#they say that he's ~gray~ and calm and collected and emotionless etc

[clevernewdimension]

Exhaulted Part Twenty-One

Parts: Prologue, One, Two, Three (M), Four, Five, Six (M), Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen, Seventeen, Eighteen, Nineteen (M), Twenty, Twenty-One, Twenty-Two (M) (Coming Soon!)

Genre: Drama, Romance, Violence, etc.

Pairing: SehunxReaderxMinseok (Xiuhun too!)

Word Count: 6K

A/N: WATCH YIXING’S NEW VIDEO! Seriously, it’s amazing and so sweet!

Lina smiles as she finishes adding color to my lips. “Alright,” She says, handing me a mirror. I look at what she did, shocked. Stylists were all around doing my hair, but she insisted to be the one to do my makeup. It was a simple look, with a tiny hint of purple for my eyes to stand out more. The lips were nude, a bit of a light pink and looked almost like I wasn’t wearing anything on them. My hair was down, though with some of it pinned back. We are all ready soon, making me nervous. I wish I could have just stayed with Lina.

When we got to the palace, reporters were lined up and taking pictures of us nonstop. “Stand straight, smile, and look like you’re excited to be here even if you’d rather watch paint dry,” Lina says as she and I stand together. People calling out our names, wanting us to stop. Thankfully security wouldn’t let that happened. I walked in and my legs already felt like jelly. Once inside, Lina hugged me tightly, “I’ll see you later. Calm down, it’ll be ok. They’ll love you.”

“Not the real me,” I mutter, my hands shaking a little.

“No,” She says, “But the real you would be loved by people who are not rich and important. People like Cera, My aunt, the rest of the staff here at the castle. They do, for who you are. They are who matters, not any of us.” She says, smiling and giving me another hug. “I love you. You’re the sister I never had, you know that, right?”

I smile, nodding at her words, “You know I feel the same.”

Lina nods, before bowing slightly at me with a smirk, “See you later, your Highness!”

Everything was blowing by as I took my place by the door in order to greet guests. Lina arrived early with me, before everyone else, so technically she was the first guest to arrive.

“Hold on,” My father says, reaching back and producing a tiara. It was glittering with gems, the diamonds all shining perfectly. He placed it on my hair, looking at me. He smiled, “You look… like someone else.”

“I feel that way,” I mutter, letting out a long-held breath. The little tiara felt heavier than it should have been. It made me feel small and insignificant, even though it was just a small object. The weight of the responsibility, I suppose. “Just a little bit more and I can go back to sweatpants.”

I smile and shake so many hands, watch as people do a little bow at me. To my left was my father. Before him was Junmyeon. To my right were Yixing and Sehun. They all looked amazing in their suits, and all of them, like me, wearing some sort of Royal Purple. I took some time to look over my father and the three princes. My father was in a black suit with a white shirt and purple bowtie. Thankfully, Junmyeon got in touch with me earlier and asked the color of my dress and they all planned accordingly. We all looked like we coordinated, but not too much to not be individuals. Dolls to collect. Both Yixing and Junmyeon wore black suits and white shirts, though they wore ties. Sehun was the only one who was different, going for a dark gray color, like charcoal. They looked stunning. Their crowns resting on their perfectly made hair, glittering as they moved their heads. Junmyeon’s was the only one that was yellow gold, the other two white gold.

It was exhausting, greeting all 200 plus people who attended, but it must be done, apparently. I just wanted to hide away and not have to do this, but I can’t. After the last person arrives, Kyungsoo and his father, we move on to our dinner.

Thankfully I was seated by people whom I already know. It was like I was on autopilot, sitting correctly, eating and listening to people talk. When brought up how little I was speaking, Junmyeon swooped in and mentioned that it was just a combination of my introvert nature and nerves. Even more than before I admired how great he was at reading a situation and removing tension. I’ll have to remember to thank him later.

The food, though I’m sure it was fine and tasted ok, just honestly felt like I was chewing on sawdust. It was just my nervousness, I’m sure. I was just trying to get through this night alive. Junmyeon reminded me slyly about my posture, but overall I think it went well.

