#the confidence you're seeking with labels... sometimes doesn't come until years of exploring yourself

[mejomonster]

something i needed to hear when i was younger, and depending on the pockets of the internet and the kinds of real life people you're around some people probably still need to hear it. ultimately, using a label is for you. you don't have to know for sure if you're a lesbian, or bisexual, or pansexual, or asexual, or something else. you're allowed to just say you're whatever label is helpful for you at the time to explain to people so they're understanding, or help yourself find community with people who can connect with you about shared experiences. some people use queer because it's an umbrella term and they don't need to explain the specific nuances of which labels apply to them, and they can use the broad queer label to just find other people with roughly similar experiences. some people use gay as an umbrella term for similar reasons. some people use ace and asexual as umbrella terms because they're demisexual or demiromantic and trying to find anyone who's going to somewhat relate to what they're going through.

maybe you have NO IDEA what label fits you! you're still figuring yourself out. you're allowed to try to connect to various communities to see where you relate, what shared experience or aid you find. (and this applies broader too: labels like your favorite fashion, the music you like, the hobbies you have, sometimes you like something no one in 100 miles specifically made a group for but your hobby might fall under a bigger umbrella you CAN relate to - like liking X specific board game might find ppl who relate at a bigger tabletop game convention, or a person into costumes could go to a Anime/Video Game Convention and relate at least a bit with cosplayers). you're allowed to CHANGE. First, just to change as you grow. You will be a different person over time in some ways, that's just how life works. You're allowed to change the way you label yourself. Second, you're allowed to not be sure the labels you use for yourself fits, to try out ones until you see which fits (as in - which labels help you connect to people who understand what you feel/like/are), and allowed to change labels if they stop fitting.

and finally: you are allowed to NOT tell people your label. If you label yourself, it is to make your own life easier - to help others like you find you, to help find people like you, to build community. strangers who may hurt you have NO right to your label. you don't have to tell them shit. you are allowed to lie. You're allowed to not tell your parent your sexuality, if you're afraid they'll throw you out of the house or harm you. You're allowed to not tell your work your sexuality. You're allowed to not tell strangers, in person or online, whenever you feel you do not want to share how you identify. (And again this can apply to more than sexuality: if you're goth and in a school with uniforms scared people will bully you if you bring up you're goth, you're allowed to not tell them - although sometimes teenagers find joy in declaring who they are including around people who would not respect it, so if you want to declare proudly what you like or who you are then go for it. You're allowed to not mention to your boss that you're trying for a kid, maybe you're worried they'd discriminate if they knew that, or pass you over for promotion, or would treat you different, or you just don't want to discuss your personal life at work. Maybe you're into kink and you just don't want to mention that to work friends, because you dislike discussing sex related things with work friends, and maybe you only want to tell them if they become a friend that goes to bars with you. Maybe you love drawing furry art, or getting furry art commissioned, and you love discussing it at conventions where you can meet other furries and tell artists how talented they are and buy some of their art, but you don't want to mention that to grandma and explain what furry is. You're ALLOWED to decide if and when you share a label you relate with. You are still a good person if you refuse to come out to your school as gay, or if you don't mention online that you're trans, or if you don't want to discuss trying for kids at work. My point is just: labels are for YOU to feel safer, to find connection with others who may relate to the label. They aren't necessarily things you have to be honest about, and perfectly sure about, to be moral. You're allowed to lie and omit to protect your safety. You're allowed to change your mind, or be unsure which label fits best.