#that's why i'm a princess as a pet name he'd use truther

[aphrogeneias]

how eddie feels like when you ask him to get you some water after sex

and he will say "yes, my liege" and bow and if he's feeling extra mushy he'll kiss your hand too

[puddingapologist]

reasons why I'm not convinced there's such thing as a good lay among the Strawhats: a theory

Zoro: you'd think having so much muscle would make it good, but if you manage to convince him (a challenge in of itself), he'd just treat it like another workout and go Full Strength Full Throttle the whole time with no regard for partner satisfaction. I'm not even convinced HE'D finish, I think he'd just decide y'all were done and walk away. also, stanky

Sanji: the opposite problem - 100% romance, 0% stamina. sure he's strong, but the man can't keep it together long enough to actually get anything done. could probably have incredible head game if he doesn't bleed out first, definitely a one-pump chump (assuming he survives that long)

Luffy: assuming you can get him to pay attention for like ten seconds, good luck telling him to suck you off or eat you out without thinking you want him to chew on you. but also in general I'm not convinced this guy has ever had a horny thought in his life hashtag asexual Luffy truther

Nami: total pillow princess. makes you do all the work, hour of foreplay MINIMUM but will get bored once you actually want to have sex. hates giving head, if you somehow finish before her she'll probably extort you for the audacity

Usopp: ABSURD performance anxiety. can probably kiss okay, if a bit awkwardly, but you'd only get as far as taking off your shirt before he starts cracking jokes/telling stories/making excuses to avoid Getting To It before fleeing the scene entirely. has the most potential to get good, but you'll have to really work to pin him enough times to work through it

Chopper: baby boy. baby

Robin: is probably the Best lay, relatively speaking, but I'm absolutely certain her pillow talk is unhinged. casual morbidly unsettling observations and not especially sexy pet names kinda deal. also the most likely to include some weirder kinks, if for no other reason than her own amusement to see you'd still go for it

Franky: man invites you over to his place to see his 😏 rocket 😏 and then gives you a three hour tour of his workshop and model collections. not a bad time, but also not a lay. but also, does he still have a dick? has he made swappable models for himself yet? something about his construction habits tells me he'd prioritize flashiness and tertiary gadgetry before practical usability. like, three foot dong with racing stripes, balls rev like an engine, uses ass for additional storage situation

Brook: he'd love to give you head, but he has no head to give! because he's a skeleton, yohohoho!

Jinbei: actually wait, I might be wrong here, bc Jinbei COULD be a great lay. assuming you don't get cockblocked by the rest of the crew and that fishman anatomy is compatible, at least. hope you like brine smell