After dinner, it was just dessert in the style of hors d’oeurves and drinks. I had a glass of champagne in my hand, listening to women around me talk about things I didn’t get. I had to go around and mingle, unfortunately. They all wore dresses that cost more than a year of my rent and the jewelry alone in this room could go to help students who have a lot of loans and debt because of college. Not that many people here cared.

Some people talk about poor people like we’re exotic animals and they’re constantly on a safari. People from the East are generally more open and thoughtful but are still ignorant about what it’s like to not have money to make every problem go away. Northerners are stiff and strict, openly confrontational. Kyungsoo was a lot different than his father, I’ll give him that. The Northern Duke and General of the army was openly making jokes at the expense of others, calling them slurs. I’ve learned about him, like how he’s homophobic and honestly, a dimwitted tool that the Southern royalties and governing body use as a pawn. He was shorter than most men but certainly was fit and stronger than them all.

His wife was timid. I know that she’s his second wife, the first one died. The official report calls it an accident but everyone in the country has gathered that it was suicide. His new wife was young. A bit younger than me, and honestly, it grossed me out. He was a man in his late fifties and she was barely twenty. Kyungsoo was older than his stepmother, which is just plain weird. She looked scared of her husband, and I could tell without asking why. Kyungsoo not leaving her side right now made it all the more clear, honestly. I’ve heard whispers as I’ve walked along about how he was an angry drunk. A hateful man who’s drunk off his ass will always resort to violence.

Duke Park was, in all honesty, like his son. Bright and happy, making jokes and people laugh all around him, and not by making jokes that harm others. He was a kind soul, and part of me wanted to just stay there and talk with him more and not have to meet anyone else. He was tall, his hair starting to gray. His laugh was boisterous and loud, but it was comforting at the same time. Unlike his son, though, he was thin. He looked like a long string bean who loved to laugh and dance… badly.

His wife was stunning. She wore no jewelry other than the wedding band and engagement ring on her finger. She hugged me instantly and smelled like freshly baked strawberry muffins. She made you feel warm and happy, genuinely showing interest in wanting to get to know me. She told me how Chanyeol talked about me and how happy she was to meet me. I could tell Chanyeol gets his gentle, kind nature from her. As well as her passion for music.

Duke Byun, however, was the oddest. His hair was the brightest yellow I’ve ever seen. His suit was white, though there are patterns stitched of flowers all over it. All the colors of the rainbow. He had a few tattoos on his hands, though that was all that was visible. Baekhyun looked a bit normal compared to him. Though when they started talking, it was clear they shared the same quick wit and clever words. Duke Byun was smaller, probably the shortest of the dukes. He just exuded an air of confidence, knowing exactly who he is as a person.

Baekhyun told me a while ago that his mother died, and his father never remarried. Too heartbroken. Made me sad to hear, since Duke Byun would, I’m sure, be a wonderful husband if he decided to marry again. After a bit and meeting all the dukes, I started on the wives and women of all the other important people.

They clearly didn’t understand personal space. One of them touched my hair, making a passing comment about how lovely it was. I’d thank them, return the compliment and after a few minutes, excuse myself and move on to the next people. Over and over and over. They were just… so naive. They didn’t know anything about suffering or working hard. It was just… what car should I have next, what man should I try to marry, gossip about their fathers banging their secretaries, who should I cheat on my husband with, should I try to seduce the pool boy, and more of that kind of shit. But they just kept touching my hair. It was like all anyone cared about. ‘Oh your hair’, ‘It’s so soft’, ‘I want hair just like yours’! It was maddening.

Finally, after talking to all the ladies, I had to introduce myself properly to the men. Holy hell they are just… sexist and awful. Many of them offering up their sons to be my future husband, or even themselves, saying they could divorce their wives. The ones that weren’t hitting on me were treating me like I was three.

I had enough.

