#sorry for the inactivity! real life issues don’t allow me to post online too much anymore.

[lilliryth]

🌔 Brief Hiatus 🌔

So, I’ve been inactive here for a while, now. Maybe around two months since I’ve really interacted with anyone, whether privately or openly, or just by reblogging something of theirs. But despite my absence, this blog isn’t dead. I want to take a moment to explain the situation to anyone who may be wondering where I’ve gone.

Before I say anything else: I just want to clarify, to those who might be worried, that I’m okay. I’ve been in a deep mental rut for a long time—the affects of which have branched out to all areas of my life—but I’m safe, and you don’t need to worry about me.

I’ll be brief with the personal stuff here, since I want to offer an explanation (not an excuse, you‘re allowed and entitled to be mad at me for this) for why I’ve been so distant, and ostensibly not interested in reconnecting; but I also don’t want to clog people’s dashboards with someone’s personal affairs if they don’t know me that well.

Basically, ADHD (mainly executive dysfunction) has taken me to some dark places lately. I’ve nearly lost things that I really fucking care about multiple times, by now. And as part of the reparation process—working through my own mental problems, and healing the damage they’ve caused—I’m afraid I’ll have to take a break from the online social world for a while. Another month, perhaps.

It’s hard, because I know that the people who know me privately, and have been left so completely in the dark, deserve a much more personal explanation and apology—and also because I miss everyone so much. But in order to have time to really mull over what I want to say, and work through these issues, so that they don’t cause any serious damage ever again, I need this time to myself.

I already went officially on hiatus on a private RP server that I belong to, and I’m doing that here as well. I went on hiatus in that server around twenty days ago, so I’ll have less time away from that (thirty days is the limit), but over here it’s going to be another full thirty days. Figure early October, I’ll be back.

I won’t be interacting with anyone on here. Maybe sometimes, sparingly, especially if I feel like reaching out is an urgent matter. But other than that, things will be a little quiet. It’s probably not going to be radio silence. I’ll be reblogging stuff every day, most likely. However, it’s only because I want to clear my drafts and likes out of things that I wanted to post but didn’t have the mental energy to. So even if I’m reblogging something and there’s a caption, or I’m speaking in the tags, I’m not really here—just hitting “post” on something I wrote a while back.

I believe one’s mental health is important, not for self-centric reasons only, but also for the way that unaddressed problems can cause strain in areas of the sufferer’s life that absolutely need to be stable, and by extension, strain on those whom the sufferer loves. I’ve lost friendships over this, and nearly lost friendships, as well as almost losing things that are deeply important to myself and crucial to my identity, more times than I can count. I have so many plans and dreams that I don’t want taken from me. That’s why I need this time to myself.

To anyone reading this—even if you don’t know me—listen to me here. Your brain is the driver of your vehicle. Neglect of your mental health is going to make life spiral out of control. And as someone who has fallen asleep at their own mental wheel on far too many occasions, and seen what it can do to a person when they refuse to acknowledge a problem, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. You are not a lost cause. Not only can this struggle be overcome, but in many cases, it must. I say this with love and understanding, I promise you that.

Mental health isn’t something only “hippies” and whiners worry about. It’s your brain. It’s real, it’s tangible, and I’d argue it’s not just as important as your physical health—it is your physical health. Because, like I said, the brain is the driver. It is the part of your physical body that keeps everything else literally in check. And even if you’ve got the best vehicle around, your driver can lose it all in the span of a second. Be kind to your driver, and don’t be irresponsible on this road that we all share. 

To anyone I interacted with (anyone who tagged me or responded to asks I sent in) that I haven’t followed up on: I promise I’m not ignoring you. I’ve read everything, and I plan on responding to it all properly when I get back.

To anyone whose acquaintance or friendship I made recently, only to seemingly fade out and stop responding: I miss you very very much. I have a lot of things that I want to say and do with you and I promise I haven’t abandoned you. I think about you every day, and my affection and good intentions are with you.

