#this is garbage compared to the version i brainstormed and cried over but didn't write because it was fuckign midnight

[merryfortune]

what to expect from rain

Written for Year of the OTP - June

Prompts: Wedding/Proposal | Sick Fic | (Accidental) Love Confession | “You aren’t what I expected.” | Downpour | Soulmate AU

Title: what to expect from rain

Ship: Respectfulshipping | Ryoken/Spectre

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! Vrains

Rating: T

Word Count: 1,340

Tags: Grief, Canonical Character Death, Love Confessions, First Kiss, Past/Referenced Child Abuse, Abandonment Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Crying

   Weather like this was nostalgic for them.

   The bang and clang of thunder, the flashes of lightning, the brightness of it all. Even in the dim of the storm clouds, these sorts of summery wet season storms meant a lot to them both but Spectre especially.

   It was too little wonder that Ryoken found Spectre in the closest thing the ship had to a sunroom in weather like this. He looked drowned out by the colouration of the air and rain and yet, his expression was in total awe. He grinned and laughed with every ordinance of thunder.

   That was until he had heard Ryoken approach. His footsteps had been purposefully soft but Spectre was forever fine tuned to his master’s movements, always willing to serve, assist, or otherwise fuss when his master was closeby. At that drop of a hat-like quickness, hearing just the smudge of footsteps, Spectre turned around and that uncharacteristically wholesome cheeriness in his face vanished when his gaze met Ryoken’s. 

   Spectre’s face changed drastically. Turned drained, somehow. He paled. His eyes watered. He cried.

   “Whoa, Spectre, are you okay?” Ryoken was alarmed to say the least.

   He had been meandering closer, hoping for a quiet moment between them both as they enjoyed the storm but this sudden change of mood, just as swift and unpredictable as a lightning strike, had Ryoken concerned. He hurried closer, put his hands atop Spectre’s as Spectre cried.

   “I’m sorry. I- I don’t know why.” 

   He’d been out of sorts lately. They both knew. But they both denied it, also. Not wanting to confront the changes as of late. 

   Ryoken’s heart twinged with guilt but he stepped forward. He rubbed a tear off the edge of Spectre’s tear duct, the saline smeared on his cheek but Spectre hazarded a smile. He allowed the closeness, even as his breathing turned his haggard and there was a scant blush to his cheek.

   “It’s okay.” Ryoken whispered to console him.

   It wasn’t okay though.

   Spectre sat down, plummeted down and had his back to the glass windowpane. He brought his knees up to his chest and tried to become as compact as possible. His swiftness of his rejection of Ryoken’s attempt to console him was astounding but not surprising.

   Ryoken sighed.

   He got down on Spectre’s level, sitting with him. Back to the window. It was cold, condensation seeping through as the rain continued to pour down heavily.

   “I’m sorry.” Ryoken murmured.

   “It's not your fault.” Spectre replied.

   “I could’ve been… more helpful, though.” Ryoken confessed.

   He placed his hand on Spectre’s shoulder. He was breaking down, bursting at the seams. He wasn’t strong. He was weak. They both knew that.

   “I could be better, too, though.” Spectre said bitterly.

   He began to claw at his face, splotchy with his tears. He sighed. Hard. He really wasn’t sure how he felt about Ryoken’s hand on his shoulder. It was sympathetic, sure, but Spectre wasn’t sure if he was deserving of sympathy.

   “You're not what I expected, you know that, right?” Ryoken murmured. His fingers dug into Spectre’s shoulder. Just like his Father would to him, to keep him grounded. To keep him looking at the future, the better and more evolved future.

   “I know that.” Spectre said.

   “When I brought you home, I never thought that any of the Incident victims would want to come back to that place but when I saw you smile. I was confused and I was sick to my stomach when you explained your perspective-”

   Spectre snorted. His gut wrenched and another tear threatened to spill out the side of his eyes. It didn’t sound like praise and yet, Ryoken’s voice was so fond. There was a smile on his face, Spectre saw when he glanced at him in his periphery. 

   “But we figured it out.” Ryoken said. “You became my most loyal and steadfast friend.”

   “I did. Thank you for having me.” Spectre murmured.

   “And when I - when we - asked for your assistance to destroy the very thing you worked so hard for, you didn’t hesitate to help.” Ryoken lamented. His smile shrank, his eyes darkened. “I’m sorry. I am.” His hand slipped down from atop Spectre’s shoulder. 

   Spectre squeezed himself tighter. He thought about Earth. The attribute which was associated with stability. He wondered just how much of Earth, despite their distance, was what had kept him propped up the last few years and now that he was gone. It was such a small thing and yet it was enough to rend open a huge, gaping wound in his heart, to draw forth tears. Even now. So many months after the fact of Earth’s death.

   It pained him. Made him wonder how things would have been different if he had been allowed to pair up with his Ignis like Yusaku and his were allowed - or Takeru and his. He had made his choice, however. Ten years ago. It would be cruel and shallow of him to change his mind this late regarding his allegiances. Now he was just as bad as whoever it was who had surrendered him to his Mother Tree when it came to Earth… 

   (Yet he still had that vain wish, that they could have met or could have remained as they were, perpendicular with no conflict between the creations and their creator…)

   He had Ryoken. The boy that he had met in the downpour ten years ago. The one who had connected him back to the thing that had given him the greatest importance that he had ever had as a six-year-old who had grown up after being abandoned. 

   Ryoken was quiet. They both were. He scooted in closer to Spectre and Spectre, surprisingly, he leaned in. He rested his head on Ryoken’s shoulder.

   “I love you.” Spectre murmured.

   “I love you, too.” Ryoken replied.

   “You were everything I had expected. An angel, if I can be so corny. I wanted someone to find me, someone who I could have all to myself…” Spectre rambled.

   Ryoken hiccuped. It might have been a laugh, it might not have but it got a chuckle out of Spectre as he nuzzled into Ryoken’s warm side.

   “Even now?” Ryoken asked.

   “Well, you're still here with me, aren’t you?” Spectre replied with a question - and a rhetorical one at that.

   He lifted his head off Ryoken’s shoulder and Spectre initiated a kiss. The kiss made Ryoken’s eyes widen but when he accepted it, he allowed them to flutter close and he kissed back against Spectre’s lips. They were plush, like the petals of a flower.

   This was their first kiss. It was a long time coming, they could both say so much.

   Spectre sighed, “You're here for me, that’s all that I care about.”

   His voice cracked. He shed another tear. All against the unerring downpour of the rain behind them.

   “I’ll always be here for you, I promise.” Ryoken affirmed.

   He kissed Spectre again. Harder, more fervent, enough to make Spectre’s heart leap to his throat as he kissed back against Ryoken’s mouth. They kissed for several more seconds. Seconds so long they could have been hours, not just minutes. They were forceful, push and pull, tug of war type kisses because neither knew what they were doing. Just that they wanted to be here. Right here, right now, in the cool of the rain on the window and in the shadow of what had brought them together. For better or for worse.

   When Spectre broke off the kiss, he took a deep breath, “I feel better now, thank you.”

   “I’m glad.” Ryoken said.

   Spectre twisted back around so he could sit, facing forward. He placed his hand over Ryoken’s and he held it tight. He really did feel better and that nostalgia replaced it again. Be it the Incident, the Ignis, Ryoken’s Father, and the rest of the Knights: through it all. Things were changing, they had changed but they would get through it, the thick and thin of it as leader and loyal second-in-command.