“Minimal colors used in Gregor’s ‘Hell’s Rebuke’ honestly just shows how the man had nothing left,” Sir Kreburn says, looking at the other men, not even wondering my opinion. He looked like a late 40’s stick with graying brown hair and an awful mustache. “Wouldn’t a fiery hell look more intimidating in full color? It’s a shame he couldn’t afford more colors.”

I smiled, trying to keep myself from getting mean. “Gregor used minimal colors in order to make hell seem like what his worst nightmare was. A vast, emotionless place to be damned for eternity,” I say, “You see, he actually was discovered to have had thousands in his estate, which in modern times would make him a multimillionaire. He simply chose to make hell a darker, emptier place.

Sir Kreburn gives me a look as if trying to belittle me. “Excuse me, your highness? I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound rude, but would you know about Gregor?”

“She’s right,” Sir Vaylor, Lina’s father says, smiling at me. He places a hand on my upper back, and I smile back at him. “You see, Y/N has been studying painting at college, and often she would be at the museum. Years ago, she would come and learn about paintings and their artists. She was quite fond of Gregor and his work. And you do sound rude.”

Sir Kreburn smiles at him, “Ah, you taught her that, hm? Makes sense. My daughter only knows things if I teach them to her, too. She’s quite airheaded, hope it didn’t take as long to teach her as it has my daughter!”

My anger rose as I took a sip from my glass.

“Actually, I read it from a book that Sir Vaylor let me borrow,” I smile, “Dusty old thing, looks like it wasn’t touched in ages.”

Sir Vaylor grins, “Well, when Sir Kreburn interned with my father, he didn’t care much about reading the books. He’s rather read articles discussing them in magazines and not the explanations written by the artist themselves.”

The group laughed and, as I excuse myself, I could see Sir Kreburn seething at being shown up.

I walk to Lina, though on the way I was stopped a lot, my groups of men and women, flirting with me and touching me. I politely made my way over. Handing her my glass, “If I drink any more of this right now, I’ll develop a drinking problem.”

“That bad, huh,” She asks, smiling and placing her empty glass on a passing tray and taking mine with ease.

“I just… they’re all so… vapid. They’re so airheaded about the things most everyone else is going through,” I say, shaking my head. “How in the fuck, Lin?”

“I know. Trust me, I know,” She says, patting my back. She looks over my shoulder, her face going from a small smile to a look of confusion, then anger. “What the fuck? How?!”

I turn, gasping as I see Hyeon smiling as he was speaking. I could vaguely hear him say something like ‘sorry for being late’.  I turn, taking a deep breath as I looked around the room. My eyes land on Minseok who was speaking to Junmyeon and a few more people. I turn to Lina, telling her what I was going to do. I walked, trying to not appear scared or alarmed. I felt a hand grab me and I turned, and I see a woman whose name I couldn’t remember smiling as she uses her other hand to gesture to Hyeon. He smirks as she speaks.

“Oh, Your Highness! Meet my nephew, Hyeon,” She says, smiling, “His parents are going to suggest to your father about a possible engagement!”

He grins, taking my hand from her and bringing it to his lips, kissing it. “It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.”

I try to keep up appearances, “Yes, l-likewise. I’m sorry, I was supposed to speak to Junmyeon and Minseok something tonight to go over some legal business.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she says.

Hyeon pulled me to him, his other hand reaching out and pushing back some of my hair back behind my ear. “You have such lovely hair, Y/N.”

“Thank you,” I mutter as he lets me go and I quickly excuse myself, my heart beating faster and faster. AS I turned, I tried to walk away calmly. Suddenly I had tunnel vision, trying to find someone I could be around and feel at least a little safe. I got there just as the people they were talking to were leaving. Minseok glances up, noticing immediately my terrified look.

“What’s wrong,” he asks, taking a step to me. He rests his hand on my shoulder, not caring if people were looking over at the gesture. I didn’t have to answer him as he looked over my shoulder, seeing Hyeon. The hand that wasn’t on my shoulder turns into a fist as he glares at the man subtly.

Junmyeon noticed too, “I’ll tell Yixing and Sehun to make sure one of us is with her at all times. He doesn’t want to come near us with the whole corruption purge going on.”

