Jess was really in love with, yet Jess barely shows any anger about that, do you remember that scene? Her 'mom’ wouldn’t even listen to what Sterling said, he was outmatched and in real danger with Jess not around, so he needed to make up a lie for those thugs to leave but Jess’ mom didnt care, didnt listen to what he was trying to say, she literally just bashed his head repeatedly into a wall. There was a reason they made us, the audience, see that truly gruesome scene.

I could examine a lot more if people want me too but let’s jump to the most controversial spot. THE SCENE.

Jess and her mom on the Ferris wheel at Playland. And yes I didn’t put marks around mom that time because this is the one instance her mom is really there, Alisa finally realizes and accepts that she needs to die, to set Jess free and let her get back to her life without being shackled to a beast, a monster, that she can’t control and will take over again soon. But even here, Jess still won’t let her go and gets in too, At this point, with the info they know the police have classified Jessica as an acomplise to a mass murderer. If they would have caught Jess with her mom alive in that ride she would have saw the police murder her mom, they may have been brutal about it too, taking there time, etc. Jess would then be arrested as a criminal and possibly even charge her with all the murders her 'mom’ commited because she did not stop her and even went as far as to help her, hide her, and run away with her.

This is why it had to be Trish Walker, Jessica’s best friend who knows her better than anyone else and needed to save her from herself, just like Jess saved Trish from herself in the past, aka 2x07. With Trish being the one to kill the struggling shell of Alisa she saved Jessica in a lot of ways. Trish prevented Jess from being a criminal and arrested as one, Trish saved Jess from throwing away her whole PI career, Trish saved Jess from her mistakes. Mistakes that she didn’t even know she was making until the trigger was pulled. That’s when Jess got her control back, you could see how angry and hurt Jess was, you thought she snapped and was going to seriously hurt Trish and yet she couldn’t because she held back and controlled herself. In the aftermath of what is a tragedy to Jessica is when she comes back to the reality of her life and finally sees that she couldn’t just throw away everything she worked so hard for, her job, her life, even her potential relationship with Oscar, (Full Disclosure, I need to admit I am 100% Trishica trash but I do actually like Oscar and I think it’s a part of the story they need to tell) before she was too scared to open up to him and really let him into her life, even when he tried to stop Jess from leaving with a mass murderer to stay with him and his son because they both really like her but she still didn’t listen, she couldn’t stay. In the aftermath though Jess now knows she needs to open up to them, she can’t hold on to the past, she had to face her past and with Trish's help (even when she didnt want it) she overcame it and got closure, yes in a harsh way but that's what she needed to move on. Jess now knows that she needs to keep living her life and let some people in. That whole sweet ending with Jess, Oscar and Vido is all thanks to Trish Walker, if not for Trish Jess would have been arrested, convicted and thrown in jail for life with no bail for the crimes she became a part of when she was basically brainwashed under the illusion that she had got her mom back.

That is why it had to be her, why it had to be Trish Walker. Jess might not want to understand or forgive her but I’m sure she will in time, because Trish Walker stepped up to be the hero that Jessica needed.

If you read all this thank you again, I appreciate it so much and I am willing to hear what you all think, to politely debate about it or whatever.

P.S. Just look at them! Even in their dark times

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