#some day i'll rant about schoolgirl someday someday

[naonap]

Quotes from Schoolgirl by Dazai Osamu that made me think of BSD Dazai (specifically of my own delusional idea of what he was at 14/15) but there's only a few and i don't elaborate on why they remind me of him

"It felt as if the past, the present, and the future had collapsed into one single instant. Such things happen to me from time to time."

"Even my mother says I have unremarkable eyes. You might say that there is no light in them. They're like lumps of charcoal—it's that unfortunate. See what I mean? It's dreadful. When I see them in the mirror—every time—I think to myself, I wish I had nice eyes that sparkled softly. Eyes like a deep blue lake, or eyes that look as if they reflect the big sky that you might look up at while lying in a lush green meadow, with clouds floating by every so often. You might even see the shadow of birds in them. I hope I meet lots of people with lovely eyes."

"Whenever I am around a lot of people, it is amazing how obsequious I can be. I fib and chatter away, saying things I don't want to or mean in any way."

"I didn't like any of them. Their eyes were empty and dull. They had no vigor."

"I hate how sad Poo is. I can't stand how poor and pathetic he is, and because of that I am cruel to him."

"I felt like trying to cry. I held my breath for a good while, in order to make my eyes bloodshot, and I thought I might be able to squeeze out a tear, but it was no good."

"The clear confirmation that that self—me, that is—is also ruled by instinct makes me think I could cry."

"There are really good things about human beings. I mean, it's humans who discovered the beauty of flowers, and humans who admire them."

"I envy such a rigorously efficient and disciplined daily existence. It must be easier to relax when someone always told you who you are and what to do."