He walked away and Minseok just takes my hand as we get closer to the wall, out of the limelight. “The night is almost over, Y.N. Are you ok?”

I just nod, not wanting to speak. I just watch him, making sure I don’t lose sight of him. If he starts coming closer, Minseok and I walk away. As Minseok had to leave to talk more business, Jongin took his place. He tried to get me to eat desserts in order to take my mind off things, but I just stood there, starting, not taking any of his food.

As the night ended, we had to personally thank people for coming. As Hyeon and his aunt come, she brings up the match to my father, who just politely says he’ll think about it. Hyeon smiles, coming in and hugging me. I was stiff as a board, but I knew I had to at least appear to hug him back or else.

“Purple is pretty on you,” He mutters in my ear, “But it would be prettier on your skin.” He pulls away, smiling, once again touching my hair like all the other people.

After it was done, the doors close and everyone else but the Royal’s, Lina and my father there. I immediately take off my shoes and start to pull pins out of my hair. I grab Lina, not even bothering to excuse myself as we go down the halls. “I need you to help me get this damn dress off so I can shower.” I stop at a huge vase at the hallway. I pull out a bag of clothes and things I asked Junmyeon to hide there for me.

Lina nods, “I saw him hug you, I don’t blame you. Sehun’s room is the closest and I’ve used his shower before. Been drunk a bit too many times here, honestly.”

“I wish I was, honestly,” I mutter as she opens Sehun’s room door. “I was I was so drunk I couldn’t remember what happened tonight. I never want to see him again.” The white and gray room was comforting as I practically stomped my way to the bathroom.

She unclasps the little hook and pulls down the zipper for me. “Do you want me to stay?”

I shake my head, “No. It’s fine. I’ll meet you guys later.”

Apprehensively, Lina nods. “We’re all going to me at the tree house. So, meet us there.”

I nod, before shutting the door after her. Showering and getting dressed was all a blur as my mind focused on the look Hyeon gave me. I looked at myself in the mirror, my hair dripping. I could feel his hands. All their hands tonight. I opened a drawer, looking for something. I didn’t realize what I was doing until I was doing it.

A long pair of scissors in my hand. I take some of my hair in my hands, cutting it off. It was so easy.Hearing them all talk about my hair, how long and pretty it was, I just cut it again and again. My hair reached my mid-back and I just kept cutting off an inch at a time. Tears fell down my face, a small smile on my face. They wanted it long and pretty, fuck them. It’s my goddamn hair.

Watching some fall and feeling it being cut made me feel better than I have all day. It was like I was in control of my life again. The sounds of cutting my long hair shorter and shorter just made me feel like I wasn’t just going through the motions of the day.

I could hear someone knock on the door, but I just ignored it as I cut again.

“Y/N, I’m coming in,” I hear the voice say. The door opened and they gasp. I felt the scissors pulled out of my grasp as I lunged for them.

“No! Give them back,” I say, reaching as much as I could.

Sehun stood there, holding the scissors out of my reach. “What are you doing, Y/N?!”

“They all touched my hair. Always my hair, acting like it was just theirs to touch if they wanted. Hyeon did it, they all fucking did it and said how pretty and long it is! The men there treated me like just some good looking doll. Acting like I was just pretty hair and a good body and not a person with an actual mind!” I reach up, only for him to still hold them out of my reach. Tears fell from my eyes as the stress I’ve been feeling finally got to me. “I don’t want them to touch it anymore! I don’t want it long or pretty or soft or blonde anymore! It’s mine! It’s my life, Sehun, and they treat me like a puppet! I’m just some fucking doll they can touch and use however they want!”

Sehun set’s the scissors down, pulling me into a hug. “You’re not their doll, Y/N. And you don’t have to be.”

I cried, holding him, “But I do! Jihae won’t tell Minseok all the names unless I have the countries goddamn doll! Unless I act the way a princess should, like a bargaining chip! Marry me off to the highest bidder and watch as I rot away!” I said as I shake my head.

