#there's at least one more old sketch of this cat I haven't dug out for this post

[jurweemn]

WcWd: this cat OC I never named & don't really draw much

...as a testament to how not-much I draw this guy: this is their most recent design, and the only drawing of it, dating a few months back at this point. I'm still not happy with some parts of the design, but it's not like I have any plans with this character yet :P

Let's go back a bit; just over a year ago, I made the first versions of this character's design:

(Yeah they were gonna be part of a group, the others did get a few more design iterations but never got the amount of attention the top-hat high-heels cat did)

The concept was some dead-of-the-night rooftop villain that used comically large black bombs (💣) because comically large black bombs are cool. Eventually, though, the whole bomb thing was phased out and themes of sneakiness phased in when I redesigned and colored this fellow who-knows-how-long later, and opted for a color scheme that, for the most part, would blend in with the darkness of night:

(I don't think I made very many mixed media drawings. Huh. Must've gotten too lazy to redraw the lines)

This was the last drawing before the boy's current design... I think? There were at least a few months between the times both drawings were drawn, and I'm pretty sure I came up with the idea of a robotic-mask-thing early on in that time period. That said, I did have a few design changes in mind when I returned to this character all that time later to redesign them. I think the change I'm proudest of is the clothing in the torso area having its shapes simplified. Still proud of it too :)

Anyway, this lad never got an official name, and I never did decide on whether they'd use bombs or not. One idea I often pass around is that they always keep one comically large bomb underneath their hat, as an emergency thing? It's very silly so I never came to any definitive decision on it. Doesn't matter since I haven't needed to flesh out his character yet 😎

[felidfavs]

it's time to make a "my life sucks" post

so this is just going to be a list of ongoing shitty things of varying degrees of annoyance.

mum is stressed as shit over money. We had to buy a new hot water tank, and her husband a new phone, and both the mortgage and our phone bills have been fucked up and thus are needing dealt with ASAP. On top of really tenuous payments for a fuck up she made involving his work checks and his immigration status awhile ago.

i'm stressed as shit over money. i contribute a small amount to rent and phone, and my own loans every month that is coming out of old loan and no new money right now. I haven't wanted to make money with art because i'm sketched out over taxes and legalities- and since my mom has always done my taxes and is always too busy and stressed out to show me how... not to mention probably not the best at it anyways... it's not something that's likely to change any time immediately.

So i'm trying i find work. I am not doing a super amazing job at that because of my anxiety and overthinking and shit but. I am applying for at least 1 thing a week at this point, which is better then the previous nothing at all so.

But to get work I also need to buy some new clothes, most things have a dress code u know. At the very least i need some shoes. I think. I might just go dig around and see if there's any old pairs that would fit the bill but i doubt it.

and then there's just the general things piling up like; i haven't had a hair brush with a handle for like. 2 years lmfao. it's fine and i refuse to buy myself one cause just having the head works perfectly fine but it's one of those things u look at when ur annoyed at money and just go "jfc what is my life"

I havent had easy access to a shower in like. i don't even know. probably around 4 years now? Again, our bath functions and that does an adequate job so. Not the end of the world but. thinking "i haven't been able to shower in my own home for 4 years" is mildly depressing.

My dog needs to be put down. hard stop if i had the agency to do it i would. He is old. He stumbles a lot. The "fat deposit" on his shoulder is the size of a small cat at this point. He has some sort of wound on his head now apparently. He huffs and wheezes constantly (probably from the weight of that mass or other things) and like. While he's still... fine.. like he eats happily he still manages the stairs with some effort and he's still playful if you bug him... he's old and he's dying and he's not exactly comfortable. And it sucks to have to watch him. But i know my mum isn't going to put him down any time soon until she HAS to because she doesn't take death well AT ALL and won't add that to her stress willingly.

Sadie has had chronic ear infections since she was a pup. We don't buy shit for them, and while it wouldn't do that much good anyways given how impossible it is to get anything in her ear... i'm getting tired of wrangling her and coaxing her into letting me wipe sludge out of them twice a day every day to no improvement.

Apparently i need a new computer. Because i can't get mine to stop fucking restarting. i dug out an old keyboard to try to get to the start up repair shit but it doesn't seem to be able to like... get its drivers in before the restart cycle or it's not compatible idk. it gets power to it but it doesn't work. So idk what to do about that. and i don't.. want to call someone. i really don't. i need a new one badly anyways. but i don't have the money for it.

I also probably need a new phone soon... which is entirely my fault. Being jobless and stressed and battling all my shit i've been using it WAY TOO HEAVILY and it barely holds a charge anymore. But that's what you get when you've been using it to play music all night cause it's the only way you can sleep :/

im supposed to go hang out at ACAD today cause there's an artist talk and i want to get more involved with humans and not being a house hermit but i also kind of just want to go to sleep for awhile and stop existing. I was gunna try to find some shoes too but now i don't wanna make that expense if i need a computer first. If i can bring a bag to work if i get that job i have shoes i can probably manage in they're just very slick and not ideal for actual... work lol. but if i have to i'll make it work u know.

shitty part about if my computer is dead is i started a new painting and it's only like 2 days old so i haven't backed it up anywhere else :-)

oh also i've low key been worried i might be like..... actually ill. probably just me reading into shit looking to cause more stress but my lower back hasn't stopped being mildly sore since that couple days where it was really bad and i still wake up a bunch at night uncomfortable. and just like. general not feeling great. and a couple other choice sore spots. i dunno how much stock i want to put into it because that means i should probably get on seeing a doctor but again. money. and that is a very Big Thing that i don't want to deal with if i don't have to because it will probably put me out of every other stressful thing i try to do to focus on it. but it keeps bugging me cause like.. if it's something bad and i ignore it and it fucks me over even worse u know.

oh and of course there's always "grandma could drop dead any day" stress as per usual.

"i need to learn how to drive" stress

"will i ever have my shit together to get back to pottery" stress

"keep your body and brain demons happy so u don't want to give up and kill yourself again" stress

anyways i'm done complaining for now back to dealing with it all.