#tells me i'm too sensitive i'm too immature i'm too lazy i'm not careful enough i'm small-minded

[la0hu]

really pissed off at my mom. i called her yesterday for the first time in a couple weeks. she brought up the will smith oscars thing, and we got into this intense argument over it and i literally had to tell her "i don't want to talk about this anymore because this actually seriously upsets me for all the reasons i already told you. and i'm upset with you over this thing that you brought up." then we talked some about miles and what he got on the ACT, and mom was like "i didn't show my disappointment, i just didn't say anything," and i was like "mom, obviously you reacting to his score by literally saying nothing about it is clearly showing disapproval. why didn't you say something encouraging or tell him it's a good score?" and she said "but it wasn't a good score" like 1) untrue imo and 2) that's literally not the fucking point. then we started talking about my dating life and she kept advising me to not expect to find someone who "agrees with me on everything." and then i explained that obviously i'm not that fucking immature and there's also a difference between a guy not agreeing with my opinion on death of the author and a guy not agreeing with my opinion on something like blacklivesmatter. then she started trying to say like "well you are still very immature and this is a major reason why, because you can't handle people who have different opinions than you" and i cut her off and said, no actually i don't accept that, because i literally am the one out of my friends most likely to be open to people that my friends would ignore or disdain on principle. then when i mentioned that i was talking to some guys from hinge and trying to see how the conversation goes, she tells me actually i'm being childish for that too, because actually she never could talk at length with dad about anything and occasionally he says shit she doesn't like, but they had a functional marriage. and i was like "have you considered that maybe, maybe i could find someone who i like talking to, who is also physically attractive and kind?" and then i pointed out that i LITERALLY live with three prime examples of straight couples where the man is actually a good interesting person. like just because anna found a man who's hot and rich but with whom she can't talk about anything, and he's also lazy and inconsiderate to boot -- just bc she fucked up doesn't mean i'm gonna settle for that. i really @'d her too, i was like "growing up having only you and dad's relationship to reference, and then having anna and mike's as reference honestly made me wonder if relationships were just never going to feel as fulfilling or good as friendships." i literally said that. like i'm not taking the most batshit criticism from a woman who married a man she can't talk to, and i also don't give a shit what my older sister has to say either, because she married a man she can't talk to who ALSO is a useless inconsiderate piece of shit on top of being boring. like i'd rather die alone thanks

[sadmachokehours]

3-29-18

For once I'm not being immature in an argument but yet at the end of it I'll ALWAYS be called a fucking brat and for what? Yeah I was a brat as a kid because I was a fucking kid, I didn't know better. I didn't surround myself with people who I can possibly learn from since I wasn't allowed to have friends or go out. I lack social skills for fucks sake.

What makes me such a brat now? Just because I choose to do things my way? I want to become independent somehow and that involves wanting to try things out the way I want. I'm always taking considerations from you or my parents or anyone around me because if I want to try something, I'll be called stupid and a fucking idiot for wanting to try it out. I'm always afraid of getting put down because I will constantly think about it for hours, days, and weeks. I will choose something that will make me unhappy just so I don't get fucking yelled at or be put down for. So I can please YOU and my parents. But what should I know? I'm just a dumb stupid fucking brat that wants whatever she wants right?

I don't insult you during a fucking argument because I know it will make shit worse and/or it's just pointless and childish. Yet you will say shit like "pls read English...stupid!!!" Asking if I understand. How about you just stop fucking putting me down for once in your fucking life. I always think I'm too stupid and never good enough for anything and anyone. Every single fucking day I hesitate to want to do anything or think I don't have the ability to do it because I'm always getting put down.

You just think of me as sensitive and yeah I'm fucking sensitive. Is that so fucking wrong? I'm a fucking person. Not everyone is the same. Not everyone is like you and shit. But you wouldn't even accept that I'm fucking sensitive yet it's ok for you to say

"I was probably saying what I read and that's normal because IM HUMAN"

I can probably say the same thing too yet get bombarded by "facts" about how I'm wrong and how shit my parents are and what bad luck I have with fucking phones and technology. Yeah my parents are shit so fucking what? At least I didn't give my mom a fucking heart attack, multiple times. Yeah my phones were fucking shit, so what? I TRIED to take care of them, TRIED. It's not my fault fucking technology would wear out and be bad. Who would've known!!!!! The Nokia worked and I was given the Motorola, which STILL works! The myTouch was slow and shitty, so what? It still worked and did it's job as a phone. The Nokia was already a shit phone because I had thought it was the newer one at the time. I thought it was the 1020 or whatever, not the 521 but I still kept it and used it even though it was shit. Then I got the Samsung s6. Yeah it shat out on me after 2 years of using it but SO WHAT. It's not like I DON'T give a shit about my phone. That's money right there and something that I use as a daily drive. Your phones didn't have any problems? GOOD. FOR. YOU. You had the Nokia, the Cingular or whatever that one is, a pink sliding phone, took the sidekick my dad wanted to give to ME but it got stolen instead, the HTC, your note 3, your s7. I don't remember but they eventually broke. The only one that really broke was the s6 and the Nokia 521.

How about my laptops? The first was a Toshiba that eventually slowed down because that's what TECHNOLOGY WOULD DO. Not because I didn't take care of it, but shit happens. Then I got a NOTEBOOK laptop that was cheap as fuck. The battery shat out on it and refused to work unless it was plugged in. Now I have my current laptop and it still works. Where's your iPod? iPad? Laptops? I actually try to take care of my shit so why do you bother to take the time to tell EVERYBODY how AWFUL I am at taking care of my items when all I do is TRY to salvage it and MAKE it work somehow.

I was a fucking brat as a kid. A fucking child. And since I've grown the fuck up, I've been trying to be thankful and grateful for what I have. I don't want my parents to be buying me shit so I use my OWN money to get what I want. Is that being a brat? You refuse to eat vegetables, call me stupid and put me down in conversations, be EXTREMELY passive aggressive when you're mad, and just be an all around bully. So what the fuck is so childish and bratty about me?

All I wanted was somewhat of a resolution without being name called yet you mocked me. I fucking bawled my eyes out in frustration because that's all I'll ever get from you and everyone else.

I can tell you to stop doing something, you'll keep doing it, and when I yell you'd say "stop acting fucking mental like your mom. All you had to do was ask. Fucking bitch." I DID FUCKING ASK. You just REFUSE to listen! I'm fucking fed up with this shit! And I'm pretty sure since I won't stop being so upset and mad for a while, over how you CONSTANTLY keep belittling me no matter WHAT, I will just be called a stupid fucking brat in the end.

I remember telling you how happy/shocked I was when a teacher or professor or anyone would comment on how they liked my writing but you'd IMMEDIATELY say "your writing is fucking ugly. It's the worst fucking writing I've seen next to Aaron's or Daniel's. Your writing isn't nice at all. Only sometimes." That shit puts me down. And yet I still wonder why I STILL have self-esteem issues. You're not better than my mom making fun of you since you'd still put me down.

I'm not done being mad like you? Well shit, I'm only human right? I'm not the same as you. So if I don't talk to you, it's because I'm going to cry out of anger, frustration, and try to not scratch myself just to get rid of the fucking thoughts about how worthless, ugly, and pathetic I am. All I am is just a stupid fucking brat that's lazy and not doing shit. You know I can't do certain things because of my PARENTS. You, out of all the people, should understand that. You KNOW I can't do certain things because of them yet you still shit on me. I just love how understanding and caring you are!