Sehun hugged me, “Song wouldn’t do that to you, Y/N. He can act heartless sometimes, but he would never do that to you.” He pulled me away so he could look into my eyes, his hands holding my face. “If you want to keep cutting your hair like this, fine. Or you can go with me tomorrow and we can have someone else fix how uneven you cut it. You can even get it dyed, but doing this isn’t going to fix the actual problem.” He shakes his head, giving my forehead a kiss. “Changing your hair isn’t going to fix the bigger issue. It’ll help, but what you really need is to just… be yourself again.”

I pull away, going to the door of the bathroom, “No, I can’t-”

“Yes, you can,” Sehun says, keeping his voice even and calm. “Fuck acting like a perfect princess! I’ve never been the perfect prince, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am one!” He says, gesturing to himself. “You’re a princess, but first and foremost you have to be YOU!” He says, tapping the tips of my nose.

“You make it sound so easy,” I mutter, looking to the floor. I could see a lot of wet piece of blonde hair on the ground, littered around.

“It can be if you just do it,” He says, pulling me into a hug, “Y/N, it’s still your life. If you want to stop this, I’m sure Minseok could get someone else to list off more and more people. It doesn’t have to be Jihae.”

As he pulls away, he reaches on the counter, grabbing and handing my hair ties. “If you want, we can go fix your hair now. You can choose how you want it and whatever, but one side is shorter than the other and it looks like a lawnmower got to half of it if I’m honest.”

“Did I ruin it,” I ask, wiping away tears.

“No, it can be fixed, It’s a hell of a lot shorter, though.” He takes my hand, “Come on. Thankfully, I didn’t drink anything. You and I are going to go get this sorted.”

“It’s ten in the evening, Sehun,” I mutter as I let him pull me along. “Can this wait?”

“We can to that, or you can let me at least make it as even as I can,” He says, looking at me, “your choice.”

Half an hour later, I was sitting in a salon chair. It was late, and all the other lights in the building were off except where we are and the path to the exit. Yessica ran her fingers through it after asking me if it was ok, looking at it.

“You did quite a number on it,” She says, smiling, “But I can fix it. Just the cut?”

“Can we dye it too,” I ask, quietly.

Sehun was sitting in the chair next to me, looking through a magazine. “Bleach it,” He asks me, looking up.

I nod.

Jessica smiles, “Alright, let me get it all, and you show me the color you want.”

I pull out my phone, bringing up a picture of a painting by K.A.C. No one knew who they are, but their paintings are always gorgeous and full of color. I zoom in on this picture she painted until I find the color.

“Here,” I point, “This purplish-red. It’s lovely, can you do it?”

Yessica looked over as she mixes the bleach, “Oh yeah, totally. Most people go for more purple, so it’ll be nice to see. It’s really pretty, too!”

I smile at her. She was wearing her uniform, a black tee and black jeans with an apron that had the places name on it. Her hair was candy cane colored, some places the red and white twisted to look like the sweet. She wore little makeup, though the piercings on her face made her look like a total badass.

“Bleach is going to burn a bit,” Sehun says, flipping a page in the magazine he was looking at, “And this will take literally hours. Get ready for a long night!” Yessica laughed, “You’re just lucky I’m off tomorrow, so I can sleep in!”

“Yessica is the only one I trust touching my hair,” Sehun says, smiling. “Even got the rest of the guys seeing her too. You’re welcome for that, by the way.”

“Bitch, they stayed as my clients because I’m amazing, not because of your recommendation,” She says, “Alright, we’re ready to go!”

The bleach did hurt. And it was hours. I didn’t look until it was all done, though I could see the color here and there. Yessica was finally fixing what I did to it, “Long hair is pretty on you, but I think you’ll like how short it is now. You can still put it up, though. Easily manageable and easy to style.”

“She literally never takes it out of a bun,” Sehun says, scrolling through some kind of social media.

“I could tell,” She says, “You didn’t cut bangs, which is really good. Those would have been harder to fix if you cut as much off of them as you did the rest.”