Lastly—to those who have been waiting on my outreach a great while, whom I haven’t been a proper companion to in too many months: I’m sorry, and I love you. I’ll be back. I want to do better. I really mean it.

I wish you the best of luck on your own journey, and I promise to be back—10/1/2020.

Until then. Take care of yourself, reader. You are imperative to your own world, and the worlds that others share with you.

—K.

[tidefated]

What’s been going on with Sky?

Hello folks, first and foremost I want to apologize for my recent absence / inactivity, however I do promise it’s been for very good- if very personal- reasons. The short version is that I have been Not Great™ lately, and it’s taken all of my effort to begin combating that and also improving my state of living. Further details are below, but if you’re not interested in all that or if you are uncomfortable with the topics mentioned ( I will not go into detail, but there is talk of trauma, past abuse, educational & financial stress, and depression/anxiety ), please feel free to stop here, or skip to the bolded line- that is where I will move from discussing past/present to future plans! This is being cross-posted in a couple of places as an FYI, so I’m sorry to those who follow me multiple places and see it more than once.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In short, the last semester/last 6 months has been really hellish. I’ve been fairly up front about the strain that my courses put on me, and I’ve spoken briefly now and again about the Particular Professor Who Made Everything Awful- basically because she didn’t like the influences on my style because the comics I read growing up are very different from what she & most folks read/make/teach here in the states. I don’t really need to go over it, but I do like having everything in one place for my own processing & reference.

Moving on from that, though- I also encountered what one might refer to as a breakthrough with some emotional/mental gunk that was clogging me up with regards to some past trauma- unfortunately the person in question is still a part of my life in ways I have 0 control over, and finally coming to terms with the fact that there even is lasting trauma makes that― really hard to deal with. I’m trying in the best ways I know how, but ultimately the situation is so insanely complicated it’s been leading to a lot of me just shutting down, which has been making everything else worse.

I also had all kinds of problems with therapists ( once again the one I was seeing through the school took another job somewhere else- meaning I have to start over AGAIN ), getting medical insurance ( still fighting that one actually ), starting testosterone therapy ( for which I need to finish the insurance battle ), family ( they’re starting to come around to the whole trans thing a little I think? ), and a gigantic financial scare- the short version is my mum took $5,000 from me over time and I finally found out about it, and she ended up paying it back by taking out a loan from my grandfather. A mess, amiright? But I can pay rent again without terror so we’re good for now- ish. She still claims to not know how all those transfers to her account happened, but this is sadly not the first time she’s taken money from me ( my relationship with her is a VERY complicated and convoluted one that I need to work on ).

In short, these past months have been perhaps the most trying times in my life- though I’ve had experiences that were objectively worse and more traumatizing, I didn’t really- know they were wrong or anything until later, and the full effects of those experiences was something that didn’t hit me until much later- at the time it was just ‘wow this is unpleasant!’, and only now am I really I’ve thought I was really coming along in my mental health journey, and that things were coming together, but there are always going to be stumbling blocks. Right now, I’m trying to be positive and look forward, but I know there will be dips in the road that will make me doubt and fear after this. I may drop activity again because my response to this sort of thing seems to be shutting down and performing the bare minimum to conserve energy, so I also want to apologize in advance for that, and also thank everyone who has read this and chosen to stick with me anyway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Going Forward

I want to try and reach out more- I’d like to have real conversations and form connections, because for me that is what being on the internet is supposed to be about. I don’t have many friends- online or IRL- and I really want to change that. As a result I want to try participating in more low-pressure type community events, and I want to push myself to comment and interact more often.Please never be afraid to speak with me! Even if sometimes I blunder and don’t know what to say, I always appreciate it, and want to at least try and talk with folks!

