#the last couple days I've been taking Adderall that my coworker gave me
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#tomorrow i have a psychiatrist appointment#I'm meeting with a telehealth psychiatrist from one of those online psych providers#I've done research and it looks nice and quality#the last couple days I've been taking Adderall that my coworker gave me#i know it's bad for many reasons but I'm not looking for a lecture here#but i realized that it makes a huge difference in my life#at my job i could concentrate better. i wasn't as scatterbrained and forgetful#i didn't feel as overwhelmed and it made my work day a lot happier#I'm hoping to get my own adhd meds but I'm not getting my hopes up#i don't like medical professionals at all. no offense to any medical professionals that may be reading this#I've had way too many bad experiences including with my last psychiatrist#after a long struggle with her i decided i would never go back#fuck her#because of this i don't necessarily trust the psychiatrist I'm going to see tomorrow and I'm not counting on getting meds#on the website it tells you some of the things that'll probably be gone over in the initial visit so you can prep which is lovely#and I'm trying to think on that and write it down. but it's not easy#i don't do well with medical stuff! 'why did you come in? what was the last straw that made you seek help?'#i know these answers. kind of. but this will require being vulnerable with someone. and it's not guaranteed to get me anything#can you imagine spilling your soul to someone and they just say 'yeah sorry i don't think this is a good fit :(#if this appointment doesn't go well i swear I'm never going to any doctor ever again. ever#y'all don't understand how much it takes. how bad things have to get. for me to see a doctor#if this doesn't work out then i don't know what I'm going to do#sharing my coworker's meds isn't sustainable but i can't go back after I've seen how well i can function when my brain works properly#here's hoping and praying i get some help
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