She blow dried it, kicking at Sehun as he flicked some small rubber bands at her. She set down blow dryer, smiling. “There’s a bit more purple at the bottom, but I think it’s really pretty.” She places a hand on my shoulder, “Are you ready?”

I nod, readily. When she spun the chair around, I had a hard time believing it was me. My hair was shorter now. Going barely past my shoulders when it’s straight like it was. I reached up, running my hands through it, smiling. “It’s great,” I mutter, trying to let tears get to me.

I cut out everything as I just looked at me. It was weird, but it felt right. I never understood why people would change their hair so drastically all the time, like Lina or even Sehun. I always thought it was just hair. But it wasn’t, it’s more than that. It felt like this was a new point in my life, where I get back to the basics.

Back to who I was before all this.

Sehun and I left after thanking and paying Yessica. She was lovely, hugging me and telling me how nice it was to meet me. The clock tower on the other side of the city chiming twice. Two in the morning.

“The others are still at the treehouse,” Sehun says, looking at me. “Though I have the feeling you’ll want to go home.”

I smile, “How did you know?”

“Well, you didn’t have any dessert at the party, so you’re probably going to raid your stash, obviously.” He says, smiling. “You’ve had to deal with a lot, so home is probably the best place to relax. Everyone was really wanting you to come to the treehouse for your first afterparty of the dinner party.”

“But I’ve been to one,” I mutter, walking down the road. It was just a few blocks to my apartment building.

“Different after the stress of a dinner like that,” He mutters, kicking a small pebble that was on the sidewalk. “You’ll be happy to know Lina and I are fine.”

I nodded, smiling, “That’s great. I knew you wouldn’t hold it against her, but I know how Lin is…”

“Took forever to talk those stupid thoughts from her thick head,” He scoffs, pretending to be more upset than he is.

“As stubborn as a mule,” I say with a laugh.

The walk was nice and slow, going up the floors to my place. I unlocked the door, offering Sehun something if he wanted it.

A bottle of water later, he’s looking at his phone, “I should get back. Can’t wait to show them how you look now.”

I pull him into a hug, “Thank you. It’s always you I end up with when I need someone the most. Who knows what would have happened without you.”

His embrace is warm, like always. A hint of his cologne was in the air as I pulled away. My eyes glued to his.

Sehun smiles, “Likewise.”

Without thinking, I stand on the tips of my toes, pulling him to me. My lips connected with his. He kisses back, pulling me closer to him, his hands wrapping around me. It was hot and fast, not taking a moment to appreciate it or go slow. I’ve wanted to kiss him like this for a while, and now that I’ve done it, it was exactly like I wanted it to be. I felt safe with him, I felt like he just gets me.

My back met the wall, and I groaned as his tongue swiped against mine. My hands grab at his hair as he picks me up. I wrap my legs around him, moaning at the feeling of this. We parted for a moment, gasping for air. His eyes looked at me, full of such a sea of emotions. His lips meet mine again, and this time it is slow. My heart racing as this kiss was different than the last. I tighten my legs around him, moaning at this.

Sehun pulls away, smiling as he rested his forehead against mine. When they open, his lips spoke words that I wasn’t expecting.

“Not now,” He mutters.

“But.. why,” I ask, looking him in the eyes.

“I don’t want this to happen just like this,” He says, “As a distraction from what you’ve been through.”

I open my mouth, “You’re not-”

“I know,” He says, smiling, “Trust me, I know you aren’t just using me. But this? I want this to be special. I want you to be fine and ok. I’m not about to do this after the state you were in a few hours ago, Y/N. I’d hate myself if I did. I won’t use you like that.” His hands hold my face as he stared directly into my eyes. “If you want to call someone else for this, that’s fine. Hell, I did that with Jongin… sometimes still do.”

I frown, “But Minseok-”

“Knows,” He says with a smile, “Our relationship isn’t exactly normal, Y/N. It’s very open. All he asks is if I do, to tell him and not hide it, and I ask the same too. That’s how I knew he and you had sex. When he came to my place, he told me. I mean I could tell he fucked someone because there were marks all over, but you get the point.”