Tumblr RP has been something I’ve love deeply since I started, but I think I do need to stop pressuring myself to enjoy it the way I use to. The site itself has become… a very different place, and that’s impacted my writing negatively. I’m so worried about what’s safe to write and what isn’t that half of the content and interactions I love literally aren’t allowed on tumblr at all- as much for the comfort of my partner as myself, but the point still stands that it’s this site that’s caused such issues and cultivated an environment where people feel entitled not only to boss others around regarding interactions and shipping, but also to push things on them that they don’t want.

In short, it’s made me very cynical, so while I will not be leaving at all, I will be reminding myself often that this is not a job, and taking every measure to make sure every single thing I do here is something I love. If that means deleting asks and dropping threads to start new ones in their place, then so be it. I’ve let myself cave to pressure far too much, and that needs to stop happening so I can stay here and enjoy what I still have. I want to work on setting my blogs up before starting too many new interactions, and that may take a really long time, which I’m sorry for, but it will make me happier in the end to be properly nested, rather than laying in the middle of a constant work in progress.

This won’t impact my activity very much, though, to be totally honest. I’m already not here more often than not, so the main difference will hopefully be that I am happier and less stressed when I am around.

Otherwise, I want to start focusing on my art a lot, and creating content, rather than simply augmenting it. This hopefully means I’ll be posting to my art blog more often, and may even be creating some original stories. Ultimately there may be a major social media withdrawal in the future because I want to get back to the magic of discovery and creation, and I can’t tell what part of my life is causing it to stagnate, but we’ll see.

Regardless, I want to thank every single person who’s read this- including those who skipped down to the bolded bit because heaven knows the middle was emotional mush- and everyone who’s supported or stuck by me all this time.

[indiscretus]

What’s been going on with Sky?

Hello folks, first and foremost I want to apologize for my recent absence / inactivity, however I do promise it’s been for very good- if very personal- reasons. The short version is that I have been Not Great™ lately, and it’s taken all of my effort to begin combating that and also improving my state of living. Further details are below, but if you’re not interested in all that or if you are uncomfortable with the topics mentioned ( I will not go into detail, but there is talk of trauma, past abuse, educational & financial stress, and depression/anxiety ), please feel free to stop here, or skip to the bolded line- that is where I will move from discussing past/present to future plans! This is being cross-posted in a couple of places as an FYI, so I’m sorry to those who follow me multiple places and see it more than once.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In short, the last semester/last 6 months has been really hellish. I’ve been fairly up front about the strain that my courses put on me, and I’ve spoken briefly now and again about the Particular Professor Who Made Everything Awful- basically because she didn’t like the influences on my style because the comics I read growing up are very different from what she & most folks read/make/teach here in the states. I don’t really need to go over it, but I do like having everything in one place for my own processing & reference.

Moving on from that, though- I also encountered what one might refer to as a breakthrough with some emotional/mental gunk that was clogging me up with regards to some past trauma- unfortunately the person in question is still a part of my life in ways I have 0 control over, and finally coming to terms with the fact that there even is lasting trauma makes that― really hard to deal with. I’m trying in the best ways I know how, but ultimately the situation is so insanely complicated it’s been leading to a lot of me just shutting down, which has been making everything else worse.

I also had all kinds of problems with therapists ( once again the one I was seeing through the school took another job somewhere else- meaning I have to start over AGAIN ), getting medical insurance ( still fighting that one actually ), starting testosterone therapy ( for which I need to finish the insurance battle ), family ( they’re starting to come around to the whole trans thing a little I think? ), and a gigantic financial scare- the short version is my mum took $5,000 from me over time and I finally found out about it, and she ended up paying it back by taking out a loan from my grandfather. A mess, amiright? But I can pay rent again without terror so we’re good for now- ish. She still claims to not know how all those transfers to her account happened, but this is sadly not the first time she’s taken money from me ( my relationship with her is a VERY complicated and convoluted one that I need to work on ).

