#there may be some connections and parts that don't make sense aksfhjd i'm sleepyyyyy

[daz4i]

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ty legend!!!!!! 💜

my brain is like “if i don’t talk abt how much i love sakusa right now i WILL cry” so guess i’ll just ramble abt my boy. i don’t have anything interesting to say that isn’t just deconstruction of canon in a sense and very different from my usual rambles so uuuuuh tldr i love omi and chapter 394 means a lot to me

manga spoilers under the cut

ok. so. one very cool and sexy thing about him is how he remembers everything???? literally the first time he met hinata when he joined msby he talked abt something that happened 6 years ago and he barely had any reason to remember in the first place. like damn

also i think the whole thing about how he thinks abt hinata and hoshi like “they didn’t get lucky with their body types” is partially bc he really took ushijima’s “i got lucky” words to heart, and he feels that way about himself too! and he’s right. self aware king

i think in addition to the whole being lucky thing ofc he worked hard. like. we see him do intense and super long spiking drills to make sure he’s doing his best, and his nature never half-assing anything definitely played part in it

speaking of. his thing with having to finish everything. relatable king. one of the reasons i hc him as autistic and i won’t be surprised if it’s one of the reasons ppl hc him to have ocd. solidarity

ANYWAY one thing i see ppl maybe kinda misinterpreting abt him is how they think he hates people? which. i guess if you really simplify things you could phrase it like that. but it’s not exactly right 

we know he grew up p lonely, not much family around to show him proper affection i’m assuming, and no friends other than his cousin which def contributed to that

also, mixing in his fear of germs, obviously it’s hard being in places with lots of people, or touching them, or interacting with anyone who doesn’t take care of their hygiene or with people who won’t respect his boundaries (bc like. saying this as an autistic person. i totally get that last part, and we even know more or less what a good chunk of sakusa’s boundaries are bc of his fear of germs)

sooooo you end up getting a man who might pass off as “rude” and “unsociable” but really he’s just taking care of himself yknow? he’s perfectly valid to hate crowds, to wear a mask in public, to be disgusted by people leaving the bathroom without washing their hands etc etc

but! that’s a big but! most of it is related to strangers, not his own friends  (and that’s also why he befriended people like ushijima and iizuna!! bc he knew they’re “safe”)!! like one fanon pet peeve i have is when ppl make him to be rude to his own teammates for example when. listen

one scene i see used as example of him being ~cold~ or ~mean~ is the first time we see him post timeskip, in the monster generation reunion, the whole “you’d better have gotten your flu shots” thing. part of why he might pass this way is atsumu’s dramatic reaction to it if anything tbh

idk if nts get this but. this is him showing concern/worry? 3 of his teammates are there so obviously he doesn’t want them to get sick, also his long-time friend (ushijima) whom he obviously cares for. there’s no malice in what he says. he shows that he cares through making sure these people are okay and healthy

other occasions is when,, what? he calls people out on doing something dumb? i def don’t think he’s trying to be rude, only adhering to rules of basic manners and trying to keep them from embarrassing themselves and through it the entire team

like. he’s just direct! that’s a good thing!!!! pls leave my man alone he’s not rude he’s just different from you

(also other ppl pointed this out before but. the scene where he lies on the ground with hinata next to him! is a good example that he feels comfortable enough with other people, as long as they respect his boundaries!! hinata isn’t touching him or sitting too close, but they’re still together! and some time later he’s trash talking with atsumu so they’re clearly friends too! like he doesn’t hate people he just shows love, kindness, and caring in his own unique way!!!!!! real king shit!!!!!)

one aspect of him that i noticed i personally fixate on a lot when it comes to characterizing him is his need for control, if anything

the go-to scenes for that is p much any time we see him behave according to his fear of germs really. but they’re not the only ones!!

it’s like what i mentioned, teammates about to do something embarrassing for example. unless he stops them in time, he’s losing his control over the situation.

his whole thing with never leaving anything unfinished, definitely playing part in it. i totally get it too tbh. if you leave, for example, a puzzle unfinished, people can come and touch it, move things around from where you last left them, put in pieces before you do, etc. 

if he’s got a goal he decided on ahead of time - 1000 spike drills? - and he reaches it, he’s had full control of the situation from start to finish.

it’s a good coping mechanism tbh, esp when you’re going to inevitably feel out of control (which is very likely when you’re touch averted but still interact with people, hate crowds but obviously have to go through them, etc etc)

that’s also probably another reason why itachiyama’s loss in nationals left a mark on him, i think? like. he’s thinking about it 6 years later in the middle of a game during his professional career. and ik it’s bc it’s a story device but shhhh. 

but yeah! the whole “even though we practiced everything like we were supposed to”, and seeing a captain he admired crumble and cry over this unexpected loss too. these are both rough things to go through, i think. still, as he said, he didn’t have anything to regret about it because there was not much else he could do anyway. still, i doubt it didn’t hurt

but i think that’s what makes that special thing™ about him all the most interesting and symbolic! his flexible wrists and the way he uses them! such a good way to have more control than others in this game!!!! he can control parts of himself that others can’t!!!!! he’s got full control!!!! woah!!!!!!! yeah this counts as symbolism bc i said so :D 

but this is also part of where his behaviour is coming from! like, it’s hard to keep control over a situation that involves more people. you can’t control other people. they behave in unexpected ways, some of these ways may not align with your personal needs. ofc you’d be cautious in those situations if control is something you need! 

aaaaaah anyway yeah, this isn’t going anywhere nor is there a point, i just love him omg. stan sakusa kiyoomi for a clear skin and a good 2021