#the blue disappears on my mobile so @ users on mobile idk if it’s the same with u guys but i promise the blue is there 😭

[holanads]

Mengosongkan Hati

today, i met my one of fave person. he got brown eyes, it shines as the sun passes on em. i was sitting alone with my all black clothes, bag and even my pencil case, the only thing their eyes going through at is my shoes haha. eye catchy.

so, i was alone and enjoying the weather, hot they said but i was cold, i got fever so i need sun for my vampire-skinned. then suddenly he showed up, his face gazed as he wanted to make sure that it was me.

“Hey!” “Hey you” “alone? what u doing?” “this” *i showed him a blue-covered book off and i answered him concisely* “ah, that’s my favorite!” *my finger pointed at a bottle he held on* “wanna try?” *i shook my head as a no, i didn’t talk much*

i missed him, this friend of mine who always have interesting stuff to be discussed. he is different. he respects me, when i say no, then he takes it as a no.

“now i know, you never write about me. but i enter as me on someone else’s story hmmm.” *he congested and looked at me deep* “hehehe, at least i wrote and mentioned you” he smiled, i read his face trying to figure what he was thinking about out. “what do u want me to write about you?” he laughed. i felt awkward.  “nothing hmm..” he tried to say something. i know him. i probably should ask him. i wondered, does he really want me to write about him?

we muted because i muted (?) the weather oooohhh…

“soo are u still….” *stop! cant tell you gengs about this scene, skip this* i muted. “nad, have you ever fallen in love?” “hm excuse me?” i heard his question but his voice was blur. “you love someone?” “i dunno” “why u dunno?” “i want to empty my heart” “what? how?” “i dunno hoq, im still figuring it out. i wanna find way to emptying my heart, and fulfill it with Allah only” “why you should?” “because, when i find someone, i know he is the best that Allah gives to me. and when my heart belongs no one but Allah, it will be easier for me to love Him completely. deeper, purer, more sincere and idk i want Him alone, all my life and till i die. i sometime think how i’d love my future husband. i dun wanna love him because he is handsome or wealth or smart or something like that. i keep thinking what if the thing that makes me fall in love with him disappear? would i still love him the same? i dun wanna love someone like that. i want someone whom i have no reason to not love him.” 

*it seemed complicated for another people, but i hope he understand it*

“so what if you someday fall in love, how u handle that?” “commitment… i have to promise to Allah and myself to not let anybody in. and i need a wall, like i wanna block any guy before i actually fall. anticipation! i wont let it happen” “aahh i see” *he shook his head up and down, seemed like my answer nailed it.* “i wanna do that too hehe.” “just do it!” “ya i will, i will try. nad, how did you do hijrah? tell me” 

i muted again. my lips dried. i needed oxygen, i was so tired. but actually it wasnt my reason to not answer him. its just because i dunno, i didnt wanna share that, not today. so, i skipped it and stayed mute.

“i wanna be better person. i wanna do hijrah, i wanna do as you are doing right now” “alhamdulillah, do then” *i was getting excited, my exhausted gone as tons of energy came to me in* “ya, i tried so hard. but i passed it, i missed it” “its because you never catch it immediately” “yaaaa.” he looked at me again and lowed his gaze. and i was so happy for that, he was really respectful.  “its not isbal. its sunnah hehe.” “its not isbal? hehehe” “yaa. you will be rewarded” “just do something like this, this small thing? and get reward from Allah?” “ya, beautiful, isnt it?”

“hehe yeah it is.”

it was a very lil of our convos today. my friend, he is amazing. he has a lot of topics. he told me he moved out and rent a house with other boys, they are my friends too. and he said he is so addicted to mobile legend, it makes him stay awake. and he turns to be a lazy person, he tries to change that bad habit, step by step. we discussed about a ghost user of grab and gojek, and he asked me if its haram or not, and i said of course it is. 

he is different. i feel comfort talking to him. he never, not even once to hurt me. he is funny, he deserve the girl that Allah loves. he deserve that chance, i wann see him in jannah with his wife and their children again.

that moment when i felt another moments were flooding my brain. couldnt stop it. it made me feel, i am not alone.

to my brown eyes friend, sigit.

hey! i just wrote about you buddy:) chillax!