In short, these past months have been perhaps the most trying times in my life- though I’ve had experiences that were objectively worse and more traumatizing, I didn’t really- know they were wrong or anything until later, and the full effects of those experiences was something that didn’t hit me until much later- at the time it was just ‘wow this is unpleasant!’, and only now am I really I’ve thought I was really coming along in my mental health journey, and that things were coming together, but there are always going to be stumbling blocks. Right now, I’m trying to be positive and look forward, but I know there will be dips in the road that will make me doubt and fear after this. I may drop activity again because my response to this sort of thing seems to be shutting down and performing the bare minimum to conserve energy, so I also want to apologize in advance for that, and also thank everyone who has read this and chosen to stick with me anyway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Going Forward

I want to try and reach out more- I’d like to have real conversations and form connections, because for me that is what being on the internet is supposed to be about. I don’t have many friends- online or IRL- and I really want to change that. As a result I want to try participating in more low-pressure type community events, and I want to push myself to comment and interact more often.Please never be afraid to speak with me! Even if sometimes I blunder and don’t know what to say, I always appreciate it, and want to at least try and talk with folks!

Tumblr RP has been something I’ve love deeply since I started, but I think I do need to stop pressuring myself to enjoy it the way I use to. The site itself has become… a very different place, and that’s impacted my writing negatively. I’m so worried about what’s safe to write and what isn’t that half of the content and interactions I love literally aren’t allowed on tumblr at all- as much for the comfort of my partner as myself, but the point still stands that it’s this site that’s caused such issues and cultivated an environment where people feel entitled not only to boss others around regarding interactions and shipping, but also to push things on them that they don’t want.

In short, it’s made me very cynical, so while I will not be leaving at all, I will be reminding myself often that this is not a job, and taking every measure to make sure every single thing I do here is something I love. If that means deleting asks and dropping threads to start new ones in their place, then so be it. I’ve let myself cave to pressure far too much, and that needs to stop happening so I can stay here and enjoy what I still have. I want to work on setting my blogs up before starting too many new interactions, and that may take a really long time, which I’m sorry for, but it will make me happier in the end to be properly nested, rather than laying in the middle of a constant work in progress.

This won’t impact my activity very much, though, to be totally honest. I’m already not here more often than not, so the main difference will hopefully be that I am happier and less stressed when I am around.

Otherwise, I want to start focusing on my art a lot, and creating content, rather than simply augmenting it. This hopefully means I’ll be posting to my art blog more often, and may even be creating some original stories. Ultimately there may be a major social media withdrawal in the future because I want to get back to the magic of discovery and creation, and I can’t tell what part of my life is causing it to stagnate, but we’ll see.

Regardless, I want to thank every single person who’s read this- including those who skipped down to the bolded bit because heaven knows the middle was emotional mush- and everyone who’s supported or stuck by me all this time.

[plotbunnie]

What’s been going on with Sky?

Hello folks, first and foremost I want to apologize for my recent absence / inactivity, however I do promise it’s been for very good- if very personal- reasons. The short version is that I have been Not Great™ lately, and it’s taken all of my effort to begin combating that and also improving my state of living. Further details are below, but if you’re not interested in all that or if you are uncomfortable with the topics mentioned ( I will not go into detail, but there is talk of trauma, past abuse, educational & financial stress, and depression/anxiety ), please feel free to stop here, or skip to the bolded line- that is where I will move from discussing past/present to future plans! This is being cross-posted in a couple of places as an FYI, so I’m sorry to those who follow me multiple places and see it more than once.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In short, the last semester/last 6 months has been really hellish. I’ve been fairly up front about the strain that my courses put on me, and I’ve spoken briefly now and again about the Particular Professor Who Made Everything Awful- basically because she didn’t like the influences on my style because the comics I read growing up are very different from what she & most folks read/make/teach here in the states. I don’t really need to go over it, but I do like having everything in one place for my own processing & reference.