I look down, feeling small. I bite my lip, nodding. “Oh, ok.”

“But I’m not saying I don’t want to,” He says quickly as his hands squish my face a little. I could see him panicking. “I do, Y/N. I do so badly that it’s literally taking everything I have to wait.” He looked nervous, “I mean if you’d even… I mean I don’t want you to have to feel like you have to or anything.” Sehun lowers his head, some of his hair falling in front of his eyes. His hands tighten a little more, making my lips scrunch together. I could barely hear him mutter to himself, “God, Sehun, you’re such an idiot.”

“Sehun,” I mutter through my squished lips, causing him to look back at me. He looks up, seeing my squished face, pausing a moment.

Then he bursts into laughter, giggling and playfully squishing and squishing my face. “Y/N, you’re so cute right now,” He says between giggles, smiling so brightly he’d fit in with the stars. It still amazes me how he could look so stunning all the goddamn time.

“Thank you,” I mutter again, making him laugh some more. He was always beautiful, but happy and laughing looked best on him.

He lets my face go and down from his embrace, “Sorry.”

I nod, signing, “Well, I’ll… let you get back to everyone else, then.”

“If you need anything,” Sehun says, looking serious.

“Just some fudge, hot chocolate and the feeling of being supremely full of unbridled stupidity to go away,” I say, shrugging.

Sehun shakes his head, “you’re not stupid, Y/N. This isn’t rejection, this is… a, um…”

I shake my head, shoving his shoulder, “Go on, you have people to get back to and I have an entire bottle of salted caramel sauce to drown myself in. Metaphorically.”

“I’m serious,” Sehun says, holding my shoulder softly. “I just want you to focus on yourself and get yourself back to a better place, is all.”

I lean forward on my tiptoes, giving him a kiss on his cheek, “I know, but it still stings a bit. That’s just how the heart works. I understand, I really do.”

He nods, hugging me tightly for a moment. “If you need anything at all, call someone. It doesn’t have to be me, but make sure someone is there for you.”

I nod, “I will if I need to, I promise.”

Watching him walk away stung a lot more than it should have, honestly. I locked the door after him, hearing his footsteps slowly disappear as he walks to the elevator. I shake that feeling from me, spending the rest of the time I’m awake having a few sweets and trying to relax. It was just so hard for me to calm down, anymore. It didn’t help to know that sooner or later, I was going to be facing Daejung, either, but I knew Minseok wouldn’t let the room get out of hand.

Hyeon, though, had me worried. He was back here, and I knew he wouldn’t leave me alone. Thankfully, Kyungsoo has been teaching me how to defend myself, just in case something would happen. I’ll have to thank him because I certainly feel more alert than scared. I had the confidence that I could at the very least put up a fight.

Sleeping was hard. It came in waves. I’d be asleep for a few an hour or so, and then up a few. It was just nerves and stress. When I wasn’t sleeping, I was relaxing and trying to at least rest. I didn’t have anything to do later, so if I needed to, I could sleep in. And yet still, I couldn’t sleep. Now, there was no sleeping. After about three hours of sleep total, my body just wouldn’t anymore. I was still exhausted, but no matter how much I wished, I couldn’t sleep. I groaned, rolling in bed and to the bathroom. After a bath, that was warm and relaxing, I still couldn’t sleep. It was now noon. I cursed, picking up my phone and dialing. Perhaps I could do with a distraction after all.

I texted many people, asking to see what they’re doing. Many had family things to do. Kyungsoo had to go up North for the rest of the week, Baekhyun and Chanyeol off with their families on a vacation, Jongdae and Jongin both back to the South. I couldn’t exactly call on Sehun or Minseok for this since they’ve made it clear they want me to think about it all first. That just left two princes to see if they’re down to come over.

When my phone dinged, I smiled. Finally, someone was available for exactly what I wanted. I made sure to be perfectly clear in what I was talking about. Making sure that he wasn’t going to feel used in any way. I made sure I was as blunt as possible.

He just sent me a message saying, ‘I’ll be there in fifteen’.