Moving on from that, though- I also encountered what one might refer to as a breakthrough with some emotional/mental gunk that was clogging me up with regards to some past trauma- unfortunately the person in question is still a part of my life in ways I have 0 control over, and finally coming to terms with the fact that there even is lasting trauma makes that― really hard to deal with. I’m trying in the best ways I know how, but ultimately the situation is so insanely complicated it’s been leading to a lot of me just shutting down, which has been making everything else worse.

I also had all kinds of problems with therapists ( once again the one I was seeing through the school took another job somewhere else- meaning I have to start over AGAIN ), getting medical insurance ( still fighting that one actually ), starting testosterone therapy ( for which I need to finish the insurance battle ), family ( they’re starting to come around to the whole trans thing a little I think? ), and a gigantic financial scare- the short version is my mum took $5,000 from me over time and I finally found out about it, and she ended up paying it back by taking out a loan from my grandfather. A mess, amiright? But I can pay rent again without terror so we’re good for now- ish. She still claims to not know how all those transfers to her account happened, but this is sadly not the first time she’s taken money from me ( my relationship with her is a VERY complicated and convoluted one that I need to work on ).

In short, these past months have been perhaps the most trying times in my life- though I’ve had experiences that were objectively worse and more traumatizing, I didn’t really- know they were wrong or anything until later, and the full effects of those experiences was something that didn’t hit me until much later- at the time it was just ‘wow this is unpleasant!’, and only now am I really I’ve thought I was really coming along in my mental health journey, and that things were coming together, but there are always going to be stumbling blocks. Right now, I’m trying to be positive and look forward, but I know there will be dips in the road that will make me doubt and fear after this. I may drop activity again because my response to this sort of thing seems to be shutting down and performing the bare minimum to conserve energy, so I also want to apologize in advance for that, and also thank everyone who has read this and chosen to stick with me anyway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Going Forward

I want to try and reach out more- I’d like to have real conversations and form connections, because for me that is what being on the internet is supposed to be about. I don’t have many friends- online or IRL- and I really want to change that. As a result I want to try participating in more low-pressure type community events, and I want to push myself to comment and interact more often.Please never be afraid to speak with me! Even if sometimes I blunder and don’t know what to say, I always appreciate it, and want to at least try and talk with folks!

Tumblr RP has been something I’ve love deeply since I started, but I think I do need to stop pressuring myself to enjoy it the way I use to. The site itself has become… a very different place, and that’s impacted my writing negatively. I’m so worried about what’s safe to write and what isn’t that half of the content and interactions I love literally aren’t allowed on tumblr at all- as much for the comfort of my partner as myself, but the point still stands that it’s this site that’s caused such issues and cultivated an environment where people feel entitled not only to boss others around regarding interactions and shipping, but also to push things on them that they don’t want.

In short, it’s made me very cynical, so while I will not be leaving at all, I will be reminding myself often that this is not a job, and taking every measure to make sure every single thing I do here is something I love. If that means deleting asks and dropping threads to start new ones in their place, then so be it. I’ve let myself cave to pressure far too much, and that needs to stop happening so I can stay here and enjoy what I still have. I want to work on setting my blogs up before starting too many new interactions, and that may take a really long time, which I’m sorry for, but it will make me happier in the end to be properly nested, rather than laying in the middle of a constant work in progress.

This won’t impact my activity very much, though, to be totally honest. I’m already not here more often than not, so the main difference will hopefully be that I am happier and less stressed when I am around.

Otherwise, I want to start focusing on my art a lot, and creating content, rather than simply augmenting it. This hopefully means I’ll be posting to my art blog more often, and may even be creating some original stories. Ultimately there may be a major social media withdrawal in the future because I want to get back to the magic of discovery and creation, and I can’t tell what part of my life is causing it to stagnate, but we’ll see.

Regardless, I want to thank every single person who’s read this- including those who skipped down to the bolded bit because heaven knows the middle was emotional mush- and everyone who’s supported or stuck by me all this time.